Dinosaurs Too

 

 

you used to download porn on LimeWire

using a dial up internet connection,

watch wrestling when the WWE was still the WWF,

use a Zenith VCR to record movies

off of your gigantic television set,

own a Walkman and after that a Discman;

there are kids out there who have forgotten more

about technology than you have ever known,

you get tired for no reason,

your hangovers are much worse now,

it takes you longer to piss,

and you have grey’s in your pubic hair;

you can’t get up without having a cup of coffee

or two or three,

sometimes your back hurts

and

according to WebMD

you’re completely fucked;

plus,

you’re old enough to be

a father —

to a teenager,

and one time a woman

at a bar replied

‘wow that’s old’

after you told her your age

but that’s ok;

cause one day

she’ll be a fucking

dinosaur

too.

 

Cocaine Headaches

 

 

you can’t get the good shit anymore, he said

it’s all shit, all cut

and it’s the cut

that fucks you up

gives you those headaches

fucks up your nose

not to mention the fentanyl

that stuff will kill you

you hear about all those deaths

in the east end last week? he asked

“yeah”

all from fentanyl!

to think we used to complain about

the shit in ‘06

I’d kill for the shit we had in ‘06

anyways

is there anymore left?

“yeah, a bit”

ok . . .

you have a key?

 

 

It was all a dream

 

 

I had a dream mom didn’t find you hanging

from the banister of the stairs with a cable chord

wrapped around your neck.

 

They found a cure for MS and you could

walk again, and you loved seeing your

grandson Clark.

 

I no longer took the time we had for

granted so we started spending more

of it together, going to bars, and basketball

games to watch the Raptors play. Then

you’d tell me how much better the old

generation was; how Clyde Drexler was

underrated, how Larry Bird had the biggest

heart, and how Magic Johnson was just that—

magic.

 

You and mom grew old together and enjoyed

your retirement; often going on vacations

where she would make you take awkward

tourist photos which you hated, but you

returned the favor by getting drunk and

saying something inappropriate in front

of a group of strangers.

 

Eventually when your time came, you passed

away peacefully in your sleep and if life was fair

that could’ve happened, and I wouldn’t have a woke

from that dream into the nightmare that is reality.

 

 

Raging Bull

 

 

after my girlfriend stormed off

in the middle of another heated argument

I regrouped and turned towards

my friends—when suddenly out the side

of my peripheral I saw a presence

moving quickly towards me;

just then as I started to turn and face

the circular silhouette coming at me in the

dark bar

a giant loogie smacked me in

my left eye, and I instinctively

put my hands up to defend myself

as I felt somebody begin hitting me

in the face;

as soon as I grabbed

the individual by back of the head

with my left hand, and cocked back my right fist

ready to throw a haymaker,

my blurred vision came back just in time

to realize who had spit on me and was now

attacking me in the middle of the packed bar—

it was my girlfriend’s sister;

all 250lbs of her raging bull-dyke,

and as my drunken, wasted brain,

momentarily processed this information

I dropped my hands, lost my balance, and she came

crashing down on top of my clumsy, skinny body,

crushing it beneath her heft, before my friends pulled

her off of me—

even the world’s greatest matador

would’ve had trouble that night—

and I am not a bullfighter nor have I ever

been a fan of the “sport” Mr. Hemingway.

 

 

 

 

 

Duly Noted

 

 

as we were in the process of

breaking up

during one of the many

fights

and arguments

she said:

 

“David,

life isn’t all about

getting drunk, playing poker,

and fucking instagram whores”

 

she was right —

 

but I wish

she

wasn’t.

 

courtesy flush

 

 

I heard

a loud

scream

coming

from the

bathroom

and I

immediately

knew

I had

forgotten

to flush

my violent

disgusting

beer

whiskey

shit

but

we were

already

done

fucking

so

I just

waited

for her to

come

back

and

tell me

about

her

horrific

experience.

 

A Scent

 

 

you always smell like

cigarettes

and

laundry detergent

she said

as

we both lay there

post orgasm

waiting for the drugs

to wear off

so we could

fall asleep

knowing that this

wouldn’t last

but enjoying

the momentary

beauty

anyhow.