Poetry from Marc Carver | SYNCHRONIZED CHAOS

A DAY

I had sex at five this morning

I never get as much as I would like

but probably more than what I deserve.

The red rooster is always up early

it wants to eat.

As the day went on people smiled at me

and for once it felt good to be alive.

Although, there is a long way to go

a long way in a day.

DEAD

I wake up

to the disappointment

that I am still alive

anything could have happened to me

during my drunken sleep

aliens could have abducted me

bandits could have slit my throat in the wee hours

but no

here I am still

making a mockery of being alive

making life longer

consuming

letching

at young women

hoping upon hope I could eat my breakfast off it

oogling butts.

So you see just that second before I wake

I truly, truly believe I could be dead

KNOWING YOUR PLACE

I looked up at the ceiling a few years ago

when my toilet worked.

I looked up while doing my business

I saw a spider on the ceiling

so I finished then got a pen

and wrote spider

on the ceiling

and put an arrow towards him.

Now when I looked up again I saw another spider

or it could have been the same one.

either way

it is good to see

that someone knows their place

CAN I HAVE A BIT

I finished on the exercise bike

and went over to the beautiful young lady that worked in the gym.

Can I have a bit, I said

she looked at me her eyes bulging out of her head.

Can I have a bit I said and looked down at the spray she was holding.

She sprayed my tissue and went back to work.

only later

it dawned on me

that she might of thought I was asking for something else

DAMM SHAME

I felt shame

for the first time in a long time

like that dog that gets caught licking himself

and he looks at you with those big eyes

and says I cant help it but now I am shamed.

I am not sure I ever felt shame the way I do now

it could have been when I had to let the BT man in to do the line

or it could have been over things

I am not even sure where it came from

but I know

I will never feel the same again.

EVIL

I am a child

a big and old and hairy child

I am more of a child now

than when I was a child

then

I knew that evil existed in the world

but chose to ignore it

now I know it has to exist

so I accept it

that is what makes me a child once again

the knowledge that

evil is real.

DESTROY

Give me just one

one moment of pure joy

wonder

pure love

just a needle’s head

a reversal of time

let it sink into my bones

that pure love

even if

it destroys me

BIRDS

I walked to the big aviary in the park

you could hear the noise of all those beautiful birds from miles away.

I walked right up to them

then as if they all hold just one voice

they stopped singing and were perfectly quiet.

I don’t know what they saw that so scared them

there was nobody else there but me

but they didn’t make a sound.

UGLY

I went into the golden dragon in Chinatown

got a table for one

and ordered some food

but all the Chinese people got served before me.

I started to get hungry when six boxes of dim sum

made its way to a Chinese family

steam rolling off the top.

Their young boy kept staring at me.

Hey kid I know I am ugly I wanted to shout at him

but instead I winked a couple of times

Then I noticed the Chinese man with his wife staring at me

thinking I was winking at him.

I gave him a smile

and he looked away.

A SECRET

We are all fools

wandering around

doing things for no real reason

crashing off each other like snooker balls

hoping one day we may do something of brilliance

so everybody can say how great we are

only to realize

how unimportant it is to be recognised by others

even of greatness.

But on we go

trying to grasp onto that passing cloud

looking for something

trying to find something

but the secret is

it is never quite what we thought it to be.

FOOL

My words are underlined by hatred

just under the surface

but holding them up to the light

their foundation

contempt

their tune

scorn

however much I would want them to be about love

where I see it

how I feel it

and even doves could come down

and fly off with one word at a time

all attached to each other like a kite

trumpets blowing.

I really, really don’t feel it