The next issue of Synchronized Chaos Magazine will come out on April 5th.

The next issue of Synchronized Chaos Magazine will come out on April 5th.

If you’re in the Los Angeles area, please come see us at Chevalier’s Books on Saturday, March 29th at 6pm!

In March we will have a presence at the Association of Writing Programs conference in L.A. which will include an offsite reading at Chevalier’s Books on Saturday, March 29th at 6 pm. All are welcome to attend!

So far the lineup for our reading includes Asha Dore, Douglas Cole, Scott Ferry, Linda Michel-Cassidy, Aimee Suzara, Reverie Fey, Ava Homa, Michelle Gonzalez, Terry Tierney, Anisa Rahim, Katrina Byrd, and Cindy Rinne.

Author Justin Hamm is hosting a FREE online literary event the weekend of AWP, known as StayWP. This will include author talks, informative panels, book launches and networking!

To register, please click here: https://docs.google.com/…/1FAIpQLSe0jqgxfQn…/viewform…

Poet and essayist Abigail George, whom we’ve published many times, shares the fundraiser her book’s press has created for her. She’s seeking contributions for office supplies and resources to be able to serve as a speaker and advocate for others who have experienced trauma or deal with mental health issues.

Also, the Educational Bookshop in Jerusalem, a store that has the mission of peaceful dialogue and education, invites readers to donate new or gently used books (all genres) that have been meaningful to them, with a note enclosed for future readers about why the books were meaningful. (The books don’t have to be about peace or social justice or the Mideast, although they can be). Please send books here. US-based Interlink Publishing has also started a GoFundMe for the store.

Eva Petropoulou Lianou shares the Dylan Thomas poetry contest and her own poetry launched off to the Moon on the Artemis mission as part of a collection.

A new book, Poetry Mexico, China, Greece, a collection from contributors Jeannette Tiburcio Vasquez, Yongbo Ma, and Eva Petropoulou Lianou, has just been released.

Our April 1st issue will be crafted by co-editor Kahlil Crawford. He’s a poet, musician, and essayist who has put together previous issues on Latin Culture and Electronic Music.

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This issue’s contributors seek balance and mental health by journeying into their pasts, the world’s pasts, into nature, into community, heritage, romantic, and family love. Others find Sanity Breaks in the subconscious, poetry, and art of various kinds.

Marjona Xushvaqtova celebrates the beauty and energy of spring. Shamsiya Khudoynazarova Turumnova takes joy in the fact that winter is dissipating and warmth and growth are returning.

Anna Keiko’s paintings bring a bit of off-kilter color and joy to nature and childhood. Kylian Cubilla Gomez’s photography presents joyful, colorful images of childhood play.

Brian Barbeito conveys the comfort and nostalgia of a small town that seems forgotten by time. Nilufar Anvarova remembers a joyful morning listening to roosters and smelling basil in a country village. Sayani Mukherjee also finds joy in moss, trees, and thatched roof cottages in her piece “Earth’s Song.” In another piece, Brian Barbeito shares intuitions and reflections from a day of walking his dogs in the snow.

Shukurillayeva Lazzatoy translates a poem from Uzbek writer Alexander Faynberg lamenting human-caused environmental destruction and analyzes the literary elements present in much of Faynberg’s work.

Ibragimova Rushana discusses the effectiveness of online language learning programs. Shahnoza Ochildiyeva describes the science of translation and the contributions of Ozod Sharafiddinov to the field.

Shukurillayeva Lazzatoy translates a poem from Alexander Faynberg about always searching for a distant shore, as well as another Faynberg work about finding hope and strength to continue a long journey.

Stephen Jarrell Williams speaks to the shared journey of finding meaning throughout one’s life. Grant Guy contributes musings on relationships and the passage of time as Daniel DeLucie reflects on how time marches relentlessly for us all.

Azamat Abdulatipov highlights how Uzbekistan pays national attention to youth issues through their student development programs. Gulnozaxon Xusanova reminds us to celebrate youthful achievements.

David Sapp draws upon classical art and music to trace a man’s journey towards maturity. Alan Catlin views art and landscapes through the eyes of a variety of well-known international artists. Norman J. Olson seeks out art old and new in London and Italy.

Joshua Martin evokes the subconscious behind-the-scenes consideration of thoughts and sensations in text that reads more like code than writing. Vernon Frazer clangs words together into a street corner symphony. Mark Young’s “geographies” intertwine color, shape, line, and form in unexpected ways. Peer Smits creates abstract images where thick lines and stamps color white canvases, and where posters blur and dance into rippled reflections.

Mark Murphy illuminates the power of art and imagination to inspire people to claim agency in a world where much seems historically inevitable. Jasmina Makhmasalayeva urges people to form their own self-concepts apart from societal pressure.

Jacques Fleury posits a “resume” for a Black street thug in a way that troubles and questions stereotypes. Isaac Aju presents a tale of a brave student who stands up to institutional disrespect.

Taylor Dibbert highlights the need to write creatively for joy, not for money. Ivan Pozzoni’s work speaks to the struggles of the creative artist in a society dampening creative urges and to romantic love between people not afraid to live fully embodied and present.

Alaina Hammond’s play dramatizes the struggle of a young woman choosing between a steady and comfortable family life and the promise of passionate love. Natalie Bisso’s poem illustrates a tender and intense romantic attraction. Yusufjonova O’gilkhan’s tender short story explores the love between a brother and sister.

Duane Vorhees takes a lexical flight of fancy through nature and romantic attraction. Isabel Gomez de Diego’s photos weave together nature, romantic and family love, and religious devotion. Eva Petropoulou Lianou honors mothers through a poem translated to Arabic by Egyptian poet Ahmed Farooq Baidoon. Musurmunova Gulshoda honors parents, friendship, country and heritage, and teachers. Eva Lianou Petropoulou celebrates friendship and mutual respect among women.

Poet Joseph C. Ogbonna references the love, comfort and solace he finds through his faith. French poet Timothee Bordenave speaks to his love for the faith-infused atmosphere of Paris.

Mesfakus Salahin speaks to a tender and poetic love, and also describes the joy of authentic love that does not match poetic expectations. Lilian Dipasupil Kunimasa also addresses true love as opposed to exploitation and how reaching maturity will help people figure out the difference, along with the need for universal compassion and empathy.

Kathleen Hellen highlights the fragility and tenuousness of the bonds that connect us. Bill Tope’s short story speculates on the many might-have-beens of a life cut tragically too short.

Mykyta Ryzhykh highlights the devastation of losing years of life to war and grief, blind but able to sense a tree losing leaves and a world that “still remembers the shape of our bodies.” Z.I. Mahmud analyzes the anti-war sentiment of Bertolt Brecht’s play Mother Courage and Her Children by showing how hardship and violence can change or flatten a person’s character and feelings. Umid Najjari’s poetry addresses war, love, loss, and grief.

Eva Petropoulou Lianou raises awareness of how domestic violence can start with control and possessiveness before physical assault. Mahbub Alam writes of his concern for his homeland of Bangladesh where women and girls face rape and assault. Linda S. Gunther’s short story deals with a woman recovering from and reclaiming her self-esteem after a breakup with a powerful man.

Orinbayeva Dildara reflects on how love has inspired her poetry, but not brought her happiness. Murodillayeva Mohinur expresses the rage and pain caused by betrayal. J.J. Campbell’s work captures ennui and frustration within lonely suburbs.

A fresh installment of Grzegorz Wroblewski’s poems, translated from Polish to English by Peter Burzynski, arrives with surreal and strangely humorous disillusionment about modern society and life in general. Naaman Al-Gharib laments how the modern intellect has descended into petty selfishness and solipsism rather than expansive thought.

Poet Pat Doyne speaks to history’s cycles repeating in the modern world and how easy it is to lose hard-won liberties. Daniel De Culla lampoons and apes Donald Trump in a satirical romp.

Sharipov Dilshod Bakhshullayevich outlines how to maintain one’s sanity and civility in a world that can test your patience. Maja Milojkovic relates how she’s mindfully and carefully maintaining her wisdom and kindness and how she urges the world to do the same, as Mirta Liliana Ramirez shares how she’s choosing the most uplifting and thoughtful memories from all of her past to help her move forward to the future.

We hope that Synchronized Chaos, while challenging your mind and heart and broadening your horizons, also serves as a kind of sanity break.

*********

Spring!

We waited for you when we were children,
We used to run down the hill,
Blue-green grass is the strangest corner,
Bud reminded you today.

We would build a tent out of grass,
What a hero Clouds was.
We made wreaths, beautiful,
Your beauty was also a gem.

When I think about it, I don't appreciate you. 
I will not laugh with you when the time comes.
I didn't become your daughter, Marjon, 
I don't feel you com, spring...

Spring...

Marjonabanu Khushvaktova was born on June 13, 2004 in Kokdala district of Kashkadarya region. Currently, she is a 2nd year student of Shahrisabz State Pedagogical Institute. Her creative works are in “Taloktepa tolei” , “Taloktepa tolei” selection book and “The smart youth of Uzbekistan”, “Raven Cage Zine”, “Page 3 News”, “Youth of Uzbekistan” “Yoshlar bayozi” and has been published in many international books, magazines, newspapers and anthologies, and is the owner of many diplomas and certificates.

Effectiveness of Online Language Learning Platforms

Ibragimova Rushana Bobomurod daughter

Shakhrisabz State Pedagogical Institute

4th stage student

Abstract

The rise of online language learning platforms has transformed traditional approaches to language acquisition by offering learners increased flexibility, accessibility, and a range of interactive resources. This paper examines the effectiveness of these platforms, highlighting their advantages, such as the ability to learn at one’s own pace, the use of gamification, and access to native speakers and authentic materials. However, challenges such as the lack of personalized feedback and potential issues with learner motivation and accountability are also discussed. The paper finds that while online language learning platforms can be highly effective for motivated and disciplined learners, they are most beneficial when used as a supplementary tool in a blended learning approach.

Introduction

The advent of the digital era has revolutionized various aspects of human life, and education is no exception. Online language learning platforms have emerged as popular tools for acquiring new languages. Platforms such as Duolingo, Babbel, and Rosetta Stone have become popular due to their convenience, affordability, and innovative use of technology. These platforms offer learners flexibility, convenience, and access to a wide range of resources that are often not available in traditional classroom settings. This paper aims to explore the effectiveness of online language learning platforms, focusing on their advantages, potential drawbacks, and overall impact on language acquisition.

Advantages of Online Language Learning Platforms

One of the primary benefits of online language learning platforms is their accessibility and flexibility. Unlike traditional classroom settings, online platforms allow learners to study at their own pace and according to their own schedules. This flexibility is particularly beneficial for individuals who may have full-time jobs, family responsibilities, or other commitments that prevent them from attending regular classes. Platforms like Duolingo, Babbel, and Rosetta Stone provide learners with the opportunity to practice language skills anytime and anywhere, as long as they have an internet connection. Moreover, online language learning platforms often employ interactive and engaging methods to teach languages. These platforms use a combination of text, audio, video, and interactive exercises to enhance the learning experience. For example, Duolingo incorporates gamification elements, such as points, levels, and challenges, to motivate users and keep them engaged. Studies have shown that incorporating interactive elements in learning can significantly enhance knowledge retention and comprehension (Zarzycka-Piskorz, 2016).[1] By offering varied and interactive content, online language learning platforms cater to different learning styles, making language acquisition more effective. Another significant advantage of online language learning platforms is the access to native speakers and authentic language materials. Many platforms offer features that allow learners to connect with native speakers for practice, either through text chat, voice calls, or video calls. Websites like iTalki and Tandem enable learners to find language exchange partners or tutors, providing an immersive experience that is crucial for developing speaking and listening skills. Additionally, online platforms often include real-world content, such as news articles, videos, and podcasts, allowing learners to engage with the language in authentic contexts.

Challenges and Limitations

Despite their numerous advantages, online language learning platforms also have some limitations. One of the main challenges is the lack of personalized feedback. In traditional classroom settings, teachers can provide immediate, tailored feedback to students, which is essential for correcting mistakes and improving language skills. However, online platforms often rely on automated systems that may not always accurately assess nuanced language use or provide detailed explanations for errors. While some platforms do offer access to human tutors, these services often come at an additional cost, which may not be affordable for all learners. Another limitation of online language learning platforms is the potential for reduced accountability and motivation. Learning a language requires consistent practice and dedication, and some learners may struggle to maintain motivation without the structure and accountability provided by a classroom environment. The flexibility of online platforms, while advantageous, can also lead to procrastination and irregular study habits. Research has indicated that learners who lack self-discipline may find it challenging to progress in online learning environments (Kizilcec, Pérez-Sanagustín, & Maldonado, 2017).[2]

Evaluating Effectiveness

The effectiveness of online language learning platforms depends on several factors, including the learner’s goals, learning style, and level of self-discipline. Studies have shown that learners who are highly motivated and disciplined can achieve significant progress using online platforms. For example, a study conducted by Vesselinov and Grego (2012)[3][4] found that users of the Duolingo platform made substantial gains in their language skills, equivalent to a semester of university-level language study. However, the same study noted that dropout rates were high, suggesting that not all learners find online platforms suitable for their needs. It is also important to consider the role of online platforms as a supplementary tool rather than a replacement for traditional language learning methods. Many language educators advocate for a blended learning approach, combining online platforms with in-person classes or other interactive methods. This approach leverages the strengths of both online and offline learning environments, providing learners with a more comprehensive and effective language learning experience.

Conclusion

Online language learning platforms offer a flexible, accessible, and engaging way to learn languages, making them a valuable resource in the modern educational landscape. They provide learners with the opportunity to practice language skills at their convenience and offer a variety of interactive and authentic materials. However, these platforms also have limitations, including the lack of personalized feedback and potential challenges with motivation and accountability. The effectiveness of online language learning platforms ultimately depends on the individual learner’s goals, discipline, and commitment. As technology continues to evolve, these platforms will likely become even more sophisticated, providing enhanced features and more personalized learning experiences. For now, they serve as a powerful tool that, when used effectively, can significantly enhance language acquisition.

References

1.Kizilcec, R. F., Pérez-Sanagustín, M., & Maldonado, J. J. (2017). Self-regulated learning strategies predict learner behavior and goal attainment in Massive Open Online Courses. Computers & Education, 104, 18-33.

2.Vesselinov, R., & Grego, J. (2012). Duolingo Effectiveness Study. City University of New York.

3.Zarzycka-Piskorz, E. (2016). Kahoot it or not? Can games be motivating in learning grammar? Teaching English with Technology, 16(3), 17-36.

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[1] Zarzycka-Piskorz, E. (2016). Kahoot it or not? Can games be motivating in learning grammar? Teaching English with Technology, 16(3), 17-36.

[2] Kizilcec, R. F., Pérez-Sanagustín, M., & Maldonado, J. J. (2017). Self-regulated learning strategies predict learner behavior and goal attainment in Massive Open Online Courses. Computers & Education, 104, 18-33. 

[4] Vesselinov, R., & Grego, J. (2012). Duolingo Effectiveness Study. City University of New York.

Ibragimova Rushana Bobomurod’s daughter. She was born on September 5, 2004 in Mubarak District, Kashkadarya Region. She has several international certificates. She can communicate fluently in English and Turkish. Currently, she is a 4th-year student of Foreign Language and Literature at the Shahrisabz State Pedagogical Institute.

Ozod Sharafiddinov: The role of the writer in translation science and Uzbek criticism

       Abstract: In Uzbek literature, many accomplished artists are recognized not only in Uzbekistan, but all over the world, and their works are studied as an important part of the scientific and literary world. Ozod Sharafiddinov is a scientist who made a great contribution to the development of Uzbek literature and the art of translation. His scientific and practical work in the fields of literary criticism, translation theory and artistic translation introduced a new approach to some important directions. This article analyzes the life and scientific activity of Ozod Sharafiddinov and his contribution to the fields of translation and literary criticism.

       Key words: literary criticism, translation, philosophical thinking, structuralism, Uzbek criticism, philosophy, aesthetic harmony, technical artist.

        In modern literary studies, the development of literary text analysis methods, theory of translation and literary criticism is closely related to the scientific heritage of mature scientists. The scientific researches of Ozod Sharafiddinov, who formed a unique theoretical approach in Uzbek literary criticism, are of great importance not only in the national but also in the context of world literary studies. He was born on March 1, 1929 in the village of Okhunkainar near Kokan. After graduating from school in Tashkent, he graduated from the Faculty of Philology of the Central Asian State University, completed post-graduate studies in Moscow and received the degree of candidate of science. One of the most famous works of Ozod Sharafiddinov is “Time. Heart. Poetry” included the literary critical researches of the writer related to the problems of poetry in those times. The work also contains literary and critical articles written by the writer about Uzbek poetry and its situation, literary works are studied from the point of view of the laws of art. His research is based on the analysis of national ideals and literary laws.

Ozod Sharafiddinov’s ideas about the creative personality and his place in artistic works are interpreted in the work “Literary Etudes”. His works such as “First Miracle”, “Talent-People’s Property”, “Literature-People’s Property” and “In Search of Beauty” covered the important issues of Uzbek poetry, prose and criticism one by one.

The first period is the years of  Soviet, and the second is the years after independence. In his books “Independence Devotees”, “Sardaftar satrlar”, “On the Paths of Spiritual Perfection”, the writer analyzed with a new look and a new approach the work of his great ancestors, such as Abdurauf Fitrat, Abdulkhamid Chulpan, Osman Nasir, Oybek, Abdulla Kahhar, Gafur Ghulam. Especially, the writer’s research on the works of Chulpan deserve special recognition. For example, in the work “Understanding Chulpan”, the writer analyzes the complex path of the new Uzbek criticism in the 20th century, and sheds light on the work of many critics from the point of view of Chulpan’s work. The place of Uzbek literature in the world and its scientific and spiritual roots are studied and the book “The Happiness of Realizing Creativity” is considered as the peak of creativity of Ozod Sharafiddinov. At this point, it is necessary to pay special attention to the legacy of the writer in the field of translation.

Because the writer introduced the concept of criticism to the art of translation. “Confession” by Leo Tolstoy, “The Chemist” by P. Coelho, “Stop the plane, I’m falling!” by A. Sevela, which are loved by world readers as masterpieces of world literature His works were translated into Uzbek by Ozod Sharafiddinov and reached the hands of Uzbek book lovers. Of course, all the writer’s creative works, artistic and scientific works, as well as translations, played a special role in raising the thinking of our people and enriching our national literature.

          Literary criticism: an in-depth analysis of a literary text. Ozod Sharafiddinov saw literary criticism not only as a means of evaluating the work, but also as a method of studying the internal system of the text and interpreting it in a socio-philosophical context. His research covers a number of areas. For example, in the structuralism of the artistic text, the system of literary images and their dynamics, the compositional structure of the work and its aesthetic impact are analyzed. The direction of ideological-aesthetic harmony is very important and includes the analysis of the national and universal significance of the work, the evaluation of the personality of the writer and his creative principles. Each work has its own language, style, nature, and the study of the influence of language and style on the content of the text is a special direction in the analysis of the work.  

According to Ozod Sharafiddinov’s theory, literary criticism is not only a means of looking for the shortcomings of a work, but also a means of revealing its artistic-aesthetic, philosophical and social essence. Scientist emphasized how important it is to maintain the balance between the originality and the translation. O. Sharafiddinov developed fundamental scientific approaches in the development of the Uzbek translation school. He analyzed the problems encountered in the translation process and their solutions. According to his theory, translation theory should rely on several important factors.

Faithfulness to the original and maintaining the harmony of national thinking, realizing the importance of the translator’s role in re-creating the text are among these. In fact, the work of translators is very important not only in literature, but also in the world community and international friendship. Because cultural codes are transformed in the process of translation. International communication is ensured through artistic translation. Based on the scientific views of the writer, in today’s translation practice, the combination of faithfulness to the original and national thinking is seen as an important methodological principle. Today’s scientific researches show that Sharafiddinov’s approaches play an extremely important role in the development of modern literary criticism and translation theory. Based on his scientific concepts, new trends such as deep research of semiotic and linguistic foundations of translation and enrichment of literary criticism with philosophical thinking entered the literature.

          Summary. The scientific legacy of Ozod Sharafiddinov left an indelible mark on the development of Uzbek literary studies and translation theory. He discovered literary criticism as not just a tool for evaluating a work, but a scientific approach that reveals its inner essence. Despite the fact that the artistic works he analyzed reflected the socio-cultural environment of his time, he also gave a guide to modern literary processes by studying their internal structures.

According to the writer, every created artistic work should be considered as a part of the spiritual heritage of humanity, different peoples and different destinies, along with being a product of the thinking of its time. The writer’s creativity and love for translation praised the fact that the translator is not only a technical creator who translates the text into another language, but also a creative person who creates a bridge between two cultures.  

After all, the process of translation is not a simple change of language, but an art of keeping the balance of meaning and aesthetic harmony.  By further developing the fields of literary criticism and translation theory, researchers following in the footsteps of Ozod Sharafiddinov not only contribute to the recognition of Uzbek literature on a global scale, but also serve to expand the boundaries of scientific thinking. His scientific legacy does not lose its relevance no matter how fast time passes, but on the contrary, it creates a solid ground for new research.

References:

• https://uz.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ozod_Sharafiddinov

• Bekmurodov H. (2018). Basics of Uzbek translation theory. Tashkent: Science and technology.

• Venuti L. (2008). The Translator’s Invisibility: A History of Translation. London: Routledge.

• Rasulov (2000). A. Talent and belief. Tashkent. East

Ochildiyeva Shahnoza

1st-year student at Journalism and Mass Communications university of  Uzbekistan, Faculty of English Philology and Language Teaching

BETWEEN ONE AND ZERO

(Setting: An interview. Anywhere.)

Interviewer: Hello, Mrs. Reynolds.

Melba: Hazelton. I kept my name.

Interview: For the sake of this interview I’m going to refer to you as Mrs. Reynolds.

Melba: Oh, fine. Whatever.

Interview: You’ll settle for that?

Melba: Get on with it. Please.

Interview: Tell me about what happened yesterday.

Melba: That’s it? Are you serious?

Interview: Everything you can remember.

Melba: It was a beautiful day, I guess.

Interviewer: The weather?

Melba: You know I hate this season.

Interviewer: You hate all the seasons, these days. You only notice in the summer.

Melba: Still, the content was beautiful. I woke up at—

Interviewer: I’m more interested in how it ended.

Melba: In sleep, naturally.

Interviewer: And before that?

Melba: Michael barbequed. The meat came out perfectly, not too well-done. There were some fireflies in the garden.

Interviewer: I don’t care about the animals eaten or alive. Those are trivial, incidental. The details distract from the underlying truth.

Melba: I thought you wanted to know everything. Can’t you filter what you decide is important?

Interviewer: Try to focus on the subtleties. What no one but you had empirical access to.

Melba: Such as?

Interviewer: I think you know what you’re not mentioning.

Melba: I woke up. I went to work—

Interviewer: Tried to ignore it. Won’t work, won’t work.

Melba: What?

Interviewer: Boredom boredom crushing boredom. You notice your heart pumping. You’re aware when your lungs release. These things are supposed to be autonomic, but your brain sends the wrong signal. Boredom. Pump. Boredom. Breathe.

Melba: No, I like my job. It took me years to get here.

Interviewer: Not there. Not any one place. In the lining between. Underneath the perfect meat, boredom is a seasoning.

Melba: I love my children. So I love my life. I can’t be bored when I’m filled with love, I can’t. I love my children.

Interviewer: As you love your husband, Michael Reynolds?

Melba: Yes.

Interviewer: He’s someone you protect and fight for. You feel no vaginal passion and fill this gaping hole with any object you can touch. You look at fireflies and try to make them exciting. You watch your children chase them, and you watch yourself watching them. How idyllic, how artful, you force yourself to think. How lucky I must therefore be, as if life were math and you had the winning numbers.

Melba: Happiness isn’t simple, of course. But neither is its absence. There’s no vacuum.

Interviewer: I’m not suggesting you’re completely unhappy, Mrs. Reynolds.

Melba: Melba.

Interviewer: Merely less so than perhaps you should be.

Melba: What, then, should I be? Who should I be?

Interviewer: Someone who remembers when her last orgasm was. (Pause) My god, you do remember, don’t you? And you count the expanding days.

Melba: There’s always a blank spot.

Interview: Yours will grow until it consumes you, for you know you’re aging and pretend that all progress is good. You’re not quite jealous of yourself at 18, not yet. You remember her pain too clearly.

Melba: I always ache after the orgasm. All consensual sex leaves me sore, broken. My constitution wasn’t built to sustain the rush. The subsequent crash is too frequent, too immediate, to justify the high. And it always comes in that order: First good, then bad, with the latter more intense. It never goes in the other order, things never get better. The initial pleasure is invalidated by the overwhelming sharpness. And then: Despair sets in.

Interviewer: That sounds very clinical. Good for you that you’ve articulated your emptiness in a way that makes sense to you. How cleverly you’ve talked yourself out of what you choose to miss. You still miss it, though. You’re not a robot.

Melba: No. I’m definitely not a robot.

Interviewer: Still, you abstain from both peak and valley, turn your life into a flatline. Who gave you the authority to take that away from yourself? To will yourself, if not happy, then old?

Melba: Dread.

Interviewer: Dread is not an authority. It is a liar, even when proves itself right. How is that working out for you, by the way? Are you living without dread, now that you’ve essentially defined yourself by it? (pause)When was the last time you had enjoyable sex?

Melba: I took my children to the park. That is what sex is for.

Interviewer: Not for you? Is pleasure so shallow just because it touches skin?

Melba: For the children, I submitted. As often as it took.

Interview: And every day since is a “lovely” ordeal.

Melba: You should see them, illuminated by the setting sun, following fireflies off of my porch.

Interview: Well, sure. You have to notice the little buzzing things, enjoy each slowly dying second. This is what unhappy optimists do. They pretend the sacrifice is worth it.

Melba: What—what is the point of this interview?

Interviewer: I am conducting research and contrasting you to your alternate.

Melba: Who never married Michael Reynolds?

Interviewer: Correct.

Melba: Which one? There must be an infinite number of scenarios, literally infinite, where I don’t marry Michael. Am I to compete with all of them?

Interviewer: No, although you’re right that forks beget forks, I’m only observing two possibilities. This man or that man, zero or one. I’m judging you against Mrs. Robert Kane.

Melba: (pause)Bobby.

Interviewer: Do you remember that Christmas party when he came back into your life? Or potentially did?

Melba: Daily. But I’m sure I think of everything daily.

Interviewer: Don’t lie to your sub-consciousness. It never works.

Melba: I had already moved in with Michael when Bobby and I…reconnected. By chance at that party. I never would hurt him by pursuing other men.

Interviewer: Why not? There’s no such thing as being pre-married. In order for marriage to mean anything, you can’t give it away too early. But you thought you were more committed to a very specific universe than was the actual case. You were wrong. Cosmically, fundamentally. Atomically.

Melba: You can’t possibly know that. Not as an absolute.

Interviewer: At the rate you’re going you’ll wind up as lonely and sexually frustrated as you were when you were 18, only this time you’ll have no hope to look to. The thing you’ll most consistently dream of is the sound of your husband’s breathing, never knowing if you’re awake or not. Your good dreams will be the cruelest of false positives. That you’re lying next to another human will do nothing but make your loneliness OBSCENE.

All this because you could never recover from the hurt Bobby accidentally threw at you at 18. You could never give real love a second chance, for fear it would leave again. As if Bobby hadn’t grown up at all. So you settled for the plastic that would never decay. When did beauty become so frightening? Around the same time you confused orgasms with torture? You just want life boring so you’ll be less afraid of death. How morbid. You let death win.

I see Mrs. Kane, the one who chose more wisely. I’m sorry to invalidate everything you’ve worked for, but that’s the point—Her smile is less forced. Thus she’s the one I choose to let life breathe into, to close the gap between potential and forever.

Melba: I love my children. Michael’s children.

Interviewer: Take as long as you need to mourn them. But back they go, no harm done.

Melba: How can you say that? You’re not the one who has to go back to the age of 29, and break up with a man you genuinely love. God, I have to look him in the eye.  I have to watch his face.

Interviewer: No doubt this will hurt. But its prevention isn’t worth a lifetime of mediocre fulfillment, which won’t hurt so much as itch in a place you can’t reach. That would be too high an avoidance cost. Tears, though, tears are cathartic, cleansing. How healthful to the body to relieve its inner conflict. (He hands her a tissue)

Melba: (She accepts it but does not take it to her face)Why would you give me this near-complete contentment only to take it away? Do my modest joys come to nothing, for being modest?

Interviewer: I care too much about you to settle for the beta version. Not when I’ve seen you in more perfect light.

Melba: Oh, Michael. My sweet Michael.

Interview: You will miss him. But you miss Bobby more now, a truth which denying fails to fix. Cognizance is better. Dissonance is a waste of your brain.

Melba: This doesn’t feel like change, it feels like death. This Melba Hazelton, this Mrs. Reynolds, is dying. I’m dying.

Interviewer: Oh, Darling. (pause) You are.

Alaina Hammond is a poet, playwright, fiction writer, and visual artist. Her poems, short stories, paintings, drawings and photographs have been published both online and in print. @alainaheidelberger on Instagram. Playwright’s note: Between One and Zero was originally produced at Manhattan Theatre Source, in June 2009. It starred Eliza Lay as Melba and Seth Lombardi as Interviewer.