Waray Literature and Kimball’s Critique of Contradictions in Eagleton’s Work
VI
From Dunkin Donuts, I hopped on a multicab (one of those small light trucks used for public transport in the Philippines) headed for Kassel City Subdivision. Kassel is a place of big trees with roots sunk deep into the ground, flocks of different birds hovering near my apartment, and a hill just nearby. It was evening when I picked up Bagulaya’s book again at page 277.
Reading it made one thing clear: in poetry, language is not just used to share information or facts; it is used to create beauty, emotion, and depth. Metaphors are used openly and as the main tool of expression. They stand out, draw attention, and become the heart of what the poem is trying to say. Readers notice them immediately, and they are essential to understanding and enjoying the work.
These are the final lines from Victor Sugbo’s “This Anticipation for Poetry”, translated from his Waray poem “An Paghinulat han Siday.”O how long it is taking for the moon to comeNo matter how often crossed is the Kankabatok This chasing after the moonIs no guarantee that you will bathe in moonshine. (277)VII
In his book Poetry and Language: The Linguistics of Verse, Michael Ferber wrote: Metaphor seems most at home in poetry. Many would say it provides poetry’s best and most distinctive furniture… [M]ost readers and writers would agree that metaphor counts as one of the characteristic features of poetry, one of the most salient of poetry’s “family resemblances.” In a “prose poem,” for example, where meter, rhyme, and even line have been abandoned, what keeps it a “poem,” many would say, is its density of figurative language, and especially metaphor. (195)
This passage is making a point about why metaphor feels central to poetry. It’s where metaphor feels natural and expected. “Furniture” = the things that make up the poem, what gives it shape and character. Metaphor is one of the key pieces that makes a poem feel like a poem. It’s distinctive; you don’t find it used the same way in news articles, essays, or instruction manuals.
Borrowing from Wittgenstein, “family resemblances” are traits that members of a group share without any single trait being required for all of them. Metaphor is one of those traits for poetry. Most poems have it, and when they do, it’s a strong signal that you’re reading poetry. A prose poem drops the usual poetic markers – no meter, no rhyme, no line breaks. It looks like a paragraph.
So what makes it a poem and not just a short piece of prose? For many readers, it’s the density of figurative language, especially metaphor. That’s what keeps it in the “poetry” family even when all the other features are gone.
VIII
Bagulaya discussed Eagleton only briefly, offering no detailed analysis of his ideas. To gain further insight into Eagleton’s views and philosophy, I conducted online research and found an article written by Kimball.
IX
This comparison shows the sharp contrast between Kimball’s and Eagleton’s ideas.
On New Criticism & Tradition Kimball defends traditional culture, established values, and the idea that great literature has permanent, universal meaning. In Tenured Radicals, he criticizes thinkers like Eagleton and the whole field of modern literary theory for attacking tradition, destroying academic standards, and turning literature into just another tool for political arguments.
For Kimball, New Criticism was good because it focused on the text itself and preserved the value of great works. On the Purpose of Education and Criticism states that education’s job is to pass down knowledge, wisdom, and culture. Kimball sees theorists like Eagleton as “radicals” who want to change the classroom into a place for protest or ideology, ruining learning. On Meaning and Language Holds that language and literature do have stable meanings.
Kimball dislikes theories (like those Eagleton promotes) that say meaning changes based on who is reading it or their social background. Bagulaya only mentioned Eagleton briefly, so I researched further. I found Kimball’s article, which presents the opposite view: while Eagleton critiques New Criticism for being politically conservative and disconnected from reality, Kimball attacks Eagleton and modern theory for being too political and destroying traditional literary values. Their debate centers on whether literature should be seen as an independent work of art or as something deeply connected to society, history, and power.
X
I usually read at the Leyte Samar Heritage Center bookstore, Dunkin’ Donuts, or at home in Kassel City Subdivision. I love reading Waray poems by modernist writers. As a reader, it’s the density of figurative language, especially metaphor. That’s what keeps it in the “poetry” family even when all the other features are gone.
Works Cited
Bagulaya, Jose Duke. Writing Literary History: Mode of Economic Production and Twentieth Century Waray Poetry, University of the Philippines Press, 2006.
Ferber, Michael. Poetry and Language: The Linguistics of Verse, Cambridge University Press, 2019.
Kimball, Roger. “The Contradictions of Terry Eagleton.” The New Criterion, vol. 9, no. 1, 1990, p. 24.
SHORT BIOGRAPHY
Fhen M.’s essay “Waray Literature and Kimball’s Critique of Contradictions in Eagleton’s Work” appears in Synchronized Chaos, an interdisciplinary journal focused on art, music, culture, science, and literature. Literary Heist also publishes his prose “Disaster, Evil, and Moral Truth in Henry James: Genotiva’s Analysis .” From 2016 to 2017, he worked as an academic writer at Zeveral Academic Consultants Inc. in Pasig City, Metro Manila. During his tenure, his team leader gifted him a copy of the 2014 animated film The Prophet, adapted from Kahlil Gibran’s 1923 book. The film follows Mustafa, a poet and activist under house arrest in Ottoman-era Lebanon, as he engages in profound conversations with the townspeople on topics like work, love, and death. One of Gibran’s notable poems featured in the film is “On Work”.
THE MOTIF OF METAMORPHOSIS IN MODERNIST LITERATURE: A COMPARATIVE STUDY OF THE WORKS OF FRANZ KAFKA AND NAZAR ESHONQUL
Orifjonova Imrona Ulugbek qizi Second-year student, Department of Uzbek Language and Literature, Faculty of Philology, Andijan State University
Abstract
This thesis presents a comparative-typological analysis of the motif of metamorphosis in the works of Franz Kafka, one of the most prominent representatives of world modernist literature, and Nazar Eshonqul, a leading figure of Uzbek modernism. Based on Kafka’s The Metamorphosis and Nazar Eshonqul’s stories Bahovuddin’s Dog and The Invasion, the study examines the issues of spiritual and physical degradation, alienation from society, and existential crisis. The philosophical and aesthetic foundations of the protagonists’ transformations, as well as their ideological similarities and national-artistic peculiarities, are identified and analyzed.
Keywords: modernism, metamorphosis, Franz Kafka, Nazar Eshonqul, alienation, existential crisis, absurdity, mythological thinking, spiritual decline, national memory.
Introduction
In modernist literature, the motif of metamorphosis serves as one of the most powerful artistic and philosophical means of portraying the tragedy of the individual and their alienation from society and from their own self. In Uzbek literature, the writer who successfully synthesized this Western modernist tradition with national realities, historical tragedies, and Eastern philosophy is undoubtedly Nazar Eshonqul. A comparison of his stories The Invasion and Bahovuddin’s Dog with Kafka’s The Metamorphosis reveals both common and distinctive aspects of the two authors’ artistic concepts.
Main Part and Comparative Analysis
In Franz Kafka’s The Metamorphosis, the protagonist Gregor Samsa transforms into an insect unexpectedly and abruptly. The event is presented primarily as a physical transformation. The author confronts the reader with a fact that has already occurred and depicts this absurd situation through highly realistic details: “One morning, when Gregor Samsa woke from troubled dreams, he found himself transformed in his bed into a monstrous insect.”
Gregor Samsa’s transformation symbolizes his reduction from a productive member of society and provider for his family into a useless creature. Initially shocked by his condition, his parents and sister gradually begin to feel disgust and hatred toward him. Gregor’s insect-like weakness further intensifies his isolation. Through metamorphosis, Kafka demonstrates how an individual who undergoes change can be forgotten and rejected by even the closest family members, treated as something repulsive and ultimately discarded. In the story, metamorphosis appears almost as an inevitable and natural occurrence.
Unlike Kafka’s works, the process of metamorphosis in Nazar Eshonqul’s stories does not occur suddenly. While Gregor Samsa awakens one morning as an insect, Eshonqul’s protagonists gradually distance themselves from their identity, national memory, and spiritual roots. Here, transformation represents the inevitable outcome of moral decline, either consciously chosen by the individual or accepted under societal pressure. Whereas Kafka reveals the inner state through an external physical transformation, Eshonqul portrays the gradual destruction of the inner self, which eventually leads the character to spiritual and psychological disability—that is, the loss of human identity.
In The Invasion, the protagonist lives in constant fear after his homeland is occupied by invaders. He continuously hides from the enemy. Eventually, when the invaders track him down, he takes refuge in a ruined courtyard. When they enter in pursuit of him, they find not a human being but a small lamb. The metamorphosis in this story possesses a national and social character. The protagonist’s transformation into a lamb symbolizes the complete loss of agency, courage, and love of freedom under colonial oppression, totalitarian rule, and systematic fear. Reduced to the level of a submissive domestic animal, he embodies the tragic psychological destruction of the individual. Unlike Kafka’s biologically inexplicable transformation, Eshonqul’s metamorphosis reflects the devastating effects of social and political pressure on the human psyche.
In the works of both writers, metamorphosis is interpreted as a tragic consequence of the conflict between the individual and society. However, while Kafka explores this process through the lens of absurdism and existential philosophy, focusing on the fate of an individual, Nazar Eshonqul associates it with national history, spiritual crisis, and Eastern thought, including Sufi symbolism and the concept of divine punishment. Therefore, the motif of metamorphosis in Eshonqul’s works can be regarded as a unique continuation and adaptation of Kafkaesque traditions within Uzbek modernist literature.
Conclusion
In conclusion, the motif of metamorphosis in the works of Franz Kafka and Nazar Eshonqul serves as an important artistic device for expressing alienation, spiritual degradation, and existential suffering. Comparative-typological analysis demonstrates that although both writers rely on the general principles of modernist thought, they enrich this motif with new meanings based on their own national and philosophical perspectives. As a result, metamorphosis emerges as a significant factor linking creative interaction and aesthetic development in both world and Uzbek modernist literature.
References
Kafka, F. The Metamorphosis (Stories and Novels). Tashkent: Yangi Asr Avlodi, 2018.
Eshonqul, N. Bahovuddin’s Dog: Stories, Novellas, and Essays. Tashkent: Sharq, 2012.
Eshonqul, N. The Invasion: Collection of Stories. Tashkent: Gafur Ghulom Publishing House, 2006.
Yo‘ldoshev, Q. The Burning Word. Tashkent: Yangi Asr Avlodi, 2006.
Quronov, D. Introduction to Literary Studies. Tashkent: Muallif, 2015.
“Multiply. Be fruitful.” And God gave man a tool. But Eve, she conceived and brought forth the slide rule. Before ever we knew what old Galle saw, we arranged us our love life by Bode’s own law. It really did pain us to get past Uranus and let Neptune discover us our flaw.
A sexy realtor from Nice quoted me her terms for a piece. When I found out her price I told her, “Au regretment, no dice.” (I wasn’t looking to buy, just lease.) I met a pedantic old whore from Bombay who quibbled over being labeled that way. She said, “While it’s true I get paid by the screw, I work in Mumbai not Bombay.” Dish washers from Amarillo had pubes the texture of Brillo. Though they made quite a scene, she got the plates really clean and gave the waiter a thrill. Oh! Smilingly, Sue said over minces, “The feeling of packing ten inches must be like squeezing your feet into a pair of cute shoes that don’t fit — so tight that it pinches!” Said I, “Oh, size tens! Rather a bore if compared to my wee four.” Sue smiled (no pleasure in it, till she learned I’m measuring it “from the tip” I told her “to the floor”). A prison scholar was subtly candid as his fellows he Homerically branded; one boomerang con he dubbed Rosy-fingered Don ’cause he was caught so often red-handed. A persistent narcissist from Tacoma would diddle himself into comas. Though warned he’d go blind, he had it in mind to stop when he got to glaucoma. One disgruntled lover of Venus rubbed down to a nubbin his penis. The goddess said, “Friend! We’ve come to the end of the source of the friction between us.”
KINGSTON
8 DAYS! 7 NIGHTS!
Son, dey
moan
day to day
when dey
thirsty.
Fried, dey
sat ern de sun.
Deh!
FISHERS AT HOME
you’re
the sinker,
and you’re
the bobber,
and I’m the other, the provider of the worm and the
English has now become not only the main tool of global communication, but also one of the most important conditions for studying abroad. Opportunities for students to study abroad given, it is not only about acquiring new knowledge and skills, but also about interacting with different cultures.
It is also a great opportunity to make acquaintances and create professional opportunities. To fully benefit from such education, it is necessary to know English, because English is the most widely used scientific and business language around the world. In this article, we will discuss the advantages of English and the importance of studying abroad and the opportunities it creates for students.
KEYWORDS
Education, English, study abroad, culture, scientific articles, science, technology, IT, programming, grants, scholarships, business, professional development, success, science and innovation, foreign universities, international language.
ENTRANCE
Nowadays, the world is becoming more globalized and everyone needs to improve their knowledge to adapt to the modern education system. In this regard, foreign languages,
In particular, knowing English is becoming one of the necessary skills for every young generation. English is not only a means of international communication, but also a key scientific and academic language. Therefore, every student who wants to study abroad must have excellent knowledge of this language. Knowledge of English is a prerequisite for admission to foreign universities. It creates opportunities to win international grants and scholarships, write scientific articles, and participate in international conferences.
Uzbekistan’s education system is also striving for international standards, and today many schools and universities offer intensive English language training. This serves as an important basis for young people to gain knowledge in the international arena and further improve their future. In developed countries of the world, education is mainly conducted in English, and most international universities set good knowledge of English as an important requirement for admitting students. For example, prestigious universities in the UK, USA, Canada, Australia, Singapore and European countries require international test results such as IELTS or TOEFL. Such certificates are accepted in foreign higher education institutions and this is one of the main factors that opens the door to learning.
In addition, knowledge of English is very important not only for entering a university, but also for understanding the educational process and conducting scientific activities. The world’s most advanced scientific publications and textbooks are mainly written in English. Also, many international scientific conferences, seminars and forums are also held in this language. If students want to participate in these events and express their opinions freely, they must master English.
Another important aspect of studying abroad is getting to know different cultures and developing the ability to think globally. When a student studies in a foreign country, they are exposed to people of different nationalities and will have the opportunity to communicate with them. This will contribute to his or her personal development and broadens their worldview and improves their social skills. Many young people around the world are enriching their knowledge by studying in foreign countries and preparing for the future are achieving success. For example, Uzbek youth who studied in the United States and Europe are currently working in various fields in our country, implementing international experience.
In addition, English is also a key tool for young people who want to work in international organizations today. The United Nations, which operates globally,
Good English skills are essential for working in organizations such as the United Nations (UN), the World Health Organization (WHO), the World Bank, and the International Monetary Fund (IMF). Professionals working in these organizations communicate with colleagues from all over the world.
They communicate in English and present their scientific work in this language.
Today, with the development of the Internet and technology, the importance of the English language is increasing. The majority of global Internet resources are in English, including scientific articles, online courses and various educational materials are hosted in this language. For example, international educational platforms such as Coursera, EdX, Udemy, FutureLearn have free and paid courses offered by the world’s leading universities. Through these platforms, you can get education in various disciplines, including medicine, engineering, business, psychology, IT and many other areas. If a student does not know English, he may miss out on the opportunity to use such invaluable sources of knowledge.
English is also an indispensable language in the international job market. Today, major international companies, including Google, Microsoft, Apple, Amazon, Tesla, Facebook, Samsung, and many other global corporations require their employees to have excellent English skills. Young people who aim to study abroad and work in international companies should start learning this language thoroughly from now on. Knowing English is not only important for studying at foreign universities, but also for finding a well-paid job and competing in the international arena.
It also creates the opportunity to become a successful professional.
In conclusion, the role of English in today’s society is very important. Anyone who wants to study abroad should have a perfect command of this language, because it is not only useful for education, but also it plays an important role in future professional development and personal growth. Learning English is not only about entering foreign universities, but also gaining international experience, conducting scientific research, traveling, developing cultural communication and succeeding in the job market. Therefore, young people should start speaking, writing and understanding this language fluently from now on.
They need to focus on developing their skills, which will provide a solid foundation for their future success.
Strategies for learning English for studying abroad:
The following strategies are recommended for effective English learning:
1. Create a daily language environment – Read books in English, watch movies and documentaries, listen to podcasts and audiobooks in English.
2. Use online learning platforms – study free and paid courses on platforms such as Coursera, EdX, Udemy, Duolingo.
3. Preparing for international tests – preparing for exams such as IELTS, TOEFL, SAT, GRE, as these test results are required for admission to foreign universities.
4. Developing practical communication skills – having conversations in English, participating in international forums and groups, writing essays and articles in English.
5. Study English by field – Each profession and scientific field has its own terminology. Students who intend to study at foreign universities are advised to study the specific terminology in their field.
The role of English in cultural integration and global communication
Knowledge of English is important not only for education and scientific activities, but also for global communication and cultural integration. Students studying abroad get to know different cultures firsthand, communicate with international experts in their field, and have the opportunity to learn from world experience. In this process, knowledge of foreign languages, especially English, makes it easier to adapt to a new environment.
Today, the world’s largest international organizations and companies – the United Nations, the World Bank, UNESCO, the World Health Organization (WHO),
English is the official working language of Google, Microsoft, Tesla, Amazon, and other major global institutions. Working in these organizations, participating in international projects, and becoming a professional in a foreign country also requires a good command of English.
In addition, English is also very important for traveling, participating in various international conferences and seminars. If people studying or working abroad can communicate freely in English, they will not face various problems and will quickly learn new things.
They can adapt to society. For example, students studying at foreign universities can effectively conduct their studies if they can communicate freely with their teachers and classmates. They can also learn about different cultures around the world by participating in international events.
Opportunities to make friends with people from all corners of the world and to establish new business and scientific collaborations will increase.
Reform and rise of English in the education system
In many countries around the world, there are efforts to integrate English into the education system.
Reforms are being implemented. Including:
In the Finnish education system, English is taught as one of the core subjects, and students are taught to conduct academic activities in English from a young age.
South Korea and Japan are placing great emphasis on training international-level specialists, making English an important part of their education programs.
Germany has widely introduced English-language master’s and doctoral programs at many universities.
In the Malaysian and Singaporean education systems, English is taught as a core subject, producing internationally competitive professionals.
Uzbekistan is also carrying out major reforms in this regard. Much attention is being paid to in-depth study of the English language in schools and higher educational institutions. In particular, the demand for obtaining international certificates in English such as IELTS and TOEFL is increasing. This encourages our youth to actively participate in the international scientific and professional arena.
CONCLUSION
Knowledge of English is essential for anyone who wants to study abroad. Learning English helps you study abroad, develop academically and professionally, make foreign friends, and better understand the world. Also, by knowing English well, you can participate in international competitions.
The chances of entering universities, receiving grants and scholarships, and finding a good job in the future will increase.
Therefore, young people should take learning English seriously, because this language is one of the most important tools not only for studying abroad, but also for a successful future.
REFERENCES
1. Crystal, D. (2003). English as a Global Language. Cambridge University Press.
2. Graddol, D. (2006). English Next: Why Global English May Mean the End of ‘English as a
Foreign Language’. British Council.
3. Phillipson, R. (1992). Linguistic Imperialism. Oxford University Press.
4. Kaplan, RB, & Baldauf, RB (2005). Language Planning and Policy in Europe: The Czech
Republic, The European Union and Northern Ireland. Multilingual Matters.
5. Harmer, J. (2007). The Practice of English Language Teaching. Pearson Longman.
6. President of the Republic of Uzbekistan. (2021). “Improving the English language learning system
“On measures”, May 19.
7. Official website of the Ministry of Higher and Secondary Specialized Education of the Republic of Uzbekistan. (nd). www.edu.uz
8. British Council. (2020). The Future of English: Global Perspectives. British Council Publications.
9. Cambridge English. (2021). English Proficiency and Economic Growth Report. Cambridge
University Press.
10. Educational Testing Service (ETS). (n.d.). TOEFL Official Website. www.ets.org/toefl
11. IELTS Official Website. (n.d.). International English Language Testing System (IELTS).
Maddie worked as a customer service rep. for Sears and at work, no one knew that she was a lesbian, or so she thought. It’s not that she was ashamed of her sexual identity; she just kept her cards close to the vest. Friends had been discharged from other jobs for just being suspect in terms of their sexuality, and she needed this job, particularly if Nancy moved out. Thirty reps manned PCs and telephones in the “big room” at the delivery center, handling customer concerns about deliveries made by the mammoth company. It was 1997 and no prohibitions then existed to prohibit blatant discrimination based on sexual orientation. The LGBTQ logo was itself only a few years old. And Maddie, being an attractive young woman, regularly sparred with prospective partners — of both sexes.
“Hey, Maddie,” said Ron, her desk mate. “I’m going fishing on Saturday; you wanna tag along? Bluegill is biting, girl,” he said with a wolfish grin.
“Thanks, Ron, I’m spending time with my daughter on Saturday.” The two co-workers then exchanged current information on their respective children and they happily returned to their tasks.
“Madelaine,” rumbled Joe, the office manager, his giant shadow looming over her desk, “would you come to my office for a minute?” Maddie nodded. Joe was the only one in the office who called her Madelaine. Turning off her phone, she followed the corpulent man into his corner office and took a seat in front of his desk. “Do you know why I asked you here?” he inquired.
Maddie shook her head. She had literally no idea. She had worked for Sears for almost two years, since she was 28, and had always gotten along with her co-workers, received positive job evaluations and all the rest.
“It has been brought to my attention,” Joe went on in his fog horn voice, “that you’re no longer living with your husband.” He gazed speculatively at her.
“Mark and I were divorced nearly two years ago,” she said, not knowing where this was headed. “I wasn’t aware I had to report the change. I’m not on the company insurance program, so there was nothing to report.”
“But, you had listed him as the person to contact in case of an emergency. We just like to know these things,” said Joe.
“Why?” she asked reasonably.
“We…just do. We’re a family here, Madelaine, and I don’t think that you should question our motives. You’re in no position to,” he asserted.
“What do you mean?” she asked next.
“You’re not full-time,” he reminded her. “You don’t get insurance and the other bennies that full-timers do.”
“But, that comes automatically after two years of consecutive employment,” she pointed out, citing the employment manual. “And I’ve got 22 months of full-time work under my belt already. Are you saying that’s in jeopardy?” she asked uncertainly. Where was this going?
“It would be a shame,” remarked Joe cryptically, “if, after nearly two years of consecutive service, you were to fall short by a month or two.” He peered at her over his steepled fingers. It was as though he could see through her clothing, and Maddie felt dirty. “Do you know what I mean, Madelaine?” he asked. When she didn’t answer, he summarily dismissed her. “You’re excused,” he said. She went back to work.
. . . . .
“How long has this been going on?” asked Maddie of her live-in lover of six months. Maddie had only recently discovered that her partner had been unfaithful.
“That’s the title of a song, isn’t it?” replied Nancy lightly.
“Everything’s the title of a song,” Maddie came back. “Answer the question, please. I think you owe it to me to be honest at last. I find out you’ve been having an affair with my ex-lover and I think it’s natural that I’d have questions. Now, give me the lowdown, Nan’.”
Nancy bit her lip. Normally she was the dominant one of the couple, at least according to Maddie’s shrink, whom Nancy had talked to during one of her lover’s appointments, as part of Maddie’s therapy. This turnabout in roles was discomfiting, to say the least. Nancy considered her options, and found them wanting.
“What if I don’t want to talk about it?” she asked boldly.
Maddie just stared blankly at her. Uh oh, thought Nancy, she had really inflicted some damage on her and Maddie’s relationship. And this wasn’t the first time; Nancy had strayed before. She liked the chase, enjoyed the conquest of a new partner, even when she knew it imperiled the most significant relationship in her life. She loved Maddie–maybe. Nancy shook her head uncertainly and blew out a breath. She wondered how Maddie had discovered her secret. She’d have to come clean.
“It happened only a week ago,” she lied glibly. She looked at her lover’s face and Maddie clearly wasn’t buying it. In fact, Nancy thought she spotted the beginnings of a derisive smile.
“You’re so full of shit,” observed Maddie calmly. “I checked your cell and Phoebe’s name and number were entered in March, and that’s four months ago.”
Nancy dropped her head and nodded. “You’re right, Maddie, it’s been going on for almost that long.” She braced for the fallout, but was surprised at what she received.
“Alright,” said Maddie, glad to finally hear the truth. “Do you think you’ve gotten it out of your system now?”
Nancy blinked in surprise. “Out of my system?” she echoed. “What…what do you mean?”
“I mean,” said Maddie, “is that after the pursuit, and the conquest, and the domination I know you so like to feel, are you satisfied? Or do you need to go back to Phoebe again? Do you need more vindication? It’s a simple question,” she observed.
“Well….”
“Let me put it another way. Are you in love with Phoebe? I mean, I used to be, and I know it’s easy to fall.”
Nancy’s chocolate-brown eyes opened wide. “No!” she exclaimed positively. “I’ve only in love with you, Mad’.”
“I talked to my doctor about us again, Nancy. She said that you have some kind of profound desire to cheat on me, to prove that you can…do you understand?” Nancy frowned and nodded. “She said this will likely continue to play out until you finally get your bearings and overcome your insecurity and then agree to respect me, the way I respect you.”
Ouch, thought Nancy. That damn doctor got it right this time. Nancy was so afraid of being abandoned that she preemptively abandoned her partners, to forestall the humiliation of her own rejection. And she did this by cheating on them. She had been in therapy before, too.
“Sounds like you and Dr. Quack talked about me quite a lot,” said Nancy, feeling like a bug on a slide.
“Our relationship is one of the main issues in my life,” stated Maddie. “The doctor says I gravitate toward cheaters, almost as a defense mechanism,” she continued. “That maybe I seek out failure in relationships.”
“Why did you and Phoebe break up?” Nancy had to ask.
“She cheated,” replied Maddie. “Over and over again.”
“I…I didn’t enjoy it with Phoebe,” said Nancy rather lamely. “It was dull.”
“Nan’,” cautioned Maddie. “Don’t bullshit me. Phoebe is a beautiful, healthy, sexy girl with an almost unquenchable sexual appetite. It was all I could do to keep with her.” Nancy could well believe this. So, Maddie was well aware of everything that Phoebe and Nancy had done. Now Nancy felt vulnerable, exposed. “Come to terms with the situation, Nan’,” said Maddie. “I’ll give you some time. I think our relationship is worth salvaging, but you have to want it too.”
. . . . .
The next day there was a scheduled visit by Maddie’s ex-husband, Mark, and Sally, their six-year-old daughter. These visits were always the highlight of Maddie’s month. She let them into the apartment.
“Baby,” gushed Maddie, scooping her daughter into an embrace. Sally was subdued, as she was most visits. “What do you know for sure?” Maddie asked. Sally lifted her shoulder in a little shrug. “Whenever someone says, ‘what do you know for sure?’ ” repeated Maddie for the hundredth time, “you say, ‘a snake can’t straddle a rock.’ ” Maddie laughed with delight. Sally was the most important thing in the world to her.
“Oh, yeah,” murmured Sally in a small voice. “I forgot.” Spotting Kitzhaber, Maddie’s huge orange cat, she streaked off to play with him.
Maddie looked up into Mark’s face. “Hi, Mark.”
“Maddie,” he replied with a little smile.
“Is everything alright?” she asked.
“Sally’s been asking questions — about your roommate,” he said with a sigh.
“What does she know?” Maddie asked.
“Only that you live with another woman and that it’s — different.”
“What have you told her?” she asked.
“That Nancy shares the expenses for your place, but that she has a life of her own, apart from yours. I didn’t tell her you sleep together,” he said bluntly.
Maddie’s cheeks burned for an instant, and then she regained her equanimity.
“I spoke to my therapist and Dr. Qua…” — she corrected herself — “Dr. Felder said we could introduce her to the idea that Nan’ and I are a couple.”
“Are you — a couple, I mean,” asked Mark. “Is this the real deal, or is it like Phoebe and Sandy,” he said, recounting failed relationships in Maddie’s recent past.
“You dated for a while after we split up,” Maddie pointed out, but without rancor. “You had a number of girlfriends before you settled on Marilyn.”
“I didn’t settle,” remarked Mark with a little edge. “I didn’t mean it that way, Mark. You know I like Marilyn; I think she’s good for Sally. She grounds her, something which at the moment, I can’t do.”
“Trouble?” asked Mark.
“I don’t know where Nancy and I are going,” she admitted ruefully.
“Well,” said Mark with a twinkle, “if you want me to set you up with a nice — guy — just let me know.” Maddie smiled. She would always love the father of her daughter.
“C’mon,” she cried in Sally’s direction, “let’s eat.”
. . . . .
A week later, Maddie and Nancy had not discussed further the latter’s surreptitious relationship with Phoebe. Maddie had told her: “Do your soul-searching and lemme know what your plans are, and I’ll do the same for you. Okay?”
So it seemed to be something of a resolution to the crisis when, Friday night, Maddie answered a summons at the door and encountered her ex-lover, Phoebe. Maddie blinked in surprise. Phoebe was the last person she expected to find on her threshold.
“Phoebe?” she asked in a perplexed voice.
“Right the first time,” cackled the other woman in a loud, inebriated voice, bending her athlete’s body at the waist.
“What…are you doing here?” asked Maddie.
“I’m here to pick up Nancy,” she replied as if nothing were amiss. “We’re going to Nova’s,” she added, referencing a bar with a large LGBTQ customer base. Maddie had gone there several times with Nancy. When Maddie didn’t respond, Phoebe said, “Is she ready?”
“Just about,” Maddie said shortly. “Come in and sit down and wait for her, if you like.”
Phoebe followed Maddie into the apartment and dropped onto the sofa and immediately began rolling a joint. “Wanna get high?” she asked.
Maddie shook her head no and proceeded to the spare bedroom, where Nancy kept most of her clothes. She knocked on the door. A muffled voice spilled out and Maddie said through the door, “Nan’, your date is here.”
A moment later, the door opened and Nancy stepped out, looking beautiful as ever. Maddie escaped into the kitchen. Nancy slipped through the doorway after her.
“Maddie, Phoebe and I are going to Nova’s; you want to come with?” said Nancy, trying to make it sound innocent — a girls’ night out. Maddie only shook her head and Nancy winced, “I didn’t know she was going to show up here tonight. We were supposed to meet at the tavern. I’d never rub it in your face like this.” “Maybe not, but Phoebe would,” said Maddie pointedly.
“You told me I could have some time to figure things out, remember?”
“I won’t wait forever,” Maddie cautioned her.
“I’ll let you know by Monday,” Nancy promised. Three days, thought the other woman. How much insincerity and humiliation and embarrassment would she be forced to absorb in that time?
“Good night, Mad’,” said Nancy, unthinkingly leaning in for a good-bye kiss. Gently, Maddie pushed her away.
. . . . .
At work, tensions didn’t relax. Joe told Maddie to accompany him on a business trip over the weekend. “You’ll get compensatory time off,” he told her, as if that were the real issue at stake. She had never been on a business trip for the company before, but she had a pretty good idea of what her duties and responsibilities would turn out to be. Joe would drive a Sears fleet car and Maddie would ride shotgun. The venue was Kansas City, Missouri, some four hundred miles distant, not really far enough to fly, Joe remarked.
As they entered the confines of KC, Maddie noted that it was almost four o’clock. The meeting was the next morning, at nine a.m. They would secure lodgings for the night. It was just too cute by half, thought Maddie. Joe booked them into a Holiday Inn and told Maddie he’d meet her for dinner at seven. Lugging her tiny suitcase into her room, she considered her options: relent and succumb to Joe’s blatantly obvious carnal designs on her, or forfeit her future with the company. She had worked assiduously to join the rolls of the insured. Could she throw all that away? She wasn’t getting any younger — she was 30 — and if her mother and father provided a pattern for her future, she would need insurance sooner rather than later. Mark had insurance on Sally, so that was good. But Joe: his repulsiveness was nearly overwhelming. It wasn’t so much that he was obscenely obese, but rather that he was, simply, a dick.
They met for dinner promptly at seven. Joe was seated when she arrived in the dining room and he didn’t bother to stand. He was swilling some foul-smelling libation with which Maddie was blessedly unfamiliar. “Wanna drink?” bawled Joe, clearly already in his cups. She pondered the question: a drink might make the rest of the evening go down better. In the end, she declined. “Your choice,” croaked the big man, downing another glass. A waitress materialized as if from nothingness and, without asking, Joe ordered for both of them.
Maddie found that she was ravenous, in spite of the circumstances, and she attacked the whatever-it-was that Joe had ordered. She found with pleasure that it was a steak. She dug in.
“Um, Joe,” she said between mouthfuls, “this is good.”
Ninety minutes later, following four desserts — three for Joe and one for Maddie — the meal came to a conclusion. Joe burped, but didn’t excuse himself. “Madelaine, come up to my room at ten sharp,” he ordered. She stared at him. “We have to look at the…Fullock contract…” he muttered. with a little smirk.
Maddie knew there was no Fullock contract, but she nodded curtly and excused herself from the table and went up to her room. At ten o’clock, Maddie turned up at Joe’s door — improbably designated Rm. 69 — and knocked softly. Without a word, Joe, clad in a laughably voluminous robe with a ridiculous crest — and nothing else — stood aside. Wearing a sweatshirt and skinny jeans, Maddie felt herself being undressed by Joe’s eyes.
At last Joe spoke: “Come in and get comfortable. This might take a while.”
. . . . .
Monday morning found Maddie popping awake with a start. Her heart was hammering in her chest. What a crazy dream, she thought breathlessly. In her nightmare, she heard an unearthly clatter coming from the spare bedroom, and when she knocked on the door, Nancy and Phoebe emerged from the room, wearing clown suits and slapping each other loudly on the head with rubber bladders. Maddie wondered, Nancy wouldn’t really dare bring Phoebe home with her after a bar scene, would she? Well, it would resolve the issue that lay between them, she thought, though not in the way she’d hoped. Nancy was supposed to tender her decision today. Had Nancy spent the whole weekend with Maddie’s one-time lover? Well, it would all come out in the wash today.
That afternoon, Mark and Sally were scheduled to visit again. Of the two pending engagements, the latter was by far the most important to Maddie. As usual, she fixed lunch: burgers and fries, Sally’s favorite.
They sat around the table, eating and talking. Sally was, for once, a party to the conversation and chatted gaily while chewing her fries. “Don’t talk with your mouth full,” admonished Maddie gently.
“Now you sound like Marilyn,” observed the little girl. “Won’t have to listen to her no more, though,” she added.
Maddie’s head snapped up. “What?” she asked.
“Sally,” said Mark, “I said I’d talk to Mom about that. Just eat your food.”
“Talk about…” began Maddie, but Mark signaled an end to the discussion.
“We’ll talk,” he promised.
After lunch, Sally pranced off to play with Kitzhaber, leaving her parents alone at the table. Before Maddie could say a word, Mark told her,
“Marilyn moved out.”
“Oh, no. I’m sorry, Mark. What happened?”
He lowered his head and spoke softly, so that their daughter could not hear. “She left me, Maddie,” he said.
“You’d been together for more than a year,” she remembered.
“Fourteen months,” he agreed. “She just didn’t get along with Sally,” he revealed unexpectedly. “But, I thought they loved each other,” protested Maddie.
Mark shook his head. “Marilyn began dropping not-so-subtle hints about giving custody to you. And talking to Sally, too, telling her ‘wouldn’t you like to go live with your mom?’ “
“I literally had no idea,” said Maddie. “She had me fooled. So what now?” she asked.
Mark leaned forward on his elbows and said, “You want a roommate — two of them?”
“What?” she squawked. “No! I’ve got a roommate…or, well, I think I might.”
“Did you and Nancy get everything straightened out?” Mark asked.
“Today’s the day,” she told him. “I gave her ten days to get her shit together.”
“Huh! You only gave me a weekend,” he remembered with a smile. “Getting mellow in our old age, are we?”
“Sally was just three,” Maddie remembered. “I was determined to have her, though I didn’t know how I’d support her. I hadn’t worked in the years we were married. I was busy being a doctor’s wife. I didn’t know anything else. In the end, it was better she went with you, but now…” They both grew quiet.
At length, Mark spoke. “Do you want to come back to being a doctor’s wife? I still love you, Maddie.”
Maddie swelled with gratitude. It was so sweet. But she shook her head. “You’re just hurting, and lonely. No, Mark, you can’t go back. You know that.”
Mark nodded sadly. They talked about Sally for a while longer, till Mark said, “Gotta grab the kid and go home.” he looked in Sally’s direction, “C’mon, kid,” he called and in a few minutes Maddie got her hug from Sally, and the rest of her erstwhile family departed.
. . . . .
“How was your weekend, Maddie?” asked Nancy acidly. arriving at six on the dot, the time of their scheduled meeting.
Maddie cocked a brow. “What?” he asked.
“Mrs. Fulgham called this morning and asked after you,” said Nancy venomously.
Mrs. Fulgham? thought Maddie — Joe’s wife! “What did she say?” she asked.
“More than you ever did, bitch!” snapped Nancy. “She said you spent a weekend with her poor, overworked husband and, I quote, ‘led him astray.’ Business trip, my ass!” Suddenly and without warning, Maddie laughed. And laughed some more. “I hope you got your coverage,” added Nancy with rancor. “You were so concerned with that.”
Finally, Maddie stopped laughing. “No, Nan’,” she said. “I didn’t get my insurance.” Nancy stared at her disbelievingly. “I got fired,” added Maddie. Now Nancy stared at her in puzzlement. “Joe came on to me,” she admitted, “in very sharp fashion, too.”
“What happened?”
“I failed his test,” replied Maddie. “I’m not a trained seal, Nan’, and I’m not a prostitute, and I have nothing to prove — to nobody! You know what I’m saying?” she asked.
“Then you do love me, Mad’,” gushed Nancy, rushing forward to embrace he lover. Maddie didn’t hug her back and Nancy fell away from her again. “Don’t you see, this is good news,” said Nancy, trying to stir some excitement. But it fell flat.
“You’re going to have to move out, Nan’,” said Maddie. Nancy opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. “Unless you think you can afford the rent and utilities on your own. Because I’m moving out; I lost my job.”
“But, where will you go?” asked her ex-lover forlornly.
“I could do anything,” Maddie replied wistfully. “I could move back in with my parents, get a student loan and go back to school. I had a year’s credit when I married Mark. Hell, maybe I’ll run away and join the circus or crawl into a convent and become a freakin’ Catholic Nun. We’ve got fourteen days until the rent is due, plus we paid a month in advance. Hey,” she said lightly, “you could still stay here; maybe Phoebe will become your new roomie. I warn you, though, get the rent before you let her move in. Lessons learned,” she murmured sagely.
“Are you sure, Maddie?” asked Nancy.
“Not really,” Maddie admitted. “But, new doors will open, now that I see which ones are closing. And several just closed today.”
