If Not Love 

The couple sat upon a green-painted bench in the park. In the distance, a dog barked and children squealed with glee. Motes of dust danced in the sunlight which bled through the clouds. 

“Libby,” he asked, “do you even want my love?” 

“It’s not a matter of what I want,” she said. “You either love me or you don’t.” He maintained his silence. “So you…don’t love me now? We’ve been lovers for more than a year now,” she pointed out. 

“It’s not as simple as that,” Matt said. “I do love you already, Libby, but I’m on the edge of falling in love with you. But, if I see there’s no hope, no room for me in your life, and no real future for us, then I’ll hold back.” 

“So,” she mused thoughtfully, “it’s up to me whether you fall in love or not?” 

“Libby, I want to, but…” 

“But?” she prompted. 

“I don’t want to set myself up to fail. I’ve been married twice before,” he reminded her. 

“What assurances do you need, or expect, from me?” she asked. “If you’re asking me, do I have a permanent place for you in my life, I do. But, Matt, we might fail no matter what; there are no guarantees. It’s all a chance, a mystery….that they call love.” 

“I’ll take the chance,” he said meaningfully, closing the distance between them and running his fingers deeply through the auburn tresses spilling down Libby’s shoulders and back. She moaned softly and fell into a warm embrace with Matt.

After they loosened their embrace, Libby asked “As a practical matter, would this require me to give up sex with my husband?”

“No,” Matt assured her, I don’t think that would be fair to you. I know I’m not great in bed,” he acknowledged, “and according to your all-too-vivid descriptions, I could never match what he does for and to you. Was he ever some kind of acrobat or contortionist?” he asked.

“He spent a couple of years with a circus, in fact,” she admitted.

“Does he know about me, Libby?”

She frowned. “Of course! What kind of woman do you think I am?” she asked. “I wouldn’t cheat on Jack without telling him. He’s cool as long as I don’t talk about leaving him. He has a couple of side pieces on a string too. He says, if I have time on my hands, it’s OK if you fill out my dance card.” She hesitated a beat. “As long as you’ve had all your shots.”

They both laughed.

Matt nodded. “Speaking of which, I do love going dancing with you. Just thinking about holding you close…”

“Then let’s have some more of that,” murmured Libby. “No need to talk. My husband is great at the big event, so to speak, but not much for petting and intimacy. Do you mind putting one hand here and rubbing a little? Use the fingers on your right hand. That’s right. Mmmmm.”

“If you like that, Libby, you could return the favor, by…ooh, good, I don’t need to explain, do I?”

Several minutes later they pulled apart. Libby said, “You know, what we’ve got now seems like the best of both worlds. I get two guys to satisfy me in two different ways, and you can’t afford another wife after two divorces.”

At Matt’s wistful look, Libby asked, “What is it?”

“I envy Matt getting to spend every night with you,” he said. “Lying in your arms is what I live for.”

“Then I’ve got some good news,” she said brightly. “Jack works the midnight shift every third week, so you can come over at, say, 10:30 on nights when he works. Work for you?” Libby asked.

“It does,” agreed Matt. “Baby, things couldn’t get any better!”

“Then how about this,” said Libby. “You could move in.”

“With you two?” asked Matt. “How would that work?”

“Well, you could move into the vacant apartment over the garage. Jack has been wanting to rent it out to get us some extra money.”

“When can I move in?” asked Matt eagerly. “But, wait,” he said. “Don’t you need to talk it over with Jack first?”

“No need,” replied Libby. “Maddie, one of Jack’s girlfriends, is already set to move in. Now you two could share the expenses, and the bed, when we’re not…you know. That way, you won’t get lonely when Jack is at home.”

“What’s this Maddie like?” asked Matt.

Libby shrugged. “I dunno. Tall, skinny, blonde, some kind of athlete at college, a distance runner or something? I’ve just seen her twice. What do you think, Matt?”

He only smiled.