Previously published on Medium by Boomerang here: https://medium.com/boomerangs/starting-over-in-uruguay-with-a-partner-and-a-dog-named-jasper-cd3711949f5a?source=friends_link&sk=67635f56cce67baf27a235ec61b723b5
When we stepped off the Buquebus ferry here in Uruguay, we were swept into a crowd of people going about their lives.
Some were greeting family, while others were heading for taxis or their cars. I moved with them, carefully trying to navigate our dog Jasper and keep him from being stepped on.
Yet as I guided our happy little companion, it hit me that we weren’t just arriving for a visit; when it was over, we wouldn’t be flying back home. This was it, our new home. Even at my age, I felt excited all over again about the path we had chosen, and to be honest, a bit startled that this whole new chapter in our lives had actually begun.
When it comes to travel, I am no stranger to living in another country. As a young man in the military, I spent nine years stationed in Germany. Six years at Hahn Air Base in the Hunsrück mountains near the Mosel River and Koblenz, and then another three on a special duty assignment at RAF Rhinedahlen, near Düsseldorf.
I didn’t want to go back to America, so arriving in Uruguay did not introduce me to the idea that I could build a life somewhere else. It simply reminded me that I was still capable of doing it.
Between Germany and Uruguay, I left the military, became a houseparent for disadvantaged kids, built a career in Silicon Valley and corporate America, divorced, and came out at 40. Now I’m retired, running my coaching business, and building a life here in a new country we call home with my partner and our dog Jasper.
Those changes didn’t happen in a neat sequence, but each made me question what I thought my life would be.
For example, when I came out, I thought a great deal about the life I had already built and the impact of what acknowledging my sexuality might have on it. I couldn’t see all the choices ahead of me. What I know now is that coming out was not one grand act of reinvention after which everything settled into place.
It was merely the beginning of learning to live more honestly, a learning journey I still find myself on today.
Retirement has raised a different set of questions for me, and possibly for you too if you have already crossed that threshold. For much of adult life, work gives our days shape and a ready answer when someone asks what we do. When that changes, we have to decide what deserves our time and energy now.
I am still working through what that means for me.
One recent morning here in Uruguay, I sat down to plan my day and realized no corporate schedule was waiting for me. I had coaching work to do, but I was free to decide what else deserved my time. That freedom felt good, and honestly, a bit unfamiliar. Retirement has changed my calendar and my sleep habits, and yet I am still learning how to let it change my idea of myself, which is all for the good.
As a coach, I encourage my clients to challenge their own assumptions often. An idea about who you are, or what is possible for you, can feel like a fact simply because you have lived with it for a long time. I ask them to stay willing to question those ideas, to push themselves to grow, and always to be willing to reinvent themselves when the life they want calls for it.
Standing by that ferry, I had to take my own advice.
It would have been easy to tell myself that a move like this belonged to the younger man who once lived in Germany. Instead, here I was, at 62, making a home in another country. I knew from experience that living abroad would ask me to learn and adapt. This time, I was choosing to do it at an age when I could have decided I was done with big changes.
I hope I continue to be the poster boy for never being too old to change.
I don’t mean that I have mastered reinvention, or that every new beginning feels comfortable. I mean I want to remain willing to look at my life honestly, question what I think I know about myself, and grow from there.
The people getting off the ferry with us had places to go, and so did we.
Ours just happened to be the beginning of a new life in Uruguay.
Kayne Young coaches gay men 50 and over, helping them navigate identity, relationships, and what comes next. Explore his work and coaching at OUT50+.