i am okay

i was okay with running

till my little dimpled legs give out

and my feet burn

and the rug spins

and ben’s screeches drown out my giggles

i was okay with taking it slow

squeezing my mother’s thumb

till it turns a deep royal blue

only the tightest of grips could allow

i was okay with staying inside

and flipping page after page

till even my neck hurt

because i could never take this slow

i was okay with drowning

almost

but devoted to the thrill

the boundaries

the doors, open

like i was

and i want to stay like this

bundled up warm in these blankets

of why i am

but the warmth is fading

and i want it back