Poetry from J.J. Campbell

J.J. Campbell

a family history 
i’m trying to play it cool
with the medical procedure
i have tomorrow morning 
i’m trying to not think about
what they could find when they look
at my stomach 
that a family history of cancer and god knows
what else is nothing to be concerned with 
that i’ll simply be a little groggy when my sister
drives me home listening to some music,
thinking about how much
i hate thanksgiving

god has all the answers 
i laugh when they tell me
god has all the answers for me 
so, i suppose i was supposed
to learn a lesson from my cousin molesting me  
or my father never telling me he loved me
before he died 
trust me i can take a fucking hint 
he ignores me
and i show him the amount of respect he has earned

just not the one
i have had more than one woman
tell me i am a great guy,
just not the one 
and on these nights alone 
where the world makes it feel like the one
for me never existed in the first place 
the mind starts to wander
back to my youth and the first time
i tasted my own blood 
where i started to question
my will to live and accept the pain 
how many times can a person talk themselves
out of death 
how many times can a man listen to himself cry
before enough is enough 
it’s one thing to realize
being unloved it’s another to stomach
knowing that’s never
going to change

already burned too much 
fell in love with a mystic 
she was already
burned too much
by this world 
one of these days
i hope to find bliss
dripping from her lips 
and an eagerness
for just one special
night before either
one of us finds the sweet
relief of death

shopping on my porch 
a little over three weeks
from christmas 
wondering if anyone has the guts
to go shopping on my porch this year