First, from contributor Jacques Fleury, an announcement of a new book! “Immortal Lines of Poetry” by Sourav Sarkar and Jacques Fleury

A collaboration between myself and internationally renowned poet Sourav Sarkar of India. The book presents us both as “2 Poets of the Common Era Literature Period” (a term Sarkar claims to have coined himself on Oct. 24, 2021 and is celebrated worldwide on its founding date yearly) and allows the reader an opportunity to “sample” our poetic styles and substance. It is at times a supple staccato or eroticism, at times mesmerizingly musical of humanism, at times visceral to its soul core but eventually reaches a crescendo to volcanic eruption of literary passion, hope and inspiration for our seemingly crumbling humanity. Here is a sample of one of MY poems from the book. Hope you check it out on Amazon. Merci beaucoup! 

This month’s issue focuses on what’s going on inside of all of us, and how that shapes who we are. We’re going Beneath the Surface.

Stella Kwon’s paintings explore dreams, childhood, fantasy, and the interiority needed for a creative life. Jacques Fleury’s sample poem from his new book Immortal Lines of Poetry looks into dreams and internal inspiration. Debabrata Maji’s poem traces his heart’s inner journey. Damon Hubbs tracks the odds and ends running through his mind while watching competitive tennis. Annabel Kim’s artwork explores and celebrates human and natural creativity. Ma Yongbo evokes the change of seasons, nature, and mortality.

Mark Young renders maps and nature into works of art in his ‘geographies.’ J.K. Durick speaks to intellectual experiences – the news, books, museums – and how we communicate ourselves to ourselves. Jasmina Saidova honors an inspirational teacher as Abdirashidova Ozoda explores possibilities for digital technology in early childhood education. Eshmamatova Shabbona traces the history and evolution of Uzbek literature and Munira Xolmirzayeva traces the history of Russian writing.

Eva Petropoulou Lianou praises the delicate elegance of Lily Swarn’s new poetry collection A Drop of Cosmos. Uralova Gulmira highlights themes of personal experience and motherhood in the patriotic writings of Uzbek poet Saida Zunnunova. Sayani Mukherjee reflects on being driven towards poetry in a full and changing world. Dr. Rasmiyya Sabir writes of romantic love, poetic inspiration, and the irrepressible drive to be heard.

Jakhongir Nomozov interviews poet Rustam Bekhrudi, who intends to capture and convey the resilient Turkish spirit in his writing. Mesfakus Salahin speaks to human psychology and the drive to live amid the allure of death. Mahbub Alam describes a night of discomfort due to mosquitoes, which he endures by thinking of people who have it much worse. Abdisattorova Hurshida’s short story highlights the dignity and self-determination and patience of the hardworking rural poor in Uzbekistan, even when facing death.

Hanen Marouani probes our internal emotional life with tenderness. Bill Tope uncovers the veil of a past sixth grade classroom where the students and teacher are full of inner and outer turmoil. Alan Catlin continues his surreal examination of the physical manifestations of work anxiety as Elbekova Nilufar warns of the danger to our eyes and psyches posed by Internet addiction. Emeniano Somoza Jr. reflects on what we lose by lessening the ups and downs of our emotional nature. Donia Sahab’s poetry probes the psychological torment and confusion Dr. Alaa Basheer alludes to in his painting. J.J. Campbell navigates loneliness with his trademark wit and cynicism.

Joana L.J. Milovanovic’s words bear witness to the psychological and physical damage domestic abusers inflict. Mykyta Ryzhykh’s characters find themselves subsumed by the crushing violence of a metaphorical “leviathan.” Alex S. Johnson reflects on his friendship with Runaways band member and visionary Kari Lee Krome and how the music industry elevates and chews people up.

Jakhongir Nomozov’s speaker reasserts himself after intense seasons of emotional pain and rejection. Soumen Roy highlights the importance of respect and patience in true love. Munisa Rustamova expresses gratitude for her mother’s constant love in a harsh world full of fake people. Alex S. Johnson and Kandy Fontaine assert their confidence in their way of living and loving and show how power is expressed through service and care, not abuse. Liderqiz demonstrates this ethic of service through a profile of Uzbek Information Service leader Dilbar Ashilbayeva.

Andela Bunos speaks of the universal human grief of lost love. Kristy Raines’ poetry expresses commitment to a romantic relationship despite being separated. Lola Ijbrater outlines the rise and fall of a romance through a series of flowers. Ken Gosse describes heartbreak through clever poems with increasing numbers of lines. Eva Petropoulou’s lines address intimate love and the beauty of forgiveness. Annamurodov Umarbek reflects on coming of age after losing his father.

Journalist Giorgos Pratzikos and literary figure Eva Petropoulou Lianou interview Greek writer Fay Rempelou about how she intends to inspire peace, creativity, and humanity through her poetry. Nilufar Mo’ydinova presents a thoughtful exploration of artificial intelligence’s potential and how to mindfully develop it for the benefit of human creativity. Taghrid Bou Merhi traces the moral ascent of humankind, as societies developed respect for life, human rights, and gender equity. Omonova Sevinch highlights the importance of educating women and girls to uplift society. Graciela Noemi Villaverde points out the power of icons and commemorations of peace to interrupt the hostility that leads to war.

Giorgos Pratzikos interviews actor and children’s author Zisis Papaioanou on his craft, his artistic vision, his inspirations in Christ and Aristotle, and desire for Greeks to have more neighborly concern and look out for each other.

Taylor Dibbert reflects on the impression Americans make while traveling abroad. Doug Hawley and Bill Tope present a humorous tale of unintended interplanetary cooperation. Duane Vorhees’ poetry deals with our humanity, the roles we play in life and who we choose to become to each other.

Abdel Iatif Moubarak’s words express solitude and the hopes and dreams of individuals and communities in an uncertain world. Abigail George reviews Nadine AuCoin’s horror novel Tucked Inn, a tale of survival and good overcoming evil. Justin Faisal, a Rohingya refugee from Myanmar and advocate for his fellow refugees, writes of his inner journey of perseverance and finding beauty in life. Sharifova Saidaxon reflects on similar sentiments, finding forgiveness and acceptance through her faith.

We hope this issue inspires you to dig into your inner psyche and uncover strength and reach for your hopes and dreams.

Topping From the Bottom and the Top by Kandy Fontaine (Alex S. Johnson)

I’ve spent decades in the velvet trenches of kinky erotica, writing alongside and in tribute to masters like Kate Bornstein, Thomas S. Roche, Thea Hillman, Patrick Califia, Edo van Belkom, Lucy Taylor, and Maxim Jakubowski. My work is a ritual of rupture, a glitter bomb of desire, a scream stitched in leather and lace. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from living, loving, and leaking in this world—it’s that power is never simple. It’s never static. It’s never one-directional.

I’m a dominant. I’m genderqueer. I’m neurospicy. And I love to mix it up.

Being Queer is a high. A sacred intoxication. It’s the kind of pleasure that makes the strongest alcohol taste like ginger beer. But let’s be clear: BDSM is not unhealthy. Quite the opposite. It’s one of the most psychologically and emotionally grounded ways to explore intimacy, power, and trust.

In fact, studies have shown that BDSM practitioners tend to be healthier than the general population. A 2013 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that BDSM participants scored better on measures of psychological well-being, including lower neuroticism and higher levels of secure attachment. Another study published in the Journal of Homosexuality in 2025 replicated these findings, showing that BDSM practitioners exhibit higher emotional resilience, lower rejection sensitivity, and greater overall well-being.

So let’s kill the myth. BDSM is not abuse. It’s not pathology. It’s not a symptom. It’s a circuit. It’s a ritual. It’s a scream that listens.

What turns me on the most? Imagining a circuit where I am both the bottom and the top—not alternately, but intensely and simultaneously. I want to dominate while surrendering. I want to control while being undone. I want to bring a partner off—be they male, female, or some glorious new gender I haven’t yet encountered—and feel their climax as my own. That’s not just sex. That’s communion.

The great leaders are servants. The master is a slave to his slave. And you don’t need to read Hegel to understand it.

Responsibility and trust are essential. This is never about anger. Never about abuse. Never about taking your emotions out on someone else.

Those people? They’re not kinky. They’re criminals.

BDSM is about consent, communication, and care. It’s about knowing your partner’s boundaries better than your own. It’s about listening with your whole body. It’s about crafting a scene that’s not just erotic—but sacred.

If you want to experience pleasure so intense it makes the strongest drug seem like ginger beer, look into BDSM and D/s. Discover your own circuits. Read the ones who’ve paved the way:

• Kate Bornstein – gender outlaw, ritualist of identity
• Patrick Califia – fierce, fearless, and foundational
• Thea Hillman – poet of the body and its contradictions
• Carol Queen – sex-positive priestess of the written word
• Susie Bright – the original voice of erotic intelligence
• And yes, me—Kandy Fontaine, velvet insurgent, archivist of the obscene

You’re welcome. Love and 40 lashes, Alex S. Johnson / Kandy Fontaine

Sources:

• Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners – Journal of Sexual Medicine
• BDSM Practitioners Exhibit Higher Secure Attachment and Lower Neuroticism – Journal of Homosexuality

1bing.com2www.psypost.org

Corridors of Conscience

My Dialogue with the Painting of Dr. Alaa Basheer

Look into the depths of a shattered head,

The lines intertwine like thorns,

Dancing in the corridors of blue shadows,

Where silence clashes with the moan of souls.

O fading conscience,

You who have become a cloud pursued by the winds of conflict,

Do you dwell in the prisons of memories?

Or swim in the swamps of lost dreams?

Heads merge with the roots of the earth,

Turning into branches without features,

As if they are trees searching for the fruit of truth.

O you who are lost in the forests of noise,

Your lines have been colored in black and blue,

As if you scream without a voice:

“Where are you, O hidden light?”

Chains coil around the neck of the dream,

Yet the soul dances in the spaces of the unseen,

Searching for a conscience turned into the rubble of fear.

O human of today,

Do you still hear the steps of your burdened conscience?

Do you still touch the face of truth in the mirror of distortion?

The search is long like the paths of the wind,

But if you walk through the alleys of the self,

You will realize that conscience is not absent,

It is you, in your deep self, waiting.

—

Poem by Her Royal Highness Princess

Donia Sahab – Iraq

The Painting by the World-Renowned Visual Artist Dr. Alaa Basheer

______________________________________

أروقة الضمير

حواري مع لوحة د. علاء بشير

انظر في أعماق رأس مَهشم،

تتشابك الخطوط كالأشواك،

تتراقص في أروقة الظلال الزرقاء،

حيث يصطخب الصمت مع أنين الأرواح.

أيها الضمير المتلاشي،

يا من صرت غيمة تُطاردها رياح الصراع،

هل في سجون الذكريات تسكن؟

أم في مستنقعات الأحلام الضائعة تسبح؟

الرؤوس تتماهى مع جذور الأرض،

تتحول إلى فروع بلا ملامح،

كأنها شجر يبحث عن ثمرة الحقيقة.

يا من ضاع في غابات الضجيج،

تلوَّنت خطوطك بالسواد والزرقاء،

كأنك تصرخ بلا صوت:

“أين أنت، أيها النور الدفين؟”

القيود تلتف حول عنق الحلم،

لكن الروح ترقص في مساحات الغيب،

تفتش عن ضمير أحيل إلى ركام الخوف.

يا إنسان اليوم،

أما زلت تسمع خطوات ضميرك المثقل؟

أما زلت تلمس وجه الحقيقة في مرآة التشوه؟

البحث طويل كطرق الريح،

لكن إن سرت في أزقة النفس،

ستدرك أن الضمير ليس غائباً،

إنه أنت، في نفسك العميقة، ينتظر.

—

القصيدة بقلم الشاعرة الأميرة الهاشمية

دنيا صاحب – العراق

اللوحة الفنية بريشة الفنان التشكيلي العالمي د. علاء بشير

The development of Uzbek literature: historical periods, processes of formation and prospects

Abstract: The article analyzes the formation of Uzbek literature, stages of development, examples of classical and modern literature, changes and prospects that occurred during the period of independence from a scientific and literary point of view. Issues such as the sources of literature, stages of formation, high examples of classical literature, literature of the 20th century, literature of the period of independence, factors influencing the development of literature, and prospects of literature are considered.

Keywords: Uzbek literature, history, development, classical literature, modern literature, independence, literary studies, literary criticism, perspectives.

Uzbek literature is an integral part of the rich cultural heritage of the peoples of Central Asia and has a long history. During this history, our literature has undergone various socio-political and cultural changes, developing through its own directions, genres and styles. This article analyzes the stages of formation of Uzbek literature, development trends, examples of classical and modern literature, as well as the changes and prospects that have occurred in our literature during the period of independence from a scientific and literary point of view.

The roots of Uzbek literature go back to ancient times. Examples of oral literature include epics such as “Alpomish”, “Go’ro’g’li”, proverbs, riddles, legends, and tales that reflect the lifestyle, worldview, dreams, and moral values of the Uzbek people. These examples of oral literature have been passed down from generation to generation, laying the foundation for the formation of the Uzbek literary language and the development of artistic thought.

The formation of written literature mainly dates back to the 9th-12th centuries. During this period, literary works created in the Turkic language based on the Arabic alphabet, in particular, Yusuf Khos Hajib’s “Kutadgu bilig” (“Knowledge Leading to Happiness”), are considered one of the first written examples of Uzbek literature. “Kutadgu bilig” raises issues such as state administration, morality, justice, and acquiring knowledge, and provides important information about the socio-political and cultural life of that era.

Although there was some stagnation in literary life as a result of the Mongol invasion in the 13th-14th centuries, our literature rose to a new level in subsequent periods. In particular, the era of Amir Temur and the Temurids is recognized as the “golden age” of Uzbek literature. During this period

Great attention was paid to the development of culture and science, and cities such as Samarkand, Bukhara, and Herat became major cultural centers.

In the 15th century, the literary activity of Alisher Navoi opened a new page in the development of Uzbek literature. Navoi turned the Uzbek language into a literary language and demonstrated its potential. His epic poem “Khamsa” (“The Five”), the divan “Khazoyin ul-maoniy” (“The Treasury of Meanings”), and the work “Muhokamat ul-lug’atayn” (“The Discussion of Two Languages”) are considered high examples of Uzbek literature. Navoi’s works widely cover such themes as humanistic ideals, justice, enlightenment, love, friendship, and patriotism.

Uzbek literature continued to develop in the post-Navoi era. Zahiriddin Muhammad Babur’s “Boburnoma”, translations and ghazals by Muhammad Riza Ogahiy, and the works of poets such as Munis Khorezmiy, Kamil Khorezmiy, Rojiy, Nodira, and Uvaysiy enriched the treasury of Uzbek literature.

The 20th century is characterized by modernization, the emergence of new directions, genres and styles for Uzbek literature. During this period, such movements as realism, romanticism, and modernism became widespread in literature. Writers such as Fitrat, Chulpon, Abdulla Qodiriy, Oybek, Gafur Ghulom, Hamid Olimjon, Zulfiya, Mirtemir, Abdulla Oripov, and Erkin Vohidov made a great contribution to the development of Uzbek literature.

Works such as Fitrat’s “O’g’uzxon”, “True Love”, Chulpon’s “Night and Day”, Abdulla Qodiriy’s “Bygone Days”, “Mehrobdan Shayon”, Oybek’s “Kutlug’ blood”, Gafur Ghulam’s “Shum Bola”, Hamid Olimjon’s “Zaynab and Amon”, Zulfiya’s “Men Seni Sevaman”, Shukur Kholmirzayev’s “On’n-sixga kirmagan kim bor”, and Abdulla Oripov’s “O’zbekiston” are considered among the finest examples of Uzbek literature.

Although literature was under ideological pressure during the Soviet era, our writers tried to reflect the pain, hopes, and national values of the people in their works. The literary works created during this period served to enrich the spiritual world of the Uzbek people and preserve their national identity.

A new generation of young writers is emerging, trying to reflect the pressing problems of modern life, the dreams and hopes of young people, and human relationships in their works.

During the period of independence, great attention is also paid to translation work in Uzbek literature. The best examples of world literature are translated into Uzbek, which serves to enrich the spiritual world of Uzbek readers. At the same time, the best works of Uzbek literature are also translated into world languages, and efforts are being made to introduce Uzbek literature to the world.

The development of Uzbek literature is closely related to many factors. Factors such as socio-political changes, cultural renewal, technological developments, improvement of the education system, development of literary criticism, activities of publishing houses, and the rise of reading culture have a positive impact on the development of our literature.

In the context of globalization, the integration of Uzbek literature with world literature, the expansion of literary ties, and the participation of our writers in international literary forums are serving to increase the prestige of Uzbek literature.

The future of Uzbek literature is bright. The achievements made during the period of independence, the opportunities created, the emergence of a new generation of writers, and the integration of our literature with world literature inspire confidence in the further development of Uzbek literature and its rise to new heights.

In the future, Uzbek literature will continue to develop such trends as understanding national identity, deeply reflecting the spiritual world of man, highlighting the urgent problems of modern life, and keeping pace with world literature. New genres, styles, and directions will emerge in Uzbek literature, a new generation of young writers will emerge, and a unique place for Uzbek literature in world literature will be formed.

In conclusion, Uzbek literature has a long and rich history, and has developed in different directions, each of which has its own characteristics. During the period of independence, our literature has reached a new level and has great potential for further development in the future. The development of Uzbek literature is closely related to the spiritual maturity of the Uzbek people, the process of understanding their national identity. Therefore, it is the duty of each of us to pay attention to our literature, support it, encourage young writers, and improve the culture of reading.

Literary studies and criticism are important in the development of literature. Literary scholars analyze literary works from a scientific perspective, determining their artistic value, ideological direction, genre characteristics, and stylistic peculiarities. Critics, on the other hand, evaluate literary works, point out their positive and negative aspects, give advice to writers, and guide the literary process.

During the period of independence, significant changes also took place in the field of literary studies and criticism. Our literary scholars gained the opportunity to analyze literary works objectively, free from ideological pressure. Our critics, in turn, gained freedom in evaluating literary works. The development of literary studies and criticism serves the qualitative growth of our literature, the improvement of the skills of writers, and the formation of the literary taste of readers.

References:

1. History of Uzbek Literature (5 volumes) Institute of Language and Literature of the Academy of Sciences of Uzbekistan. Tashkent, 1977-1980. (The main source of Uzbek literature, a classic work of literary criticism)

2. Alisher Navoi. Khamsa Tashkent: Gafur Ghulam Literature and Art Publishing House, 1968. (Navoi’s life and work, analysis of the epic poem “Khamsa”)

3. Abdulla Qodiriy. Days gone by – Tashkent: Sharq Publishing House, 2019. (Analysis of the novel, the life and work of the writer)

4. Oybek. Kutlug’ kón Tashkent: Uzbekistan Publishing House, 2017. (Analysis of the novel, the life and work of the writer)

5. Erkin Vohidov. Selection Tashkent: Sharq Publishing House, 2016. (The poet’s life and work, analysis of his poems)

6. Abdulla Oripov. Selected Works Tashkent: Sharq Publishing House, 2018. (The poet’s life and work, analysis of his poems)

7. Zulfiya. Pages of Life Tashkent: Gafur Ghulam Literature and Art Publishing House, 1985. (The poet’s life and work, analysis of her poems)

8. Journal “Uzbek language and literature” – Academy of Sciences of Uzbekistan. (Articles on literary studies)

9. “World Literature” magazine, Writers’ Union of Uzbekistan.

(Articles on world literature, translations)

10. ZIYO.UZ website (www.ziyouz.uz) Information about Uzbek literature, the life and work of writers.

11. Wikipedia (uz.wikipedia.org) Information about Uzbek literature, the life and work of writers.

12. Kitob.uz website (www.kitob.uz) – information about Uzbek literature and books

13. Google Scholar (scholar.google.com) academic articles on literary studies. Uzbek

Mother, I’ve been deceived by this world,
By the feelings it so easily unfurls.
My heart is aching, heavy with pain —
Mother, today, I feel drained.

Let me rest upon your knee,
Sing to me a melody.
Today, dear Mother, I need to say,
So many words I’ve held at bay.

Your daughter never truly fell,
She only bowed, and wore it well.
They tried to break me — let them try
But breaking me became their cry

Still, deep within, I cracked apart
When friends betrayed my loyal heart
That day still haunts me, lingers on —
Why can’t I let it just be gone?

But hush, don’t worry, I’ll be fine
Though shadows fall, the sun will shine
So come, dear Mother, sit with me
Let’s talk with hearts, and just be free

I’m tired of the masks of faces,

the lies have begun, the truth has stopped. False pictures become interlocutors, and
now we live without seeing each other.
I’m leaving on the road with my destination unknown,
A friend walks beside me, a smile on his face.
I don’t know where he got this mask he’s wearing now.
Some face meets me, and
the face changes as soon as he leaves me.
Masks are so skillfully made,
even a wise eye can’t sell them.
When it’s not written, only masks,
expiration dates and dates.
Tell me too, where is that,
the workshop of the mask maker. 
I found it.
It’s an ownerless shop,
but there’s a sign on the facade that says: 
“Take the mask you want and use it, as long as you leave the original face as payment!”

Munisa Rustamova is a 16-year-old creative mind from Yangiariq district, Khorezm region, Uzbekistan. She has a deep interest in both creativity and self-expression. Through poetry she gives voice to her inner feelings, emotions, and personal experiences. Her verses reflect a sincere and powerful connection to the human soul.

Now I want to share about my life. Are you ready to listen to me?. As we all know, every person suffers from painful losses at some point in their lives. My dad was on his deathbed…

Even while in pain, he used to lecture about how I should be there for my mom and sisters, protect them, and be the man of this family even at a young age. 

I knew that day was coming, the day I would be losing my title “kid,” the day I would carry all responsibilities of my dad’s and also mine, and the day I would become father to my siblings.

It came… It was harder than I thought to bear the pain of losing the person you love the most and at the same time, to be strong for your family as the only man left now. 

It was painful—the fact that I didn’t spend time with my dad a lot, the fact that we don’t have enough memories, and the fact that Dad doesn’t feel proud when I achieve the dreams I promised to him. To fix that, I started to spend more time with my mom; it wasn’t talking and chilling but more like cleaning the house, cooking in the early morning, and going to work together. I got a job in a clothes shop. It was harder than I thought, giving suggestions, communicating with different types of people, and handling their personalities.

Even though I faced some challenges at first by not managing time properly, in the end, I learned to be there for my family and work. Also, my teacher Shukurova O’g’iloy helped me a lot in learning English. She was always patient, kind, and understanding. Although English seemed tough to me at first, thanks to my teacher’s kind words and wise advice, I gradually fell in love with the language. She taught me grammar, pronunciation, and, most importantly, self-confidence. I was afraid to speak English before, but my teacher’s words, “You can do it,” made me confident. She gave me strength and confidence and never left me alone. Every lesson of my teacher was interesting, and I looked forward to each lesson. Instead of criticizing my mistakes, she patiently explained them and encouraged me to try again. This gave me great confidence. My teacher became not only a teacher for me but also a kind person, like a mother. She loved me, supported me, and cared deeply for me. That’s why I value her so much and love her like a mother in my life.

This challenge, one I cursed at first, taught me being strong doesn’t mean hiding pain; it means carrying it while still showing up for the people who need you. Most importantly, I discovered that real connection comes from shared moments, not expensive places. These lessons have shaped me into someone who values family, hard work, and growth.

My name is Annamurodov Umarbek, a passionate and ambitious high school student born on November 10, 2009, in Karshi, Kashkadarya Region, Uzbekistan! 

I currently study at college. I have earned several educational grants and awards, and my achievements include being an IA volunteer, Collab Crew member, volunteer at a youth center, Youth Perspective Club member, Youth Run Club member, Avlod talk participant, coordinator of Kashkadarya, and 1-degree diploma.

With a deep interest in leadership, public speaking, and writing, I continue to work hard toward achieving academic excellence and inspiring others in my community. A bright example of this you can find on my Telegram channel @Annamurodovv_Umarbek.

The Wisdom of a Prayer

When summer came, Aunt Anora would come to our house every evening with her granddaughter Humora to watch TV. Because there was no electricity in her hut. She would wake up at dawn in her house among the reeds and go around her yard – after all, she would take care not to let the animals eat the reeds. She would sell the reeds and help her family. Although she did not have much money, Aunt Anora could not stop working.

By the way, they had about a hundred sheep, more than seventy goats, more than thirty cows and dozens of horses – but still, Aunt Anora’s enthusiasm for work amazed everyone. The melon crops in their yard were overflowing – not only people, but even birds seemed to be waiting in line. After all, he didn’t trust anyone — “My own work, my own livelihood,” he always said.

When the sun was slowly setting below the horizon, Aunt Anora would come to our house, first opening her hands in prayer:

— Oh my God, You are kind. Don’t make me need anyone else but You. Take my life where I walk. Protect me from being a burden to someone while lying in bed. Amen… Allahu Akbar…

This prayer of his always seemed strange to me. After all, he has everything, right? If he doesn’t lack anything. Why does he ask for so much money? Unable to hide my surprise, one day I asked him sarcastically:

— Aunt, why are you so worried? In any case, we don’t have any…

He smiled, handed me the tea, and frowned:

— You’ll understand when the time comes…

At that moment, my daughter-in-law, Oisara, who was making a batch in front of the tandoor, said, “Zuhra, bring the bowls, we’ll make the soup.”

Years passed. Aunt Anora’s prayers rang in my ears. I went to study in Tashkent. However, soon after, a constant sore throat began to bother me. Sometimes I felt embarrassed in front of my friends. A year passed in such agony.

The second year of study began. But the pain in my body made me think more than the lessons. During this time, my heart would pound, I would feel weak, and my complexion would turn pale. I dropped out of school and returned home. The doctors examined me, and finally they gave me the diagnosis: pulmonary tuberculosis.

 My head was spinning, my heart was pounding. Sometimes I could barely breathe. The doctors were surprised.

— This is the first time in my career that I have ever encountered such a situation, — said Sister Zaynab, her eyes sad.

My condition worsened day by day. At that time, Aunt Anora’s prayers kept ringing in my ears: “Take my life while I am walking…”. Could it be that I, too, would be bedridden and unable to drink a single mouthful of water without anyone’s help?

My heart shuddered. My limbs trembled, and my eyes filled with tears. Now I understood — no one wants to be in need, even the closest ones. Loneliness is the most painful cry in silence. For a person lying in bed, no one hears this cry. No comfort, no consolation can be a balm for your pain. Fighting illness alone is the most difficult test for a person.

One such day, I went to the window. Outside, the autumn breath was deep and the birds were chirping. But I couldn’t feel this beauty inside me. The sadness that was pressing hard on my heart was like darkness. My eyes were fixed far from the window – on the light clouds at the foot of the sky. For a moment, Aunt Anora came into my mind – she always emphasized that “One should not forget to be grateful.”

Suddenly, something trembled inside me. It was hope. Although the pain had taken over my body, my spirit had not yet been defeated. At that moment, my mother entered the room. Her gaze was as kind as if it were swallowing me, and in her hand was a bowl of hot soup. I looked at her – in this look there were a thousand words, in a thousand words there was only one plea: “I still want to live.”

 She put the soup on the table and stroked my hair:

— You are strong, my daughter… You will pass this test too. As Aunt Anora said, one should not be absorbed in silence, there is life in it too.

Her words began to illuminate the darkness inside me a little. Perhaps this pain did not come to break me, but to teach me a lesson. Perhaps I am now understanding the truth that Aunt Anora said: a person should be grateful for every breath, every step, every mouthful of water.

A light whisper was heard in the silence. I did not know if it was the wind outside or the patience in my heart. But there was one truth that I knew:

Life is the realization of the blessing of opening your eyes every morning when you wake up. Every heartbeat is the belief in living.

The greatest truth that I realized during these difficult days was the wisdom hidden in Aunt Anora’s prayer.

 She pleaded:

“Take my life where I am, don’t make me need anyone…”

At first, these words seemed to me just a fear of old age. But now I understand that this prayer was a request for humility before life, for the preservation of human dignity. Because lying in bed and needing someone’s help with every breath is a test not of the body, but of the soul.

I gradually began to recover. Every morning, when I wake up, I repeat Aunt Anora’s prayer:

“Oh my God, You are kind, don’t make your servant need anyone other than You…”

Now I have learned to walk with gratitude at every step, to feel life with every breath. Pain breaks the body, but patience makes a person an idol.

And I understood: sometimes one prayer changes a whole life.

Abdisattorova Hurshida was born on November 9, 1997, in the village of Olmazor, Chirakchi district, Kashkadarya region. She is currently a third-year student of Sports Journalism at the University of Journalism and Mass Communications.

Her articles have been published in the newspapers Hurriyat and Vaziyat, as well as on the websites Olamsport and Ishonch. She is also a participant of the international scientific-practical conference titled “Future Scientist – 2025.”