This is the last of an eleven-segment relationship advice column from Nigerian author and Christian motivational speaker Chimezie Ihekuna, where he identifies and debunks certain beliefs he disagrees with on the topics of relationships, marriage and sexuality.
Deception 11
Things will change for the better if only I’m married
If you are an advocate of this statement, what makes you think
so? What makes you think your present
challenges can only be tackled if you identify yourself as being married? What makes you think or gives you the hope
that marriage will make things better without your handling them now? Do you know marriage has its challenges? In the first place, what is your view point
about marriage? Can you withstand the
difficulties associated with marriage?
It can be inferred that people (especially women) who believe in
the efficacy of this marriage come from dysfunctional homes. Due to the nature of upbringing, they console
or assure themselves the improvement of their situation for good (and possibly,
better) by getting married. They hope
their situation will greatly improve if they get married.
Sadly, they fail to really come to terms with the fact that
marriage takes preparation and possess immense challenges. Their inability to seriously tackle or
truncate certain imbalance associated with their upbringing and relationships
may cost them irrevocable setbacks in their approach to pressing marital
issues. Simply put, their viewpoints are myopic because the presence of
prevailing situations encountered has overwhelmed them to believing that
marriage is the only way out.
Marriage can be compared to institution of higher learning for an
individual to gain admission into citadel of higher learning, it is compulsory
to tender the basic qualifications obtained in the high/secondary schools she
attended including the institution’s entry (certificate) result, Also, it Is
anticipated, her maturity. At
high/secondary school level, certain actions can be tolerated owing to naivety
of students. On the other hand, it is a
different ball game at tertiary level as the crux; maturity will be a criterion
or yardstick for a student’s action. In
other words, it is believed that the tertiary institution is a citadel of higher
learning where students ought to ‘give up’ their childish tendencies and fully
embrace maturity (responsibility). This
analogy reflects itself as the institution marriage. Relationships individual involve (themselves
in) ought to be a preparatory ground for marriage, just as the high school is a
step or preparatory academic phase for a higher citadel of learning. Precisely, it is an institution which ought
to be prepared for; in terms of knowing its basics, handling pertinent issues
which are not associated with it just like where high or secondary school
leavers must have obtained their High school or secondary school certificate
and maturity in the light of empowerment towards handling issue that have do
with marriage (akin to ability to meet up with pressing demands of higher
learning institutes)
It is disheartening, most people whose belief is centered on this
mirage do not realistically see to certain asserted facts. Consequently, they
become unfit to take care of general home affairs after getting married-unfit
wives and husbands. You can imagine a
family raised by incomplete parents (unfit husband and wife) and no eventual
home.
This story depicts the reality of taking into “Things will change
for the better only if I’m married” assertion.
Stacy was born into a family of a well –to-do background. Being
the first in a family of four (Later, her younger sister died some years later
after she was born), special treatments were given to her especially by her
father. She had two younger brothers. Things seemed rosy until her parents
started living a cat and dog lifestyle due to impending challenges the family
faced at that time. Subsequently, Stacy’s mother decided what she saw as normal
–leaving her husband with the children. Although her father played a dual
responsibility; generally seeing to the finances of his household and physical
and mental wellbeing of his children, he was faced with an uphill task of
balancing home affairs and his busy working schedule. As a result, he felt the
need of having mistress (who later became his second wife). She bore him only a
child but was busy maltreating Stacy and her younger siblings. Personally, you
can imagine a girl not growing under the “watchful eyes “of her mother. Stacy
had to endure the storms of life and painstaking to cater for the needs of her
younger ones. Her predicament was so unbearable that she decided to take on
menial jobs to make ends meet.
As Stacy grew up under inauspicious conditions to an adult, though
very beautiful and one most sought after ladies in her locality, she, without
the proper guidance of a good counselor and her mother, felt that marriage
would be the way out of her pathetic state. Fortunately for her, she agreed to
a marriage proposal made by a dashing you gentleman, Anthony, on the condition
that he must take care of her younger ones. What a naivety- influenced
decision! She eventually got married to him without proper mastery of what it
means to stay married and of what the true foundation of marriage is. Now, she
is married for nearly thirty years but living under the shadow of regrets.
Conclusion
To experience an enduring a blissful and beneficial relationship
with your spouse, whether married or not, don’t you think you can safeguard
yourself from the servitude of the identified blindfolds known as deceptions?
Now, you’ve read them, the rest is up to you!
My sorrows never stopped
I always drink water of sorrows
In the open sky
Here the world always shrinks into
Here the people are walking by
We care for what we don’t
We love for what we actually not
But we are to stay, we are to stand
Feed our children and our beloved
So I have a duty
Regular presence of my physic
You find me so tired
Though I should take preparation for the next.
Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh
24/05/2019
It resonates, resonates
It resonates, resonates
The whispering, murmuring sound of the rivers, the oceans
It sparkles all around the waves to the sky where
it mixes
I stumble; fumble but stride to the sand
Try my heart and soul without any fear or joy
The waters roaring, the air so hissing
Throughout this atmosphere I started my journey
Knowing that never to find any destination to steer
I lost in the love boat of you
Here nobody you can see but lots of sign
The love nights filled with so much heavenly joy
Every waves of the waters today resonates the sound
‘LOVE’
Though never to get in touch
It’s more than that.
Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh
24/06/2019
A Death Scene of the Crow
Suddenly the crow heading down into the spokes
Just opening my eyes to the highway
Swings, rolling into wheel
The boy paddling the bi-cycle
Instantly got down and brought the bird back on the
ground
Watching left and right
I rushed to the spot
The crow was dying jumping over and down
Just like the cocks and hens or other birds are done
for cooking
It flies here and there and over trees after trees
And comes down to the wastes they like to eat
A cleaner or sweeper of our towns or cities
But not to the spoke the head turns into
It is Death- not permits the air to survive.
Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh
24/06/2019
The Love Sight
The farmers cultivate the land
Grow crops and feed the people all over the world
The cultivation of the womb just like that
Where the adults perform the best as lovers
Builders of nation, of civilization
We see the blood shedding for the new
The water pouring for the new
You can say ‘yes’ or ‘not’
Dwindling on the earth
The sons and daughters
The fathers and mothers
Always seekers –one from the others
Every moment we see the morning dew
On every blade of the grass
How time does fly!
Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh
24/06/2019
We Have a Faith
Today’s burning sun calms down tomorrow
Today’s heat-stroke can make us murmur rippling over
the silent river body
If there is no earthquake, no landslide
And no cyclone causing so many deaths, howling
crawling
Today’s burning sun calms down tomorrow
Today’s heat-stroke can make us murmur rippling over
the silent river body
If there is no smoke and fire over head burning so far
Causing coals to animals, trees and humans spreading
over and wide
Today’s burning sun calms down tomorrow
Today’s heat-stroke can make us murmur rippling over
the silent river body
If there is no man made crisis for which you and I
Always face to face to mock and cry
Today’s burning sun calms down tomorrow
Today’s heat-stroke can make us murmur rippling over
the silent river body
If there is no political handicap or bankruptcy to the
area
Making the commons die for
Today’s burning sun calms down tomorrow
Today’s heat-stroke can make us murmur rippling over
the silent river body
If there is no oppression to any part of the world
throwing atomic bombs
Causing deaths and suffering making history of the
pathetic moments
Today’s burning sun calms down tomorrow
Today’s heat-stroke can make us murmur rippling over
the silent river body
If there is no falsifying love and sexual harassment
Causing barbaric deaths and hallucination
Today’s burning sun calms down tomorrow
Today’s heat-stroke can make us murmur rippling over
the silent river body
The markets, held on
the
second day after Saturday,
gave the city its name. Was
once called Stalinabad, &
the trolleybuses, with their
livery of the national colors
still carry Stalinist slogans.
Passengers wait for their
buses outside the markets;
& even though Stalin is no
longer alive & today is Thurs-
day, there is no confusion.
Coney
Island
A
fundamental characteristic
of
the scientific & operational
principles
underlying leger-
demain
is that not all Ferris
wheels
are created equal.
Tromsø
The subset A of
a top-
ological space X is
the set-off point for so
many claims & cross
claims. Plus, each party
can be both a party
attacking & a party de-
fending so the activity
has the potential to
increase quite drama-
tically. & given that the
parties in question are
a narwhal & the aurora
borealis, both of whom
have lived here for many
centuries, there are a lot
of other parties making
claims & counter claims.
Stellenbosch
The Red Ants are demolishing
trauma counseling, replacing
it with nativity sculptures in
recycled paper & precious Italian
marble. Nobody else gets a look
in, except for a boy playing with
his ball, & an oxygen mask that
is also used as a sharpening tool.
Joe Balaz writes in Hawaiian Islands Pidgin (Hawai’i Creole English). He is theauthor of Pidgin Eye and the editor of Ho’omanoa: An Anthology of Contemporary Hawaiian Literature. He presently lives in Cleveland, Ohio.
