I have come across some of my journals from 1979 and 1987.
Indeed, my cry to the Lord was genuine. I actually wanted to die. I cried out to the Lord over and over again for salvation and redemption. Still, I continued in turmoil. As I read my journals from those periods in my life and my writing in Synchronized Chaos since 2015, I’ve found my salvation and redemption here and now after 21 years yesterday in this apartment God has come and now lives in my Heart.❤️
I have peace beyond my understanding, as it says in the Bible. Finally, after years of darkness, there is light in my heart. Jeremiah 29:11 tells us that God promises a hope and a future, not to harm, but to prosper us. John 3:16 says that God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son so that anyone who believes in Him would have eternal life.
I accept Christ the salvation that Jesus Christ purchased for me. No more do I desire to die, but to live in Christ Jesus in the here and now and throughout eternity. My death was to my sinful nature because I’ve come to accept that while I once was a sinner. I’m now saved to live a life in Christ who is alive in the Father. Therefore, like the Apostle Paul says: Romans “Dead to sin, alive to God”
Romans 6:1-14: Dead to Sin “What shall we say, then? Shall we go on sinning so that grace may increase? By no means! We are those who have died to sin; how can we live in it any longer?” – Romans 6:1-2 (NIV). Amen and amen.
“You were born from the Rays of God’s Majesty when the stars were in their perfect place.”
~RUMI
God, I return to you in the lights of a star…shining bright with the light of love. Love from the beginning I return without darkness for I have seen the wonders of my soul. The hidden treasure of your spark within me. The world has not covered my soul in sin or emptiness leaving me without you in my heart. Your truth speaks in me in the wee hours of the morning as the world sleeps forever more. I find my soul among the stars circling the outer rim of Saturn’s moon. I’m that star to the right of your heart. O God, never to become dim for you created me to shine forever more.
“When you lose all sense of self the bonds of a thousand chains will vanish…”
~RUMI
Where can I go, O God where you do not exist? I have not traveled far enough to not feel your Holy presence within my soul. Delightful thoughts about the beginning of time together. Reaching for the clouds, as I lay in the fields of joy, wishing to see the skies once more. Before the clouds cover the moon and the sun fades into the distinct mountains of Vermont. Once we had a conversation, as I sat on the porch wondering about my life. It was a conversation about my beginning without end. My heart listened intently as you spoke of salvation and redemption. Christ the Messiah came alive within me. No more doubt nor sin to confuse my aching soul. For I had received the communion of life with these three words: You are forgiven.
Dance the Dance Slowly: What a Dying Teen Can Teach Us about Living
[Excerpt from Fleury’s book: “You Are Enough: The Journey to Accepting Your Authentic Self” originally published in Spare Change News]
“Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round? /Or listened to the rain slapping on the ground? /Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight? /Or gazed at the sun into the fading night? /You better slow down. /Don’t dance so fast/Time is short/The music won’t last.” So begins the hopeful and emotional offering of an anonymous teenager dying of cancer in a New York hospital with an estimated six months to live.
We have all heard the clichéd phrases “Slow down, life is short” or “Take the time to look around and smell the roses”, but in this case the inherent meaning has been further enhanced by the unpredictable behavior of cancer and the non-committal allotment of time. I too have been exposed to this calamity imposed on humanity known as the “C” word.
Before re-discovering my pressing need to write as a profession, I worked as a health care professional for about ten years. Both fortunately and unfortunately, my last three years was working at the Chilton House, a hospice residence in Cambridge. I say fortunately, because it was my most meaningful learning experience and unfortunately because it was by far the hardest.
For those of you who do not know what a hospice is, it is a place for the terminally ill to make their final exit with peace, dignity and even harmony. But essentially, it is also much more than that. It is also a place for both families and patients respectively to find closure, forgiveness, joy (yes, even joy) and enlightenment.
There are five stages anyone who is dying or experiencing a major loss goes through according to Elisabeth Kübler-Ross, author of “On Death and Dying”. The Five Stages of Grief are:
1. Denial
2. Anger
3. Bargaining
4. Depression
5. Acceptance
It is written that “Kübler-Ross originally applied these stages to any form of catastrophic personal loss (job, income, freedom). This also includes the death of a loved one, divorce, drug addiction, or infertility. Kübler-Ross also claimed these steps do not necessarily come in the order noted above, nor are all steps experienced by all patients, though she stated a person will always experience at least two.”
The stage that the dying teen is most likely at the “acceptance” stage. By writing the poem, it is apparent to me that the dying teen is making peace with her condition and is “preparing” for her untimely departure. But her message of hope goes beyond the grave.
I will print her poem in its entirety at the end of this article. But before I do, I am compelled to tell you what I learned in my years as a hospice nurse. The midnight hour had just landed, perched like a crow upon the hospice house comely garden (the crow is said to be a symbol of death).
One of my patients was dying. He was a white professor from Harvard University. Of all the people he knew, I was the only one there, a “black kid” as he said, holding his hands to the end.
And he turned to me and said: “Listen kid. In life, status, education and money are not what matters. What matters is what was true and truly felt and how we treated one another.” After which he died one hour later.
Consequently, this teenager’s compassionate legacy to humanity is the following poem, which makes me feel that we should be kind to each other while we still can because she is embracing us with kindness even as she anticipates taking her final breath. Just like her poem dictates, please read it not in haste, but slowly so that you may absorb its distinctive taste. Her poem is a gift meant to be opened slowly while the music is still playing and you’re still capable of dancing…
Slow Dance
By an anonymous teenager
“Have you ever watched kids on a merry-go-round?
Or listened to the rain Slapping on
the Ground? Ever followed a butterfly’s erratic flight?
Or gazed at the sun into the
fading night? You better slow down.
Don’t dance so fast. Time is short.
The music won’t last. Do you run through each day on the fly?
When you ask how are
you? Do You hear the reply?
When the day is done do you lie in your bed with the next
hundred chores Running through your head?
You’d better slow down, don’t dance so fast.
Time is short. The Music won’t last. Ever told your child
‘We’ll do it tomorrow?’
And in your haste, Not see his sorrow?
Ever lost touch, let a good friendship die cause you never had time to call And say hi?
You’d better slow down. Don’t dance so fast. Time is short.
The music won’t last. When you run so fast to get somewhere
You miss half the fun of getting there.
When you worry and hurry through your day,
It is like an unopened gift thrown away.
Life is not a race. Do take it slower.
Hear the music
Before the song is over.”
Her dying wish is for you to pass this on to as many people as possible. Please help fulfill a last request. In this case, share as many copies of this book as you possibly can!
One woman wrote a letter to the editor thanking me for the article and for sharing this young woman’s poem. She said she slowed down long enough to read it on the train ride home during rush hour and it brought her to tears. She decided to go out dancing with friends that weekend!
Jacques Fleury’s book You Are Enough: The Journey Towards Understanding Your Authentic Self
Jacques Stanley Fleury is a Haitian-American Poet, Author and Educator. He holds an undergraduate degree in Liberal Arts and is currently pursuing graduate studies in the literary arts at Harvard University online. Once on the editing staff of The Watermark, a literary magazine at the University of Massachusetts, his first book Sparks in the Dark: A Lighter Shade of Blue, A Poetic Memoir was featured in and endorsed by the Boston Globe. His second book: It’s Always Sunrise Somewhere and Other Stories is a collection of short fictional stories dealing with the human condition as the characters navigate life’s foibles and was featured on Good Reads. His current book and hitherto magnum opus Chain Letter to America: The One Thing You Can Do to End Racism, A Collection of Essays, Fiction and Poetry Celebrating Multiculturalism explores social justice in America and his latest book,“You Are Enough: The Journey to Accepting Your Authentic Self” along with all other previously mentioned titles are available at public libraries, The Harvard Book Store, Porter Square Books, The Grolier Bookshop, Goodreads, bookshop, Amazon etc… His CD A Lighter Shade of Blue as a lyrics writer in collaboration with the neo-folk musical group Sweet Wednesday is available on Amazon, iTunes & Spotify to benefit Haitian charity St. Boniface. —
Rahmiddinova Mushtariy Ravshan’s daughter was born on March 1, 2011 in Gulistan district of Syrdarya region. Now she is a student of the 8th grade. Mushtariy is interested in reading poetry, reading books and drawing. She appeared on television in kindergarten at the age of 3 and is still appearing on television. Participated in the Bilimdon competition. She took the 2nd place in English in the 2nd grade. Participates in many contests and projects. In the future, she will become a dentist. She is preparing for admission. Her dream is to make everyone proud of Mushtariy. She also participated in many anthologies and webinars.
Libraries are very important in the life of all people. Libraries play a significant role in the live of all people who strive for knowledge. We can find all kinds of books in the libraries: novels, biographies, fictions, short stories, books for children and so on. In some libraries you can also get access to their electronic resources or the Internet. Libraries can be found in many places. Schools, universities and organizations often have one. Today there are libraries in nearly every city, town and village. The assortment of books in our school library is very diverse. There are many short stories and novels, reference books and textbooks, dictionaries and encyclopedias there.
Aymatova Aziza was born on February 24, 2009 in Almalyk, Tashkent region. She is a 9th grader. Until now, she has written dozens of poems. Hobbies include reading and drawing. Currently studying English and Turkish. Having studied languages in the Ibrat Academy application, she received English and Russian language course certificates and participated in many online tests and contests.
In the cold days of winter, in the heat of summer, even in the rain and hail, an old mother sat staring at the tree that had started to rot on the old bench in front of Uncle Toshpolat’s shop.
Day after day, I pass by this corridor and ask her how she is doing. I liked how the very old mother smiled with kind eyes.
Then I thought that if they sit in this position all day, if they don’t have children, when they are old, if they don’t stand in front of them, they would sit the same way in the cold and in the heat.
I always tried to talk to them, but I didn’t have time because I was busy with work. Days passed. One day, when I was hurrying, I saw them again, unfortunately, they were unconscious. I quickly took her to the hospital. After 2-3 days of treatment in the hospital, they started talking to me. They laughed when I asked why you didn’t talk all this time.
“My child, why did you save me? I have no right to live in this life. I don’t want to live,” they said.
“Don’t say that, Auntie. You will live a long time,” I said.
They said, “Would you come out of the hospital and take me to my place?” I shook my head.
The next day we went together, they sat down and started talking.
“Hey, my daughter, we mothers are giving up ourselves as children, but they don’t call us,” they cried. “Since I was young, I did less than anyone else, I fed without eating, I wore without wearing, it’s not thanks at all, but I didn’t think that my work would be so lowly appreciated,” they said.
“Look, my dear, this tree was beautiful and strong 5-6 years ago. Year after year, this tree was not paid attention to, even water was not poured under it. In time, it dried up and became firewood. Unfortunately, the same is true of mankind. It’s been a long time since my only son, who didn’t take me to heaven, kicked me out of the house until my death.” – he said, his eyes were sparkling with coral tears. “Auntie, go, I’ll take you with me,” I said. When Asta shook her head: “No, my child, I will sit here and wait for my death,” Yuring said.
I was afraid, emergency help came, but her aunt was dead.
The true meaning of the incident that taught me throughout my life, 15 years later, when I came to this village to rest with my grandchildren, the same mother and her son were sitting at the same table, wearing old clothes, leaning on the same rotten tree. Sorry….it’s too late now
The truth I realized is that if you carry your mother on your head, your child will also carry you on his head. Do you despise them? Your children will despise you in time. Don’t forget that this world will give you back. Appreciate everything in time.
Nurullayeva Mashhura was born on December 12, 2006 in Sariosia district of Surkhandarya region. In the same year, she graduated from the 11th grade of the 3rd general education school in Sariosia district. During his school days, she took pride of place in many science Olympiads and competitions. The owner of several international certificates, her stories and poems have been published in international newspapers and magazines. There are many goals in the future.
