Eary Problem

This problem has led to marital problems because of my persistence.  I just don’t want to quit despite its reputations for causing health problems.  I’ve had to have something extracted from my ear canal because of my compulsion, but q-tips feel so good in my ears.  Am I the only one with outer ear itching?

                                                          Head Scratcher

This should be a private vice, but it is so ingrained sometimes I do it in public.  Eczema or dermatitis makes my eyebrows, beard and hair itch.  Nothing I’ve tried has eliminated the dry, itchy rashes.  Quitting drinking would be easier.

                                                           Child (dibble and a half)

My father read the Oz books to my sister and I at bedtime.  To refresh my memory I bought a set of Oz books.  I used to listen to Cinnamon Bear stories in the late ‘40s and early ‘50s.  I bought the cds so I could listen again.  A few years ago I restarted playing softball.  As a child I did childish things.  That still works now that I’m eighty, so I’m keeping at it.

                                                          Negotiation

You will have the sun and the stars.  I’ll take care of you in sickness and health.  You’ll have a lovely home and no worries.  All I ask is that you love me too.
Will you lower my taxes?
I can’t do that.
Then I’m voting for the other guy.

                                                          Maroon

I like my aloha shirts.  I feel that a colorless person - me – should have colorful shirts.  Solids are OK if they are out there – orange or maroon.  My maroon shirt fits well, feels good, and looks good.  It’s OK that it’s a dead man’s shirt.  He can’t use it.

                                                           Joints

Our joints allow us a variety of movements until they don’t.  Learn from this arthritic old man.  Years of jumping from heights, lifting excessive weights with bad form and repetitive strain left me with bad knees, one bad shoulder and one questionable one.  Treat them right and they will last.

                                                       Game Over
 
Last inning, behind by two runs.  I got a walk, and there were three on base.  The next batter could tie or win the game.  The manager replaced two of us with pinch runners, which caused our second and third outs for batting out of order.  We lost, I quit.
                                                        Time

A few months ago, I tried to get in touch with a woman that I went to grade school with to organize another get together.  Cheryl had been an insurance adjuster and had kept track of our grade school graduating class.  She had died in memory care three months ago.

                                                      Rejection?

The response to my submission was “Nicht include”.  Sounded like a rejection.  Was my sub too political?  Should villains have gotten away with plotting the destruction of much of the world?  The next day I got an email explaining that the rejection was a typo.  Story will appear tomorrow.  Woo-hoo!

                                                           Pitch
He had been following her for over an hour.  Just his luck, she walked into an alley.  When he followed her, she reached into her bag.  When he became conscious she was picking up a baseball by his head.  “Don’t stalk the star pitcher on my baseball team you creep.”

                                                         Spill Rules

One second for spilled tequila, whisky, or gin drinks to be sucked out of the carpet.  Chocolate, peanut butter, or wheat thins three second pick up, most other food the usual five seconds.  Brussel sprouts, cauliflower, broccoli, or most cooked vegetables, next time carpet is vacuumed, and into the garbage.

                                                           Scatterbrain


Odd remembrances haunt my lazy, bored brain.  Almost drowning when very young.  The now great grandmother and widow that I made out with sixty years ago.  A small clothing store that I walked past in Portland fifty plus years ago.  The traumatized beauty that abruptly rejected me while in college.


                                               Northeast Portland Years Ago 
 
As a teenager, I was walking through Northeast Portland to get to a friend’s house.  An older male pulled up and asked something like “Do I know you?”  I didn’t and told him so.  He wanted to know if I wanted a ride.  I was a bit nervous and passed. 



                                                                   Oval

Joe asked the man next to him “Do you believe this flying saucer nonsense?”
“No it’s absurd.  The ships are Oval.”
”Huh?”
“Aliens aren’t little green men.  We come in many colors.”
“Where do you get these ideas?”
“I’m an Oval pilot - check my pants.  I’ve got four legs

                                  How Old Do I Look?

About forty on the average.  
What do you mean on the average? 
 Your face is an 80 and your body is a 30.  
Wait a minute, that averages 55.  
Well, the guy part is about 10.
So, to look younger I should stop wearing pants? 

                                               Memories

I worried that I had age-related memory loss.  Editor would tell me it’s a hike day, minutes later I wouldn’t know.  Then I repeatedly saw two men in black suits walking away from me.  Because I had seen the movie, I knew it wasn’t age, it was Men In Black.
 
                                                     The End