A Letter to My Favorite Drug
Accustomed to ending the day on a high note
In the most artificial way possible,
Rising up out of my body
Through elevated corporal cravings.
But sometimes you show up and disrupt
My habitual rituals of obituary-courting,
Your sheer presence rendering me euphoric
Before you’ve spoken a single word.
Yes, the freedom to converse through silence
Is a most precious one indeed,
Raising and lowering my blood pressure
With simultaneous tenderness.
Three hours seem like one
Which of course is not enough
To savor the indispensably insignificant details,
The essential nonessentials.
Go to bed later, wake up earlier,
Energized by our low-energy synergy
And wishing I could imbibe your magic potion
Every day of the week.
The Silence In Between
Woke up at 1 AM
To a cacophony of moans
Almost shattering the window
With operatic decibels.
Good for them,
Bad for me
Still barely fresh
From a pre-sleep fantasy.
Calculated their level of closeness
By listening for the silence in between,
The vulnerable moment
When the script turns into improv.
Shower came on quick enough;
Must have been successful
And a little bit stressful
Remembering each other’s names.
Then a sequel session
Shook the walls once more
But I stopped keeping score
Certain it would end with a closed door.
Nearby Farness
Hoodie to the left, hoodie to the right,
Shields against peripheral vision
So that beauty stays a question mark
Instead of a period.
Better to be trusted than loved
Although it’s nice if you can be both,
Blessed with distant proximity
And nearby farness.
Crumbs of conversation
Scattered in an imaginary forest
Where people require other people
To find their way back home.
Some get their kicks on what-if situations,
Taking communion at the Church of Friday Night
In which bartenders consecrate a glass of California wine
While choirs sing “Sweet Caroline” with no-strings-attached ecstasy.
Others brand themselves as stubborn dreamers
Refusing to search for what refuses to approach them
Without considering the possibility
They’re too well-hidden to be found.
Hoodie up above, hoodie down below,
Angels and mortals locked in a staring contest
Destined to continue for eternity
Since they’re both afraid of flashing their eyes.
Showed Promise
Stumbled across the obituary at precisely 12:00,
The usual time for mid-year New Year’s resolutions
As the drunkenness turns to queasiness
And the pleasure starts to sting.
26 and two days counting;
Didn’t even have the glory of 27,
Just a halfway thought-out header
That read, “Showed Promise.”
Showed promise for what exactly?
Capitalistic success?
Perhaps a Wikipedia page
Or picture on a restaurant wall?
Anyhow, it didn’t matter;
Whatever promise was shown had faded
Unless there was an accompanying suicide note
To inspire posthumous adulation.
Wandered to the cemetery the next morning,
Paid respects from a stranger
Which are sometimes sincerer
Than the rehearsed well-wishes of a friend.
Assured him he was more
Than what he had not yet become
And that what he already was
Was all he ever needed to be.
Big Sister
The tiny head had been there for more than an hour
And would likely remain until the train stopped,
Ejecting them both onto a crowded platform
Full of 9-to-5 fighters and 5-to-9 nurturers.
She of course belonged to the latter group,
An invisible angel seen as just another tired face
Accustomed to questions and quests for answers
That even her parents couldn’t fulfill.
Tried to hide the number of times she cried in a day,
Microchipping Kleenex into her eyes
But was frequently met by the sudden surprise
Of an old lady staring sympathetically.
No sympathy was required though,
No hand-me-down advice;
The source of her fragility
Was also the source of her strength.
Which didn’t stop her from doubting
The legitimacy of that tiny head
Gracing her shoulders with trust
She feared she couldn’t live up to.