I had sex at five this morning
I never get as much as I would like
but probably more than what I deserve.
The red rooster is always up early
it wants to eat.
As the day went on people smiled at me
and for once it felt good to be alive.
Although, there is a long way to go
a long way in a day.
I wake up
to the disappointment
that I am still alive
anything could have happened to me
during my drunken sleep
aliens could have abducted me
bandits could have slit my throat in the wee hours
here I am still
making a mockery of being alive
making life longer
at young women
hoping upon hope I could eat my breakfast off it
So you see just that second before I wake
I truly, truly believe I could be dead
KNOWING YOUR PLACE
I looked up at the ceiling a few years ago
when my toilet worked.
I looked up while doing my business
I saw a spider on the ceiling
so I finished then got a pen
and wrote spider
on the ceiling
and put an arrow towards him.
Now when I looked up again I saw another spider
or it could have been the same one.
it is good to see
that someone knows their place
CAN I HAVE A BIT
I finished on the exercise bike
and went over to the beautiful young lady that worked in the gym.
Can I have a bit, I said
she looked at me her eyes bulging out of her head.
Can I have a bit I said and looked down at the spray she was holding.
She sprayed my tissue and went back to work.
it dawned on me
that she might of thought I was asking for something else
I felt shame
for the first time in a long time
like that dog that gets caught licking himself
and he looks at you with those big eyes
and says I cant help it but now I am shamed.
I am not sure I ever felt shame the way I do now
it could have been when I had to let the BT man in to do the line
or it could have been over things
I am not even sure where it came from
but I know
I will never feel the same again.
I am a child
a big and old and hairy child
I am more of a child now
than when I was a child
I knew that evil existed in the world
but chose to ignore it
now I know it has to exist
so I accept it
that is what makes me a child once again
the knowledge that
evil is real.
Give me just one
one moment of pure joy
just a needle’s head
a reversal of time
let it sink into my bones
that pure love
it destroys me