Cover of a Book

Can I buy you a drink?” the tall, rumpled man asked the petite woman in the tavern. She was a looker, he thought, lightly licking his lips. 

She narrowed her green eyes at him, looked him up and down and replied, “I don’t know, can you?” 

Ralph became newly conscious of his shabby street clothes. He was still attired in the garb he favored when working undercover for the police department. But, his thirst for a beer had been so great that he’d dropped in without going home and changing first.

He managed to respond, “When your students get it wrong, do you make them do it over again until they get it right?” He’d noticed the “Teacher of the Month” ribbon affixed to her top. 

She couldn’t suppress a smile. “Do you always answer a question with a question? But, I guess I just did that too. Never mind, buy me a drink – it’s been a tough day. May I buy you a drink? From the way you are dressed, I imagine I can afford one better than you.” She was ribbing him, he thought. 

Ralph called out “Garcon, we would like to order drinks. She’s buying me your cheap beer. What am I buying for you, dear?” 

“I’ll have an atomic gin – I mean gin and tonic – sorry for my name for the drink. Drink enough and they are atomic – blow your mind.” 

They engaged in getting-to-know-you small talk for some time, consuming several libations in the process. Ralph didn’t reveal his occupation; he saw no reason to tell “Annie” that he was a cop. It was partially defensive; a lot of citizens were turned off by his choice of careers. Besides, he was enjoying the charade of being mysterious. After all, it was part of his lifestyle. 

Finally, Annie put the question to him: “What do you do for a living, Ralph?” 

He smiled. “Ah, but that would be telling.” 

“Can you at least tell me if you’re legally employed?” Annie asked, with a little pout. 

“Very legally, if there is such a thing. I don’t like to talk about myself unless I’m being paid, which has never happened, but I would like to know more about you, Annie.” 

“I educate business men.” 

“Just men?” 

“Mostly men, but quite a few women have liked my lessons.” 

“What do you teach those men and women?” 

“You might need some lower level introduction before you would understand…” Annie realized she might be talking down to Ralph and stopped talking. 

In the midst of an awkward pause, into the tavern walked Ed, who, like Ralph, was a vice cop. He worked a different precinct, however. 

“Hey, bro’,” said Ed in greeting, slapping Ralph on the back. Suddenly Ed caught sight of Annie and drew up short. “You’re a little out of your territory, aren’t you?” he asked archly. Annie looked daggers at the man. 

“Hey,” Ralph spoke up. “Do you two know each other?” He pointed alternately at the pair. “Ed?” he prompted. 

“A lifetime ago,” replied the other man. Turning to Annie, he remarked, “You’re looking good.” Annie said nothing. Getting the message, Ed said, “I’ll check you later,” and he drifted off. 

“How do you know Ed, Annie?” asked Ralph curiously. 

“It was a…business relationship.,” she said shortly.  

Warning signs began going off like fireworks in Ralph’s brain. How would he ever live down being taken in by a hooker? He must be losing his touch, he thought, and shook his head.  

Annie became aware of Ralph’s sudden coldness and said, “Excuse me; I have to visit the little girls’ room.” She hopped off the barstool and vanished in the direction of the restrooms. 

Ralph, meanwhile, with his cop’s intuition for the dark side of human nature, walked across the bar to find his fellow detective, Ed. He found him talking to a stunning brunette. He excused himself to the woman and drew Ed away from her. 

“Hey, man,” he said once he had the other man to himself, “what’s the deal with Annie?” 

Ed, annoyed at breaking the rhythm of his seduction of the other woman, said, “what do you want to know?” 

“Where do you know her from?” 

“It was a business transaction,” replied Ed. 

“Damn,” exclaimed Ralph. “You mean she’s a pro?” He was mortified. It was as bad as he’d thought. 

Ed’s face showed his amusement. “Relax, Ralph,” he said. “Annie is a professional–businesswoman. She taught a seminar last fall. You remember when I was considering retiring from the force and starting my own business? Well, afterwards we dated and I’m afraid it didn’t end well. In all events, there were hurt feelings all round. Excuse me, a lady is waiting for me, and I’d hate to disappoint her.” 

When Annie returned, Ralph felt bad about suspecting her of being a prostitute. It was clear she had put two and two together and read his thoughts. She was decidedly colder now. He felt like he had to come clean. 

“I’m apologize, Annie” he said. “I jumped to the wrong conclusions and I am sorry.” He saw her features soften. “Can we start over?” he implored. 

A small smile blossomed on Annie’s pretty face and she said, “Alright. Everyone deserves a second chance.” 

Ralph sighed with relief. “Do you think you might have a drink with me next Saturday?” he asked. 

“If I say yes, can you leave the vice cop at the door?” she asked. “I’d hate to be on the scene of a bust,” she said wryly. 

“Promise,” said Ralph. “How about Doug’s place, in the central west end?” 

 “Ok, I’ll meet you there.” Annie felt relief at the now relaxed vibe. 

Out of the blue, Ralph asked, “Are you worried that I drive a car that matches the way I dress?” 

“Ok, let’s just drop all that, but you could dress for a possible second date. By the way, I don’t mind dating a cop.” 

Touche! He thought with a grin.