Mamma

Goddamn jack in the box

face popping up with that clown smile

bloody bloody

I pressed you down so long.

smile again like you did when I told you stories,

little boys who fought

monsters not mothers. I pushed you out

now I push you down.

Pouts of lips and the swings in my hits

That’s mamma, the one with the boy toys,

the one who plays with knives,

who left cuts on your hands like kisses.

The last man took me away

to the cabin with the bed and only the bed.

There wasn’t room for three, boy.

We downsized, started with the baby.

He cried so much when I held him I had to

Don’t say I failed again,

I taught you what I knew.

Protect yourself.

I shot you down

with milk can guns, white whirled.

I shelled you with beans,

dragging you along til you lost me.