This is a novel that we’ll serialize each month until we reach the end.
Amor i Kaos
A novel
By Christopher Bernard
This novel is dedicated to the memory of the Spanish novelist Juan Goytisolo (1931−2017), whose example has given many the courage to follow the drive of imagination and desire wherever it leads, in fear, in fascination, and in wonder:
The Blind Rider,
Count Julian in his pocket,
Juan sin tierra on his eyebrow,
Makbara at one ear,
the Solitary Bird at the other,
rides his blind horse over the blind country:
a walk, at first slow,
then a trot, faster,
then a canter, faster,
then a gallop, faster,
faster, and yet faster,
till the blind horse
opens blind wings
and lifts him
on the stones of the wind
into the blind
sky
_________________
The wind rattling the kitchen window, wind he had hardly been aware of, was suddenly clear as the shaking of a cage.
— But you are not in love with me.
There was some satisfaction, at least, in twisting the blade with his own hand.
She continued watching him.
—Yes . . . No . . . I’m sorry . . . I can’t anymore . . . I have to . . .live past you. It’s not you, it’s . . . me . . .
She scowled at the inept cliché. Something she would usually have refused to commit, under penalty of an eternal shaming.
The shaking seemed to redouble its fury.