The following scroll was found buried in the Tel Egot on the present-day border of Israel and Syria December 15, 2018. Because of the dangerous border little archaeology had been done in the area. The language used is a cross between the Semitic Hebrew and Aramaic languages. From other sources we can infer that this was an arid area mostly populated by shepherds and vintners. Despite the frequent wars in the general area, there are few signs of battles in the land of the Eleni.
Due to the similarity to the Israelis society and structure, there is a suggestion that the Eleni may be another tribe of Hebrews, not acknowledged in Biblical sources either because they were expelled from Israel, or left voluntarily. They may have been Hebrews who did not migrate to Egypt and therefore have no knowledge of Moses and the Penteteuch. There are enough religious differences to indicate that their national god was not merely a copy of Y*w*h, but their practice of omitting the vowels is similar. Some see the Eleni as an Amarian people who copied some things from Israel.
There were many national gods in the early middle east. The scrolls give us a look at one that is vastly different than that of the Hebrews. We wonder what we could learn from the other nation gods of Israel’s small neighbors. For most of them, we only have reports from Biblical sources. We can’t help but wonder how history would have changed if the Eleni and their concept of a universal, pacifistic God had survived and spread.
The annotations are based on collateral history and fragmentary scrolls from the same dig.
Professor Marcus Jacobs and the Oriental Institute of the University Of Chicago July 18, 2020
“Mr. President, we have our first action taken by Space Force.”
“Jenkins, I told you to call me ‘Your Excellency, Emperor For Life’. I knew that the 200 billion dollars start up cost for Space Force was well worth it. Have Space Force Commander Hanley come in to brief me.”
“Yes sir.”
POTUS pointed at Jenkins, frowned and said “One more thing. You’re fired” while spraying spittle.
When an Antarctic scientist uncovered an alien space ship while digging for a latrine, he sent for the best crypto-biologists, archaeologists and astronomers to come to the Antarctic base. After the local Antarctic scientists were assembled, they entered the ship which had unrecognizable instruments and made weird sounds like those of a Theremin. They quickly discovered something encased in ice, which they hauled off to their camp.
Twenty-four hours later, the scientists from around the world had reached the camp, ready to see about the find. Geraldine Qwen from Canada had already determined that the ice was roughly 10 years old. The archeological team then slowly chipped away at the ice, revealing what appeared to be a three-meter long flat from dorsal to ventral, but round bilaterally salamander with a half meter penis and what appeared to be a human-like mouth.
Somebody said, “That is the ugliest and biggest thing of its kind I’ve ever seen.”
The sort of amphibian responded “That’s what she said” followed by gasps and other expressions of shock from the group. The amphibian then said “Was that wrong? How about ‘What’s up, Yo Mama or Who Dat?’”
After moments of shock, somebody asked the obvious “So you speak?”
“No stuff, Sherlock.”
An Einstein clone amongst the scientists asked, “We were, ahem, expecting a different level of intelligence from our first interstellar visitor and maybe some superpowers like shape shifting or being able to withstand nuclear attack.”
“About that. This whole enchilada was planned by our overlords on planet Ineque. They got me to agree with their plans by holding my 534 surviving larvae hostage. I was educated in earth ways by viewing reruns of your sitcoms, movies from Japan and reality shows. According to the big dome overlords my intelligence is below that of a dolphin, but above that of a ‘reality star’. To sweeten the algae, they said I could get some action from giant Chinese salamanders.”
“So what were you to do for the overlords?”
“The idea was to land in Japan, but that seems to have gone wrong.”
“Yeah, you missed the target big time.”
“Moving along. I was to find out if the monsters inhabiting Japan were too tough for a successful invasion of earth by the overlords.”
“You mean the ones like Godzilla, Gamera and Rodan?”
“That’s right. Another tough one is Ghidorah, the dragon with lots of heads. That one gives me the creeps. There’s a whole bunch of other ones that excel at ugly.”
The fat scientist in the Hulk and Spiderman shirt who had been jumping up and down trying to ask a question got his turn. “What about super powers? What happens if you are exposed to radiation or bitten by a radioactive spider?”
“They tried me exposing to radioactivity back on Ineque, the bastards. I turned brown and my skin cracked. It hurt like hell. The only spiders I know about are the ones from your movies. I would avoid them like the plague.”
“So no superpowers?”
“You try traveling in an uncomfortable space ship for years and then being frozen for more years and come back as good as ever.”
Lead scientist Sapphire (no relation) Hendrix motioned the group to huddle up. After some whispering they addressed the sort of salamander “I think we’ve got a deal that you will like. We can introduce you to some really sexy Chinese salamanders, if you will tell your overlords that the Japanese monsters would definitely defeat the forces of Ineque.
“Deal. I hate those guys, and so far I like this world much better.”
Qwen whispered to Hendrix “What happens when our interstellar amphibian discovers our salamanders don’t do sex like he thinks? He won’t like being a dateless wonder on this planet.”
“I don’t know, but this saves the earth from annihilation for a little while at least. I’d call that a win.”
Doug is a hobby writer who started in 2014. He has about a hundred publications in the UK, USA, Canada, Netherlands and India.
President Jenkins – Ladies and gentlemen, we have bad news. The government of the caliphate of Isis has just executed five Christians in what used to be Northern Iraq. Name me possible responses.
Chief Of Staff Brooks –Madame President, after Viet Nam and Iraq, war is a very hard sell.
Chairman of the Joint Chiefs Of Staff Adams – As you know Madame President, the military has been severely handicapped by the squeezed budget for the last generation. On the other hand, based on the time since the last major military operations initiated by Presidents Bush, we have quite an arsenal of older weapons. I hope that the ISIS fighters are ill prepared for battle, given that they have not done any fighting since they secured their present borders fifteen years ago.
I would never admit saying this, but the troops are getting fat and bored when we have not had any major conflicts for 17 years. Officers can’t get promoted for sitting on their asses.
Secretary of The Treasury Adkins – Madame President, the unemployment is creeping up towards 8% again and productivity is sagging. I think that an increased military would absorb some of the unemployment and have a positive effect on the economy.
Jenkins – If there is any way we could justify putting those murderous bastards from ISIS in their place, I would be a happy woman. Unfortunately, many in the public remember “Weapons of Mass Destruction” and some of the really old remember “Bay Of Tonkin”. There is a huge anti-war presence out there, even beyond the usual peaceniks and pacifists. How can we get around that?
Just to be safe, one of the Secret Service men brought the letter to the President, even though he was certain there was nothing to it.
The letter had been checked for fingerprints and any identifying characteristics. Nothing could be determined from the letter except that it had been sent from Brooklyn. The text:
“President of the Evil Empire:
Within a week of receiving this letter, begin to remove all troops from overseas. You must repatriate at least 10% of those troops each year until all are gone from the long suffering world and are where they belong.
We will be watching you. If you do not comply, you will suffer very serious consequences.
