To all the antidepressants I’ve ingested before

Lexapro

You were the first and I didn’t know what to expect

My mother had forbade me from SSRI’s

when I needed them the most

We had a good run for a few years

but then you took a turn

Left me a dizzy, dazzled mess

Couldn’t drive my car for more than a mile

without swinging open the door

to empty you and my lunch onto the side of the road

Sorry, but we needed to break up

Our relationship was no longer sustainable

I don’t want to ever see you

or the mess you make

ever again

Wellbutrin

I wish I could call you a fling

Truly I wish I’d never swallowed

My mind had never been in such a state

Let’s leave our memories in the past

and never speak of them again

Buspirone

I need you to know

We may have met at the wrong time

In another world maybe we’d be together still

Our short time that we shared

I can hardly remember it except that

It wasn’t you, it was me

Zoloft

We are still limping along together

but I am hoping to see less of you

We started off small

but swallowing 100mg of you

is simply too much

I can’t be the only one putting in the work between us

You make me feel like a shell of myself

I am stuck in neutral

There are no ups or downs

I can’t keep living like this

It’s taking everything inside me

to not throw you out the window

Boiling water

The thing about human minds

is they can make up things

without your permission

Years of craving control and stability

may look like getting a college degree

In spite of your own family

trying to drag you back to them

and all their codependent habits

Five years after you get that college degree

kicking and screaming

You’re still suffering

Your therapist has told you

your family is happy being miserable

and misery loves company

They have shown you they don’t want to change

Stop asking your mother to come see you

Stop calling your grandmother

if she keeps saying anytime is a bad time

You’re her only granddaughter

and she is angry that she has to turn down her television

to talk to you

That isn’t love

When are you going to learn

it isn’t in your best interest to interact with them

You are sticking your hand

in a boiling pot of water

Even if you pour some cold water into it

it’s still going to be a boiling pot of water

You’re still going to get burned

Diamonds & dust

When I asked

why we never wed

I remember you said

You couldn’t afford a ring

A ring?

Such a worthless thing

So I said to you

What is the difference

between diamonds and dust?

They start

with the same letter

and they

are ground dwellers

What is the difference

between diamonds and dust

when the finger

that wears the diamond

turns to dust?

Marissa LaPorte is a resident of Michigan; she holds a Bachelor of Arts degree in English Literature from Grand Valley State University. Marissa has also been published in Wingless Dreamer, The Fictional Café, Speculative 66, Sick Lit Magazine, The Drabble, The Flash Fiction Press, and more.