Essay from Madina Furkatova

Young Central Asian teen girls seated at a classroom table listening to one of them standing to speak to them. Uzbek flags and bookshelves in the background.

Breaking Barriers: Young Women Leaders Transform Uzbekistan Through Revolutionary “EmpowerHer” Forum

Madina Furkatova 

Coordinator of Uzbekistan Youth Union,

 Founder of “Community Changers” volunteer club

Email: furqatovamadina7@gmail.com  Contact: +998901027107

In a groundbreaking initiative that connected 150 young women across Uzbekistan and Karakalpakstan, the “EmpowerHer: Republican Women Leaders Forum” has emerged as a catalyst for unprecedented change in female leadership development. This three-day online forum, spearheaded by the “Community Changers” club, addresses a critical gap that has long hindered the region’s progress: limited access to leadership development opportunities for young women.     

It was great opportunity and inspiration for me to join the Leader Girls Forum. It was a truly inspiring event where I learned practical skills on leadership, communication, and self-confidence.

I especially valued the supportive atmosphere and the chance to connect with other motivated young women. The forum encouraged me to believe in my potential and left a lasting positive impression. — Mehribon Xayrullayeva

Tackling the Root of Gender Inequality

The project directly confronts three fundamental challenges plaguing young women in Central Asia. Geographic isolation prevents talented women from connecting with peers and successful role models across different provinces, creating isolated pockets of untapped potential. A systematic information gap about international scholarships, prestigious university programs, and global career pathways has left countless capable women unaware of opportunities that could transform their futures. Most critically, the absence of structured leadership development programs specifically designed for young women has meant that practical skills in entrepreneurship, financial independence, and professional networking remain largely inaccessible.

We identified that talented young women remain underrepresented in key leadership roles across government, business, and civil society organizations due to lack of preparation and networks. The consequences are far-reaching: promising female talent either emigrates without contributing to local development or remains underutilized, missing opportunities for both personal growth and national advancement.

A Comprehensive Solution Taking Shape

The EmpowerHer forum operates through a systematic two-phase approach that has proven remarkably effective. Phase One involves a rigorous 20-day application and selection process, ensuring committed participants are identified through careful screening. Phase Two delivers an intensive three-day forum featuring expert speakers, interactive workshops, and crucial networking sessions.

The project’s success lies in its comprehensive components. Expert speaker sessions feature accomplished women leaders including Khurshida Rakhmonova, Chief Coordinator of Girls’ Voice Club; Saida Abdunazarova, winner of the US KECTIL and Aspire Leaders Program; and Gulnur Esova, a UK University Master’s student. These sessions provide participants with real-world insights from women who have successfully navigated international opportunities while maintaining their cultural roots.

Skill development workshops cover essential areas: personal development, financial independence, CV enhancement, startup creation, and leadership discovery. The networking platform connects participants from various provinces and Karakalpakstan, creating unprecedented cross-regional collaboration opportunities. A certification program provides official certificates valuable for scholarship applications, while a talent registry creates a “Talented Girls List” for ongoing support and project tracking.

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Addressing Global Sustainability Goals

The forum directly advances multiple United Nations Sustainable Development Goals, primarily SDG 4 (Quality Education) and SDG 5 (Gender Equality). “Research shows that when women lead, there is significant positive impact on students’ academic performance and overall well-being,”. “Our empowered participants will contribute to educational excellence in their communities.”

The project also connects to SDG 8 (Decent Work and Economic Growth) through entrepreneurship training, SDG 10 (Reduced Inequalities) by providing equal opportunities across different regions, and SDG 17 (Partnerships for the Goals) through international networking and collaboration opportunities.

Measuring Real Impact

The forum’s success is measured through both quantitative and qualitative metrics. All 150 participants completed the program and received certificates, achieving a 100% completion rate. More importantly, the project tracks long-term outcomes including scholarship applications, career advancement, and startup initiatives launched by participants.

Success benchmarks are ambitious yet achievable: Year one targets 90% participant satisfaction with 50% pursuing new opportunities and establishment of an active alumni network. By year two, the program aims to expand to 300+ participants with secured international partnerships. Year three envisions regional recognition as the premier women’s leadership platform with a 500+ alumni network and measurable SDG impact in participant communities.Mentalaba - Universitet haqida batafsil
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Building Sustainable Networks

The forum’s vision extends far beyond a single event. To establish EmpowerHer as the premier leadership development platform for young women in Central Asia, creating a generation of confident, skilled, and internationally connected female leaders who drive sustainable development in their communities.

The EmpowerHer forum represents more than professional development—it embodies a fundamental shift toward gender equality and sustainable progress. As these 150 young women leaders return to their communities armed with new skills, networks, and confidence, they carry with them the potential to transform not just their own futures, but the trajectory of Central Asia’s development.

Through partnerships with the Uzbekistan Youth Union Samarkand Provincial Council and Samarkand State Institute of Foreign Languages, with future collaboration planned with the Uzbekistan Volunteer Association, EmpowerHer demonstrates that sustainable change requires comprehensive, culturally-sensitive approaches to women’s empowerment. The revolution in female leadership has begun, one empowered woman at a time.

Poetry from Brooks Lindberg


glacier as existentialist:

a glacier

doesn’t seek a form

it is one

so too the valley it carved

the mountains it ripped

the sky it deepens

day and night

dripping itself into

its own coffin

Brooks Lindberg lives in the Pacific Northwest. Several of his poems appear here, in Synchronized Chaos. Others appear frequently in The Beatnik Cowboy, Horror Sleaze Trash, and elsewhere.

Poetry from Raisa Anan Mustakin

The era of separation

This is how it is, I tell myself

Unemployment on the roof-top

No one cares to share their lighter

To light up your cigarette anymore

My folks belong to the era

Where you shared towns

Kept the doors unlocked

As though all belonged to the same house

There is no deadline and daffodils

Mesmerize while I’m stuck decades ago

Caffeinated on cheap coffee

Scavenging the job columns

Finding fish bones and rotten spinach

Ink-died pens and scooping 

The last drops from the soup bowl

Allen Ginsberg is dead

I tell myself, no more love

Circulating around the corporate cubicles

You are on your own 

This is the era of separation

This is how it is, I tell myself

Solitude is no longer optional

Faces look kinder on the TV screen

Poetry from Mahbub Alam

Middle aged South Asian man with reading glasses, short dark hair, and an orange and green and white collared shirt. He's standing in front of a lake with bushes and grass in the background.
Mahbub Alam

Forgetfulness

I look all around

Find out the past

In the land, on the waters

Press on the gear to speed up

As the birds fly towards the sky

Leaving everything loving back

I fly to thee

O my forgetfulness

Just like the flowery garden

Over there in the darkness

The stars always blink

The light we enjoy at night

Swimming all the way

I find myself on the bank

Keeping your hand on my back

Here flows the waves of the green crops

We always play at our own skills and charms

Forgetfulness twinkles over here, there

Making a way to the glory of endless delight.

Md. Mahbubul Alam is from Bangladesh. His writer name is Mahbub John in Bangladesh. He is a Senior Teacher (English) of Harimohan Government High School, Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh. Chapainawabganj is a district town of Bangladesh. He is an MA in English Literature from Rajshahi College under National University. He has published three books of poems in Bangla. He writes mainly poems but other branches of literature such as prose, article, essay etc. also have been published in national and local newspapers, magazines, little magazines. He has achieved three times the Best Teacher Certificate and Crest in National Education Week in the District Wise Competition in Chapainawabganj District. He has gained many literary awards from home and abroad. His English writings have been published in Synchronized Chaos for seven years.

Poetry from Anakha S.J.

Pixelated gray image of a South Asian teen girl with earrings and dark curly hair.

Dark Rose

There is a dark red rose in my garden.

Morning dewdrops at the rise petals.

Sparkle like diamonds.

It seems to be the most beautiful rose in the world.

The rose in my yard settle in my heart.

A rose by the name LOVE has bloomed 8n my heart.

In morning, and in the evening,

I like to water her.

I love her, I care her,

My red rose, my red rose.

…   …   …   …   …   …   …   …   …   …   …   …   …

Anakha S J, 15 years old,  is a student in Govt. High School, Vithura, Kerala, India. Writing poetry and gardening are her passion and hobby.

Synchronized Chaos Mid-August Issue: Layers Upon Layers

Contributor Abigail George would like to share a new project of hers: a blog called Mentally Sound that features articles, updates, a magazine, poetry, and uplifting music. In this day and age, so many things can affect our mental health. Please feel free to join the blog and blog about your own experiences or loving someone who has a mood disorder or an individual who is suffering from depression. Log in, blog, do read the posts and leave comments to inspire our growing community!

Now for this issue’s theme: Layers Upon Layers.

Layers of red rock in the desert with a tiny corner of blue sky and a small woody shrub with green leaves.
Image c/o Ken Kistler

For we are all bound in stories, and as the years pile up they turn to stone, layer upon layer, building our lives. – Steven Erikson

This month’s contributions deal with the complexities of nature, history, culture, language, or even the psyche of a single person. Everything we choose or experience builds upon itself to make us who we are, even short-lived experiences.

Yucheng Tao’s poetry collection April No Longer Comes, published by Alien Buddha Press and reviewed by Cristina Deptula, explores moments of love and beauty that are wonderful and transient, like the season of spring. Sean Lee’s poems remind us that even fleeting moments can be meaningful and beautiful. Jian Yeo’s poetry touches on the pain and beauty we can find in mortality. Mykyta Ryzhykh contributes surreal images of life, death, and the cycle of modern existence. John Grey’s poetry explores comings and goings, presences and disappearances.

Yoonji Huh presents nature, family tenderness, and humor with a color scheme that looks historical and weathered. Gwil James Thomas speaks in several tough-minded pieces to memories and dreams and our sources of inspiration. Sean Lee’s artwork evokes the power of the imagination to illuminate daily life. Alina Lee’s poetry suggests that our pasts and futures comprise layers of each moment in which we find ourselves. JK Kim’s poetry looks at summer scenes with a calm nostalgia, after events have passed. Alexis Lee’s poems probe what we choose to value and remember, what we invest in and find beautiful. Olivia Koo probes the nature of memory, how multiple moments combine to craft a mental impression and feeling. Ah-Young Dana Park’s poetry comments on our changing memories and perspectives as time passes and we age. Chloe Park’s art revels in exquisite detail, probing culture and memory with intricacy. Sally Lee provides poetic snapshots of moments in time, considering whether they have meaning or value without context.

Person's hand holding an old black and white photograph and some flowers. Daisies, baby's breath, a pink flower.
Image c/o Victoria Borodinova

Seoyun Park’s visuals speak to how we observe and confront life, the dangers we face and those we pose. Ethan Lee’s poems remind us of the underside of our world: the everyday grotesque and the many layers of the ordinary. Irene Kim’s work explores the strain and melancholy that can permeate ordinary moments. Austin Chung’s poetry illustrates various kinds of disorder and dispersion as Taylor Dibbert vents his annoyance at the common problem of loud museum patrons. Lauren Kim stays with a single scene from everyday life for an entire poem, probing its layers. Haeun Regina Kim’s poetry examines ordinary objects and animals in depth, sharing details and language to create an off-kilter feel.

Brian Barbeito also explores deeply, focusing in on the flora and fauna of an Aruba resort. Debabarata Sen celebrates the verdant beauty of Costa Rica. David Sapp’s poetic speakers become waylaid by the arresting color and beauty of nature. Dylan Hong’s pieces present a gentle, abstract, even whimsical peek at nature. Grace Lee’s poetry crafts dreamlike, gentle, floating scenes. Terry Trowbridge’s pieces on peach harvests evoke the challenging economics and natural realities of farming. Mahbub Alam reminds us of the innate rough wildness of nature: storms, volcanoes, huge predators.

Jacques Fleury translates Dr. Jason Allen Paissant’s poem “Treeness,” about threats humankind poses to trees and the natural world, into Haitian Creole in a collaboration with Dr. Rachel Rome to provide music and poetry for the Boston Public Garden.

Sayani Mukherjee evokes the rhythm of a public piano played for big city pedestrians in a rainstorm. Eva Petropoulou Lianou waxes poetic about the beauty of the moon. Noriniso Kasimova shares memories of spring in her hometown and her father’s love. Chinese poet Su Yun collects a group of short poems from elementary school students, mostly impressions of natural scenes. Dhani M.’s artwork stylizes natural scenes to create emotional senses of calm, curiosity, and wonder. Jinwoo Brian Park’s art suggests that we can re-incorporate the old into the new, the natural into the artificial.

Stylized blue and white and pink image of an analog clock with lit candles at its base.
Image c/o Linnaea Mallette

Mark Young contributes a fresh set of fanciful geographies. G. Emil Reutter humorously describes noisy construction’s impact on local residents. Erin Kim’s artwork explores the upsides and downsides of civilization’s technological progress. Katie Hong’s work critiques our isolation and obsession with technology as Xushnudbek Yakubov warns of the dangers of online misinformation. Sophie Yoon’s art critiques our complex relationship with consumption and the natural world. Eugene Han’s art explores who we are and where we’re going as humans, and our relationships with nature. Shabbona Abdurashidova highlights the importance of sustainable ecology in Uzbekistan. Jahin Claire Oh’s work speculates on how the world’s other creatures might see us: mimicking and learning from them, drifting into or penetrating their environments.

J.K. Durick speaks to new, wild, and real frontiers in modern nature and technology, commenting on our efforts to understand and control them. Pulkita Anand evokes the mental and physical disorientation brought on by the colonization of one’s land.

Ahmed Miqdad calls the world to action to help suffering civilians in Gaza. Patricia Doyne also calls the world’s attention to starvation in Gaza. Stephen Jarrell Williams speaks to the numbing, mindless destruction of war.

Poet Eva Petropoulou Lianou illuminates themes of patriotism and sacrifice in Algeria’s quest for independence in Turkia Loucif’s fantasy novel The Legend of a Squirrel. Yuldasheva Xadichaxon outlines themes of resilience and patriotism in Resat Nuri Guntekin’s novel The Clinging Bird.

Cover of an old leather book with designs and some fading.
Image c/o Anna Langovna

Abdisattorova Xurshida highlights the contrasting legacies of Genghis Khan and Amir Temur. Abdisattorova Hurshida reflects on her admiration for Uzbek martial artist Abdulbosit Abdullayev. Maftuna Rustamova and Chorsanbiyeva Gulnoza poetize in honor of the military personnel who serve and guard Uzbekistan. Zumrad Sobirova celebrates the poetic beauty and pride of her Uzbek heritage. Jumaniyozova Nazokat encourages Uzbekistan’s young people to develop a greater appreciation for their heritage by visiting points of historical interest.

Nilufar Moydinova’s essay highlights language’s inextricable interconnection with thought, life, and culture. Mauro Montacchiesi creates a dialogue of philosophical thoughts and poetry between Dr. Jernail Singh and Rabindranath Tagore. Federico Wardal speaks to his long admiration for artist Andy Warhol and director and screen writer Federico Fellini. Orolova Dinora explores layers of meaning in Antoine St. Exupery’s The Little Prince as Surayyo Nosirova celebrates the heritage of Uzbek author Alexandr Faynberg.

Reagan Shin revels in the comfort and ecstasy and happy memories she finds in books. Mushtariybegim Ozodbekova highlights the power of books and stories to transcend time, culture, age, and space. Panoyeva Jasmina O’tkirovna highlights ways language teachers can help students develop fluency through relevant speaking and grammar practice. Turg’unov Jonpo’lat explores techniques to help children of all abilities to learn foreign languages. Nafosat Jovliyeva and Dilshoda Jurayeva illustrate gamification and other creative strategies for language learning. Rahimova Dilfuza Abdinabiyevna discusses ways to improve student competence with writing and speaking. Hilola Badriddinova outlines strategies used throughout the developed world to teach foreign languages.

Linda S. Gunther contributes a craft essay on “interviewing” your characters to better understand them as a writer. Paul Tristram’s poetry explores the heroic narratives we create through our writing and our lives. Gloria Ameh evokes the visceral sensations of writing on topics close to the bone.

Old style writing desk with a wooden chair and wood floor and papers for an ink pen. Window and cot in the room.
Image c/o Ken Kistler

Abigail George writes a stream of consciousness essay on her vulnerabilities from mental illness and just plain existing as a female-bodied person and how enduring them inspired her to write. Soumen Roy also connects beauty to vulnerability, speaking to the fading Mona Lisa and the union of joy and sorrow as fellow travelers.

J.J. Campbell reflects on disillusionment, loss, and the eternal quest, against all odds, for love. Mesfakus Salahin speaks evocatively of his quest for love and freedom. Baxtiniso Salimova’s poetry tells an epic love story. Mirta Liliana Ramirez relates intense grief at the loss of her lover. Dilnoza Islomova expresses her gratitude for her mother’s tender care. Bill Tope and Doug Hawley collaborate on a love story that turns unexpectedly tender. Urazaliyeva Sarvinoz shares an emotional tale of jealousy, love, and forgiveness between two twin sisters. Sarvinoz Orifova expresses gratitude for her parents’ constant love and care. Wazed Abdullah expresses his love and gratitude for his mother. Ozodbek Narzullayev expresses his love for his mother and invites her to share her life struggles with him for support. Xurshida Abdisattorova shares the story of a mother’s complicated grief for an imperfect husband and father who passes away in a sudden accident. Shoxrukh Fayzulla o’g’li Dusmatov speaks to his mother’s love and care and how wealth alone matters little without compassion and humanity.

To’raqulova Pokiza Sanjarovna speaks to the need for human compassion, wisdom, respect, and personal development. Hamza Kamar’s poetry expresses his powerful hopes for a transcendent hero. Bhagirath Chowdhary expresses his determination to avoid the next life until he has finished roaming this world, offering blessings to others. Charles Taylor’s short story probes our ethics and the extent of the compassion we owe our friends and fellow humans.

Julia Kanno reminds residents of the USA that most Latino immigrants are hardworking people with lives and dreams. Bill Tope presents a tale of a survivor’s search for justice for a sexual assault that shattered her psyche. Abdisattorova Khurshida presents a tale of thievery exposed.

Flat, mosaic like image of a crowd of diverse people, men and women, different races and ages, all dressed pretty warmly in suits, coats, dresses.
Image c/o Linnaea Mallette

Graciela Noemi Villaverde shares a poem on the joy of community and diversity and welcoming special education students. Haeun Regina Kim’s artwork explores unity and acceptance of others, as well as harmony among rural and urban areas. Nabijonova Madinabonu outlines how sharing coffee can help us build building friendship and community. Khudoyqulova Shahzoda highlights Uzbekistan’s programs to enhance economic opportunities for low income women and families and the disabled.

Nazarova Moxiniso looks into discipline and student character development as part of Uzbek preschool education. Ulsanam Ulmasovna outlines Amir Temur’s contributions to the Uzbek education system. Islomov Inomjon describes the Geoment, a device to teach mathematical reasoning to children with low or no vision.

Bozorboyeva Iroda offers encouragement for young people to find and follow their own dreams. Khudoykulova Shahzoda points out consequences of and solutions to youth unemployment.

Abdurayimov Faxriddin suggests strategies for teaching music practice and theory for children. Colombian philosopher and author Dr. Tayron Achury interviews Dr. Alexander Klujev, professor of musicology, about the increasing role of human personality and feeling in modern classical music.

Greg Gildersleeve’s pieces speculate on how small individuals can claim agency in a large world. Akramov G’ulomnazar’s poetry asserts his courage and resilience. Ashirova Dilrabo Ermatovna urges us to stay motivated and persevere towards our goals.

Space shuttle Discovery, with a fuselage and two rockets, under a full moon.
Image c/o Jean Beaufort

Various contributors celebrate notable people who should be better known, or highlight important research work. Sobirjonova Rayhona outlines the career and accomplishments of Uzbek woman mathematician and teacher Shodmonova Hilola. Eshmurodova Sevinch highlights the need for training for employees in Uzbekistan’s banking industry in digital technology to modernize industry. Muslima Olimova highlights strategies corporations have used to adapt to stay on top in a digital world. Jo’rayev Ulug’bek outlines engineering techniques for strengthening concrete structures. Mirzaolimov Mirabbos probes the medical relationship between diabetes and cardiovascular diseases. Ostanaqulov Xojiakbar speculates on how to improve web search engine optimization to improve online communication and website findability. Orozboyeva Mohina Nuraliyevna outlines the role and history of psychology as practiced in Uzbekistan.

On a more psychological level, Duane Vorhees’ poetry covers and highlights human complexity: different aspects to our personalities, different choices we can make, how we can change with time. James Benger’s poetry explores the fear and tension underlying our individual existences, the danger from geologic pressure, storms, raw meat – and how we sometimes find hope to carry forward.

Andrew Ban shares restless, random thoughts, finding commonalities with all humanity while acknowledging the need to protect and defend himself if needed. Dongeon Kim’s work presents scenes of intense human and natural energy while Texas Fontanella revels in the pure sound of non-representational language. Dennis Daly wanders through a variety of human feelings, from nostalgia to frustration to faith. Michael Robinson shares his journey and heritage of faith, how he found a spiritual home and refuge in Christ and the church. Muhammad Sanusi Adam speaks to struggle, resilience, destiny, creation, and faith.

Gaurav Ojha seeks out meaning in a confusing and vast world, ultimately affirming everyone’s ability to find their own truths. We hope that reading this issue helps you to find a smidgen of truth for your own life.

Short story from Urazalieva Sarvinoz

Young Central Asian woman with long dark curly hair, brown eyes, a white headband, and a red and white collared top.

They were twins — born from the same body, living two different sorrows. One carried illness, the other carried guilt. When a letter arrives wrapped in the scent of nasturtiums, one sister must face the truth she’s buried for years: love can be painful, and forgiveness even harder. A quiet story about loss, jealousy, unspoken love, and the haunting ties of sisterhood.


Chapter 1
A Memory in Bloom

— Goodbye…
Her voice rang out like a “hello” meant for tomorrow.
I quietly watched her walk away, swaying like the spring breeze.
In her hand, a cane — tapping against the ground with a rhythm of its own.
“Look,” she said, “the nasturtiums are blooming. Aren’t they lovely? Pick one for me…”
I looked around. I had never noticed nasturtiums here before. And yet now, branches burst open with blossoms. Gently, I picked the finest bud and handed it to her.
With weak, trembling fingers, she caressed the flower.
A soft breath escaped her.
“It smells beautiful… When you visit my grave, bring nasturtiums. Nothing else. Okay?”
“It’s too early to talk about death, little lady,” I said, trying to smile. “You’ve got a long life ahead.”
I didn’t believe my own words.
She didn’t reply. She only smiled, smelling the flower deeper.
“Lay me next to it someday…”
I wanted to say, ‘Why are you hurting me like this? Why use death to scare me?’ But I said nothing.
“When we get home, we’ll sew matching dresses. With nasturtiums. Just like before.”
She stayed silent. Inside, I knew she was counting the ways we were no longer the same.
My arms ached. Light things grow heavy when you hold them too long.
“Look — we’re home.”
I gently lowered her. She couldn’t stand, just sat on the ground, breath shallow.
I helped her to her chair.
“Stay tonight… please.”
Her voice trembled, pleading. I couldn’t say no.
“Open the window,” she said. “Let me see the bright world. I’m tired of the dark.”
I opened it.
The spring breeze carried in the scent of medicine, sorrow, and memory.
I wanted to cry.
I looked at her — eyes closed.
Was she asleep?
I touched her hair — wet with sweat.
“Sleep well, my nasturtium…”


Chapter 2
The Letter

— I’m sorry about your twin…
My friend’s words pull me out of the film of the past.
My eyes still gaze toward the window. The wind gently flutters the curtain.
— If you want, I can stay with you?
— No… I want to be with her.
I press the scarf, still smelling of nasturtiums, to my chest. My friend silently leaves. I lie on the bed that feels emptier without her.
As I reach for an extra pillow, a white envelope slips to the floor. I pick it up — the scent of nasturtium instantly surrounds me.
Inside: a small note and the dried flower — the same one.
I open the letter.

“My dear… Are you still changing pillowcases? (You’re smiling, I know it.) I’m going toward a light where pupils shine the same. Please don’t cry. I’m not mad you didn’t become my donor. I love you. I never said it when I was alive, did I? I’m tired. Maybe if you hadn’t left me that day out of jealousy, I could’ve lived longer. I’m not mad at you. (Strikethrough): Damn it, I am mad. I hate you. I wanted to live. At least until I was twenty-two.
You’re a coward. At least admit it after I’m gone.”

Even the nurse writing this down for me probably knows you better.
I know I’ve been cruel. I always blamed you for everything — my sickness, my loneliness, my blindness. Hurting you made me feel lighter somehow. But it never lasted. I liked watching you suffer with guilt. Because I was already walking toward death. We were twins — same body, different pain. When I fell, I wanted you to fall too. Do you see what a terrible person I was? I wanted you to be just as broken. I only ever wanted you to say:
‘It’s my fault. I left my sister alone. I’m the one to blame.’
But you always ran.
From guilt.
From me.
From truth.

Isn’t fate cruel?
When we were born, they thought you’d be the weak one.
I was the healthy twin.
But you lived. And I…
Our parents always took care of you more. You were the sick daughter.
I was jealous. I know it sounds silly, but…
I wanted to be sick too.
I thought being sick meant being loved. I envied you.
And you envied me. You wanted to get well. I wanted to fall apart.
Mom always said, ‘You’re strong, you’ll manage.’ You used to carry me. I made you — the sick sister — carry me. What a manipulative, selfish child I was.
I hurt myself on purpose.
I wanted bruises. I just wanted someone to notice me too.

Looking at me now…
I realize God gave me what I wished for. I always thought sickness meant love. I was wrong. You only understand the value of something when it’s gone.
Yes, I jumped from that tree on purpose.
I did. If I could turn back time — I’d never do it. That day, I had a school competition.
Everyone’s family was there — except mine.
You had one of your attacks again.
I was angry.
I thought, “Mom only needs her sick daughter.”
So I jumped. After that, you got better.
And I finally got our parents.
At first, I liked it. Then I began to suffer.
I blamed you for everything.
You ran away.
Forgive me, please.
I know you couldn’t be my donor.
I always knew.
Don’t blame yourself.
Just live.
I loved you.
I never said it out loud.
P.S.
When the nasturtiums bloom — remember me.”

I wanted to scream.
Inside me, something broke — like a dam collapsing.
But this time, my tears were silent.
“You didn’t know…” I whispered.
I held the letter to my chest, hands shaking.
“That day… I pretended to be sick.”
So our parents wouldn’t go to her competition.
I was jealous too.
Of the smart, healthy girl…
I curled up at the edge of the bed.
Now, no one’s here.
Just me, the letter… and the scent of nasturtiums.
“It was my fault… my fault…” — I murmured, lips trembling.
It was hard to admit.
But it was the truth.