Maybe I am going to go to war
Last night, my mother made me sad
Last night, my brother made me sad
My three-year-old niece cried
They both beat my niece
They called it “discipline”
I could hear my brother’s voice
“She needs a hiding,”
When my niece started screaming
I went to my room and closed my door
People think I need a man
I ask to bounce my head against the wall
like my maternal uncle did to my aunt
Do I need a guy in my life like my ex,
like the other men who were in my life?
The men always left me, not the other way around
They married more suitable women
They had daughters and sons
Some of them just disappeared
I wrote books
I have written over twenty of them
My brother wanted me to get a RDP house and rent it out
But I said, No, I am not going to do that
to support your drug addiction
When my niece started screaming
I thought of my father
who had always protected me
My father had always empowered me
My father has always uplifted me,
listened to me, respected me
My father had never raised his hand against me,
or my mother
I thought to myself my brother is a monster
My brother is nothing like my father
I will never meet a man like my father
I keep meeting monsters
I keep meeting the same men all the time
The kind of man who thinks a woman needs a man
But a woman needs to feel safe
A woman needs to be listened to
A woman needs to be respected
I hear my niece’s screams
I hear my brother screaming at her
He is losing control
Once he punched me in the face
My glasses fell off my face
And broke on the floor in front of me
I held my hands to my face
I held my hands to my face
to protect myself
Once my brother assaulted my sister
Once my brother stabbed my father multiple times
with a pocketknife
before he disappeared into the night
Just stay out of his way, my mother says nowadays
I don’t want trouble, my mother says
Maybe, tomorrow I will go to war
It is necessary
There are too many monsters out there
who think they can carry out acts of intimidation
There are too many men who think
that they can abuse, kill and murder
innocent and vulnerable women and children
There are too many grandmothers
who fold their hands in their lap
and look the other way
And some aunts hear the screams of the child
but there is absolutely nothing they can do
to protect the minor
These days, I write proverbs into my poems
These days, I write the promises of God into my poems
And if I write about violence against children
Then perhaps something can change
Perhaps the laws in South Africa can change
Perhaps children on the African continent
and women and men,
perhaps they can be protected one day
We need more Teacher Rachels talking about this
If Teacher Rachel can talk about this,
maybe men can heal from their trauma
and adverse childhood experiences.
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