A Child’s Love

 

The only love I have is for my kids, they give me a reason to live.

Every time I feel like I have no might I look in their eyes and I know that I have to fight.

They know their mom would do anything for them, fight a great big giant the size of Goliath.

Because of them I am the woman that I am today and I’m not a slave in my mental state.

They come to mind every time I want to do something crazy and I don’t do it because of my babies.

I look at them and I see me, the resemblance is so deep. I know that my babies are going to have a real chance at a better life then me. I’m speaking it to be.

I give them tough love because life is tough and they have to understand that nothing in life will just be given to them.

My wish for my three kids are the three H’s Health, Happiness, and Hope. With those three things I feel they will make it.

He Knows

 

I wasn’t able to see it before but I can see it now, the reason why I went through those storms and how I able to get out.

He was there every step of the way making sure that alive I remained.

If it wasn’t a man that killed me for sure I thought it would be AIDS, I had no regard for my life all I had was constant pain.

He had a purpose for me, for my life and He knew that my messages were deep and would reach many.

He knew that my anger would subside and I would realize why I was the one chosen to live that life.

The mental, physical, emotional, verbal, and sexual abuse happen to me so that it wouldn’t happen to you!

He chose me to go through all the grief because He knew that stronger it would make me.

Everything in life comes with a lesson, some of them are attached to blessings and some teach you how to really listen.

Listen to that quiet voice that comes to you in your time of need it’s Him telling you He got you but you just have to believe.

 

His Apology?

 

I wasn’t able to break the cycle like you, please know that’s the truth.

I sow abuse so I abused you.

I started off by making you feel small because I needed to feel big. All the name calling had a purpose, to damage your self-esteem before going after your being.

Now I’m putting my hands on you because I needed to control you. A push, a shove, a kick, and then a punch as if that wasn’t enough I started raping you.

I know you said no but I didn’t care because inside you is what I thought was fair. I was your boyfriend you couldn’t say no to me so I did what I pleased.

I know that I’m fucked up, I know that I’m fucked up but baby please don’t hate me.

I hurt you because I’m hurting too. I promise I’ll get help just promise me you won’t leave.

My dad did this to my mom and that’s what I thought love was supposed to be.

I wasn’t trying to kill you but I went too far this time leaving your face with a million freckles that in fact were busted blood vessels. I don’t like being disobeyed but I knew you were going to stay.

I got you some gifts and pretty flowers, waited for you all night in the cold in front of your home to deliver them to you with lots of compassion and desire.

I caused you fear and torment for all those years and I’m so sorry for that my dear.

 

 

I Deserve

 

I deserve that good love.

That love that makes you smile every time you think about him or her.

I deserve a love that doesn’t hurt

A love that ignites all those butterflies in yours stomach to take flight.

I deserve a love that’s honest with all it’s might.

That love that makes you cry tears of joy and pride.

I deserve a love full of passion and drive.

A love that’s gentle and kind that takes it’s time.

I deserve a love combined with patience and filled with affection.

That love that takes you to your highest sexual peak and lets you come down slowly.

I deserve a love that comes from either he or she it doesn’t matter to me.

That love that I describe, is it real or a lie?

 

Multi Layers

 

All of my layers are up for many different reasons:

 

I once loved so hard and had my heart handed to me in different pieces.

 

The people that He chose to be my keepers failed me and now is when I’m seeing it.

 

 

All of my layers come in different colors:

 

Black and blue represents all the abuse, not only the physical but the verbal and emotional too.

 

Yellow and white represent the light that I wanted to see if I lost the fight.

 

 

All of my layers are made from different materials:

 

100% cotton, 100% real is the way I wanted you to keep it with me instead you resorted to trickery.

 

I deserve a polyester type of relationship, strong and resistant of many things. Instead I got a relationship that was coming apart at the seams.

 

All of my layers come with different seasons:  My favorite is summer because of those bright sunny days but then eventually comes the rain and with that rain comes the pain.

 

All of my layers come with different elements:

 

To be heard and felt like air is what I wanted instead you burned my heart with fire and walked away from it with a bucket of water saying to yourself, I got her while laughing.

 

My layers are up and will be there until someone can pull them off gently.

 

Sisterhood

 

My sisters give me strength and keep me sane in this world that’s so dark and often full of pain.

My sisters are all different and come from different walks of life and that’s one of the many reasons I love to get their advice.

My sisters are great mothers not only to their own but also to mine.

My sisters are fine just like a glass of wine and only get better with time.

My sisters are honest and sometimes give me tough love but I know it comes from a warm place from a heart that’s genuine.

My sisters are generous in my time of need never making me feel bad or making me plead.

My sisters allow me to be who I am, never asking me to change and accepting me the way that I am.

My sisters are my teachers and I learn something from them every day, they make me look at life in so many different ways.