Poetry from Timothee Bordenave

*****

Bref catéchisme

Tu trouves Dieu dans chaque pas,

Homme saint ! Et toi femme sainte,

Tu l’aimeras vie ou trépas,

Jeune ou vieille, Soeur ou enceinte…

Quant à moi, poète à Paris,

Je ferai de mon mieux pour Lui !

Ce sera peu, tant m’éblouit,

Son ange en mon coeur qui sourit…

Peu oui ! Mais déjà, quelques pages,

Pour dire qu’il faut être sage,

Comme nous l’enseignait Saint Paul…

Pour chanter ceux qui dignes, calmes,

Moururent pour Lui sous la palme,

Ou prirent sa croix à l’épaule…

*****

Jésus à Paris

Paris – qui est ma ville, aux mille et cent églises,

Abrita, on le sait, la nuée des oiseaux,

Elle accueillit aussi la foule des badauds,

Qui arpentent matin, soir, nuit, jour, ses rues grises.

J’y vécus ! Oui : enfant, j’y fus, j’y suis encore,

Aujourd’hui je ne sors plus tant, pour mieux prier,

Hier quatre cent coups, pour l’heure l’encrier,

Autrefois les amours… Cité : scène ou décor.

Il est une légende et je vais vous la dire :

Jésus habite ici, avenue des Lilas,

Oui, le Fils de Dieu même, a choisi d’être là.

Certains racontent l’avoir vu – ils lui parlèrent,

Des nuages du ciel, du soleil, du bel air…

Il est l’esprit des lieux, astres, zénith, nadir.

*****

Poème de reconnaissance

Oh quel bonheur ! Oh quel bonheur !

Viens à moi sans cesse, oh l’Amour !

Oui je l’ai dit je connus jour !

À ton flanc n’ai sèvre en mon coeur !

Les songes infinis s’ébrouent…

Dans l’eau lacs clairs, bleus lagons, mers !

Oh notre Père un rien te voile,

Bénis la Sainte et toi l’étoile !

Le verger, la Lune et la Terre…

Vous me fîtes page de cour,

Et d’heurs en ors votre prière,

Passion, infini mystère,

Me porte aux ailes de vos Anges…

Que j’adorerai pour mélange,

D’une vie donnée en retour,

Aux yeux bleu de nuit, mon secours,

Enfant, nourrisson en vos langes.

*****

Comme une Comptine

Les pastels de bleus, d’ors, habilleront le Ciel,

Et partout sonne le refrain – bourdon de miel…

La musique en tout sens étalée là, éclate,

Et règne sans dessus – dessous – mer disparate.

Je me promène allant dépenser du tabac,

Et d’un air sobre, lent,

Marche au pas de combat…

L’homme est un animal ! Mystère, Loi des Fables.

Il vivra vieux, pensif et assis à sa table,

S’il connaît ce poncif :

« Au carrefour un arbre,

C’est ainsi !

Un Platane !

Je ne suis pas de marbre…

Voici,

Braire mon âne. »

*****

Esther

Ou : Petit Pied d’argent

Elle était là, mais oui Venise,

Venise est elle sans ses filles ?

Par le vieux Ghetto et l’eglise,

Oui juste là, Judeira,

Le trois. Et je la vis au bras,

D’une fontaine où brille l’eau,

Versée par un enfant… Halo !

Quand je lui dis « Quel est ton nom ? »

Elle répondit Esthera.

« – Quel est ton nom doux – étranger ? »

Me demanda t elle à son tour.

« Je suis Timothée, dis – je, et j’ai,

Tout juste là trouvé l’amour ! »

Puis la tendre, si belle au jour…

– Vous dirais je ici ? Et puis, non,

Poète n’est il roi du coeur,

Sans raison ?

           – Il aime à mesure.

*****

L’amandier

A l’ombre d’un amandier,

En sifflotant, je sillonne,

Un champ ou la vie foisonne,

En vrai, joyeux jardinier.

Je n’avance pas, je donne,

Tout à ce cher amandier,

Le chant d’un paradisier,

Prouve que la terre est bonne.

Ma tête sous son calot,

J’aperçois au loin les bois,

Parfois je m’arrête et bois,

La fumée de mon brûlot.

Puis au soir, viens mon repos,

Je fume une herbe sauvage,

Et serein, je dévisage,

La lune, à tout cœur appeau…

*****

Jeunesse

Mon sablier de sang s’est vidé de l’aurore,

Oh ciel! Tant pis pour ça, tant pis pour les fusées,

A présent l’aube blanche ouvre ses ailes d’or,

Puis le lapis cinglant ceint mon front irisé…

Une charrette d’os à jeter dans l’oubli,

Mare sacrée des morts, le jour me reste à faire,

Les rêves trop lointains s’effacent dans mon lit,

Quand le matin sévère aiguise son mystère.

J’aperçois que plus loin : les nues sont entrouvertes,

Et repense à la Nuit ! Qui vient d’être passée…

En songeant que nos vies, quoique d’aucuns dissertent,

Ne sont que gouttes d’eau d’un océan lacées.

*****

Zut

Deux vieillards promenant leurs odeurs liminaires,

Dans le bus. Lui qui branle un chef un peu rassis,

Elle roide, quoique tremblant un peu aussi,

Tous deux fatigués, gris, d’une couleur de pierre.

Au milieu des cahots, ils sont là face à face,

Pensifs, presque rêveurs, une moue sur les lèvres,

Et pris au piège de leur destin qui s’achève,

Semblent consentir aux caprices de l’espace.

Puis, ils se lèvent, sortent dans la rue de Rennes,

Qu’ils arpenteront, quêtant pour leur quotidien

Cette vie échappée des cœurs que la mort gène,

Vers leur appartement aux meubles trop anciens.

****

Timothée Bordenave

Château d’Assat. France.

Pour European Poetry. 2024.XII.

A Brief Catechism

You find God in every step,
Holy man! And you, holy woman,
You will love Him life or death,
Young or old, Sister or pregnant…

As for me, a poet in Paris,
I will do my best for Him!
It will be little, so dazzles me,
His angel in my heart who smiles…

Little, yes! But already, a few pages,
To say that one must be wise,
As Saint Paul taught us…

To sing of those who, worthy, calm,
Died for Him under the palm,
Or took His cross on their shoulders…


Jesus in Paris

Paris – which is my city, with its thousand and one hundred churches,
Sheltered, as we know, the flock of birds,
It also welcomed the crowd of onlookers,
Who walk its gray streets morning, evening, night, and day.

I lived there! Yes: as a child, I was there, I am still there,
Today I don’t go out so much, the better to pray,
Yesterday four hundred blows, now the inkwell,
Formerly love affairs… City: scene or setting.

There is a legend, and I’ll tell it to you:
Jesus lives here, on Avenue des Lilas,
Yes, the Son of God himself chose to be here.

Some say they saw him – they spoke to him,
Of the clouds in the sky, of the sun, of the beautiful air…
He is the spirit of the place, stars, zenith, nadir.


Poem of Gratitude

Oh what happiness! Oh what happiness!
Come to me constantly, oh Love!
Yes, I said it, I knew day!
At your side, I am not weaned in my heart!

Infinite dreams shake…
In the water, clear lakes, blue lagoons, seas!
Oh our Father, a trifle veils you,
Bless the Saint and you, the star! The orchard, the Moon, and the Earth…

You made me a page of court,
And your prayer, with golden happiness,
Passion, infinite mystery,
Carries me on the wings of your Angels…

Whom I will adore as a mixture,
Of a life given in return,
With the blue eyes of night, my help,
Child, infant in your swaddling clothes.


Like a Nursery Rhyme

Pastels of blue, of gold, will dress the Sky,
And everywhere rings the refrain – honey drone…

The music spread out there, bursts forth,
And reigns upside down – a disparate sea.

I walk, going to spend some tobacco,
And with a sober, slow air,
March at the marching pace…

Man is an animal! Mystery, Law of Fables. He will live to be old, thoughtful, and seated at his table,

If he knows this cliché:

“At the crossroads, a tree,
That’s it!
A plane tree!

I am not made of marble…
Here,
Braying my donkey.”


Esther
Or: Little Silver Foot

She was there, yes, Venice,
Is Venice without her daughters?
By the old Ghetto and the church,
Yes, right there, Judeira,

The third. And I saw her on the arm,
Of a fountain where the water sparkles,
Poured by a child… Halo!

When I asked her, “What is your name?”

She answered Esthera.
“- What is your sweet name – stranger?”
She asked me in turn. “I am Timothy,” I say, “and I have

found love right here!”
Then tenderness, so beautiful in the daylight…

  • Would I tell you here? And then, no,
    Isn’t a poet king of the heart,

Without reason?

  • He loves as he goes.

The Almond Tree

In the shade of an almond tree,
Whistling, I wander,
A field teeming with life,
Like a true joyful gardener.

I don’t move forward, I give,
Everything to this dear almond tree,
The song of a bird of paradise,
Proves that the earth is good.

My head under its cap,
I glimpse the woods in the distance,
Sometimes I stop and drink,
The smoke from my firebrand.

Then in the evening, my rest comes,
I smoke a wild herb,
And serene, I gaze,
The moon, calling to every heart…


Youth

My hourglass of blood has emptied itself of dawn,
Oh heavens! So much for that, so much for the rockets,
Now the white dawn opens its golden wings,
Then the stinging lapis lazuli encircles my iridescent brow…

A cartload of bones to throw into oblivion,
Sacred pool of the dead, the day remains for me to make,
Dreams too distant fade into my bed,
When the severe morning sharpens its mystery.

I perceive that further away: the clouds are half-open,
And I think of the Night again! Which has just passed…
Thinking that our lives, though some may argue,
Are but drops of water in a laced ocean.


Damn

Two old men strolling their liminal scents,
On the bus. He’s jerking off a somewhat stale head,
She’s stiff, though also trembling a little,
Both tired, gray, the color of stone.

In the midst of the bumps, they stand there face to face,
Pensive, almost dreamy, a pout on their lips,
And trapped by their destiny which is coming to an end,
Seem to consent to the whims of space.

Then, they get up, go out into the street of Rennes,
Which they pace

Timothee Bordenave is a French author of fiction, poet and essayist. He lives in Paris, when not abroad or in a countryside retreat. He has published many books, and thousands of blog posts, either in French or in English.

He is also an artist, as a photographer and a painter, and is currently represented by different galleries and websites.

Timothee was born in Paris in 1984, then studied literature at high school, then law, then he became a librarian. Today he is devoted to art, and to his writings.

Poetry by Mahbub Alam

Middle aged South Asian man with reading glasses, short dark hair, and an orange and green and white collared shirt. He's standing in front of a lake with bushes and grass in the background.
Mahbub Alam

Asia’s Death

Darkness with the ghosts haunts my room

The place is not allowed to stay any more

The sleeping peel can’t give me sleep in bed

That peel has snatched away Asia’s life

.

Asia, a girl of eight

In her deep sleep was raped and tortured

By her sister’s father in law with the help of family members

Struggling with life for eight days in the hospital

She expired today.

Now the time is spring and the sacred month of Ramadan

When nature spreads its glow by its own

The glory we enjoy in every step

The new leaves are coming out at the place of old falling down

On the roads and fields.

Inspite of all those beautiful sights

I see nothing in this dark world I live

Asias are dying in bed without any claim

In subconscious mind I feel sorry to think

The victims die before the death of the rapist

Like the tigers in the forest they roam about

After eating the flesh of a doe.

In this dark room I switch on the light

But darkness never removes

Something hounds me in my surroundings

That always sag my heart deep into fear.

I ask my country, how are you, dear Bangladesh?

Are the conductors okay to help drive the bus well?

 Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh

13  March, 2025.

Md. Mahbubul Alam is from Bangladesh. His writer name is Mahbub John in Bangladesh. He is a Senior Teacher (English) of Harimohan Government High School, Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh. Chapainawabganj is a district town of Bangladesh. He is an MA in English Literature from Rajshahi College under National University. He has published three books of poems in Bangla. He writes mainly poems but other branches of literature such as prose, article, essay etc. also have been published in national and local newspapers, magazines, little magazines. He has achieved three times the Best Teacher Certificate and Crest in National Education Week in the District Wise Competition in Chapainawabganj District. He has gained many literary awards from home and abroad. His English writings have been published in Synchronized Chaos for seven years.

Poetry from Mirta Liliana Ramirez

Older middle aged Latina woman with short reddish brown hair, light brown eyes, and a grey blouse.
Mirta Liliana Ramirez

Catharsis

In my memory I founded my private library of memories…

I only selected the good things

that made and make me happy…

I had a good life

and I learned a lot from it,

how to avoid pain and then, laugh.

Many illnesses

of age

with my good and strong attitude

nothing will break me…

As long as I can I will walk paths,

and when I can’t anymore

I will fly high and far,

nothing will stop me…

And if I fly from this life

I will be a breeze to kiss

those who remember me

and those I knew how to love…

I will be verses,

I will be poems for whoever wants to remember me…

Mirta Liliana Ramírez has been a poet and writer since she was 12 years old. She has been a Cultural Manager for more than 35 years. Creator and Director of the Groups of Writers and Artists: Together for the Letters, Artescritores, MultiArt, JPL world youth, Together for the letters Uzbekistan 1 and 2. She firmly defends that culture is the key to unite all the countries of the world. She works only with his own, free and integrating projects at a world cultural level. She has created the Cultural Movement with Rastrillaje Cultural and Forming the New Cultural Belts at the local level and also from Argentina to the world.

Poetry from Maja Milojkovic

Younger middle aged white woman with long blonde hair, glasses, and a green top and floral scarf and necklace.
Maja Milojkovic

THE WIND THAT KILLS LOVE

The wind rises from distant lands,

carrying cold and fury.

It rushes through valleys, crashes against cliffs,

sweeps across fields where young trees struggle to find their footing.

The weaker ones bend, some break, some are uprooted entirely.

Love is like that tree.

If its soil is not firm, if it is not nurtured with care,

warmed by tenderness, strengthened by trust,

the first storm can shatter it.

People have forgotten that love must be tended.

They have forgotten that a tear can be water,

that a word can be light, that a touch can be shelter.

The winds are growing stronger.

The world is cracking under their force.

Love vanishes in the grip of fear,

in the silence of cold stares, in the emptiness of unspoken thoughts.

And yet, all it takes is a hand to steady the young tree until its roots grow deep.

It is not too late. The wind is just the wind—

unless we give it the power to break us.

Maja Milojković was born in 1975 in Zaječar, Serbia. She is a person to whom from an early age, Leonardo da Vinci’s statement “Painting is poetry that can be seen, and poetry is painting that can be heard” is circulating through the blood. That’s why she started to use feathers and a brush and began to reveal the world and herself to them. As a poet, she is represented in numerous domestic and foreign literary newspapers, anthologies and electronic media, and some of her poems can be found on YouTube. Many of her poems have been translated into English, Hungarian, Bengali and Bulgarian due to the need of foreign readers. She is the recipient of many international awards. “Trees of Desire” is her second collection of poems in preparation, which is preceded by the book of poems “Moon Circle”. She is a member of the International Society of Writers and Artists “Mountain Views” in Montenegro, and she also is a member of the Poetry club “Area Felix” in Serbia.

Poetry from Lilian Dipasupil Kunimasa

Light skinned Filipina woman with reddish hair, a green and yellow necklace, and a floral pink and yellow and green blouse.
Lilian Dipasupil Kunimasa

Wet Puppy

Too young for love to have known

Yet pleasures to him have shown

First time, passion in vein has flown

His once innocent mind overblown

Why can they all not understand

Besides her, he will always stand

All rules, family, and gang disband

Follow only her sweet command

His fat purse, to her, he handed over

Not enough, expenses he has to cover

Stole for her avarice, he went further

Lies and disrespect, with her hover

Hurting the ones who truly cares

Reject all the advises anyone shares

Insulting remarks, to put on his airs

Disappointments of his new self bears

Ah! such a lose of a great child

Puppy love has made him so wild

Wet behind ears, no words mind filed

Deaf he became to discipline mild

And all that’s left in his parent’s mind

When will he, the enlightenment find

So Much Better

It is better to have a dream born

Than lived in ignorance of mourn

A dream that purity in heart sworn

Yet the limits of reality did not scorn

It is better a river crossing a desert

Than remained forever pond inert

Heart and soul in journey’s risk exert

Travelled routes though not expert

It is better to be a moon in the night

In darkness the only source of light

Though sky may overwhelm it tight

Who else’s seen such beautiful sight

It is better to be a childish dreamer

When all desires in the night gather

In midst of storm a warmth for cover

Dreams where one’s Hope can hover

Counted be as a naive heart’s illusion

Speechless be one before such vision

A heart filled with love and devotion

Living water revitalizes one’s mission

Lilian Dipasupil Kunimasa was born January 14, 1965, in Manila Philippines. She has worked as a retired Language Instructor, interpreter, caregiver, secretary, product promotion employee, and private therapeutic masseur. Her works have been published as poems and short story anthologies in several language translations for e-magazines, monthly magazines, and books; poems for cause anthologies in a Zimbabwean newspaper; a feature article in a Philippine newspaper; and had her works posted on different poetry web and blog sites. She has been writing poems since childhood but started on Facebook only in 2014. For her, Poetry is life and life is poetry.

Lilian Kunimasa considers herself a student/teacher with the duty to learn, inspire, guide, and motivate others to contribute to changing what is seen as normal into a better world than when she steps into it. She has always considered life as an endless journey, searching for new goals, and challenges and how she can in small ways make a difference in every path she takes. She sees humanity as one family where each one must support the other and considers poets as a voice for Truth in pursuit of Equality and proper Stewardship of nature despite the hindrances of distorted information and traditions.

Poetry from Shamsiya Khudoynazarova Turumnova

Young middle aged Central Asian woman with short brown hair, reading glasses, a floral top and brown jacket.
Shamsiya Khudoynazarova Turumovna

Look, March Has Entered This World!

This day will pass too, no day lasts forever,

Do not bow to darkness, be proud, endure.

Do not grieve, even if arrows pierce your chest,

For sorrow, too, is a gift from the Almighty.

This day will pass too, no day lasts forever,

The sun will shine and laugh upon us as well.

My dear, do not despair, do not lose heart,

Do not cry – hope still shines in our eyes.

This day will pass too, no day lasts forever,

Like snow, all sorrows will one day melt away.

One day we will weep with joy,

Our lashes trembling, our shoulders shaking…

This day will pass too, no day lasts forever,

The world belongs to those who do not break.

Do not let your heart be torn, keep it strong,

It is not the peaks that fall, but the hearts that falter.

This day will pass too, no day lasts forever,

My dear, do not grieve, wipe away your tears.

Look, we have reached the spring,

Look, March has entered this world!

Look!…

Shamsiya Khudoynazarova Turumovna (February 15, 1973) was born in Uzbekistan. She studied at the Faculty of Journalism of Tashkent State University (1992-1998). She took first place in the competition of young republican poets (1999). Four collections of her poems have been published in Uzbekistan: “Leaf of the Heart” (1998), “Roads to You” (1998), “The Sky in My Chest” (2007), “Lovely Melodies” (2013). She wrote poetry in more than ten genres. She translated some Russian and Turkish poets into Uzbek, as well as a book by Yunus Emro. She lived as a political immigrant with her family for five years in Turkey and five years in Ukraine. Currently Shamsiya lives in Switzerland. She is married and the mother of five children, and has come back to writing and translation after ten years.

Short story from Linda S. Gunther

Blonde haired white woman in a jean jacket seated at a marble countertop

GITCHIE GOO

      By Linda S. Gunther

Zee exited the Lavender Day Spa and decided to walk down Primrose Street to the Stone Coffee Pot for a pumpkin latte. It was late October in Silicon Valley. The clouds had turned dark, a steel gray, and the temperature chilly, several degrees colder than at the start of her 50-minute massage; a birthday gift from Barb, one of her best friends.

“I know you never treat yourself to a ‘pamper,’ but my masseuse is more than special,” Barb had said with a wink. “You’ll want to go back. I promise.”

Zee had resisted spending money on any type of self-pampering. For some reason, she felt guilty inside when on the rare occasion she’d splurge on a manicure or pedicure, pricey haircut or facial. It had been a few years since she had indulged in any of that. But today she had let herself completely submit, welcoming the promised loving care from Zane, Barb’s twenty-something Aussie masseuse.

It was the extra care Zee needed after having just learned that her sister’s husband Gus was diagnosed with brain cancer. With two kids and a third one on the way, her sister sobbed on the phone two nights ago. Gus was scheduled for surgery next week. Zee planned take time off from work to be there with her in San Francisco, and already cleared with her employer.

Zipping up her sweatshirt, Zee stepped down the Spa’s stone staircase to the pavement, and started the half block walk. A few drops hit the top of her head. She picked up her pace hoping to beat the rain that she suddenly recalled had been predicted on the news the night before. Stopping dead in her tracks, she quickly pivoted, but not without tripping over a gap in the pavement. Rushing back up the steps to the spa’s entrance and into the shadow of the entryway, she pressed her back against the stone wall, hoping she was out of sight. He walked by. Peeking out she saw the tails of Reed’s khaki raincoat flapping in the wind, his shoulder length dark hair flying in the wind. She watched him turn up the collar of his coat.  

Her mind drifted to the ‘once upon a time’ code they had between them. ‘Gitchi goo.’ It had been their private signal, their private language. If they were out at a dragging social event or family gathering that seemed to go on for too long, one of them would whisper the two words. “Gitchi goo.” The other would nod and echo back the same two words. “Gitchi goo.”

Within a few minutes, Reed would typically be the one to make the excuse to the host as to why they needed to depart. “Early meeting in the morning” or “unfortunately, the only choice of dental appointments was at sunrise” were the apologetic words he’d offer with a smile and a smooth handshake. Then Zee and Reed would go home and make love. This happened every time following their “gitchi goo’s.” Zee had even made the password to her iPhone, gitchygoo.

Zee’s full birth name was Zelda Sayre Fitzsimmons, named after Zelda Sayre Fitzgerald, who was her mother’s favorite historical figure from the 1920’s and 30’s. Zelda had been a notorious flapper who had married F Scott Fitzgerald and then drove him crazy with her wild ways and high emotions.  Zee’s divorced mother, Greta was a zealous enthusiast and had modeled her own life as wildly as Zelda Fitzgerald’s. Zee was embarrassed by her mother’s behavior and often scolded Greta for being out at least 2 or 3 nights a week getting drunk with her friends at the corner bar.  Often Greta would bring home a man late at night, and dance to loud music in the living room, often on school nights. Zee and her sister would be forced to listen to their antics through thin walls, to the moans and giggles that would go on until early morning when the sisters would sneak to get a peak from their bedroom door. They’d see a man hurdling out of the apartment door, a stranger they’d never see again.  Zee hated her given name, Zelda Sayre Fitzsimmons while her older sister enjoyed the more ordinary name of Barbara Ann, a name Zee wished she had.

She had called herself Zee since she was eleven-years old, and then legally changed her name the day following her high school graduation from Zelda Sayre Fitzsimmons to Zee Fitzsimmons. She spent her first day of college in the Administration office equipped with all required documentation proving the legal name change.

Out of sight, up against the stone wall of the day spa, she watched him walk down the street and turn right at the corner. She had lived with Reed for almost four years. It had been three years since their nasty break up; the break up that had shaken her to the core.

Zee walked down the street, the patter of rain picking up. She raised the hood of her sweatshirt unable to shake the thought of Reed out of her head.

The shock to her system happened at lunch one day three years ago, when her friend Edith, a friend Zee hadn’t seen for quite a while. Edith mentioned that she had attended a Silicon Valley Marketing Communications conference the week before. And not only was Reed at the same conference but he was the recipient of the coveted Brightest Star Award honoring his exemplary achievements in Marketing and Public Relations work. Edith was the leader of a much smaller PR firm than Reed’s mega company and was excited to meet Reed following his acceptance speech. It was at the champagne party at the end of the day where she had a chance to meet him in person and talk with him for a few short minutes. He was surrounded by several colleagues and admirers, all congratulating him as he held up his award. “One of his colleagues, her name was Lisa something or other I think,” Edith described. “Well, in the midst of the cocktail conversation Reed looked over at the woman and said “gitchi goo” or something like that. “It was kind of weird,” Edith said, with a shrug. “I bet it was some kind of marketing campaign slogan. Evidently.” The young woman turned to him and responded with those two same words, “gitchi goo.”

Zee stared down her crème brulee, as Edith continued.

“Then he and Lisa made a brisk exit saying that they both needed to get back to the office and prepare for the next day of marathon meetings with some new client.

Edith giggled. “I mean, you are one lucky woman. Snagging Reed Comack.  He’s a gladiator. And, I didn’t realize how attractive he was until I was standing there less than a foot away from him.”

 Zee pulled out her cell phone, and said, “Oh no.”  She quickly made some excuse Edith about an important academic meeting she had completely forgotten about. She handed Edith a 50-dollar bill and politely extricated herself from her lunch table, the words “gitchie goo” echoed in her head.  Zee knew most of Reed’s work colleagues, especially those he worked closely with. There was Ben – CFO, Dan – VP of Sales, Connie – his HR Director, Rudy from Product Development, and Jennifer, his executive admin. Zee had never heard him mention anyone named Lisa.

When she lived with Reed, Zee was instructor of Sociology at a local community college, and was simultaneously finishing up a Masters degree in Social Justice. She had been accepted into a PhD program and had started writing a book she titled FAIRNESS – A SAFE HARBOR (Re-discovering balance in an unbalanced world).

The day after Edith dropped the bomb at lunch, Zee launched an amateur investigation of Reed’s comings and goings to and from his Silicon Valley office. At home, she tried to act normal with him, avoiding too much time together, and feigning sleep when she was wide awake.

Distressed, she found him canoodling in a wine bar a day later with the tall young blonde at lunchtime. The day after that, at the end of his work day, she followed him to the same woman’s apartment in Palo Alto. The mailbox tag read, Lisa Cannon. On the third day of her trailing him, she spotted the two lovers fondling each other in his car at the north forty of his company parking lot. Zee’s whole world crumbled in three short days. She had trusted him. Then she confronted him, flashing an array of revealing photos.

Three years had dragged by since their split and there he was looking as swag as ever rushing down the street. Thank God he had turned the corner and hopefully she’d never see him again.

She dropped the idea of a pumpkin latte and instead headed to the parking lot for her car. She had agreed to a date with Chris that night, a man she had met at the gym. He was in Sales and talked a lot about his job as they stepped side by side on the stair master on Tuesday and Thursday evenings. After a month of chit chat, he asked her for a date. This weekend was the start of his company’s annual conference at a hotel in San Mateo. She was sorry she had said yes to their date. He picked her up at 6:30, wearing a royal blue crew neck sweater and black khaki’s; and drove them to his favorite restaurant in south San Francisco. It was a well-known Mexican restaurant, known for its gourmet cuisine. She had always wanted to go. Along the way, they listened to a country western music station, and sang along. Zee didn’t mind the music as much as the fact he didn’t inquire at all about her musical genre preferences.

Seated at a corner table in the back of the restaurant, Latin music played softly in the background. Chris ordered a pitcher of margaritas. Once their glasses were filled, he started to talk about himself. It went on non-stop from the time they ordered until they were served and then didn’t stop jabbering throughout the meal, pausing only to finish the pitcher and order another margarita, only this time a single Cadillac version for himself. Zee barely touched the first one he poured for her. At first, he went on about his job, the big deals he was doing as Director of Sales, then about the four bedroom-house he purchased three months ago. He moved on to his passion for downhill skiing, and the new Cyber truck he was set to buy. Zee attempted to insert a few things about herself but without any success. He spoke over her whenever she spoke. As if in the midst of auditioning for a lead role in a stage play, he spewed a monologue that seemed like it would never end. She wanted to escape, regretted that she had agreed to a date with a narcissist. It was a mistake. She had enough experience with that type in the past. She noticed that her head was starting to ache. The walls of the spacious restaurant seemed to be closing in on her. Her brain jammed with the events of the last 24 hours: her sister’s tragic news, the morning at the spa where she allowed herself to have a few minutes of ecstasy after the massage, and then having spotted Reed on the street. It was all too much for her to handle. She closed her eyes for a moment. Her head was pounding, Chris’ voice hammered away on his achievements without a pause.

Zee reached out to the small wicker basket at the center of their table. Inserting her hand under the red cloth napkin, she snatched up a warm over-sized flour tortilla. She held it high above her head, flicked her wrist and pitched the tortilla across the high-ceilinged dining room. It sailed through the air and landed on the top edge of the elaborate wood entry door which had been left slightly ajar. In awe at the height she had achieved with the flying tortilla, she was more astounded at what she saw as her eyes came back to table level.  There he was again, Reed, sitting just a few tables away. It was the second time she’d seen him in last eight hours. But this time he was staring at her.

Zee hadn’t been in the same room with Reed since the day she walked out the front door of his townhouse three years ago. A memory flashed before her eyes, the moment when she had confronted him with the photographs, the ones she had secretly captured of him and his blonde-haired lover. She recalled how he looked baffled, then shoved his hands in his sweatpants pockets, shrugging his shoulders, and dropping his head to avoid eye contact.

“I’m a bum, Zee. I’m just a bum,” he had said, looking down at his bare feet. “I don’t deserve you.”

His reaction to her accusation had been almost more devastating to her than his infidelity. It stung. She had stormed into their bedroom to pack her three suitcases. He didn’t go after her or have any words to offer while she rushed to get her things together. Instead, he wandered into his study, sat in his leather swivel chair, his back to the open door. Once she made the three trips to load her car with boxes, suitcases and the two framed museum posters she had hung on the bedroom wall, she walked into his study. “I’ll be back tomorrow to get the rest,” she said. “While you’re at work,” she emphasized. “I know how busy you are with your work.” He didn’t turn to look at her.

Now here he was, Reed Comack, less than ten feet away in the Mexican restaurant. He sat across from a beefy man wearing a dark suit and red tie. Sporting his signature preppy look, Reed wore a black turtleneck and herring bone wool blazer. The lock of dark hair, a long curl that fell below his left eye still hung there, like it had three years ago, the same curl she’d brush away from his eyes when they were in bed making love. She had often teased him often about that lazy curl. It was the only lazy thing about him.

They locked eyes across the restaurant for at least three beats of Zee’s still wounded heart. Then he looked away back to the man across the table. Zee’s date had finally stopped talking.

“Geesh. That was kind of disruptive, don’t you think?” Chris said, pushing his chair back from the table. The three seniors at the table next to them stared.

“I don’t know what came over me,” she said. “I-I…” She looked up at the tortilla dangling at the top left edge of the high arched entry door. The door opened wide and the tortilla Zee had pitched hit the well-dressed young woman on the top of her head. The woman’s mouth gaped wide open as she looked up. A busboy quickly retrieved the tortilla from the tiled floor and tossed it into a plastic bin set at the side of the wood-carved restaurant bar.

“Oh my God,” Chris put a hand to his forehead, trying to shrink himself in the cane chair. “This is some date.”

“Oh, sorry for that,” Zee said apologetically. She glanced back at Reed and could him sign for the check.

“Are you feeling alright?” Chris asked her, with a hint of sarcasm.

“I’m fine,” she said.

“Now, what was I just talking about?’ he said. “Oh yeah, I was telling you about my biz trip to Switzerland which turned into an unforgettable ski trip. I was on the summit, skis pointed downhill, goggles on, gazing up at the glorious sky when…”

The server appeared at their table interrupting. She was ready for a likely reprimand from the restaurant staff.

“Miss, I was asked to hand you this note,” their dark-haired server said. He placed the note by her dinner plate and rushed away.

Zee read the hand-written note.

Zee, you still know how to steal a scene. BTW I still have your high school yearbook and what looks like your grade school diary. Been saving them for you. Reed. 408 723 1414.

“Someone wanting to sign you for the Giants team?” Chris said jokingly, then rolled his eyes, placing his napkin on the table. “That’s quite an arm you got there.”

“No, it’s a note from the restaurant manager requesting that I have the server discard items from the table instead of me doing it.” She stuffed the note in her purse.

Chris narrowed his eyes and signaled for the check. Zee kept still and quiet. He quickly paid with a credit card, not even waiting to see the total on the bill. As they exited the restaurant, she resisted the urge to look over at Reed. Chris was quiet on their drive back. No music. No talking. No boasting. She had achieved her desired outcome from her date. He turned into a hotel parking lot, slowing into a space close to the hotel entrance. “Spend the night with me,” he said, taking her hand. “I have a beautiful suite overlooking the bay.”

“What?” she said. “But you…”

“I’ll get you home early in the morning,” he interrupted. “We’ll have a nice breakfast first.”

And that’s when Zee dished back her own monologue, letting him know that the tortilla thing was her reaction to his non-stop bragging without giving one God-damn to learn one thing about her life. “Take me home now or I’ll call an Uber.” He obeyed without another word. At her door, she uttered a curt “good night.”

“See you at the gym,” he said. She slammed the car door. She wanted to kick his passenger door before she walked away, but resisted.

In bed, Zee had trouble relaxing. She realized that she wanted her high school yearbook and diary back, and she couldn’t stop thinking of Reed. Awaking the next morning, she pulled out the note she had zipped into her wallet the night before and phoned Reed to arrange to meet. His voice was playful and he said he was happy to reunite her with her two nostalgic two items. She agreed to having a quick coffee with him. Sipping her pumpkin latte at the coffee spot opposite the man she once considered her soul mate, she had the jitters. As Reed sipped on his coffee, he confessed not only to the love affair with Lisa, who had been a college hire at his company but that he had actually fallen in love with the young woman and they had married two years ago. When she heard the words, Zee was felt traumatized and wanted to bolt but then quickly noticed that he wasn’t wearing a wedding ring.

“Lisa passed away,” he whispered.

“She died?”

“Five months ago,” he said, and brushed away the curl which usually hung over his right eye like a perfect half-moon. “Car crash. I’ve been trying to focus on work. But…but, I can’t get her off my mind. She was everything to me.”

“Reed. I’m so sorry.”

“I shouldn’t have said all that,” he said, pushing his coffee cup away. “Let’s change the subject. Tell me about your PhD. Should I be calling you Dr. Fitzsimmons?”

“No, I didn’t pursue it after we…”

“Because of us? Damn it, Zee. You still teaching Sociology at the college? Did you finish your book?”

She stared down at the cinnamon bits floating on the latte, the white foam having disappeared into the now light brown liquid. “No, I quit teaching and never picked up with working on the book again.”

“So, you’re doing what now?”

Zee squirmed, feeling guilty to focus on anything to do with her life after his devastating news. “I’m actually a private investigator,” she said. “Worker’s compensation cases mostly but the occasional wayward husband, grand theft and maybe a dozen embezzlement cases now under my belt. I work three days a week for a small firm. I also run my own private business on the side.”

“That’s fucking amazing,” Reed said. His cellphone chimed. “Please excuse me,” he said. “Don’t leave, ok? This will only take ten seconds. I promise.”

Zee nodded. “No prob. I’ll get another latte. You?”

“No thanks, I’m good,” he said and walked away speaking into the phone.

Zee ordered at the counter while Reed stepped outside the entry door to take the call. Settled down at the table with her drink, she felt confused, processing the fact that her ex had fallen in love with his young lover enough to actually propose and get married. How could she blame him after the poor woman died? But he had been a liar and a cheat, and there was no excuse for that.

Reed sat down. “You really are a private eye, aren’t you?”

“What do you mean?” she said, taking a sip.

“I just googled you. You’re with Harker Day. Good firm.”

“You didn’t believe me? Thought I was lying? Like someone else we know? Fuck you.” Her buried anger spilled.

“I want to hire you,” he said.

“What?” She started buttoning up her coat.

“I think someone killed my wife,” he said. “She was targeted. A truck hit her Mustang and the fucking driver disappeared off the face of the earth.”

Reed reached down into his black leather laptop bag and placed her old diary and tattered school yearbook on the table.

“What you left behind,” he said.

She noticed the tiny hairline scar under his left eye, the product of a third-grade schoolyard accident he had told her about some years ago.

“Will you do an investigation? I’ll pay you well.”

“Reed, I can’t. Anyway, I’m off for two weeks starting this Monday. I’ll be in San Francisco. My brother-in-law is having brain surgery to remove a malignant tumor. I’ll be watching my sister’s two young kids while she goes back and forth to the hospital.

“Oh god, I’m sorry,” he said. “Beth’s husband, Greg?”

“Beth’s husband Gus, not Greg.”

“Oh yeah, I knew his name started with a ‘g.’ He was a good guy. I mean, he’s still a good guy. But you won’t be wrapped up every minute watching those kids, right?”

Zee shook her head and look down at the latte.

“You still have that wild red hair,” he said.

She looked up at him and wanted to reply with: and you still have those chocolate brown eyes that could melt a woman’s heart.

“Not my fault,” Zee replied instead.

“It was all my fault, Zee.”

“Reed, I meant my wild red frizzy hair. Not my fault.” She grinned. “It’s the legacy my dear mother left me. You still think I’m holding a grudge, don’t you? Look, I moved on from us. Very quickly!”

“I-I didn’t mean to offend you,” he murmured.

“Reed, I’m very sorry for your loss but I can’t possibly help you with this.”

“$10K cash up front and no matter what, even if you find nothing in a week or so, you keep the money. No, make that $15k up front. Like I said, no refund back to me after a week of you investigating.”

“Are you trying to make reparations for what you did years ago with a cash settlement now?” She peered into her second pumpkin latte which sat on the table, the light foam topping she had requested having disappeared entirely.

“No, that’s not my goal. I want you to do this,” he whispered, his voice scratchy.

“You’re a rich man. Why not hire a big-time firm to investigate? Why me?”

“Because I want to keep this on the down low. That’s the main reason. And, I trust you.

“You trust me. Thanks for the compliment,” she said, looking away. “Let me think about it.” She I’ll call you tomorrow.” She knew that she was opening the gate to the devil’s garden. She could hear the rattle of the rusty hinges, as she left the table and walked out the door.

The next day she didn’t call him back and by close to 5 p.m. she had successfully changed her phone number with Verizon. She tapped in a new phone password which was now ‘nomoregitchygoo.’

Linda S. Gunther is the author of six published suspense novels: Ten Steps from the Hotel Inglaterra, Endangered Witness, Lost in the Wake, Finding Sandy Stonemeyer, Dream Beach, and Death is a Great Disguiser. Most recently, her memoir titled A Bronx Girl (growing up in the Bronx in the 1960’s) was released in late 2023. Ms. Gunther’s short stories, poetry, book reviews and essays have been published in a variety of literary journals across the world. Website: www.lindasgunther.com