WHOLE
To be able to use
Both hands
To
WASH THE DISHES.
To be able to walk
Without having
To think about
How to walk.
Since my stroke
Twelve years ago
I have been hemipelagic,
My left arm and left leg
Were left paralyzed.
Meaning that medically
I am considered
Half
Not
Whole
Oh, to be Whole again
But in losing the use of my arm and leg
I have grown one appendage for
Compassion
And another for
Empathy
Although, because the stroke altered how
I speak.
I sound
Gruff, short, and angry
To others
Despite being only
Half.
I like
And treat
Myself and others
A whole
Lot
Better than
I did before
When I really was
Whole.
SUNSET WALK
On tonight’s unsteady sunset walk
The crows squawked, the crickets chirped,
and even the blue birds were screaming at me
to fall and die.
To provide a bigger meal than the roadkill rabbit at the end of the drive.
UP ON THE ROOF
When my medications make me feel like jumping off a roof
I Can’t tell the difference between my emotions and the medications
How do I convince myself that it is
The meds not me?
That my feelings are a chemical reaction.
Not a true reflection
of my inner life
In time, after conversations with my wife, friends, and dog
I am able to distinguish my feelings from those generated by the drugs.
And I talk myself down
“Stay off the roof, stay off the roof.” I tell myself as I lie in bed under a cover.
When I realize a fall from the roof
will only make things worse
and require more drugs
I settle down with the dog,
Fall asleep,
and dream of flying.
ERIC BARR taught acting and directing at University of California, Riverside. He was the Founding Director of the UCR Palm Desert MFA in Creative Writing and Writing for the Performing Arts.
Barr has written in a number of different genres, from screenplays to poetry. His work has appeared in Connotation Press and The Journal of Radical wonder. He was a co-writer on the feature film, A Thousand Cuts.
In addition to his writing, Barr worked as a theatre director and acting coach. He was the Artistic Director of the Porthouse Theatre in Cleveland, taught movement for actors at the Stella Adler Conservatory of Acting in Los Angeles, and worked as an acting coach with the National Theatre of the Deaf.
Since surviving a series of strokes Barr has written and performed his one-man show, A Piece Of My Mind”, about his surgeries, hospitalizations, and rehab around the country. His podcasts on stroke recovery can be found at http/www.apieceofmymind.net