Essay from Chimezie Ihekuna

Chimezie Ihekuna

Deception 9

As a married man or woman, I can still keep company with bachelor or spinster as friends.

 Does the assertion “forward ever, backward never “ring a bell to you? Have you read an expression that reads “Upward will I ascend, downward will I never descend “? Are you familiar with statement: “dream big “? If you are not familiar with any of these, there are salient expressions pointing at the need to elevate or graduate from one stage of life to the other that would have been a part and parcel of you.

 At your work place, you were the only person given promotion from your current designation to one of the most enviable position of the company you work with, would you still keep an intimate company with your colleagues that you were the same level with? What is anticipated, the interaction between you your colleagues? Of course, painful to say, it is going to be on a low key! This is because your attention would giving your all-in – all to the challenging and highly contested designation you are presently occupying interacting more with your colleagues at the same level for the sake of synergy and continuity.      

You and four of your friends have just finished high school and are seeking for admission in a college or University. Along with your friends and to your surprise, you were the only one given a latter of admission to study the course you applied for.Of course, your challenge would be primarily centered on personally equipping yourself; physically, materially and academically and socially. No doubt, you we get to meet people in the University from different backgrounds, make friends with them (based on evaluation of compatibility, depending on how mature you are) and do certain things in common on and off-campus activities, whether good or bad .       Although, depending on schedule, you will get to converse with your yet-to-be admitted friends, such conversation will certainly not be pronounced compared to your stay (with them) as an “admission seeker” Primarily your concern will be more centered on association with your level or course mates.

What if you still decide to keep on intimate relationship with those you left behind as you were elevated promoted or admitted into a University?     A question you may ask. Consider this question: “can twenty friends be in a place or state for twenty years”. If they do, such situation shares a similarity with stagnant water. It stinks after a long period of time. In the same vein, such friendship experiences stagnancy, social decay and as they say “familiarly bring contempt”. There is no moving forward.

 Before you got married, you were a bachelor or spinster, probably flanked by friends who were (at the time) yet to get married. Now, you are married and most of them are yet to settle down, would it be appropriate to keep an intimate company of still-bachelor and still-spinster friends?   It is anticipated you associate yourself more with those who are of the same relationship status as you. In fact, it is expected you keep an intimate company of like- minded friends who are married.  Viewing your current relationship status, what should be of immense importance to you are things that will certainly improve, edify and add flavor to your marriage rather than (trivial) matters associated with bachelors or spinsters. Hence, the reason you keep an intimate company of married friends rather than unmarried ones. Otherwise, you will be stagnating the meant-to-be thriving marriage.

It is therefore left for the unmarried ones to be inspired and challenged by pulling the bull by the horn towards matching the castle of marital convenience and be on the same level of marital interaction as you.   Sincerely, if you are married, how would you feel if your husband or wife still keeps an intimate company of bachelor or spinster friends?