Story from Dildora Toshtemirova

Diagonal shot of a young Central Asian girl with curly black hair and a blue sweater. She's standing in the corner of  a room.
Dildora Toshtemirova

I miss you

Today, my parents, is my birthday. But this birthday is not happy at all. You know, father and mother, I miss you, that innocent girl of 7 years old. I was very happy at that time. I still remember those days. I have not yet heard from anyone what I heard from you. No one could support me like you. I really miss those moments and days with you.

You know, I’m so tired of the day you left me at my grandmother’s house and went to the girl’s house. Every year when that day comes, I can’t find a place to put myself. I still remember my parents telling me “Don’t go, take me too.” And you said, “Daughter, we will definitely come tomorrow, we will bring you lots of chocolates and dolls.” Then I boasted to my grandmother and said, “Grandma, you see, tomorrow my father will bring me many toys and chocolates, they will not give them to anyone, they will bring them only for me.” Then my grandmother smiled and said, “Of course they will.” I will never forget these words.

When I woke up the next day, I was very happy that my father and mother would come today. But this feeling of joy left me. My grandmother was crying, her eyes were full of tears, she was punching the ground and crying. I went to my grandmother and said, “Don’t cry, why are you crying? Mom and dad are coming, they will be sad to see you.” My grandmother couldn’t stop the tears in her eyes and said “I won’t cry, my daughter, I won’t cry”. I could not understand why my grandmother was crying.

On this day, all our relatives came to our house. My aunt, uncle, aunt, uncle, etc. I was looking for you among them. Then I slowly went to my grandmother and asked, “Grandma, when will my father and mother come?” Then my grandmother said “Tomorrow will come tomorrow” and added “Last time” while crying softly. And I could not understand what was happening. The next morning, many people started coming to our house. Women used to come to our house wearing white veils, and men wore caps on their heads, and I didn’t like this situation. 2 months ago, many people came to the house of our neighbor Saliha’s grandmother. The people who came to their house were dressed in the same way. After that, grandmother Saliha disappeared. I was afraid when I remembered them. I cried because my father and mother would not come again, so my grandmother came to me and asked, “Why are you crying? What happened?” And I kept crying, “I need my parents, find me, I’ll go with them, where are they?” My grandmother tried to persuade me, but she could not.

All of a sudden, at that moment, the surroundings became silent. I could not understand anything as usual. I also became silent. Two big things were coming out of the door. I was wondering what it was. Now I know that it is a coffin. That’s why you were there, mom and dad. Then they took out the coffin, that is, you. After that, I did not see you again. You disappeared like grandmother Saliha. I used to harass my poor grandmother by asking for you.

You know, parents, these things will never leave my mind. Maybe when I told you not to go, if you had not left, such incidents would not have happened. Maybe we would celebrate my 17th birthday with you, I don’t know… I wouldn’t spend every day, month, year in loneliness. Now I wouldn’t miss the words “We love you girl”. I always miss the days spent with you. I love you parents. You are not with me, but I know that you are always with me from the heart, my beloved father and mother.

One thought on “Story from Dildora Toshtemirova

  1. Dildora, your essay was very affecting. It brings to mind the emotional stability afforded a child by parents whom the child knows loves them. When the parents are gone, that stability, that ever present love disappears like quicksilver through the fingers. This happens to children of all ages; you were unfortunate enough to experience this abandonment at a tender age. But you are making a recovery; the hole will never disappear, but will gradually become filled with love and memories and gratitude for having had your parents for as long as you did.

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