WORD SALAD!

Every weekend after our hectic works we four friends; Arjun Nair, Jayaram Krishna, Vishal Menon and myself gathered together in Arjun’s clinic. Since our high school days we have been following this customary meeting which was held either in anyone’s house or some small road side coffee shop.  But, since Arjun started his own clinic after successfully he completed his M D in Psychiatry his clinic was fixed as our permanent venue for meeting and chatting.

 

During the school days it was part of our study. We four guys were from middle class families. We did not have enough money spending for attending tuition. So we all decided to do a combined study. After we started our combined study we found a surprising fact that we four were known as “Self Masters” among our class mates and among other acquaintances. It was in fact, Vishal who coined this compound word first. Among us only Vishal has this flair in creating magic with words. Many such incidents I noticed in him since our primary class, and even today I’ve been keeping secret my jealousy on his intellect power . A rift between both of us developed very earlier in this regard. Most of his creative writings are mind blowing as well as ridiculing people globally. One such his thought provoking post on Face Book recently created so many chat shows and it went on viral. He wrote: virtual intercourse is more spiritual than real and it saves you from S T D!!! This is a small such example of Vishal’s sense of humour and critical view of matters of his concern. We could not compete with him in word play. I can remember a sizeable instances of his creative genius.

That combined study truly moulded us all as what we are today and made us winning stars in all competitions. Competitions not only in our course related subjects but all the other important matters including how defeating a weak person for our own gain!  What more saying, we four guys were in secret war with each other for our own success even though we were pretending that we stand together! Apart from it our communion had given us more insight into the importance of money and fame. Our closeness never prevented us from back biting one another.  We four always in racing. We afraid each other. Who will win the race. Who will first touch the horizon of success in this modern world, is our only concern in our life.

 

Last weekend we the four competitors gathered again in the clinic after a week long war with our own life without mercy for our material benefit. This was the only day we enjoying and preserving strength and energy for the coming days war for our good fortune. We were becoming a high decibel chat box whenever we gathering together. Usually we chatting many things under the sun. But nowadays most of our chatting were not related to serious things like financial crisis which affected our G D P after our Prime Minister announced demonetization. or the impact of  G S T in a common man’s daily life, rather we enjoying gossips and trivial matters to discuss with. For instance: Vishal invited our attention into a Face Book post he had shared earlier this morning. Truly, it was a slap on the face of all youth.  The post says: A beautiful, sexy good looking lady was sitting next to a guy inside the plane. The lady said to him, “can you help me to remove something from my breast,…please?”.

The exciting young man replied. “Wow! It will be my pleasure; so what is it?”

The lady answered… “YOUR EYES”…….idiot!!!!

Suddenly after Vishal’s invitation into this interesting post there came a remark from Jayaram; “Oh! Who was that lucky young man? If I were he I definitely should put my hand inside her cleavage without wasting time”

“For what?” – Arjun has his doubt.

“I want to search my eyes inside her milma bottle and retain it back!!!!”

Jayaram’s readymade answer suddenly came when Arjun raised his doubt.

“I don’t think you can find your eyes there?” Arjun also was in a good form.

“why not and why you say so?” Jayaram has no doubt about his winning search of his eyes inside her cleavage valley!!!

At this stage I myself intervened. I said : “Either your eyes should have died due to lack of oxygen when it were drowning into the milk pool or it should have merged into her nipples!!! Two plus two was BIG TWO EYES!!!!

ha…ha…ha…ha………all our roaring laugh echoed inside the clinic like many

lunatic patients together laughing without reason in front of a Psychiatrist. I felt that Arjun also was now a lunatic instead of a Psychiatrist. I noticed one thing that all including Jayaram enjoyed my comment.

 

I thought this was the right occasion for outsmarting Vishal in our usual word play. I already won over them. But I had a strong greed to outfox Vishal brutally today with my genius. A ruthless business man in me suddenly jumped out. So without delay I raised one doubt: “Does sex really necessary?” The question I had thrown for all but it was my clout on Vishal’s face. From him I really was not expecting a satisfactory answer since I wished his surrender. But it was Arjun who had spoiled my all expectation! He literally challenged my ego!

“Is food really necessary?” Arjun’s immediate reaction was another question. He had challenged me with this question which gave me a sudden shock. He was an expert in giving Electroconvulsive therapy for lunatics as he was a famous Psychiatrist.

 

It was not a simple shock But a savage attack on a defenceless young man! Now it was a conundrum! Question v/s question! For a while I had no answer. But I didn’t wish a fail here. I tried to overcome my embarrassment which in a way helped me awaken from my defeat. I knew my super ego never allowed me to fail. It suddenly stood and roared like a lion!!! “Do you have a better and clear answer for my question?” I giggled like a skilful thief. This time I did not wish answer from Arjun as I did not wish earlier from Vishal. But without hesitation Arjun replied “Yes, I have” It was in fact a confident reply from Arjun. He then expressed his view. “Sex may not be everything. But it is a lot. It is what nature’s intimacy you hopefully share for a life time with your partner. Even if you don’t have children, you have each other.”

Vishal also has his own view. He said: animalistic instincts demand it…Even if we regressed to a non thinking neanderthal……. sex drive demands procreation.”

Now Vishal over took Arjun with his intellectual genius. In fact, he attributed Arjun’s reaction. So I sensed a defeat was near to me. But I wished to fight one last chance. So I diverted my interrogation at Jayaram.”What is your opinion?”

Here again I did not wish a proper answer. But he used the situation brilliantly.

“If you want the nature you enjoyed so far to be remained for the generation, sex should become our part”.

“O.K.  O. K. I Agreed. Then, what is the missing dimension in sex?”

 

I wanted to escape from giving my version of answer about my previous question I raised. So I cunningly forwarded my second question. I knew they couldn’t answer this time easily to this million dollar question. It was much difficult to answer this question to all of us. I know. So I laughed inside me. But I have my own answer I already plagiarized from someone to fool my three friends!!! So I mounted pressure on them to answer me fast!!!

“My dear friends either all of you answer me or agree your failure. Yes you are timed out. I am going to tell the right answer…..”

“Wait …wait ….wait…”  Vishal dashed off his view without wasting a second. “The missing dimension?” – asked he “permanence of union. Unfortunately,

this continues to elude the human experience…..Material greed urges her to

steal his wealth while her fantasy urges her to steal his true love where we lost the true meaning of sex”.

 

Oh….! Fuck….fuck…..fuck….!  It was an outcry from inside me! This idiot was a prick in my ASS!!! He always messed me with his well prepared heavy head.  A fully fledged brain he had. I wondered whether his baldy father fucked his

mother with his brain instead of his long dick. I really had lost my patience. I thought I never can defeat this mother fucker!!!! I was in a grim situation and I grinned and bore it..  Suddenly I remembered a famous quote of my sweet grandma –“A true winner always willingly accepts his defeat”

So I decided to accept my defeat for my winning and I agreed with him this time as I was a Good samaritan. Phew…..what a relief!

 

Our chatting took a ‘U’ turn when Arjun mentioned about a young man who was his new patient. Radhakrishnan, a handsome software engineer in his twenties was accompanied by his mother Lalithambika. He was in serious condition of Schizotypal Personality Disorder who believed himself was a young pregnant lady!!!

“Oh! What a strange experience!!!”  Said Vishal before anyone could react. “Mothering is a blessing. So the experience of pregnancy is such a wonderful feeling.”

“Can you explain something more about him” Jayaram had a curiosity.

 

“This young man had an unusual perceptual experiences including bodily illusions.” Arjun started to explain. He was now seemed not only an expert in Psychiatry but also an experienced lecturer. He continued. “The existence of such a ‘body-matrix’ allowed his brain to adapt to even profound anatomical and configurational changes to his body. It also plays an important role in maintaining homeostatic control over the body. Its alteration could be seen to have both deleterious and beneficial effects in various clinical populations”.

We all keen to watch Arjun’s gestures when he explaining the matter. He continued: “Most of the time this young man behaved like a woman. His voice also was in femininity that lowering his pitch to an instinctive means of demonstrating attraction to the opposite sex. When I met him he fully transformed into a woman. He dressed like a woman and he had all the similar symptoms of a pregnant lady! Normally a woman’s breasts may provide one of the first symptoms of pregnancy. … Here I could see in him a tender, swollen breasts…. Fatigue. … Slight bleeding and cramping……Nausea……vomiting tendency … Food aversions…cravings. …  Headaches….. Constipation….Mood swings…”

“Was he really a pregnant?” Jayaram could not conceal his foolish thought.

“I feel so! “He fully prepared for giving birth to his first born!!! Arjun’s replay literally made us shock! “His mother lost her hope. Her last destination was me. But I was helpless. His present condition was hopeless!!”  Arjun was looked like a failed psychiatrist!

“Don’t you have a therapeutic strategy to suggest? A possible action to avert any undesirable happening?” My enthusiasm outplayed others.

“Either he has to change his gender or we allow him to commit suicide” Replied Arjun with a pang. He had his own reasons to sympathize.

“What was the probable causes of the problem?” Vishal again scored with a genuine query.

“The causes are unknown, although a combination of genetic and environmental factors, particularly his early childhood might have played its major role in developing this disorder. His medical reports led us in that direction. As a single

Parent boy he has got a lot of care from his mother. She brought up him as a girl child which influenced his character and he empathized with many female characters from his environment. Many such incidents we had gone through in his medical history. One such event in, he was Draupadi, the famous female character in Mahabharata!”

“His mother recollected her past experience when I asked her about the episode of  Draupadi”.

She said:  “One day when I was in kitchen preparing our lunch I heard a female speech from my bed room. Our female servant took an one day off.  So there was no question of any woman in our house except me that day”

“Then whose voice she heard” I had another chance to ask a silly question!!! “The answer is quite simple”. Replied Arjun. “Why don’t you do a blind try about the bed room sequence, Can you?”

I said: “Yes, I will try” then I tried to narrate…..His mother walked into the room just as he was about to apply her new lipstick. She was startled. He was startled. “What are you doing with my lipstick? It’s new…I haven’t used it so far. Couldn’t you have waited?” He smiled and handed it back to her. “I forgot to tell you…I am playing Draupadi in our college production… rehearsals start this evening.”

“Wow!!! You are such a wonderful manipulator!!! Innate creator!!! Good constructor. If you try you can write fiction.”

“Oh! Thank you very much for the complement”. I reacted to Vishal positively for the first time. Vishal’s remark made a strong impact on me. Later that weekend I conceived my own brain child. My first fiction! And my wife Radha conceived my first baby!!!!

 

©-Vijay P Nair -2017

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