TO HELL WITH POSITIVITY!

​“For years, we’ve been told that positive thinking is the key to a happy, successful life. Not anymore. To hell with positivity!”

— Mark Manson

​Everyone goes through adolescence, and right now, I am navigating this exact phase of life. We all know that teenage years come with a wave of hormonal changes, so I won’t dwell too much on that. It is a time when everyone struggles and experiences a certain degree of emotional pain.

​As I grew older, my responsibilities multiplied: household chores, studies, language learning, and, most importantly, family issues. This is the period when a person is tested the most, and knowing how to make the right choices becomes vital. However, there was a time when I completely lost interest in everything. I couldn’t focus on my studies, I felt disconnected from the world around me, and I became utterly indifferent to my own future. The underlying reason was simple: I had turned into a “coward.”

​Everything began piling up at once. Schoolwork, especially language learning, became incredibly overwhelming because I had reached the most critical and decisive stage — preparing for the “IELTS” exam. Ironically, the very process I had been anticipating so eagerly turned out to be daunting and complex in reality. Unwilling to fight through the difficulties and feeling lost, I chose to escape from my problems… and I began mindlessly scrolling through Reels for temporary hits of dopamine.

​No matter how much I tried to force myself to think positively or justify my slacking, the anxiety and inner turmoil kept eating away at me. My peers seemed so much more fortunate and successful than I was. It felt like they could achieve anything, while I, in my own eyes, had become utterly useless. So, what did I do next? I decided that I simply refused to go on living as a useless member of society!

​I committed to a radical change. I had always enjoyed reading, but this time, in an effort to understand and discover myself, I turned to self-development literature. I opened the “Mutolaa” app and browsed through the personal growth section. The first book that caught my eye and instantly drew me in was The Subtle Art of Not Giving a Fck*. It perfectly matched my state of mind. As I read, I began questioning the values I had always blindly accepted as true. I threw toxic positivity out the window and learned to embrace “negative thinking” — or rather, looking reality square in the eyes.

​Surprised, aren’t you? You read that correctly: I learned to accept the truth for what it is. The more clearly a person can see their own shortcomings, the more they grow, the more real solutions they find to their problems, and the wider their worldview becomes. I put this into practice.

​For instance, I was struggling significantly with English Writing (essays). It was a painful sticking point for me. I analyzed the situation brutally, asking myself: “What am I doing wrong? Why does this feel so impossible?” I realized two things. First, my vocabulary was insufficient. Second, even when I did manage to write an essay, I was terrified to re-read it because I was scared of making mistakes. And why was I so afraid of making mistakes? Because I dreaded being criticized by my teacher. But one day, I conquered all my fears and simply read what I had written, then handed it over to my teacher. My teacher simply corrected the errors, and that was it. In that very moment, I realized that you just have to start without fear. I had been making a mountain out of a molehill.

​Not everyone can solve their problems independently; many prefer to simply run away from them. I was no exception. I used to try to avoid thinking about even the smallest issues, but deep down, I knew they were draining me every single day. Eventually, I resolved to face them all. Most of my anxieties revolved around my future: “Will I get a high IELTS score? What about the SAT? Will I get accepted into prestigious universities in the US?” These questions spun in my mind like a non-stop carousel.

I tackled these issues by prioritizing the most fundamental ones.

​Problem 1 & Solution: Why don’t I always speak fluently and flawlessly in English?

Solution: I realized I had been speaking mechanically. My mindset was basically, “I need to talk, I am talking, so that’s enough.” I wasn’t bringing the same freedom and emotion to English that I naturally use in my native language. The next time I spoke, I infused it with emotion just as I would in my native tongue, and I discovered it became significantly easier.

​Problem 2 & Solution: Why did my closest friend betray me?

Solution: In reality, labeling them as my “closest” friend was flawed from the start. A person’s ultimate confidants are only their family and God. My friend hadn’t betrayed me; they had simply made a new friend, built a closer bond with them, and chosen to trust them. They shared their thoughts with them. This is a completely natural human dynamic. Because I had viewed them as my “irreplaceable” friend, I felt like a victim who had been stabbed in the back. The truth is that everyone has the right to choose their friends and confidants, and you cannot force anyone’s affection. Accepting this changed my perspective entirely. The situation wasn’t a tragedy, and I was not a victim.

​Conclusion

​In conclusion, I realized that during my teenage years, I had been exaggerating minor setbacks and artificially shaping myself into a “victim.” This victim mentality provided a temporary cushion and a false sense of dopamine, making it feel like my problems weren’t my fault. But please, do not make the same mistake!

​No matter what challenges you face, whether you are to blame or not, the responsibility and accountability ultimately rest squarely on your shoulders. Always look at situations with a realistic, critical eye and filter your thoughts. Do not run from your problems; solve them. Do not fear losses, and start working for your future today. No one is going to hand you success on a silver platter. You must always strive to reach every single milestone through your own hard work!

​Finally, I would like to express my deepest gratitude to Mark Manson, the author of the book that entirely transformed my outlook on life, and I highly recommend that you pick up a copy and read it too.