———————————————————————–

hitting harder tonight

four hundred emails

at two in the morning

tracy chapman is

singing about shooting

me down

perhaps the alcohol

is hitting harder tonight

maybe this is the liver

saying goodbye

i have avoided a mirror

for five days in a row

now

i’m shooting for

a personal record

ten degrees below zero

and i’m outside in shorts

wondering where the mail

is

we should have new

neighbors by the spring

back at the farm

i would paint away

my frustrations on

nights like these

especially when

i lived alone

now, i scribble in a

notebook and then

struggle a few hours

later to read what the

fuck i wrote

apparently, i was

supposed to be

a doctor

———————————————————————–

another wide open three

they want a war

and i just want

to watch the game

they are worried

the country is

going to hell

i’m bummed that

this fucker just

missed another

wide open three

life is a series

of disappointments

living is how you

react to them

do they kill you

or are they simply

bumps in the road

that kind of positive

bullshit left my life

years ago

i know i am simply

moving the deck

chairs on the titanic

eventually though

the iceberg will

come

and that sweet

release will be

my final moment

of joy

the only way

out is death

no point in being

afraid of the only

exit in the room

——————————————————————-

from twenty feet

right cross at recess

on the basketball court

thankfully, i saw it coming

he yelled a white boy

isn’t supposed to be able

to play basketball like that

that made me laugh

i drained another shot

in his face from twenty

feet and told him to fuck off

he swung again, missed again

apparently, a teacher saw it all

and told us to go to the office

i got a warning for language

it wouldn’t be my last

he got expelled for trying

to punch me

apparently, he wasn’t satisfied

with just trying

upon getting the news, he

sprinted to the class i was in,

saw me at my desk and clocked

me in the head

the teacher got him before he

could land another one

later told me i should have

seen it coming

i told her i’m a lover, not a fighter

of course, she was a lesbian

———————————————————————-

a cold winter day

hardened eyes squinting

in the soft sunshine of

a cold winter day

once in love with a world

of fresh tomorrows

passion has lost its way

we are nothing but a

series of moments

up, down, lost, forgotten

prescribed to death

there is no point to

any of it anymore

find your hole

stock your bunker

brace for impact

this is what they wanted

so let them have it

let them discover the bliss

that comes with ignorance

most of us have already

seen this movie

know the ending

know the pain, the suffering

being robbed of any joy

that is left to embrace

——————————————————————-

one night in boston

may all of our deaths

be as instant as an

overtime loss in

hockey

sudden

over with before you

can even think about

what just happened

i think i would prefer

that to this long, drawn

out slow drip

as death is like

watching paint

dry