Unbroken Self-Portrait of a broken boy

my greatest fear is dying 
alone in a windowless apartment in the countryside. &
having my dead mass submerged 
6 ft in the tangible despair that is my aura. 
i'm still trying to figure out 
why all my stories taper into tragic endings. 
my therapist said i'm broken. she lied. 
my mouth is home to the most torturous sores 
that have been conceived by guilt. 
my body drowns in the ocean of my eyes when i'm alone.
i'm always alone. I do not believe 
love is a craft to be learned. or i do not believe
 I am capable of learning it. 
I've been hurt too many times. I've fractured every bone
in my heart. my body is a brick wall with no doors. I'm unable to let anyone in. 
I know it's hard to believe, 
but my smile is a drawing on my face that fades at night.
I know it's hard to believe, but this poem 
was not meant to end this way. I know it's hard to believe
but this poem was meant to have a happy ending.

Babatimehin Asíwájú is a student of Civil Engineering in the University of Ibadan. A Essayist, Poet and Dramatist, he writes on social issues as well as on his minority-tribe identity. He is currently a member of The Poetic Collective, TPC. 

Writing apart, he is involved with activism and while he’s not doing either, he plays table tennis.