Poetry from Kristy Raines

White middle aged woman with reading glasses and very blond straight hair.
Kristy Raines

Talk to Me About…

Talk to me about hope

because I see too many without it.

Talk to me about emotional pain

because it has taken the place of joy.

Talk to me about hate

because it has become too easy to spew.

Talk to me about our children

because what they are learning is unhealthy.

Talk to me about war

Because the innocent suffer the most.

Talk to me about truth

Because I have heard so many lies.

Talk to me about change

because without it we can not evolve.

Talk to me about life

because we are seeing too much death.

Talk to me about loving one another…

Because it is the one thing that can change

all of those other things I want to talk about.

***

Burn Me

Burn Me! Burn me with your touch

The pain reminds me I am still alive

Suffocate me with you Kiss

It is a sweet death and worth the cost

Cut through me with your gaze

So you can see me for who I am

Take away my memory of anyone before you

No memory is more beautiful than yours

Blind me from seeing the future

My dreams are all that I want to see

Bury me with your love

For only Heaven can compete with it.

***

Love

No monetary value can be placed on love

And with love, even a heathen can change his life

What love puts together can not be shaken 

and it is only through love that all good things come

In this life, things are given and taken away

and in the end, riches will mean nothing…

Only Love will remain

Kristy Ann Raines is an American poet and author born, Kristy Ann Rasmussen, in Oakland California, In the United States of America.  

She is an accomplished, International Poet and Writer.  Kristy has two self-published books on Amazon titled, “The Passion Within Me”, and  an anthology with a prominent poet from India, Dr. Prasana Kumar Dalai, titled, “I Cross My Heart from East to West.”

She has one children’s book coming out soon, titled, “Tishya the Dragon”, and a few other Children’s Stories to follow. Kristy is also working on finishing two very special books that have been in the works for a few years titled, “Rings, Things and Butterfly Wings” and “Princess and The Lion”.

Her biography and a collection of thoughts on her life called, “My Very Anomalous Life”, will be the last to publish. 

Kristy has received many awards for her unique writing style and also for her work as an Activist and Humanitarian around the world.

Kristy also enjoys painting, making pottery, writing song lyrics, and being with her family.  She is married, has two wonderful children, and is a proud Grandmother of three beautiful Granddaughters with one Great Grandchild on the way! 

Short story from Bill Tope and Doug Hawley

Then She Said

“Look at this BS on the TV,” cried Riley from the sofa, scoffing at the cable news report one evening before supper.

“What is it?” asked Tricia, pausing in front of the set to stare at the female anchor.

Riley snorted “Some nonsense about rape.” he replied, pausing to drink from what was his fourth bottle of beer. On the screen, the anchor was relating the story of the forcible rape of a starlet by a fellow actor.

“Why is it nonsense?” queried his wife.

Riley’s face assumed a look of contempt. “Because that’s what it is,” he retorted with some heat. “Forcible rape! Look it,” he said, “not a mark on her. Now, if it was statutory rape, then I could see it, but heck, she’s at least nineteen, if she’s a day. And look as who she’s accusing. Jason Jax is a handsome movie star. He can have all the babes he wants who are better looking than Jan Jeffers.”

“Just because she’s not beat up doesn’t mean it wasn’t forced.”

He shook his head, unconvinced. “Don’t believe it,” he said. “If a woman wants to, she can prevent a man from raping her. Don’t all women take some self-defense class these days? She could have stopped him.” He took another drink of beer.

Riley rolled his eyes. “You know what I mean, Trish. She gave it to him.”

“Next you’ll be saying she asked for it based on her movie roles or how she dressed.”

He shrugged. “You saying I’m wrong?”

“You’re living in a dream world, Riley,” she asserted. “Just because a woman isn’t covered in black and blue doesn’t mean she wasn’t forced to have sex.” She looked pointedly at her husband.

“What’re you,” he asked skeptically, “an expert on rape all of a sudden?”

“I did date men before I met you, you know,” she pointed out cryptically.

The effect was instantaneous. “We’re you raped!” he said, his voice rising a little.

“It’s happened more than once before and after we got married,” she told him with a nonchalance that he found infuriating. He stared angrily at her, as though he might next accuse her of responsibility for the assaults.”

“Before I knew you a date got me drunk and raped me while I was unconscious. I didn’t file charges because I didn’t think I’d be believed, and I was afraid of the reaction of people who think like you.”

“Who raped you after we got married?”

“I’ll tell you,” she said, “but you have to promise you won’t hurt him.” He started to strenuously object, but seeing the look of determination on her face, he inhaled a breath of surrender and nodded.

“The only other man who has ever forced me, against my will, to have sex with him… is you.”

The silence hung heavy in the air for some moments, before he responded.”Trish, I never….”

She nodded her head. “Yes, Riley, you have.” He stared at her, disbelieving. “Both times it’s happened, you’ve been drunk. As much as you drink, I’m surprised it hasn’t happened more times.”

“Then why don’t I remember it?” he insisted. “Because I don’t remember a thing, and….”

“I remember,” she said simply. “You don’t think I’d make up something like this, just to make a point or to win an argument, do you?” He shook his head no. “I can only guess that you blacked out the experience because you were so loaded, or your brain won’t let you remember. I read up on it. You don’t form memories when you are blackout drunk. But,” she went on, “you wanted sex and you were going to have it. You didn’t hurt me, much, but for the emotional damage.” There was deep sorrow and regret in Riley’s eyes.

“God,” he said, with self-loathing, “you must hate me. Why didn’t you tell me before?”

“The first time it happened, when we were first married last year. Then, when it happened again over July 4th weekend. Both times, you’d been drinking. The first time, I told you I wasn’t in the mood, but you held me down and forced me. You hurt me. The second time I said no, but knew better than to fight. I asked my sister about it. She’s been married twice and said that’s never happened to her either time she’s been married. I was going to ask Mom but I was afraid she’d tell Dad and what he might do.” Riley gave her a hang dog look. “I love you, Riley, and I couldn’t let anything happen to you,” she said. “I was embarrassed, not sure you’d believe me. I’ve wanted so badly to….confront you about it. I wasn’t sure how.”

When Riley didn’t say anything for a long moment, Tricia broke the silence. She asked him, “What are you thinking?”

“I was remembering, when I was just a kid,” he said. “My brother and I used to listen to my Mom and Dad having sex in their bedroom. It was so loud! I remember thinking; he was forcing her to do it. I didn’t want to accept it and anyway, by the time I was a teenager, it had stopped.” She touched his shoulder. “Dad used to drink a lot, too,” he said quietly. He went on, “He also used to buy those magazines–you know, Penthouse, Oui, all the others. They’d have stories and letters and it always made it sound like the girl wanted it, she was a tease, and had a ‘rape fantasy’ I think they called it. I guess that was pretty stupid, huh? While we are being honest, I should tell you that I’ve been warned about coming into work drunk.”

Biting her bottom lip, Tricia only nodded. “There have got to be some changes, Riley,” murmured Tricia. He nodded gravely. She took a deep breath, released it. “Wash up, time for supper,” she said, walking back towards the kitchen. “Want another beer with supper?” she asked, turning back.

He shook his head no. “No,” he said, shaking his head no. “No,” he said. “That’s just one of the changes we’re going–I’m going to–have to make.”

Poetry from Jeannette Tiburcio Marquez

Young Latina woman with dark hair, earrings, brown eyes, and a red buttoned coat standing in front of a couple skyscrapers

CRONOS AND LA FLACA DANCING DANZON

She elegant,

The nervous, sober, older,

She smiling,

The eager, wise, actor,

And the ticking, endless between the two.

That ticking never stops

Dance to the rhythm of the danzón

So full of mischief

In ornament and transition,

He loses her in his fine steps

Conquer with your attitude

Taking the waist

With cadence and neatness,

She shows her blush

The more he wants to continue dancing,

She already forgets her duties, entangled in flourishes,

Has succumbed to his charm,

And meanwhile to the jarochos, if they are on the boardwalk,

Life and time are a gift!

Essay from Nozima Gofurova

Two young Central Asian women in sweaters and jeans sing before a small group. They have microphones in their hands and a drum set and young man are behind them.

An Unforgettable Day for Art Enthusiasts…
On February 24, 2025, under the initiative of our esteemed mentor, Abduvahob Qodirov, we, young enthusiasts of art, had the opportunity to visit the Botir Zokirov National Institute of Estrada Art. This visit was not only a chance to gain new knowledge but also an opportunity to meet and converse with living legends.


From the moment we arrived, we were greeted by a unique creative atmosphere. At the entrance, we met the renowned artist and devoted figure of national estrada art, Mansur Toshmatov. He welcomed us with sincere wishes and shared valuable guidance to deepen our love for art even further.


During the visit, we attended master classes conducted by great artists. In the hallway, we encountered the famous artist Yunus To‘rayev and were fortunate enough to have a long conversation with him. He shared his journey into the world of art, the challenges he faced, and his invaluable experiences. Every word he spoke inspired us, reinforcing the importance of perseverance in achieving our dreams.


We also had the privilege of participating in lessons at the institute. The kindness and sincerity of the instructors deeply impressed us. Each of them generously shared their knowledge with warmth. Particularly, the performance of talented young singers alongside Sevinch left a lasting impression on our hearts. Their soft and enchanting voices resonated deeply within us, sending shivers down our spines. Witnessing such extraordinary talent for the first time was truly astonishing. Gulyora Majidullayeva also captivated us with her melodious and mesmerizing voice, leaving us with unforgettable emotions.
The master class concluded with a magnificent performance by Abdumalikova Madina Alisherovna. In reality, we did not want to leave the institute.


At the end of our visit, the institute’s Vice-Rector for Academic Affairs, Akbarjon Mirzayev, shared warm and sincere thoughts with us. His humility and kindness amazed us. Without any arrogance or pride, he told us about the history and activities of the institute.
This visit turned into a true celebration of art for us. The creative atmosphere, sincere individuals, and incredibly talented performers made a profound impact on us—words cannot fully express the emotions we experienced. Once again, we felt that this institute is not only a center for estrada art but also a true school of mastery.
With heartfelt gratitude, we hope to be welcomed again as guests in the future!

Group of students in front of a large building with glass windows and columns. Students are dressed up in coats, a few in headscarves, and the male teachers are in suits.

Nozima G‘ofurova, a 2nd-year student of the Travel
Journalism program at the University of Journalism and Mass Communications of Uzbekistan.

Excerpt from Denis Emorine’s upcoming novel Broken Identities

Denis Emorine “Broken Identities” translated from the French

by Flavia Cosma.

Italian version:

https://www.ladolfieditore.it/index.php/en/catalogue/rubino/denis-emorine-identita-spezzate-identites-brisees.html?tmpl=component&print=1

Nóra was eager to know the results of the selection of the Nice conference. These should arrive soon. Sometimes she thought she had every chance. At other times, Nora was pessimistic. She had to wait.

She sent the text of her contribution «Dominic Valarcher, Broken Identity» to the writer too. She had scrupulously complied with the requirements requested. Some time later, Dominic replied. He congratulated her warmly. He found her analysis brilliant. Her French was perfect as usual.

Dominic suggested that she write some kind of a letter of recommendation to the jury, but Nóra thought it was not a good idea. She was probably right. This initiative risked annoying the said jury. The writer was convinced that her application would be accepted. Perhaps he was overconfident.

In the meantime, the manuscript of short stories was finished. He was happy with it and sent it to Jean-François Macor. He proposed to the publisher The Fairy of Pécs as a title. Macor quickly acknowledged receipt.

Carlotta Bonini was eager to read and translate the stories into Italian, the publisher assured.

The day ended peacefully in Garouze. Dominic took a short walk in the country. He wondered if the surrounding landscape would have inspired Camus. Was it inhabited by the gods? Probably.

He found Noces ( Nuptials) followed by L’Été ( Summer) in the small village bookshop. He bought the book in order to read it in the sun. Dominic felt the urge to start living again. Camus could help him do just that.

The writer felt good. The only thing missing was Laetitia. He would have liked her to be here, by his side, to be able to tell her in person how much he loved her.

The walk was short. He had found a bench well exposed to the sun. Children passed by, laughing. They seemed happy. It looked like this was the first morning in the world, Dominic thought. A passer-by waved at him. Everything was in place, according to the universal setting. The only thing missing was a painter who would have immortalized this «tableau» for him.

*

The light was dimming. He decided to go back in. On the way, he remembered an interview with Dr. Bronstein that had particularly marked him.

“Mr. Valarcher, you told me that Camille, your mother, didn`t like the German language?

“Hated would be more correct.” It was the language of death, as it was for Paul Celan. Without any irony, as a good Christian, she had forgiven Germany, but not the language of the executioners. »

Bronstein thought for a moment:

“I understand. I myself have preferred to express myself in French since the genocide of the Jews. It’s terrible to reject your so-called mother tongue in this way. You don’t speak German, I believe?

–No. I know the works of Franz Kafka and Todesfuge by Paul Celan in French translation. This poem haunted me for years. I saw in it the fate of my mother’s first husband, murdered at Auschwitz. I never managed to learn German by the way. I couldn’t. »

Bronstein looked at some pictures on the walls of his study. The psychiatrist had once told Dominic that he had found these pictures after the death of his father and of a part of his family in deportation. He had been tempted to destroy them. Aware that it would have been a sacrilege, he had not done so. Dominic couldn’t forget all those conversations with the therapist. The latter, in fact, had not cured him, but had helped him a lot. Samuel Bronstein had visited Auschwitz without his wife, who did not feel capable of confronting the “unspeakable”.

Laetitia and Dominic had not been able to get through the gate of the camp. Should this attempt have been repeated? When he asked Dr. Bronstein for his opinion, the doctor replied:

“Don’t feel guilty, Mr. Valarcher. You carry within you, the suffering of the young brunette woman with blue eyes. This terrible ordeal broke you when you were a child. We must not add to it. Forgive the triviality of this expression. When I went there, I felt like I could smell the smell of death, the stench that poisoned everything. I know, other pilgrims – I use this expression cautiously – have spoken about it… It is said that, on certain evenings, the wind from Poland carries death, its smell, to Germany, yes, death and with it the screams of the damned. I would like to believe that this is only a legend. »

*

Dominic had tears in his eyes as he remembered the psychiatrist’s confidences. He had always refused to tape their conversations.

“No doubt you want to use my words for one of your books, Mr. Valarcher? Well, you will call on your memory. Memory is labile. It will transform, lie, perhaps censor and that will be fine. Therein lies the literature as you understand it. As we understand it. »

Denis Emorine: “Identités Brisées”  https://catalogue.5senseditions.ch/fr/fiction/521-identites-brisees.html

Traduction en italien :https://www.ladolfieditore.it/index.php/en/catalogue/rubino/denis-emorine-identita-spezzate-identites-brisees.html?tmpl=component&print=1

Nóra était impatiente de connaître les résultats de la sélection du colloque de Nice. Ceux-ci devraient arriver bientôt. Parfois, elle se disait qu’elle avait toutes ses chances. À d’autres moments, l’étudiante était pessimiste. Il fallait attendre.

Elle envoya le texte de sa contribution Dominique Valarcher, l’identité brisée à l’écrivain. Elle avait scrupuleusement respecté les exigences demandées. Quelque temps après, celui-ci répondit. Il la félicita chaleureusement. Il avait trouvé son analyse brillante. Son français était parfait comme d’habitude.

Dominique lui proposa d’écrire une sorte de lettre de recommandation au jury, mais Nóra pensa que ce n’était pas une bonne idée. Elle avait sans doute raison. Cette initiative risquait d’agacer ledit jury. L’écrivain était persuadé que sa candidature serait retenue. Peut-être était-il trop confiant.

Cette fois, le manuscrit de nouvelles était fini. Il en était content et l’envoya à Jean-François Macor. Il lui proposa La fée de Pécs comme titre. Macor accusa rapidement réception. 
Carlotta Bonini était impatiente de le lire et de le traduire en italien, assura l’éditeur.

La journée s’acheva paisiblement à Garouze. Dominique fit une petite promenade dans la campagne. Il se demanda si le paysage aurait inspiré Camus. Est-ce qu’il était habité par les dieux ? Sans doute.

Il trouva Noces suivi de L’Été dans la petite librairie du village. Il l’acheta pour le lire au soleil. Dominique voulait revivre. Camus pouvait l’aider.

L’écrivain se sentait bien. Il manquait seulement Laetitia. Il aurait voulu qu’elle soit là, à ses côtés. Son mari lui aurait dit combien il l’aimait.

La promenade fut courte. Il avait trouvé un banc bien exposé. Des enfants passèrent en riant. Ils avaient l’air heureux. On aurait dit le premier matin du monde, pensa Dominique. Un promeneur lui fit un signe de la main. Tout était en place, dans ce décor. Manquait seulement le peintre qui l’aurait immortalisé.

*

La lumière baissait. Il décida de rentrer. Chemin faisant, il se remémora un entretien avec le docteur Bronstein qui l’avait particulièrement marqué.

« Monsieur Valarcher, vous m’avez dit que Camille, votre mère détestait la langue allemande ?

– Haïssait serait plus juste. C’était la langue de la mort comme pour Paul Celan. En bonne chrétienne sans aucune ironie, elle avait pardonné à l’Allemagne, mais pas à la langue des bourreaux. »

Bronstein réfléchit un instant :

« Je comprends. Moi-même, je préfère m’exprimer en français depuis le génocide des Juifs. C’est terrible de rejeter ainsi sa langue dite maternelle. Vous ne parlez pas allemand, je crois ?

– Non. Je connais les œuvres de Franz Kafka, Todesfuge de Paul Celan en traduction française. Ce poème m’a hanté durant des années. J’y voyais le destin du premier mari de ma mère, assassiné à Auschwitz. Je ne suis jamais arrivé à apprendre l’allemand d’ailleurs. Je ne pouvais pas. »

Bronstein regarda quelques tableaux aux murs de son cabinet. Le psychiatre avait dit un jour à Dominique qu’il les avait retrouvés après la mort de son père et d’une partie de sa famille en déportation. Il avait été tenté de les détruire. Conscient que ç’aurait été un sacrilège, il ne l’avait pas fait. Dominique n’arrivait pas à oublier toutes ces conversations avec le thérapeute. Celui-ci, effectivement, ne l’avait pas guéri, mais lui avait beaucoup apporté. Samuel Bronstein était allé à Auschwitz sans sa femme qui ne se sentait pas capable d’affronter « l’innommable ».

Laetitia et Dominique n’avaient pas pu franchir la porte du camp. Aurait-il fallu renouveler cette tentative ? Lorsqu’il avait sollicité l’avis du docteur Bronstein, celui-ci avait répondu :

« Ne vous culpabilisez pas, monsieur Valarcher. Vous portez en vous, la souffrance de la jeune femme brune aux yeux bleus. Cette terrible épreuve vous a brisé lorsque vous étiez enfant. Il ne faut pas en rajouter. Pardonnez la trivialité de cette expression. Lorsque je m’y suis rendu, j’avais l’impression de sentir l’odeur de la mort, cette puanteur qui empoisonnait tout. Je sais, d’autres pèlerins – j’emploie cette expression avec précaution – en ont parlé… On prétend que, certains soirs, le vent venu de Pologne charrie la mort, son odeur, jusqu’en Allemagne, la mort et avec elle les hurlements des damnés. J’aimerais croire qu’il s’agit seulement d’une légende. »

Dominique avait les larmes aux yeux en se souvenant des confidences du psychiatre. Celui-ci avait toujours refusé d’être enregistré.

« Sans doute souhaitez-vous utiliser mes propos pour un de vos livres, monsieur Valarcher ? Eh bien, vous ferez appel à votre mémoire. La mémoire est labile. Elle transformera, mentira, censurera peut-être et ce sera très bien ainsi. Là réside la littérature telle que vous l’entendez. Telle que nous l’entendons. »

Giuliano Ladolfi

Italian version:

https://www.ladolfieditore.it/index.php/en/catalogue/rubino/denis-emorine-identita-spezzate-identites-brisees.html?tmpl=component&print=1

Nora con impazienza attendeva i risultati della selezione della conferenza di Nizza. Sarebbero dovuti arrivare presto. A volte pensava di avere buone possibilità. Altre volte era pessimista. Occorreva aspettare.

Inviò allo scrittore il testo del suo contributo Dominique Valarcher, l’identité brisée. Aveva rispettato scrupolosamente le norme. Qualche tempo dopo lui le rispose. Si congratulò calorosamente con lei. Aveva trovato brillante la sua analisi. Il suo francese era perfetto, come al solito.

Dominique le suggerì di scrivere alla giuria una sorta di lettera di referenze, ma lei reputò che non fosse una buona idea: senza dubbio aveva ragione. Un’iniziativa del genere avrebbe potuto irritare i giurati. Lo scrittore era sicuro che la sua candidatura sarebbe stata accolta. Forse era troppo fiducioso.

Questa volta il manoscritto dei racconti era finito. Soddisfatto, lo inviò a Jean-François Macor. Suggerì come titolo La fata di Pécs. Macor rispose subito di averlo ricevuto. 
Carlotta Bonini era ansiosa di leggerlo e di tradurlo in italiano, gli assicurò l’editore.

La giornata si concluse tranquillamente a Garouze. Dominique fece una breve passeggiata in campagna. Si interrogò se il paesaggio avesse ispirato Camus. Era abitato dagli dèi? Senza dubbio.

Nella piccola libreria del villaggio trovò Noces e poi L’Été. Lo comprò per leggerlo all’aria aperta. Voleva vivere una nuova vita. Camus poteva aiutarlo.

Lo scrittore si sentiva bene. Mancava solo Laetitia. Avrebbe voluto che fosse lì, al suo fianco. Suo marito le avrebbe detto quanto l’amava.

La passeggiata fu breve. Aveva trovato una panchina ben esposta. Alcuni bambini passarono ridendo. Sembravano felici. Lo si sarebbe potuto definire il primo mattino del mondo, pensò Dominique. Un passante gli fece un cenno con la mano. Tutto era al proprio posto in quell’ambiente. Mancava solo il pittore che l’avrebbe immortalato.

*

La luce si stava affievolendo. Decise di rientrare. Durante il tragitto si ricordò di una conversazione con il dottor Bronstein che lo aveva particolarmente colpito.

«Signor Valarcher, mi ha detto che Camille, sua madre, detestava la lingua tedesca?».

«”Odiava” sarebbe più preciso. Era la lingua della morte, come per Paul Celan. Da buona cristiana senza ironia, aveva perdonato la Germania, ma non la lingua dei carnefici».

Bronstein rifletté per un attimo: «Capisco. Io stesso preferisco parlare in francese dopo il genocidio degli Ebrei. È terribile rifiutare la propria cosiddetta lingua madre. Lei non parla tedesco, suppongo?».

«No, non parlo tedesco. Conosco le opere di Franz Kafka, Todesfuge di Paul Celan in traduzione francese. Questa poesia mi ha perseguitato per anni. Vi ho visto il destino del primo marito di mia madre, ucciso ad Auschwitz. Tra l’altro, non sono mai riuscito a imparare il tedesco. Non ce la facevo».

Bronstein guardò alcuni dei quadri appesi alle pareti del suo ufficio. Una volta aveva raccontato a Dominique di averli trovati dopo che suo padre e parte della sua famiglia erano morti durante la deportazione. Era stato tentato di distruggerli. Consapevole che sarebbe stato un sacrilegio, non l’aveva fatto. Dominique non poteva dimenticare tutte quelle conversazioni con il terapeuta. Egli non lo aveva certo guarito, ma lo aveva aiutato molto. Samuel Bronstein era andato ad Auschwitz senza la moglie, che non si sentiva in grado di affrontare l’”indicibile”.

Laetitia e Dominique non erano riusciti a varcare il cancello del campo. Questo tentativo avrebbe dovuto essere ripetuto? Quando aveva chiesto consiglio al dottor Bronstein, questi aveva risposto: «Non si biasimi, signor Valarcher. Lei porta dentro di sé la sofferenza della giovane donna bruna dagli occhi azzurri. Questa terribile prova l’ha distrutto fin dall’infanzia. Non deve aggiungere altro. Perdoni la banalità dell’espressione. Quando sono andato lì, mi sembrava di sentire l’odore della morte, quel fetore che avvelenava tutto. Lo so, altri pellegrini – uso questa espressione con cautela – ne hanno parlato… Si dice che in certe sere il vento che spira dalla Polonia porti in Germania, l’odore della morte e con la morte le urla dei condannati. Vorrei credere che si trattasse solo di una leggenda».

Dominique aveva le lacrime agli occhi mentre ricordava le confidenze dello psichiatra, che aveva sempre rifiutato di essere registrato.

«Sicuramente vorrà usare le mie parole per uno dei suoi libri, signor Valarcher? Beh, dovrà usare la sua memoria. La memoria è labile. Si trasforma, mente, forse censura e va bene così. Qui sta la letteratura come la intendete voi e come la intendiamo noi».

Poetry from Chuck Taylor

Artist of Shadows, Or Sleep Apnea

Chuck Taylor

Artist in his room, the bed lamp lit, the fan running — white noise to block exterior sounds — the blinds tight shut; artist of the shadows of heart, the beating inside, the mind waking with thoughts, worries kept to oneself, the others in the house sleeping, they’ve heard it before, over and over, so let the artist suffer his insomnia rage alone; artist of the shadows, his books on the walls, his touchstones easily pulled from the shelf, a passage read, his laptop’s blue glow, tap, tap, words on the screen out into the night on the web for other artists of shadows who seek what they do not know, who dream a good night’s sleep, bright energy for a bright next day but have forgot that way of being, must love and move through the day in a molasses way, lost and not remembering, hoping clarity will come again while he wakes and sleeps, wakes and sleeps, for an hour or two receives buoyant energy, and then the mind turns to fog and anger and he will try to sleep. Strange life. Alone life. The artist whispers phrases, “I’m through with this,” “I can’t go on.” He takes the dog for a walk down the night-empty streets. The artist of the shadows returns and climbs in bed. It’s four a.m. He strokes his aching legs and swallows a pill to ease the pain…