Topping From the Bottom and the Top by Kandy Fontaine (Alex S. Johnson)
I’ve spent decades in the velvet trenches of kinky erotica, writing alongside and in tribute to masters like Kate Bornstein, Thomas S. Roche, Thea Hillman, Patrick Califia, Edo van Belkom, Lucy Taylor, and Maxim Jakubowski. My work is a ritual of rupture, a glitter bomb of desire, a scream stitched in leather and lace. And if there’s one thing I’ve learned from living, loving, and leaking in this world—it’s that power is never simple. It’s never static. It’s never one-directional.
I’m a dominant. I’m genderqueer. I’m neurospicy. And I love to mix it up.
Being Queer is a high. A sacred intoxication. It’s the kind of pleasure that makes the strongest alcohol taste like ginger beer. But let’s be clear: BDSM is not unhealthy. Quite the opposite. It’s one of the most psychologically and emotionally grounded ways to explore intimacy, power, and trust.
In fact, studies have shown that BDSM practitioners tend to be healthier than the general population. A 2013 study published in the Journal of Sexual Medicine found that BDSM participants scored better on measures of psychological well-being, including lower neuroticism and higher levels of secure attachment. Another study published in the Journal of Homosexuality in 2025 replicated these findings, showing that BDSM practitioners exhibit higher emotional resilience, lower rejection sensitivity, and greater overall well-being.
So let’s kill the myth. BDSM is not abuse. It’s not pathology. It’s not a symptom. It’s a circuit. It’s a ritual. It’s a scream that listens.
What turns me on the most? Imagining a circuit where I am both the bottom and the top—not alternately, but intensely and simultaneously. I want to dominate while surrendering. I want to control while being undone. I want to bring a partner off—be they male, female, or some glorious new gender I haven’t yet encountered—and feel their climax as my own. That’s not just sex. That’s communion.
The great leaders are servants. The master is a slave to his slave. And you don’t need to read Hegel to understand it.
Responsibility and trust are essential. This is never about anger. Never about abuse. Never about taking your emotions out on someone else.
Those people? They’re not kinky. They’re criminals.
BDSM is about consent, communication, and care. It’s about knowing your partner’s boundaries better than your own. It’s about listening with your whole body. It’s about crafting a scene that’s not just erotic—but sacred.
If you want to experience pleasure so intense it makes the strongest drug seem like ginger beer, look into BDSM and D/s. Discover your own circuits. Read the ones who’ve paved the way:
- Kate Bornstein – gender outlaw, ritualist of identity
- Patrick Califia – fierce, fearless, and foundational
- Thea Hillman – poet of the body and its contradictions
- Carol Queen – sex-positive priestess of the written word
- Susie Bright – the original voice of erotic intelligence
- And yes, me—Kandy Fontaine, velvet insurgent, archivist of the obscene
You’re welcome. Love and 40 lashes, Alex S. Johnson / Kandy Fontaine
Sources:
- Psychological Characteristics of BDSM Practitioners – Journal of Sexual Medicine
- BDSM Practitioners Exhibit Higher Secure Attachment and Lower Neuroticism – Journal of Homosexuality