Essay from Chimezie Ihekuna


The self-help material, ‘11 Major Deceptions You Must Guard Yourself Against …’ is primarily a relationship-based material that cut across relationship recognition, marriage and seriousness – defined relationships (amongst individuals). It is work-piece with the potential of helping those seeking for serious relationships and marriages.

It gives a “let-us-face-it” approach to analyze the power of certain blindfolds known as deceptions in terms of their true recognition, consequences and proffers long lasting solutions to preclude oneself from their servitude. With insight-based examples, stories and other interests, the work-piece sheds light on each of the mentioned deception.

It unravels the can of worms associated with various marriages and relationships people involve themselves in. From the fruiting years of childhood to the growing years of youth and finally, to the stable years of adulthood, the material deals with blindfolds associated with people of these ages. Infidelity, divorce, pre-marital and post-marital sex and other vices are general blindfolds that the work-piece believes originates from the media, schools and the general society.

Deceptions 1to 11 discuss the blindfolds virginity loss affect the lives of youngsters, influences the persona of the male and female folks in terms of getting married, the adverse effects of engaging in multiple sexual relations, the ills of chauvinism of men and resulting subjugation of women  in marriage, the wrong prioritization of money as criterion for marriage, the wrong notions of  men and women about each other, the “love is blind” and “divorce is normal” veils, the issue as to whether married men and or women keep a company of singles, the belief of men going on sexual adventure with women and the conviction that things can get better when married.

11 Major Deceptions You Must Guard Yourself Against… gives the way-outs of the blindfolds in the time and age the world is living in. This is intended to enable individuals who are in serious relationships with their spouses and “normally” married for people around the world, irrespective of race, status or background, a beneficial and enduring union with their spouses.



Tables of Contents

Deception 1: It is no big deal losing your virginity

Deception 2: It is good to feel the ‘sweetness’ of sex by engaging other partners into it.

Deception 3: The ‘bad’ girls end up getting or marrying the ‘good’ guys (vice versa)

Deception 4: As men, we ought to give into sex advances from women, whether married or not.

Deception 5: When there is money, it will be safe to get married

Deception 6: He (or she) has a sexually not-good past, but will change, though still in the habit of flirting

Deception 7: Love is blind

Deception 8: Divorce is normal

Deception 9: As a married man or woman I can still keep an intimate company of bachelor or spinster friends

Deception 10: Till the right man or woman comes will I become sexually faithful.

Deception 11: Things will change for the better only if I am married.




It is no big deal losing your virginity

In recent times, a youngster, losing the worth of sexual virginity, is no longer an anomaly as it used to be. In fact, there are various statements that encourage young people to “give up” their virginity. Expressions such as “You are not a woman, if you aren’t sexually active”, “You’re missing the peak of sexual enjoyment, if you don’t indulge in it”, “This is the age you experience the dynamics of manhood and womanhood”, “Make love!”, “You‘ll become a complete person” and so on are used to effect what has now become the acceptable modern value – promiscuity instead of chastity. However, if we view this issue from both sides of the coin, can it be said that promiscuity possesses an intricate (positive) value than chastity?

Consider a situation where a farmer, as part of his painstaking selfless service towards community development, was handsomely rewarded with two fertile lands which he has to choose from. The first land had been bush-fallowed, used for other not-good purposes (diabolism). However, its soil is fertile; very cultivation-friendly. On the other hand, the second land has never been fallowed, possesses a host of ever-green tall trees, productive medicinal crops and cash crops, never been defiled and obviously very fertile. If you were the farmer, which of the lands would you choose from?

Undoubtedly, Teenagers are the victims of this development as they take in hook, line and sinker the efficacies of the deceptive “It’s no big deal losing your virginity”. From the every late years of childhood to the stable years of adulthood, virginity loss has become a household name and is an embraced phenomenon. Why?

Generally, youths seem unperturbed; the cancerous spread of virginity loss in the lives of every tom, dick and Harry. Unfortunately, young women are most times victims of this eventuality. Conversely, teenage men are not left out as virginity loss sets the pace for a likely insecurity and doubt (infidelity) in their subsequent dealings with their female counterparts

At this juncture, a striking statement would be made to enlighten people about virginity’s worth, irrespective of gender. But the term “virginity” has its light reflected on the woman, though it applies to the man. Hence, our attention would be focused on the female genders. Before the “striking” statement, a ray of light would have to be shed on the ‘virginity’, cutting across the male and female genders: virginity is a mindset which can be translated as the ability of the individual to abstain or practically say “No” to lust-filled offers, no matter the nature of prevailing circumstance.

“The only physically sacred possession, worth, most cherished jewel a woman can really uphold is her virginity. Without it, she is (likely) to be treated like other women, irrespective of status and background. The consequences? Increased in-security and doubts as unveiled by infidelity continued fornication and adultery. The way out? A thorough and genuine spiritual overhaul”. This is the striking statement.

The Leonardo Da Vinci’s Monalisa Portrait is the most insured material in the world; no man can buy it, even the world’s richest man! What is fascinating is that modern X-ray can reveal only its three visible versions. If a man-made material can be seen as the most expensive and insured, how much more the God-inputted virginity?

Founded in 1886, Coca-Cola arguably remains the most richest and successful bottling company in the world. Why? The peculiar (codified) concentration that tastes uniquely different in various places is obviously the reason for its greatness. Without this reason, Coca-Cola, like other bottling companies will undoubtedly not be as successful as it is. In the same but a more greater vein, a woman who is a virgin is one in a million of women, an analogous “field”, attracting well-meaning men to her because what is “codified” in her is undefiled, yet to be decrypted.

A Buddhist Priest is designated with the “ritualistic” responsibility of keeping the sacredness of the temple at specified times. Similarly, the God-given virginity is a sacred worth which ought to be kept until the time is discerned for consented ritual is figured out. In other words, marriage should be the specified time (time discerned) where the fullness of consented ritual (sexual intercourse) exercise can be appreciated. Unfortunately the sacred worth of many young people (especially women) has been lost before the “stipulated time”. In fact, the world has turned upside down, clamping down the accepted value of chastity and promoting promiscuity in various forms; media, schools, and people. Without an equivocation, there are consequences of “decrypting” the God-given ‘code’ before the ‘stipulated time’. What are they?

Reviewing the crux of the “striking” statement with respect to the asked “what are they? the following can be inferred.

(1)  Increased in-security and doubt (as unveiled by infidelity)

(2)  Continued fornication and adultery

Others include contracting diseases, vagueness in direction (life-set goals) poor sense of judgment, low self-esteem e.t.c. These would be explained in Deception 2. Precisely, these point at the gravity or efficacy of encouraged promiscuity using the loosing-your-virginity approach as a starter.

On the other side of the coin, chastity poses its consequences whose price demands a painstaking commitment with proven-results of self-control. The following showed the aftermaths of chastity.

(1)  Chastity saves youngsters from the dangers of unwanted pregnancies (female ones)

(2)  Chastity prevents young people from imminent dangers of contracting diseases that are deadly.

(3)  It precludes juveniles from the servitude of increased in-security and doubt and in future, infidelity in terms of continued fornication and adultery.

(4)  The worth of chastity affords youths the opportunity to be goal-focused; prospect-driven; success-oriented and counseled rightly.

(5)  At this point, a question is directed to you: Sincerely which of these is a mirage? Options: (a) Chastity (b) Promiscuity.

If you are reading this and you are not a virgin, it is no crime. After all, as humans, we are mistake-bound. However, you can start now by vowing to become chaste, though it is a hard nut to crack task but it is worth the effort, considering the long-term benefits. If you are a virgin, no matter what is been said, always say to yourself, “I am one in a million of women.

Note: If you question seven guys on whom they will marry, there is a likelihood that you will get at least four response saying; “I would prefer marrying a more chaste girl”.