THE COURAGE TO BECOME THE PERSON YOU WANT TO BE
On self-awareness, social pressure, and the human ability to choose one’s own path
Introduction
One of the most complex quests in human life is the pursuit of self-awareness. As we grow, we are shaped under the influence of our families, friends, educational institutions, and societal views. While
these influences can enrich our outlook, they sometimes make it difficult to distinguish between our genuine desires and the expectations that others have of us. Consequently, an individual often begins to pay more attention to how others wish to see them rather than how they truly want to live.
Self-awareness is not merely finding an answer to the question, “Who am I?” It is a continuous process of understanding our values, reconsidering our views, acknowledging our inner conflicts, and making conscious choices. This path is not always easy: it sometimes requires abandoning long-standing habits of thought, and at other times, standing firm in our decisions even without the approval of others.
Searching for Self: Who Do We Actually Want to Be?
A person often begins self-discovery by observing those around them. They hear various opinions about how to speak, how to dress, which profession to choose, or what kind of life is desirable. Over time, some of these perspectives evolve into personal convictions. However, an opinion accepted by everyone may not necessarily be right for us.
Imagine a young person who dreams of building a future in a specific field. They research, learn, and take steps toward their goal. Yet, those close to them expect them to choose a different path—one that
seems more reliable in their eyes. Their advice may not stem from bad intentions. Nevertheless, as time passes, the individual starts to doubt their own dream. Then, one day, they ask themselves: “Do I truly want this, or am I merely trying to please others?”
This question holds great significance. Listening to advice is one thing; entirely handing over the right to make decisions about your own life to others is quite another. Self-awareness begins, first and
foremost, by asking ourselves honest questions: What do I value? What endeavor brings meaning to my life? What kind of person do I want to become? The answers to these questions may evolve over time. The essential thing is not to shy away from asking them.
Expectations of Others: The Invisible Pressure
Humans do not live in isolation from society. Our family, friends, and the broader social environment exert an influence on our decisions. Support and advice help us grow. However, when the expectations
of others begin to take precedence over our personal desires, this influence transforms into pressure.
Consider, for instance, a student who consistently achieves high marks. People around them expect excellent grades, new achievements, and error-free results every single time. From the outside, they appear confident and successful. Yet, deep inside, they may fear making mistakes, constantly compare themselves with others, or try to prove something in everything they do. Their effort is no longer driven solely by genuine interest or purpose, but also by the desire not to lose the validation of others.
In such situations, asking ourselves a simple question is beneficial: “If no one were evaluating my choice, would I still choose this path?” This question is not intended to dismiss all external perspectives.
Rather, it helps us discern which part of our decision represents our true desire and which part stems from the expectations of others. It is impossible to please everyone equally; therefore, we must not leave
our own values neglected.
Fear of Being Different
Sometimes, an individual hesitates to express their opinion or choose a path different from the norm. One reason for this is the human desire to be accepted and to belong to a group. We want to be
understood, respected, and not cast aside. Thus, if our opinion differs from the majority, we may fear criticism or rejection.
In daily life, this manifests in various ways: someone might pursue a field chosen by their friends despite having no personal interest in it; another might suppress their thoughts out of fear of conflict.
Even when someone is ready to try a new opportunity, the thought “What will others say?” holds them back.
However, being different does not mean we are making a mistake. Independence does not imply disagreeing with everyone or rejecting all advice. It means listening to diverse perspectives, analyzing
them, and ultimately making a conscious decision. Preserving our own voice does not require silencing the voices of others.
Choosing Your Own Path: Courage and Responsibility
When discussing choosing one’s path, freedom and dreams are frequently mentioned. Yet, there is another crucial aspect to choice: responsibility. Taking responsibility for our decisions, admitting our
mistakes, and, if necessary, reconsidering our direction are all integral parts of personal growth.
For example, a person may have intended to pursue a specific profession for a long time. As they gain experience, their interest in another field grows stronger. They might view altering their initial plan as a defeat. In truth, reconsidering one’s thoughts based on new experience and knowledge is not always a retreat. Sometimes, it is the natural result of knowing oneself better.
Not all decisions in life need to be flawless. What matters is making them as consciously as possible and learning from their outcomes. Choosing your own path is not about being superior to others; it is about recognizing your possibilities, setting goals, and consistently striving toward them. Everyone’s circumstances, opportunities, and rate of growth differ. Therefore, comparing our steps today with
where we were yesterday is far more meaningful than measuring ourselves against the results of others.
Not Fearing Change: Identity as an Ongoing Process
It is natural for our perspectives, interests, and priorities to change over time. What we consider vital today might not hold the same significance tomorrow. This does not always signify instability; at times, it is the result of gaining experience and broadening our horizon.
It is essential to be patient with ourselves during the process of change. Personal development does not always manifest through grand achievements. Sometimes, it appears in a small decision, in acquiring new knowledge, in calmly expressing an opinion, or in stepping into an opportunity we previously feared. A person might not achieve a monumental result every day, but striving to understand oneself better and acting deliberately shapes who they become.
Self-awareness does not mean searching for a flawless version of ourselves. On the contrary, it means recognizing our flaws alongside our strengths, being honest with ourselves, and realizing the kind of
person we wish to be.
Conclusion: The Most Important Choice is Being Yourself
Throughout life, a person encounters numerous choices: decisions regarding education, career, relationships, goals, and the future shape their journey. Among all these lies another paramount choice
—whether to build one’s life on personal values or live adapting to the expectations of others.
Understanding ourselves does not mean having all the answers at once. We may hesitate, make mistakes, change our minds, or start over. The key is not to stop listening to ourselves in this process. A
person does not need to isolate themselves from the world to find their identity; they must learn not to lose their own voice within the world.
Perhaps a person’s greatest courage lies not in being completely different from everyone else, but in realizing who they are and living in alignment with those realized values. One can expend immense
energy trying to be the person existing in others’ imaginations, but in doing so, it is all too easy to drift away from oneself. Therefore, we should periodically ask ourselves one question: “Have I truly chosen
the life I am living today?”
Because becoming the person you want to be is not a single-day decision. It begins with self-awareness and continues through choices, experiences, and courage.