I Will Conquer

I unto myself have drained

From the soul, from the heart, not from any face that perceives itself with courage

but one that does so with cowardice.

White on black, black on white, it does not matter, we are all failures,

floating, falling, feeling the fresh hell that we inflict unto ourselves.

I am not a cynic, I am a sinner, and sin is simply the consequence of a complex mind not yet whitewashed by the weight of their words has been freed by the burden

of pure reason.

Dear Diary, I am beginning to find that in fact I was made to be broken

For somehow I cannot look in an unfractured mirror without seeing a fractured face staring back at me, and why fractured if not with reason, why fractured if not so I may one day stitch my wounds again?

So, holy conqueror, I invite you.

I invite you to rise from the perch which they tell me you hold in the heavens

And show unto me your true face,

And once you have done so you may tear me apart, limb from limb,

For I myself am divine and seem to threaten the power you hold.

Wide is your reach, Heavenly Father,

Yet shallow is the depth of your teachings, soulless is the nature of your sermons, and what they tell me is clean and holy I have found to be cursed and reeking of filth.

Let these words be my last if their nature incites your rage

And merely my most meaningless if the deity unto which I speak them has no ears to hear, as I believe He does not.

He has turned a blind eye to the wasted earth from which he has left his children to feed,

And furthermore so ancient and archaic is he

That he has gone deaf,

Deaf to the cries and to the pleas so oft spoken from dry and dirt-coated lungs

To fix this charred and barren wasteland

And restore it to the glory which it once held but no longer mirrors.

So this is my promise,

My solemn oath unto those whom Thou hath so wrongly forsaken,

Delivered in Thy place but not in Thy name.

I shall take up arms and conquer.

I shall build an army of the most unorthodox ideals yours knows for mine knows

no bounds, no bonds, no inhibitions and no prohibitions.

No longer will I look upon my own face with cowardice –

I will look upon my face with courage and yours with disgust and disdain

For it now falls to me and those whose love truly is unconditional

And those who do as they preach

And those who preach as they do

And those whose behaviors do not sorely contradict their beliefs

To take up our arms

And bring this world the holy water

Or perhaps the unholy water

Which it so desperately needs to rebuild.

No longer will I look upon my own face with cowardice –

I will look upon my face with courage and yours with disgust and disdain

For this I promise –

I

will conquer.