Writing

Words

Carved holes into

The walls, sunk

Their teeth

Into angry stares,

Peeled them off

Of faces and onto

My skin.

Wrapped themselves

Around me, too tightly

 to breathe.

My pen unwrapped my secrets

Turned their knives into my secret weapons

Saved me

Saved us

They made this house a home again.

slut-shaming+diets

isn’t it funny,

being a woman,

how all the sweet things

are sinful?

violence

screaming like the sea

falling like the sky

soaring as the eagles

violent as the waves.

rebirths

salt water

in my lungs,

waves reviving the sea.

ghosts

rewrite and rewrite

ghosts can become real

if you feed them

dipping my hand in the jar of memories

At first I don’t remember everything.

Just flashes

I am at the bottom of a cliff, my fingernails digging

desperately to stay afloat.

I have my head thrown back against the rocky wall,

 my hands limp at my sides.

I am sinking.

  But I just couldn’t stay down

I am running, jumping, leaping and feeling like I’m flying

Just to fall down to earth again.

All my useless tricks and shortcuts

 but I would do anything it took to STAY AFLOAT

Because i had to.

I am clinging to a rope, climbing higher and higher, my house of hards looking further away, knowing I could fall.

I did fall.

I fell and flew and jumped

but I kept swimming. I kept looking for the sunshine between cracks.

And it still wasn’t enough.

I don’t want to lie I don’t want to beg

And i don’t want to see myself

In my nightmares.