Shanty

The mercantile marine sweeps in on

the wings of song — more specific-

ally an a cappella rendition of “Blow

the Man Down” by the crews of a

thousand ships as they hoist their 

sails in a joint operation, so power-

ful it threatens to blow the place a-

part. No need for famous faces here.

polygraphic night sweats

Linguistic dexterity is often 

accompanied by special fats 

found mainly in fish, other

seafood, nuts, & seeds. Words 

that are learned at a later age

are rarely used in daily con-

versation. The fifth basic taste 

is gummies for erectile dys-

function. Long time no see.

Escalator etiquette

Stand on the right, pass

on the left — unless, of

course, you’re in Australia

or New Zealand where

the sides are switched.

Don’t go down the up

escalator, though going

up on the down is okay

if you’re trying to lose

weight & you keep your

knees high.

             Don’t try to take

an elephant onto an esca-

lator, especially when it’s

traveling up. Chihuahuas 

are fine, maybe even an 

ocelot; but an elephant,

especially an African sav-

anna elephant whose tusks 

curve outward, is likely to

take a lot of fellow travelers

with it in a direction they

weren’t intending to go.

There’s no point farting on

an escalator & casting

accusing looks at the people

around. Might work in an

elevator, but here you’re

only going to offend a sing-

le person if they’re a couple

of steps below you & they’ll

know it was you, anyway.

Don’t tailgate. Keep a couple

of steps between you & the

person in front, & hope they’re

not farters. & if there’s room,

then it’s perfectly fine to pass.

holla at me lata 

Fifty is the new
forty. In the
legendary tradition
of the game show,
calorie & heart rate
monitors are the
only vocabulary
you need. That
& the fact that the
only real mistake
you can make is
to wear a strapless
Jason Wu dress in
a creamy chiffon
with a pair of
off-white shoes.

A line from Paul Revere

According to a top Face-

book executive who came

down immediately after a

mind-numbing high, you 

can fly to the other end 

of the earth & it still 

looks like New Orleans & 

the Sugar Bowl Regatta.