She Pushed
She wanted
To move quickly
And pushed
For their marriage
And then
When the
Storm clouds came
She pushed
To end it
What a mess.
Taylor Dibbert is a writer, journalist, and poet in Washington, DC. He’s author of, most recently, the poetry collection “Takoma.”
THE DISCOUNT MAP
writing rhymes
of seasons and reasons
is a way of charting weather.
Try to know – somehow –
when it’s going to rain.
Map experience
and figure the cost.
Nothing is free
and sometimes half-off.
San Francisco and the Ongoing Homeless Situation
A few years ago there was an election, and as usual I received a Voter’s Information Handbook from the San Francisco Dept. of Elections. Among the propositions there was the expected request for additional funding to solve the homeless crisis in our fair city.
One of the rebuttals to why this legislation was so important pointed out that there are over sixty agencies in San Francisco whose sole purpose is to ‘help the homeless.’ Well, I said to myself this equates to sixty sets of office infrastructure (computers, scotch tape, staplers etc.,) sixty sets of mortgages and/or rent, sixty sets of staff and sixty sets of Strategic Plans. No wonder so little of the voted-for money is actually helping ‘the homeless.’
Once upon a time, some of the homeless lived rent-free in Golden Gate Park. An intrepid group of them excavated a hill and made it livable. Then the sweeps came and now there are only a few, forlornly holding their blankets and sleeping bags through the rain, the fog and the cold. In my Chi-Chi neighborhood they sometimes stumble through, looking like they’ve been in a war.
It’s possible for the sane ones to go to the San Francisco Public Library Main Branch and ask at the Information Desk for a Hossa Monday through Friday from 1-3 pm. Hossas are formerly homeless individuals who have resource lists and information for shelter, showers, meals and clothing among other things. The out-to-lunch people usually don’t care to hear about this as an option, rightfully fearing they will be put in-patient into a psychiatric ward.
It’s also tricky when the homeless have a dog or dogs because after someone was bitten at a library, dogs are not customarily allowed to visit the library branches, card or no card.
I found that the predominant feature almost all homeless people share is hunger, so I carry light, portable snacks. Hunger bites.
Back to Golden Gate Park. In my younger years I worked for a Podiatrist, who crowed to me that, “I love joggers.” This was due to the fact that his foot patients who ran routinely on cement usually needed foot surgery at some point from all the wear and tear on their joints. His solution that he shared with me (because I wouldn’t be caught dead jogging) was that if joggers exercised on grassy land, it would cushion the shock of running rather than destroying their bones.
Two more pieces of wisdom he was shared with me: 1) Try to buy two identical pairs of shoes – by alternating back and forth the shoes will last four times as long as if you were wearing one pair of shoes. 2) Leather gives. When wearing patent leather, what gives is your feet. He was an interesting character who also used to treat elderly Chinese women who had bound feet.
No one can make our homeless problem go totally away, but it’s good to use common sense and compassion to deal with the situation.
—
Since 1982 [in California] we have built 22 prisons and three universities. It costs $52,000 a year to house a prisoner, more than the tuition at Stanford.
-Heard on a broadcast of The Commonwealth Club
TREES
If you have only one
center of calm
(circle of intent &
compass of silver,)
stay among the trees
for they’re not bothered by
a storm.
My Body, Your Choice
My body holds but flesh and bones for you:
My body has fat in all the right spots for you to hold and holler at.
My legs could be crumbling and I would still be an object to you.
My body was told that it had a choice,
Yet every time I feel eyes on me,
fear runs down my skin.
My body lost all hope when it bled out uncontrollably;
Letting Mother Nature turn her back on her children.
My body isn’t mine because I was born with a uterus, fragile and careless, instead of being Blessed with having a dick, hard and stern.
(pause and like heavy breathing (note for myself)
Red hands cover every inch of my body:
Taking control of my movements,
Taking my breath from my veins and lungs,
Taking away each of my rights as if ripping a strand of hair one by one.
With a deep red seeping out of my skin,
I hold myself close with no support but a tube down my throat,
Keeping my throat from closing and my body from breaking.
My body should be in shambles,
With each shiver it should be gone,
But I was left intact,
Left alive so I could be used again and again,
No limbs broken,
But I feel the aching aftermath of every attempt,
Letting phantom hands graze over me swiftly.
My body is a choice to indulge or destroy,
But you choose both at the end.
Two on the Wall
The Torn Hat painting
By Tom Sully was one
Of two that hung
On a Federal Housing
Wall where we lived
Never made me want
To own such a lid
But I might have wished
I’d been as good
Looking or as brave
As that kid with the rosy
Cheeks that might have
Been badges of courage
From a bully skirmish
Chapeau snatched
And ripped in retrieval –
Years after my brother’s
Suicide I began to gaze
Back and find him in that
Memory frame but never
Coaxed smile or smirk
Light of the World-Child
Jesus was the companion
Skinny gold halo and God
Awful ragged and painful
Looking seaweed hair
A shoulder turned as if
Awaiting a polio shot
He died for our sins so
They say so ergo no need
For my brother to have
Taken his so seriously
Any critic art or otherwise
Would agree don’t you think
Store-Bought
The pipe-smoking professor
lobbed quickly a question or two
at the Shakespeare Intro class
before settling at his throne.
Not a hand signaling interest
or answer fecund or fallow,
he bolted in disgust leaving
a striking tobacco trail
and I recalled the tall student
sitting in front of me tall, Jesus
looking or at least
a disciple, long hair but no beard
a mere goatee—could be a character
from Midsummer, the comedy at hand—
who three days past picked apart
a drug angle namely Puck’s
narcotic plucking that had proven
a tad much for the professor
who broke in, citing a need
to inhale something more
potent than store-bought
in order to follow.
Wondering what wafted from clay
pipes at the Boar’s Head Inn,
perfuming the hair of wenches
I eyed the beauty second seat, first row
and imagined my face lost in her forest
of raven locks and at her request
deeply inhaling to separate
the store-bought
from whatever mystical elixir
she’d used in her morning shower.
The Libretto
Just a short stretch
Of wall between Bill Butler
Chase’s Wounded Poacher
And Seymour Guy’s At the Opera
The fugitive is all the worse
For the wear, gaunt, grimy
Bandage-headed yet
His exquisite mustache
Is oddly hale as if
Smoothed for the posing
Guy’s lovely young
Woman, sophisticated
No doubt and oh so fragile
A slim red band holds
Her taut hairdo in place
What’s occurring on stage
Prompts removal of her
Opera glasses or are those
Smartly gloved fingers
Lifting them to better peek
At a man of interest
As Madame Bovary did
From her Rouen box
How would she react to the poacher
His rifle aimed, they won’t take me
Alive written in caps all over his face
Give up the three strands of pearls
Give up the fur he’d kill to caress
Allow him to touch her thin lips
Small ears, perfect nose and skin
As fair as tissue under a pelt
Of a creature freshly peeled
A Beach and Boardwalk Poem
A couple of teens surf like novices
A kid in a sandbox scans them
But keeps his windblown focus
On a small bulldozer shifting sand
Does he long for the day he might fill
That vehicle seat, ditch the shovel and pail
A couple of loud F-15s fly over, another dream
Along with an aircraft carrier his mom points out
Near the jetty a trio of men and one woman fish
A boat rigged to tow hang gliders exits the inlet
A young woman in a bikini powering inline
Skates, pushes off with fingers entwined
Confidently behind her back
A yellow lab carrying an ultra-bright tennis ball
Pulls ahead and drops the toy
She squats to snag, passes it back
And speeds off six wheels singing
Her arms wagging like happy dog tails
Fame Found
She was snatched off a branch
Of our family tree, a very distant
Cousin, mistress, of both Jim
Whistler and Gus Courbet
My grandparents never would
Have shared that tidbit
Irish Catholic reins you know
So kudos and gratitude
To the arborist who released
Joanna into our custody
How stately, simply gorgeous
Standing tall on a bearskin rug
The head intact and it’s smiling
In Jim’s Symphony in White
Her red hair a wimple
The white of her dress and
The pale of the curtain behind
Equal at least two wedding gowns
In Gus’s, Jo La Belle Irlandaise she is
Fingering her locks, examining
Her face in a hand held looking glass
Maybe concerned her beauty is fading
How many women sharing boughs
On our ancestral timber appraise
Their reflections hoping to find
A tad of her handed down
Count the men who have ogled
A forest of barroom faces
AWOL
I’m homeless and walking
At midnight in Central Park
It is winter and I’m wearing
My first Navy Issue pea coat
Stolen when left on my rack
To use the head the day
I was leaving for a new ship
I bought a used one in Newport
But this is the original I’m sure of it
Don’t ask me why this certainty
I can’t place the rest of my clothing
I have a fountain pen in one pocket
And half a lemon poppy seed
Muffin in the other
That I pick at
There are no flowers
In this dream no opium
But seeds get stuck
In my teeth that I move
To my tongue with my pen
Tip then swallow
And taste punctuation
Ending sentences
Confining me
To a brig
𝐂𝐀𝐋𝐋 𝐅𝐎𝐑 𝐒𝐔𝐁𝐌𝐈𝐒𝐒𝐈𝐎𝐍𝐒 – 𝐏𝐨𝐞𝐭𝐫𝐲 𝐀𝐧𝐭𝐡𝐨𝐥𝐨𝐠𝐲
PRISM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
We are thrilled to announce a call for submissions for the poetry anthology Prism of Consciousness. This anthology will accompany the upcoming VI INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE OF THE CAESURAE COLLECTIVE SOCIETY, jointly organised by the Centre for Indian Arts and Cultural Studies (CIACS), Cooch Behar Panchanan Barma University, Department of English, Cooch Behar College (affiliated to the university), and Caesurae Collective Society in collaboration with Sri Vishnu Mohan Foundation, Chennai. The conference will be held from 9–11 April 2025 at Cooch Behar, the erstwhile princely state in West Bengal, India.
The anthology seeks to weave a fabric of poetic expressions that resonate with the theme of consciousness—exploring the mind, the self, and the infinite cosmos—weaving together poetic voices that reflect on what it means to be aware, alive, and interconnected.
INTERNATIONAL CONFERENCE OF THE CAESURAE COLLECTIVE SOCIETY
Date : 9, 10, & 11 April 2025
Venue : Cooch Behar College
Place : Cooch Behar, the erstwhile princely state in West Bengal, India
THEME
Prism of consciousness—a profound interaction of thought, emotion, and awareness that shapes our experience of reality. We invite poets to explore this theme in all its dimensions:
A THOUGHT TO EXPLORE
Mind and Self: Reflections on identity, awareness, and the inner workings of thought.
Interconnectedness: The interplay between individual consciousness and the external world, including nature, society, and the cosmos.
Altered States: Dreams, meditations, mystical experiences, and other states of awareness.
Cultural Perspectives: Diverse interpretations of consciousness across traditions, philosophies, and spiritual practices.
The Future of Consciousness: Technological influences, artificial intelligence, and the evolution of awareness.
SUBMISSION GUIDELINES
1. Eligibility: Open to poets worldwide. Submissions in English are preferred.
2. Submission Limit: Up to three poems per person; one poem will be selected.
3. Format: Submissions must be in a single Word document, with each poem on a separate page. A high-resolution headshot photograph (JPEG format) is required.
4. Length: Individual poems should not exceed 37 lines. The bio should be a succinct biographical narrative of up to 111 words, written in the third person.
5. Originality: Submissions must be original and unpublished works. We kindly request that you refrain from simultaneous submissions and choose to share your work exclusively with our anthology.
6. Declaration: Include a cover letter affirming that your submitted work is entirely your own and has not been published elsewhere.
7. Personal Information – Provide the following details in the body of your email: full name, postal address with landmark, email address, and mobile number.
SUBMISSION CONTENT
Your submission must include the following:
1. Poem(s)
2. Bio
3. Photo
4. Declaration
5. Personal Information
IMPORTANT
1. Submissions will only be considered for selection once all five required items are provided as per the guidelines.
2. The decisions of our selection process are final and irrevocable.
SUBMISSION DETAILS
Deadline: 10th February 2025
Email: Orbindo.ganga@gmail.com
Subject Line: “Submission: Prism of Consciousness Anthology”
AVAILABILITY OF COPIES
1. For Co-authors:
Co-author may purchase copies at a discounted rate before publication.
2. Paperback Price:
Market Price: Rs 600/- (for international authors: $60/-) plus delivery charges after publication.
Discounted Rate for Co-authors: Rs 480/- (for international authors: $45/-), including delivery charges before publication.
BOOK LAUNCH, POETRY READING, AND DISCUSSIONS
The book will be launched during the conference in Cooch Behar (West Bengal), with featured poets invited to participate in a special poetry reading session and discussions.
𝐏𝐀𝐑𝐓𝐈𝐂𝐈𝐏𝐀𝐓𝐈𝐎𝐍 𝐃𝐄𝐓𝐀𝐈𝐋𝐒 @ 𝐂𝐨𝐨𝐜𝐡 𝐁𝐞𝐡𝐚𝐫
Please note that the poetry reading session and discussion will include participants whose work has been selected for the anthology Prism of Consciousness.
If your poem has been selected and you wish to participate in the conference at Cooch Behar, kindly email us. We will send you the registration form.
FOR REGISTRATION
Same as the conference email.
REGISTRATION FEE
Same as the conference registration fee.
Registration will close on 22nd February 2025.
Join us in creating a poetic philharmonic that resonates across minds, hearts, and worlds.
For poetry anthology inquiries-
CONTACT
Email: orbindo.ganga@gmail.com
Whatsapp: + 91 9895290371
******************************************************************************************
ABOUT THE CONFERENCE
The conference is an interdisciplinary gathering of thinkers, researchers, philosophers, and artists, united in the pursuit of unraveling the mysteries of consciousness. It will feature academic sessions, poetry readings and discussions, book launches, music workshops, an exhibition based on the theme, lecture demonstrations, and cultural events. By linking this anthology to the conference, we aim to celebrate the poetic voice as an essential element in exploring human awareness.
The conference Paradigms of Consciousness and Its Cultural and Aesthetic Expressions seeks to investigate the diverse ways in which consciousness and spirituality are understood, experienced, and articulated across disciplines and cultures. Consciousness, as a complex and multifaceted phenomenon, transcends disciplinary boundaries, integrating philosophical, artistic, scientific, cultural and psychological perspectives. This conference offers a platform to explore these intersections, delving into the deep connections between the mind, self, and the world, as expressed through various cultural and aesthetic forms.
Selected papers will be published in a volume by an international publisher and in our ejournal: Caesurae: Poetics of Cultural Translation (ISSN 2454-9495)
Please send your Abstracts in about 500 words to conferencecaesurae2025@gmail.com.
Deadline: 20 February 2025
Acceptance of Abstracts by 26 February 2025
Registration process should be completed within 7 days of acceptance of Abstracts
Registration Fees – Rs 2000 for participants in India and 25 $ for overseas participants + Caesurae Membership Fee – Annual (Rs 500 / $6 for overseas participants) / Life (Rs 5000/ $ 60 for overseas participants).
Accommodation (On request) for twin sharing rooms: Rs 3500
(Registration fees will cover access to the plenaries and panels of the Conference, including the musical, literary and Zoom sessions of the international speakers, as well as a Participation Certificate. A working lunch will be provided and a conference kit.)
** It is mandatory to take Caesurae membership for participating in our conferences. If you are a Life Member you must only pay the Registration Fee. If you are an Annual Member and have not renewed your membership you either you become a Life Member or take an Annual Membership.
How to pay Registration fee and Membership fee?
Once we accept your abstract, we will send you our Bank details and a Google Form link.
✓ For Registration and Caesurae Annual Membership: Rs 2500/-
✓ For Registration and Caesurae Life Membership: Rs 7000/-
✓ For Registration + Annual Membership + Accommodation: Rs 6000/-
✓ For Registration + Life Membership + Accommodation: Rs 10,500/-
CONFERENCE REGISTRATION FEE
Indian participants – ₹ 2500
Overseas participants – $ 31
CONTACT:
Email: conferencecaesurae2025@gmail.com
Whatsapp: + 91 8017147503
******************************************************************************************
Kind regards,
Orbindu Ganga
Chief Editor
PRISM OF CONSCIOUSNESS
&
Member, Editorial Board
Caesurae Journal
PICKLEBRAWL
“MOUTH ON THE CURB, MILDRED!” Beatrice Goldfarb commands while brandishing her pickleball paddle and staring down at Mildred Mendelbaum, who’s kneeling on the street with her back to Beatrice.
“What?” asks Mildred.
“I said put your FUCKING mouth on the FUCKING curb and do not make me have to ask you again!” shouts Beatrice.
“But why?” asks Mildred.
Beatrice glares down at Mildred while raising the pickleball paddle above her shoulder. “Don’t you remember that scene from American History X after the pickup basketball game? You don’t ask why, Mildred, you just do it!”
“Is that the new Woody Allen picture? Murray and Harriet just went to see it at the Silverspot in Orange Village last week and they said—”
Beatrice’s paddle slices through the air like a laser beam and strikes Mildred’s eye socket, crushing her orbital bone. Mildred yelps in pain and collapses face first onto the street curb, breaking her nose and knocking out two of her front teeth upon impact.
“Now this can be quick and easy or it can be slow and painful, Mildred – you decide,” Beatrice says while she pulls Mildred’s head up by a fistful of hair and pushes her face onto the curb. “Now open your goddamn yap and eat curb, you insolent fucking yenta!”
This time Mildred does as instructed and places her open mouth onto the concrete curb on the edge of the sidewalk facing the pickleball courts. About a dozen pickleballers have congregated behind the fence to watch the action unfold on the street in front of them.
Wasting no time, Beatrice steps forward and plants her left foot on the pavement next to Mildred, raises her right knee as high as she can, then stomps the sole of her Adidas Gamecourt sneaker down between Mildred’s shoulder blades with as much force as she can muster.
Mildred screams out in agony then turns over on the street, holding her chest and gasping for air through her bloodied nose and mouth.
“What the hell was that, Beatrice?” bellows out Sidney Goldfarb, Beatrice’s husband, while he kneels on the back of Sheldon Mendelbaum, Mildred’s husband, who’s lying face down on the street.
Beatrice looks over to Sidney and explains, “I curb-stomped the bitch, just like in the movie when Edward Norton—”
“Yes, I can see that, Beatice, but you were supposed to stomp her at the base of her skull so that her head splits open, not on her back! I mean that’s the whole goddamn point of making her put her mouth on the curb! Jesus H. Christ, Beatrice, can you do anything right today? First you lost a pickleball game for us and now you can’t even execute a simple curb stomp!”
“OK, I’m sorry, I guess I should have watched the movie closer, but—”
“Forget it, Beatrice, just come over here and sit on Sheldon while I finish off Mildred.”
Sidney and Beatrice switch places on the street, Beatrice sitting on Sheldon while Sidney stands over Mildred. The crowd of onlookers has now doubled in size.
Mildred looks up at Sidney and pleads for her life. “Sid, please, I have five grandchildren. They need me to—”
The heel of Sidney’s Nike Zoom Challenge sneaker crashes squarely into Mildred’s face, rocking her head back violently and shattering her jaw. “Just shut the fuck up and put your mouth back on the curb, Mildred. You know the drill.”
Before Mildred can turn over on the street to face the curb, Sheldon cries out, “Sid, please stop! Can’t you just make this quick and painless so Milly doesn’t suffer? There must be some other way!”
Sidney thinks for a moment then nods and says, “I have a loaded Glock 9 millimeter in my car that I keep for protection. We can use that.” Sidney tosses his car key fob to Beatrice and says, “Go get the gun, Bea, it’s under the driver’s seat. And please, please, please remember to hit the lock button twice from at least ten feet away when you leave the car to make sure that it’s locked.”
Beatrice stands up off of Sheldon and says, “Don’t try anything funny, Shel, we’ve got eyes on you.” She jogs over to Sidney’s sky-blue Mercedes SUV parked in the lot next to the pickleball courts, then hits the unlock button on the key fob. After opening the driver-side door and reaching beneath the seat, Beatrice jogs back onto the street holding Sidney’s gun, which she hands to him with the key fob and then sits back down on Sheldon.
As Sidney walks slowly up to Mildred with the gun pointed at her head, she looks over to Sheldon through swollen eyes with tears streaming down her bloodied face. “Shelly, please – isn’t there anything you can do to stop him?”
Sheldon shakes his head. ”Sorry, Mils, but he’s made up his mind and there’s nothing I can do about it. But don’t worry, hon, it’ll be quick and painless, you won’t feel a thing.”
Sidney stands on the street in front of Mildred with his gun still pointed at her head. She sits up against the curb facing him with blood and snot flowing down from her nose and mouth onto her chin. Sidney slides his forefinger onto the trigger while releasing the safety with his thumb. “Any last words, Mildred?”
Mildred wipes the tears from her eyes and sniffles quietly. Struggling to speak in excruciating pain through her broken jaw and teeth, she garbles, “I just wanted to talk smack like a badass baller. I’m so sorry it didn’t work. Just do what you have to do and—”
Sidney squeezes the trigger and the deafening sound of the gunshot rings out and reverberates through the street and pickleball courts. Mildred’s lifeless body slumps back on the sidewalk while a stream of blood spurts out from the fresh bullet hole in her forehead. Behind her on the pickleball courts, the bystanders shake their heads to each other and then disperse to return to their games. A pool of blood spreads across the sidewalk behind the back of Mildred’s blown-out skull, absorbing the brain matter and bone fragments strewn in its path.
Sidney looks over at Sheldon, who’s busy tapping out a text message on his cell phone while Beatrice continues to sit on his back. “I’m sorry, Shel, but at least she’s in a better place now.”
Sheldon raises a finger and says, “Just gimme a sec, Sid, I gotta reply to this text.” Sheldon finishes his text message and then thumbs the send button on his cell phone. After quickly re-reading his text, he raises his head to Sidney with a smile. “Sorry about that, Sid, I’m all yours now. What was that you said?”
“I was just saying that Mildred is probably in a better place now,” Sidney replies.
Sheldon shakes his head apologetically while placing his forefinger behind his earlobe. “Sorry, Sid, I left my hearing aid back on the pickleball court. What was that?”
“I SAID THAT MILDRED IS IN A BETTER PLACE NOW,” Sidney nearly shouts so that Sheldon can hear him.
Sheldon nods his head vigorously. “I totally agree, Sid, 100 percent. Better place for sure. I know it was difficult but you guys did the right thing, you had no choice.”
Beatrice stands up from Sheldon’s back and stretches her legs out, then looks down at her Apple watch. “We have a 7:00 p.m. dinner reservation at the Marble Room downtown, Sid, and I need time to shower and get ready so let’s get going. It’s almost impossible to get a reservation there this time of year so we can’t be late.” She looks down at Sheldon and says, “You’re welcome to join us, Shelly, but don’t feel obligated if you have other plans.”
Just as Sheldon opens his mouth to reply to Beatrice, an Avon Lake police cruiser barrels around the street corner and speeds toward them with its siren blasting and lights flashing.
Sidney discreetly places his Glock 9 into the elastic waistband of his pickleball shorts and covers the protruding gun butt with the untucked bottom of his Lacoste tennis polo. “Five-oh in the house!” he warns the others. “Bea, you may need to call the Marble Room and move our reservation back a bit,” he says coolly while nodding toward the police cruiser.
The cruiser pulls to an abrupt stop about ten feet in front of Sidney. Two uniformed officers step out while surveying the scene.
“Goddamn gangbangers,” Sergeant Felix Dixon mutters to his partner, Noah Garrison, while shaking his head and glancing over at Mildred’s dead body, her blood now congealed on the sidewalk while her vacant eyes stare up at the sky. “This used to be such a safe neighborhood before the city installed these fuckin’ pickleball courts. It was the kinda place where you could raise a family without having to worry about crime and all. Now look at it.”
Garrison nods in agreement as he looks over at the pickleball courts.
“I know how to deal with these punk-ass ballers so let me handle this, Noah,” Dixon says.
“Well, well, well, now what do we have here?” Dixon says as he approaches the Goldfarbs and Sheldon, shifting his gaze between the three of them. “Where y’all comin’ from today?” he demands.
“Beachwood,” Beatrice replies nervously.
“Pepper Pike,” adds Sheldon.
Dixon looks back at his partner with his eyebrows raised and a sarcastic smirk on his face. “Eastsiders,” he says, “Now ain’t that a shock.”
Garrison chuckles back at him. “I think I’d like to solve the puzzle, Pat.”
Dixon laughs as he turns back to the three. “And what about sleeping beauty over there soiling my lovely sidewalk with her nasty-ass head cheese?” Dixon asks, nodding towards Mildred’s corpse.
“That’s my ex-wife. She’s from Pepper Pike also,” replies Sheldon.
“Ex? So you two are divorced?” asks Dixon as he writes on his notepad.
“Well no, she’s dead,” explains Sheldon. “We were married up until she died a few minutes ago so I guess she’s technically my ex-wife since I can’t legally be married to a dead person. Sorry for the confusion, officer, I’ve just never been in this situation before and it’s a bit unnerving.”
“OK, roger that,” Dixon nods to Sheldon. Shifting gears, Dixon asks, “So what the hell brought you bangers over here to the west side? Ain’t there enough pickleball courts over in your ’hood where y’all can play without bringin’ your gangsta shit to Avon Lake?”
Sidney steps forward to answer Sergeant Dixon while Beatrice pulls her cell phone from the pocket of her Lululemon pickleball skirt to video-record their exchange. “We have friends in Avon who just got back from the Amalfi Coast and were showing us their photos over brunch, so we thought we’d try out a new court while we’re over this way.”
Dixon rolls his eyes while placing his notepad back into his pocket, then looks sternly at the Goldfarbs and Sheldon. “OK, so which one of you pickleballin’ punks wants to tell me what the fuck happened here today?”
“Well, we were playing mixed doubles …,” Beatrice begins, then tells the story.
Flashback to 30 minutes earlier:
“Wipe his ass all over the court, Sheldon!” Mildred shouts to her husband as she shifts her weight from foot to foot on the pickleball court, firmly gripping the handle of her paddle as she glares across the net at Sidney and Beatrice.
Sheldon looks back at Mildred in disgust. “Wipe his ass? Really, Mildred? That’s not trash talk, it’s just gross. And it would actually entail me getting toilet paper and wiping his butt, which is not exactly intimidating and he may even enjoy it.”
“OK, my bad – I’m still learning the smack talk part of this pickleball thing but you know what I meant. Just serve the goddamn ball, Sheldon,” says Mildred.
After a few rounds of volleying, the Goldfarbs take the lead after Sidney’s “dink” into the Mendelbaums’ “kitchen” hits the court just a foot behind the net and goes unreturned.
“Mildred hasn’t been in the kitchen in years so that’s always a safe place to hit the ball!” Sidney jokes.
Sheldon laughs and adds, “Take that back, Sid – Milly microwaves the meanest quiche lorraine in all of Cuyahoga County!”
Sidney and Beatrice both chuckle while looking empathetically at Mildred, who glares back at Sidney with fierce slitted eyes.
“Fuck you, Goldfarb! This is our house and we’re gonna burn your asses down like an LA wildfire, you fucking cocksucker!” Mildred screams at Sidney.
All goes silent on the pickleball court while Sheldon and the Goldfarbs look gape-mouthed at Mildred in utter shock and disbelief.
A trim middle-aged woman in a dark green Vuori pickleball dress and matching visor cap walks over from the neighboring court and speaks to Mildred. “I’m sorry to interrupt, ma’am, but could you please watch what you say here. My sister and her husband live in Malibu and their house was just destroyed by the wildfires. It’s terrifying what’s happening over there now and I really don’t think it’s appropriate fodder for pickleball trash talk.”
Sheldon steps forward with an embarrassed look and says to the woman, “We’re so sorry, ma’am, my wife is new to pickleball and her trash talk could obviously use some fine tuning. We’re sorry to upset you and I promise we’ll keep it down over here.”
After the woman thanks Sheldon and walks back to her own court, he turns to Mildred with an angry scowl. “Damnit, Milly! Will you PLEASE just be quiet and leave the smack talk to me! We didn’t come here all the way from Pepper Pike to get kicked off the court because you can’t keep your damn mouth shut!”
Mildred apologizes and the pickleball game resumes. The Mendelbaums score a point after Beatrice returns Mildred’s serve into the net. Beatrice shakes her head and curses herself.
Exhilarated by the Goldfarbs’ fault, Mildred pumps her fist and taunts Beatrice. “Nice one, JonBenet, but isn’t the point of the game to hit the ball over the net and not into the net?”
Beatrice looks at Mildred with a puzzled expression and furrowed brow. “JonBenet?” she asks.
“Yep!” Mildred replies with a laugh, “Because you choke every time you have to perform, you stupid fucking cunt!” Mildred shouts at Beatrice while looking over at Sheldon for affirmation.
Sheldon just looks back at Mildred stone-faced while the Goldfarbs and neighboring pickleballers stare at her in pure unbridled disgust.
Mildred stammers uneasily while the others continue to stare at her. “I was just referring to JonBenet Ramsey. Remember how she got strangled by that garotte made from Patsy’s paint brush handle?” She adds, “It’s just pickleball trash talk – part of the game, right?”
Nobody says a word.
After another minute of awkward silence, a tall bearded man with a yellow Avon Lake Parks & Recreation shirt walks up to the group with a stern look. “I’m sorry, folks, but she’s gonna have to leave,” he says, nodding to Mildred. “You’re really starting to disturb a lot of the other players with your trash talk, ma’am. So please just leave quietly and don’t make this difficult for me.”
“Goddamnit!” shouts Beatrice while looking over at Sidney. “I knew it, I knew it, I knew it! We never should have brought this bitch to play with us, and I told you that, Sid! We have the best court here and now we have to give it up because of Mildred!”
Mildred interjects before Sidney can reply. “Fine! You guys keep playing and I’ll leave. But I’m not staying here. Let’s go, Sheldon.”
“Whoa, whoa, wait a minute,” Sheldon protests, “Sid and Bea drove us here so we need a ride home.” Sheldon looks to Sidney expectantly.
Beatrice steps forward while shaking her head at Sheldon, “No fucking way are we losing this court because of Mildred. You two can take an Uber home. Sidney and I aren’t leaving.”
Sheldon glares at Beatrice with bulging eyes and exclaims, “An Uber back to Pepper Pike will cost us over $100 now! No way we’re paying that!”
“Well, I’m not staying here!” Mildred shouts defiantly with her arms crossed in front of her.
Beatrice looks up to the sky with pursed lips, pinches her eyes closed and pauses for a moment, then lowers her head, grabs Mildred by the hair and starts to walk her off the pickleball court towards the street.
“What are you doing, Bea?” Sidney asks with concern.
Still holding Mildred by the hair, Beatrice turns back to Sidney and screams, “I’m doing what none of you pickle-pussies have the fucking balls to do! I’m taking care of this little bitch MY WAY!”
Beatrice walks Mildred through the fence opening to the street while Sidney and Sheldon hurry after her.
Now on the street outside the pickleball courts, Beatrice takes a deep breath then calmly instructs Sidney while pointing to Sheldon, “Get his ass on the ground and keep him there so he doesn’t try anything.” Looking to Sheldon, she adds, “Now’s not the time to be a hero, Shel.”
Sidney and Sheldon both nod to Beatrice, then Sheldon lies face down on the pavement and Sidney kneels on his back.
Still gripping Mildred by the hair, Beatrice throws her to the ground then looks at her with a snarl. “Now get the fuck down and put your mouth on the curb! Don’t fight this, Mildred.”
Flashforward to present:
After listening patiently to Beatrice’s recount of events, Sergeant Dixon nods and says, “OK, we get it. We know that you guys just got caught up in the game and Mildred over there got what she deserved. Nobody should have to play pickleball with that annoying bullshit. The game is stressful enough without someone like her fuckin’ it up for y’all. That said, we still have to maintain some law and order around here. We can’t just let every swingin’ paddle come waltzin’ on in here from the east side disrespectin’ our shit.” Dixon glances over at Officer Garrison, and then looks back to the group. “Y’all just sit tight and stay put while my partner and I decide how we’re gonna handle this mess.”
The Goldfarbs and Sheldon wait anxiously on the street while the two officers walk back to their cruiser to discuss what to do.
After a few minutes of heated exchange with his partner, Sergeant Dixon walks back to the group. “OK,” he says sternly with his eyebrows raised. “Today’s your lucky day so y’all better count your blessings. We’re gonna let you bangers off with a warning … this time. But if it ever happens again and we gotta come back out here to deal with your pickleballin’ bullshit, we’re gonna haul’ your lily white asses downtown for disturbing the peace. Now take your paddles and get the fuck outta here before we change our minds!”
Officer Garrison steps forward and chimes in, “And maybe it’s time for you thugs to get your lives together and go back to school.” He looks over at Dixon, who nods in agreement, then adds, “Pickleballin’ on the streets is no way to survive. You bangers are headin’ down a dangerous path that’ll leave you dead or in jail. Is that what you want?”
Sidney looks at Officer Garrison with his eyebrows raised. “Back to school? Officer, I graduated summa from Oberlin and have a PhD in applied physics from Northwestern. I’m a senior fellow at Case—”
Beatrice interrupts Sidney with a smirk. “And you got passed over for tenure more times than Pete Rose did for Cooperstown — why don’t you mention that part, professor?”
“Beatrice, please!” shouts Sidney. “You know goddamn well that I wasn’t able to publish without my research assistant during COVID, and then they made me teach that dreadful undergraduate semin—”
“Hey, hey, hey now! You gangbangers just settle your asses down, y’aint back home in the ’hood!” belts out Sergeant Dixon. “And we just handed you a gift so don’t fuck it up!” he reminds them.
Without another word, the Goldfarbs and Sheldon hurry back to the parking lot with their heads down and pickleball gear in tow while the two officers walk back to their cruiser.
The shrill shouts and laughter of the pickleballers resonate through the courts behind them while, just twenty feet away, flies begin to swarm around Mildred’s open mouth.
THE END
Nate Mancuso is a practicing attorney, history buff, fiction writer, and lover of free speech and civil liberties who lives in South Florida with his wife and cat (and daughter when home from college). Nate holds a B.A. from Fordham University and a J.D. from St. John’s University School of Law. Nate is currently working on his first collection of short stories and other works in progress.
His Commute
He listened to audio books on his bus ride to work. He couldn’t read, the motion made him queasy if he tried to read. He usually chose nonfiction. He preferred to read fiction, to give the words his own inflection, not some actor’s or even the author’s.
A man a few rows up from him, on the other side, where he could see him from his own seat, was making nervous, jerky motions. He wondered if it was Tourette’s. Gilles de la Tourette was the neurologist who first described the condition, not some random guy who went around saying “merde” all day.
It was a book about the Indo-European language family. Linguistics interested him, ever since he took a college course in it. It was read by a man with a very mannered way of speaking. The voice reminded him of the Romanian-American historian Eugen Weber, who had hosted a program on public television called “The Western Tradition” when he was younger. But it wasn’t Weber.
He found bus rides relaxing, which he couldn’t say for the subway, which he had used regularly during the year he spent studying in New York. He enjoyed looking out the window, watching his progress from his own pleasant, almost suburban neighborhood, through the poorer areas, home to many Central American families, and then the central business district with its modest skyscrapers, nothing like New York. He and his wife loved pupusas, and would often visit a modest Salvadoran restaurant in one of those poorer neighborhoods. She was fond of loroco, a flower grown in El Salvador, but he usually stuck with plain cheese. He was fascinated by the correspondence of number names from farflung members of the Indo-European language family, do, dva, due, two, for instance. Not to mention dos.
I should have peed before I left, he thought. Now he’d have to deal with a little discomfort until he got to the office. It always happens when the caffeine really kicks in. Then, a couple of stops before his, the audio book just stopped. His bluetooth earbuds had run out of juice. The man who may or may not have had Tourette’s got off the bus. He’d charge them at work, after he visited the men’s room.
His Brother
He got together with his brother, who was in town, just for a couple of days, for business, and whom he hadn’t seen since their mother’s funeral, for dinner. His wife decided to stay home. “You see him so infrequently,” she told him. His brother lived by the ocean, yet they had never been out to visit him. “Send my regards.”
His brother had come for his firm’s national sales conference, which was being held at the Sheraton. He, on the other hand, didn’t have the temperament for sales. The brothers, who were five years apart, made mostly small talk.
They had agreed to meet in his city’s small Chinatown. The restaurant, Wo Hing, had been there forever, already an institution when he and his wife moved there, originally for her work. The place even served some of the old-school dishes the brothers remembered from childhood.
The previous year the conference had been in New Orleans. He’d never been to New Orleans. His brother told him about the beignets and chicory-accented coffee at Cafe du Monde and the oyster po boys at Acme and then asked him about his new consulting position, to which he supplied scant details.
The dishes all came out at the same time. They ate their spare ribs, wor shew opp, moo goo gai pan, and roast pork fried rice in silence until his brother told him about the tumor and insisted on picking up the bill, saying, “Expense account,” even though it was a pretty cheap dinner.
His Destination
It was the kind of drizzle that puts one in a quandary, to open the umbrella or not. Were he wearing a hat, he probably wouldn’t have even considered opening one, but he didn’t enjoy the feel of even small amounts of rain on his rapidly thinning hair.
His destination was a quarter of a mile away, more or less. He decided to hold the umbrella in abeyance until the rain picked up, if the rain picked up. He remembered a song. Or was it a nursery rhyme? “Rain, rain, go away, come again some other day.”
Few people on the street were using umbrellas, mostly older women. When it rains in movies, it pours. It makes sense, he reasoned. A torrential downpour is dramatic. You wouldn’t even notice a light drizzle in a film.
He still carried the Marks & Spencer compact umbrella he had bought during his first trip to London 30 years earlier, when he and his wife had separated briefly, early in the marriage. Amazingly it had held up all these years, but he did only take it out when there was a slight chance of light rain. He had bigger umbrellas for the cinematic torrential downpours. He’d had a one-night stand, at his hotel, with a woman named Vix, short for Victoria, he had met at a pub. A Fuller’s pub, if he remembered correctly, but otherwise it was pretty much a drunken blur. All he could remember of Vix was her short, curly hair and her calling him “Luv” all night. But he did remember her name after all these years. She probably forgot his right after he told her.
When he was greeted at his destination he removed his shoes and was ushered to a room. A nice, soothing massage was just what he needed, one without a happy ending.