Discussing Death Gaurav Ojha From the perspective of death, human life is just a passing story; we are here at this moment and in another dimension of time and history all of us are here no more. Recently, I was going through an old picture from my childhood days, which included me as a toddler and as I was going through a picture I realized that three out of four individuals are missing, they are dead and gone. I am alive now, but eventually I am also waiting for the same fate. After some time, just like the three of them, I will only remain in some other pictures. Similarly, I was looking at a crowded picture taken in the year 1910 with hundreds of people at a musical concert thoroughly enjoying together and by now I can safely presume that almost all the people in that picture are dead. Life happens only once to each of us, and there comes a point where everything concludes and ends. These are my discussions on death and there are so many of them, me and some of my friends we discuss death; however this proclamation seems bizarre to most of us because we are preoccupied with life without acknowledging the dimension of death. After all, everything in life together with all its achievements appears pointless and limited from the perspective of death and dying. Hence, death discussions are either forbidden or else postponed. Death salons and cafes are becoming popular throughout the world with hundreds of people discussing death together, however we don’t have such privileges yet to discuss death with beautiful music, talking about the darker sides of life. Paradox is that from the childhood days children are exposed to death, characters die in cartoons, serials and movies. But we are constantly ignoring discussions on death all together. Death discussions are important, because how we think about death somehow determines how we live our life. Death creates urgency to act here and now because life can’t be postponed. Finite dimension of life means there is only life at this present moment and everything we do or achieve in life can be interrupted by death. Therefore, unlike many people, I think because of death, everything we do or achieve in life becomes precious. Our act of love, kindness and support for parents, children and friends is meaningful because we will not have them around forever or always with us. Everything is going to end, making everything we have precious. As an example, a couple days back as we were discussing death, a friend reflected on his mother’s love for his baby daughter. His mother is already into her eighties and she knows that she will not be around to see his daughter grow much longer. And, in those reflections of life from the perspective of death, we also realize how each and every bit of life is so beautiful, complete and precious. A Taste of Death Gaurav Ojha In his seminal work, The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, English author Douglas Adams suggests that the meaning of life is 42, and I used to think of it as gibberish and my response used to be like how about 52, 67 or 103? And, it was only a couple of days back; I was able to grasp the subtleness behind this suggestion. When I was wandering near the Ghats of Pashupatinath, I stumbled upon a resonance that she was only 32, she died of an incurable disease and all that remains of her now is a handful of ashes slowly dissolving in the river. Maybe the meaning of life is life itself, the matter of living in a certain way and after we die it’s all over. For Douglas Adams himself it was 49, he died of a heart attack while taking a rest after his regular exercise. Similarly, for the rest of us still alive, our time is set, the clock is constantly ticking and we never know when death strikes us. After witnessing a burning funeral pyre at the Ghats of Pashupatinath, I sat beside a Shiva temple near the river bank. With that sinister smoke swirling in the sky, sounds of wailing, that dreadful smell of human flesh and seeing a human body reduced to handful of ashes, I thought to myself how bizarre our human life actually is, after all that human impulses, dreams, worries, joys, suffering and sweet passion for life, why this sorrow of death? Sitting beside the temple, a sense of fear and anxiety gripped me from within, and I kept on asking myself, if we are living now to be nothing more than a handful of ashes, why do I have to breathe? What is the purpose of my life? Why this trouble of living? With the fragrance of death all over me, all other purposes, meaning, aspirations and expectations of my life appeared dull, empty, trivial and contradictory. In the midst of death and dying, I reflected on my struggles, sufferings, strivings, plans, relations, anguishes, aspirations and achievements. And, I said to myself, isn’t life a tale told by an idiot that signifies nothing, a bitter sweet symphony, a brief episode of dancing shadows or a meaningless puzzle squeezed in between our birth and death? It’s inevitable that we all are going to die. Death is in life as a necessary ingredient that makes human life vibrant, exciting, erratic and alive. On my walk back home, I felt a liberating calmness touching me, a kind of feeling that cures the mind. However, beyond the Ghats of Pashupatinath, the greatest surprise remains the same, as Yudhisthira laments in the Mahabharata, death pinches us all the time and still we human being live as though we are immortal, believing that we will be living our human lives forever with all our passions and possessions together, what a self-delusion indeed. Ripples Of Life Gaurav Ojha When our student died in an awful accident, struck by a truck while cycling, he was barely fifteen. The student was a bright star gleaming in his potential. Some of us thought he would one day be a great poet. He used to scratch poems within minutes and had a voice that resounded like a mature orator. However, due to a reckless mistake, all our impressions and expectations were reduced to a handful of dust scattered in the river. After his death, for days I felt a little diminished and couldn’t be at ease with myself. The claws of death had snapped my neck, and I kept pondering what if death was just around the corner waiting to catch me as well. Maybe his untimely death was a reminder of my own mortality. My mind got clouded with thoughts of death, and I was really anxious, eclipsed by the shadows of my lingering death. I know I can’t experience my own death with the death of another person. And, I don’t know when my death is going to happen, but I am sure there’s no escaping it. Maybe my life is just a ripple in a vast ocean of eternity, life that keeps on bubbling up, as it pours out and passes away. Impermanence of life is all around us, and as human beings we are inexorably moving towards our death. Everything we see, touch, taste, love, hope, despise or desire is in the process of dying. There is nothing that remains unchanged. Besides, if there is a bit of meaning in life, as writer Franz Kafka reminds us, it is that it ends. Life reflects itself in the mirror of death. With death life comes to an end, and how easy it is to be forgotten and replaced. Therefore, it is meaningful to contemplate on the tiny ripples of our human existence and to think how meaningless human life actually is. Meaninglessness of life often infuses some sense of lightness into my being. I feel at ease with all these tiny ripples of my life sparkling around me in their randomness. And, I have embraced the reality that it is not possible to have absolute control over how the plot of our life unfolds or when this chapter is going to end. Hence, whichever way our life shuffles, either substantial or just meaningless, the zest of life is always the same, that it ends.
Poetry from The Man of Legend (Charles Upshaw III)
Persevere Even if your purpose here on this circular sphere Called Earth appears uncertain and unclear I’ve learned one’s worth isn’t a mere Sum of what they’ve purchased or what they’ve earned in a career Life’s about how you feel about the person in the mirror Like whether or not they’re further on nearer To who you want to be, a word for the ears Of those not there yet, ‘Persevere’ A Winning Formula When there burns a fire within And you’re spurred on by a desire to win If you never concede defeat You can withstand pressure and keep the lead Going against the opposition With the approach, “A win is not a given” Execute the game plan And never lose faith, and you may remain the champ For some time to come When you find you’re the one To beat, you’ll know that you can win And be the one who stands in The ‘winner’s circle’, when it’s all said and done And you’ll rank second to none Realizing there’s no ‘I’ in ‘team’ A group can realize a dream And win. Stargazing Every evening my eyes scan the cosmos Paying particular attention to a certain section of the solar system In search of the sights I identify As the celestial streetlights that litter the night sky Active Imagination What if we didn’t have division from capitalism, A clash of religions and a class system And we were equals even if polar opposites, Government put people over politics And we could make citizens’ arrests Of those that abuse the power they’re given to protect And serve, when wrong is done under the cover of law? What’s done to one can be done to us all So we should all spend a few Minutes each day trying to walk in the shoes Of others; going forward, what if we bid, “Farewell” to the ills of the society in which we live? I wonder… Matters of the Heart While I haven't been in love, yet I have been given tips on the subject And no, love isn't blind You'll know it when you see it, just give it time And let it take its natural course, if It's real, then you won't have to force it We tend to think of love as 'dependency' And that we're empty and incomplete When we’re not in the presence of The one whose affection and love We seek, but that’s not true Being alone doesn’t have to stop you From enjoying your own company, with That said, if you and the one you want to be with Complement one another And share a bond friends and lovers Can appreciate, you may have found Love everlasting, I say that now But really only time will tell Love’s a matter of the heart, but the mind will help You recognize true love; love can smooth any wrinkle And until I find that, I'm cool with being single Realize The Dream Some think, “To dream is a childish thing And dreams only come true in your wildest dreams” But how do you think Martin Luther King Jr. Was able to see so far into the future? Becoming a man on a mission And it's up to us to expand on the vision He had and do our best to bridge Gaps and make prejudice And inequality obsolete So no one’s at the bottom seeking A better life, no matter how grim the prospects If we’re in lockstep There isn’t a goal that’s not within reach Though I’m cognizant peace Might seem elusive Like a pipedream rooted In fantasy, there’s nothing we can’t achieve when Doubt isn’t given a chance to creep in We can even make Indigenous mascots and team names And images a thing of the past; Dr. King aimed To change the world, and the quest To see his dream manifest Continues on…
Poetry from Christina Chin/Uchechukwu Onyedikam
3 murmurs of ill winds shift to the west cheerful ladybird returns to nest 2 yellow warbler on the green palms of nature takes a perch unsuspecting of a waiting goshawk 1 her turn at the queue staggered tears she collects in a basket wages of labour Christina Chin / Uchechukwu Onyedikam
Poetry from Robert Stephens
A Father’s Vigil A man sits on a folding stool talking with his daughter even though she is not listening. But he does not mind. She has not listened to him these past years. Still, he talks as if she is there, not in the shallow grave she rests in, consumed by the natural way of all the dead in this corner of the park. The park did not allow a head stone or marker. He built a cairn of the rough serpentine rocks the day of her interment, the family crying and weeping with the sorrow that comes from the disbelief of a child passing. He wept along with them. He believed she had passed but knew that it was not an end. The rocks were gone when he came to talk the first time. He came back every year, an annual vigil. Every time he came to talk with her, he tried to remember the tree she was buried near. At first, he came on the anniversary of her burial then on her birthday. A friend told him not to remember her at her death, but her birth. The conversations were the same, but it was easier to talk with her on her birthday than the anniversary of her death. He talked of family things: family trips and holiday gatherings, at Christmas, Thanksgiving and the 4th of July. One year it was the story of a white Christmas at her grandma’s house and the snowball fight that ended with everyone cold, exhausted and laughing. And the Fourth of July in Disneyland, the noise, the light, the awe. He talked about birthdays and events, both happy and sad. He told her about her grandma's 85th birthday, and how she died the next year. He talked of personal things: fears and regrets, joys and successes. He talked of the regrets of not spending more time with her: sharing her favorite movie, playing tag in the park with the dog. He talked of her: memories and possibilities, so much of her life left undone, dreams left undreamed, wishes never to be fulfilled. Early on he wondered if he was sane or just obsessed by coming every year. Her mom worried about him. As the years passed she worried less and less. He often came back more relaxed, almost relieved, like a burden had been diminished. He often asked his daughter what she thought about the things he told her. He knew she was not listening. But she was there, for him, all his life. She became his confidante. When his death was near, he made one last visit. This time there were no stories, no histories. Just the fears of the uncertainty of death: was there an afterlife, would he find her there, would someone come talk to him, would he listen. At the end he thanked her for being there, and wept. If she had listened, she would have thanked him for the company.
Poetry from Hannah Aipoh
DIARY OF A LOAFER Maturity the birth of gentility, A fugitive I am, Told never to shut a lad up, Shut a boy and shut an ancestry they said, They carry the shoulders of glee they said. Miming my way through the rabble. My confidence ebbing away. Sit down, don't talk, you're overweight, dress pretty they said, I ate the dust, I still remember them smirking at me, Visible disgust on my face. Always being told the bitterest truths and the sweetest lies, And here I am 17 years later still imprisoned in a pyramid of thirsty men, I see myself as a nova. BIOGRAPHY My name is Hannah Aipoh, I am sixteen years of age, l was born on the 23rd of February 2006 and I hail from Estako East Local Government Area, Edo State, Nigeria. I aspire to be a gynaecologist and a poet laureate.
Poetry from J.J. Campbell

----------------------------------------------------------------------- no one ever promised endless days of rain and fog just pure fucking misery as my arthritis is jumping for joy and the days of drinking the pain away have got to the point where dylan thomas looks over at me and smiles no one ever promised life would be fun and fulfilling hell, i wasn't even promised a tomorrow these are the days where i wish my father had the courage to follow through on his threats ------------------------------------------------------------ in a dying town an old buddy of mine opened up a coffee shop in the town we grew up in i wish him all the luck in the world a small business in a dying town is usually a recipe for the onset of a mid-life crisis of course, he served in the navy so, it's probably not the first crisis he has come across ------------------------------------------------------------ a smile to your face i still remember that perkins parking lot and how you couldn't believe how easily i slid my hand down your pants and brought a smile to your face you're still the only woman to ever answer her door in lingerie for me i'm sure your wife is enjoying that now thankfully, i haven't drank all the memories away ------------------------------------------------------------- down the roads of apathy near the end of summer another hot, long, sweaty ride down the roads of apathy here in the midwest the road to nowhere has been washed in the blood of countless suicides and the old souls realizing all their mistakes the kkk still like to recruit here, but often knock on all the wrong doors i saw a black man walking with his daughter in the neighborhood yesterday first time i have smiled in months ----------------------------------------------------------- this holiday weekend a local radio station is doing an 80's marathon this holiday weekend just what i want to do relive my fucking childhood with all these songs choking on nostalgia i figure i'll throw on some beethoven pour a glass of scotch and think of a few creative ways to die
J.J. Campbell (1976 – ?) was raised by wolves yet managed to graduate high school with honors. He’s been widely published over the years, most recently at Horror Sleaze Trash, The Rye Whiskey Review, Terror House Magazine, The Beatnik Cowboy and Pyrokinection. You can find him most days on his mildly entertaining blog, evil delights. (https://evildelights.blogspot.com)
Short story from Fernando Sorrentino
Problem Solved
(Problema resuelto)
Who hasn’t heard of the Insignia Financial Group, a lending institution that underwrites vehicles, agricultural and industrial machinery and, generally, all types of manufacturing products?
I spent three years working at the branch office over in the Parque Patricios neighborhood located on Avenida Caseros. After I was promoted to a higher position, the company transferred me to the Palermo branch on Avenida Santa Fe. Since I already lived over on Calle Costa Rica, just six blocks away, the change worked out very well for me.
Although prohibited by regulations, every now and then we were visited by a few vendors and sales representatives who peddled a variety of articles. Our bosses tended to be lenient and let them in, and so it had become routine practice for the employees to buy things from these people.
This is how I met Boitus, an exceptionally odd person. He was thin as a wire and balding, wore antique-style glasses, and always dressed in the same grimy, threadbare gray suit, all of which gave him the air of a man who had escaped from a silent film era movie. He had a speech defect, causing his “r” to sound like “d”.
He sold encyclopedias and dictionaries in installments and took cash payments for other less costly books. I became one of Boitus’ clients because it proved to be a convenient arrangement: I would ask him for a certain book by a certain author and a few days later Boitus would show up, always reliable, with the book in question and at the same price as at the local book store.
It didn’t take me long to figure out that Boitus was not only extravagant in the way he looked, but also in the way he moved and talked. The vocabulary he used was both peculiar and exclusive: when speaking of Juan Pérez, our nation’s president, he referred to Chief What’s-His-Name. He didn’t use the sidewalk, but rather the public walkway. He didn’t ride on the underground rail, microbuses or trains; instead he traveled on the public passenger transportation system. He never said, “I don’t know”; it was always, I’m unaware.
One day, as I listened to a certain exchange, I could hardly believe my ears. While at my desk, concentrating on some work related matters, I heard Lucy, one of our most veteran employees on the verge of retiring, ask him, “Tell me, Boitus, have you ever thought about getting married?”
My curiosity forced me to look up and glance over at Boitus. He broke into a smile that was considerate, perhaps even indulgent.
“Why, my dear Ms. Lucy, there’s a simple answer to your question.” He paused for effect. “I can’t marry for three reasons: in the first place, I’m not in an economic position to do so; secondly, I lack the funds; and thirdly, I’m broke.”
Boitus’ answer and, especially, the bewildered look on Lucy’s face caused me to burst out laughing, although I tried my best to contain it. “Well, well,” I told myself, “this Boitus guy is quite the comedian.”
I got used to Boitus’ periodic visits, during which, besides finalizing book purchases, I was entertained by his eccentricities, paradoxes, logic and outlandish ideas.
He always showed up carrying a brown leather briefcase, so worn that it had become gray, in which he kept invoices, receipts, brochures on encyclopedias, business cards… anyway, a collection of business related papers which, God knows why, he generically termed his judgment tools. But besides the briefcase, he always carried five or six packages with him: cardboard boxes filled with books to be delivered.
The day came when our branch manager, Mr. Gatti—an easy going and understanding guy—was promoted and transferred to the head office. His replacement, Mr. Linares, wasn’t really a bad person; however he had a baroque way of speaking, loved circumlocution and was a stickler for rules and regulations. The moment he took over, he laid down the law and from them on, neither Boitus nor any of the other salesmen were allowed over the threshold of the Palermo branch of the Insignia Financial Group.
It was a minor problem, quickly resolved. Boitus and I exchanged phone numbers and thus, my purchases and his sales could continue, but with one difference: instead of delivering books to the office, Boitus brought them to my house.
At some point I realized that I’d now been working at the Palermo branch office a full year and that, consequently, I’d known Boitus for a year and that I bought books from him at fairly regular intervals. But at no point did he ever refer to himself as a “bookseller”. He called himself a cultural disseminator.
The cultural disseminator would arrive at my apartment weighted down by his dilapidated briefcase, packages and cardboard boxes to deliver my books, after which he would usually rattle off a string of surprising sophisms and, after about 15 minutes, would leave.
I remember well his final visit. Boitus had unleashed an especially strange and extended monologue aimed at instructing me in the use of an absurd taxonomy of his own invention. According to his schema, coffee was a brew, tea was an infusion and boiled mate leaves, a tonic. However, I couldn’t get him to explain the grounds for these classifications.
Then something weird happened: his ideas, which had seemed funny to me at first, suddenly started to irritate me, undoubtedly because of the visceral rejection I feel toward irrationality and error. And, despite suppressing my aggravation, I watched happily as Boitus finally departed with his shabby briefcase and his boxes and packages.
Being that the ground level entrance was permanently locked, I had to follow him down and let him out of the building. Returning to my apartment, I realized Boitus had forgotten one of his parcels on a chair.
It was a round cardboard container, very similar to the ones used to store men’s hats. Two green ribbons, originating along its edges but now fallen against each side, functioned as a way to carry the box comfortably.
I removed the lid and, although he couldn’t possibly have arrived home yet, I immediately called to inform him of the forgotten merchandise. The phone rang five times before the answering machine picked up. I left a message, the tone of which—polite, yet urgent—left no room for doubt.
That night, Boitus did not return my call. The next day, either. I tried calling and leaving messages for several days at different times.
When I called a week later the phone rang I don’t know how many times but neither Boitus nor his answering machine picked up. “The phone must be disconnected,” I told myself.
A few hours later my calls were answered by a female voice that recited: “The number you have dialed does not belong to any client within the Telecom network.” A while later, dialing Boitus’ number produced nothing but silence, as though both the number and the phone itself had disappeared.
At the office, I mentioned all this to Rossi, whose desk adjoins mine, and he offered to come over to my place.
“As long as it isn’t a bother,” he added.
“Quite the opposite,” I said, “I’d appreciate your help.”
And so it happened that, having finished our workday, Rossi visited my apartment for the first and last time. Opening the box he drew back with a distasteful look on his face.
“Oh man. Looks like this is going to be complicated.”
“Definitely. Can’t say I didn’t warn you.”
Then Rossi completely lost interest in the box and became distracted as he looked around. In a matter of seconds he had me feeling nervous. He’s a restless guy and started walking the length of the apartment offering different criticisms or suggestions which I had never asked for, such as, “This would be a good place to hang a mirror,” or “Aren’t your doors sealed against draughts? There seems to be air getting in.”
He stopped in front of a framed picture of Cecilia Capelli, picked it up for a moment, put it back down in a slightly different location and then commented, “So this is your girlfriend? Cute girl, congratulations.”
I told myself that he could have dispensed with both his remark and the congratulations: my love affair with Cecilia was in a state of deterioration and several times I had been tempted to get rid of the picture since its presence only served to upset me.
He then inspected my library and seized the opportunity to ask to borrow A History of Argentinean Soccer. I detest lending books (or borrowing them, for that matter) but as he had been so kind as to come over and help me, I couldn’t say no.
I had ascertained that Rossi was restless. A few days later I found out that, in addition, he tended to talk too much. Consequently, on Friday, Mr. Linares called me to his office and closed the door after I’d entered. Through the intercom he commanded, “Flavia, no calls until further notice.”
He had me sit facing him over his desk and then, with a smile that was intended to look congenial but was obviously forced, he told me, “My dear Sainz, it’s not that I want to involve myself in something that’s none of my business, but in a certain way, you being a young man of 28, relatively new to the company, and seeing how…”
“I’m about to be heaved down into the labyrinth of his meandering prose,” I thought.
“… I’m somewhat older, with more years under my belt, and your manager on top of that, a kind of father figure within the company you could say, I have a kind of—how should I put it?—moral obligation to help you. Am I right?”
Since Mr. Linares was waiting for an answer, I immediately agreed, motivated by the desire to get him to stop talking as soon as humanly possible.
“Well then,” he continued, “if it is acceptable to you, tomorrow, which is Saturday and will give us some free time, I’ll take a little jaunt over to your house to see what we can do…”
I had no choice but to accept his offer. Back at my desk, Rossi avoided eye contact. However, a few minutes later he approached me and muttered in my ear, “Don’t think I’m the one who told him about it. He already knew. It’s hard to hide these things.”
I wondered how Rossi knew that Linares had found out.
On Saturday I had to get up early. I couldn’t have Mr. Linares over to a typical bachelor’s apartment that hadn’t been cleaned in at least two weeks. I spent most of my morning on detestable chores: vacuuming the floor, dusting the furniture, cleaning the bathroom and kitchen… Finally by 11 my house was in a presentable state for receiving Mr. Linares.
When he showed up he wasn’t alone. With him were Araujo, our office errand boy who was fond of gambling, and another gentleman I had never met who wore a suit, tie and spectacles.
“Dr. Venancio,” said Linares, introducing him. “He’s a legal representative, or, if you prefer, an attorney, who will certify the affidavit. As for Araujo,” he added affably, “he needs no introduction. Who doesn’t owe Araujo a favor or two, right?”
Araujo, dressed in his office uniform, smiled shyly.
“Araujo is only here as a witness, so that Dr. Venancio can get his signature on the affidavit.”
“Fine,” I said. “Sounds good.”
Mr. Linares took the lid off the box and, holding the lid in his right hand, carefully examined the contents. Dr. Venancio and Araujo immediately did the same.
“Everything in order, Araujo?” Mr. Linares asked.
“Yes, Sir, no problem.”
Dr. Venancio spread the affidavit out on the dinning room table. It was three pages long. He signed his name in the margins of the first two and at the bottom of the third. Then he turned to Araujo and indicated he should do the same. Araujo signed slowly; it was obvious he was not very seasoned at working with papers and documents.
“Should I sign?” I asked.
“It’s not necessary,” replied the notary public, “but it isn’t prohibited, either. It’s up to you.”
“I’m going to sign just in case.”
I took a moment to read the affidavit and confirmed that it rigorously conformed to the truth. Then I signed it.
“And you, Mr. Linares? Would you like to sign?”
“No, Doctor, it doesn’t appear to be necessary. Or even prudent.”
After exchanging a few platitudes about the weather, my visitors left.
I had planned to go to the movies that night with Cecilia but around six in the evening she called to cancel the date.
“The problem is my father,” she explained. “Well, that is, if you want to call it a problem. I don’t think there’s any reason for concern, but he does. He thinks that your situation might affect his chances of getting elected mayor.”
I felt like telling her to go to hell, along with her distinguished father, a power hungry political schemer, but I held back and only said, “Fine, sounds good.”
I thought, “It’s just as well, I’m fed up with her.”
I looked up Boitus’ telephone number using a directory on the Internet and found out he lived on Calle Fraga, in the Chacarita neighborhood. Sunday morning I headed over to the house in question. There, I found a wooden barrier around the building with a sign that read: NOTICE: BUILDING TO BE COMPLETELY DEMOLISHED. NEW CONSTRUCTION OF ONE AND TWO BEDROOM APARTMENTS.
With the exception of a few unexpected events, my life continued its normal path.
It wasn’t long before I was given another promotion that entailed one advantage and one drawback. The former involved a substantial salary raise: suddenly I was earning practically double what I had been up to now (which already was no small sum). The drawback resided in that I had to carry out my new duties in the suburb of Béccar, quite a distance from my place on Calle Costa Rica.
I added up the pros and cons and, after finally accepting the promotion, resigned myself to a long commute between Palermo and my new destination. The ideal situation would have been to buy a place in Béccar or in San Isidro, but to come up with the money I first would have had to sell the apartment on Calle Costa Rica.
Without meaning to I had also gained a certain notoriety and I discovered that having it wasn’t all that bad. Photographers and feature writers showed up from the newspapers La Nación and Clarín and from the magazines Caras and Gente. I was subjected to interviews and was photographed—now smiling, now solemn—next to the round box. I was also invited to talk on television news programs, something I did with some degree of vanity. I didn’t even turn down invitations to appear on frivolous talk shows filled with gossip and tabloid stories.
In the end, “Doctor” Ignacio Capelli didn’t succeed in being elected mayor of Tres de Febrero County, a fact that pleased me to no end. At this point I had had it with Cecilia, so a few days later I found a random excuse to break up with her.
On the other hand, something wonderful had happened. I had gotten into the habit of having an afternoon snack after work at a café near Béccar station. At the same time of day, several teachers from a nearby school would come by after finishing with their classes. They were lovely girls who spoke loudly and always roared with laughter.
I was attracted to one of them (I already knew her name, Guillermina) and, more than once, our eyes—hers a crystal blue—met across the tables. One day as I was leaving, I arranged for an “accidental” meeting out on the sidewalk and was able to strike up a conversation. Straight away I accompanied her home, first by train until we reached the Belgrano neighborhood, then by foot a few blocks. She was 25 years old, her name was Guillermina Grotz and she still lived with her parents.
Things went well and it didn’t take me long to become her boyfriend and, a few weeks later, begin intimate relations.
One afternoon, as we lay on a hotel bed, she asked me, “Wouldn’t it be cheaper for you to invite me to your apartment?”
Surprised, I looked her in the eyes. “Aren’t you aware of the problem I have…?”
“How could I not know? Everybody knows about it. But it can’t be all that bad.”
The generosity I saw in her eyes moved me. I felt a tear welling up, but quickly wiped it away.
The following Saturday I took Guillermina out to a movie in Belgrano. Afterward, I treated her to dinner at a restaurant on Avenida Cabildo.
“Well,” I told her, “now we’re going back to my place to end the night on a dignified note.”
As we entered the apartment and I turned on the light, Guillermina cried out, “At last, I get to see Mr. Sainz’s mysterious bunker!”
But before she had a chance to get to know the place, she stopped in front of the round box. She hesitated for a moment, and then lifted the lid. The expression on her face didn’t change one bit, but she said, “You were right. We should go back to what we were doing before…”
I wanted her to define her terms, so I asked, “Should we go to the bedroom or do you want to leave?”
“I hope I don’t offend you, but I prefer to leave.”
“Why should I be offended? You’re completely within your rights…”
Guillermina lived near the corner of Cuba and Mendoza. I stopped a taxi coming down the street and bid her farewell.
But not for good. There was no reason we should break up. On the contrary—the experience had drawn us closer together.
Three months later we were married and went to live in a tiny apartment we had rented outside the city, in San Isidro, a place that was soon crammed with all the belongings Guillermina and I had brought from our respective former homes. My dinning room set consisted of a table and four chairs, but I could only bring three of the four to San Isidro.
At my workplace I was subjected to questions that were as naïve as they were predictable, and, as well, faced some slightly troublesome bureaucratic snags, none of which kept me from continuing to rise in the company.
In fact, I’d say that in this regard I couldn’t complain. Each new success brought me a higher position and I continued to climb the hierarchical ladder and earn more money.
One Friday afternoon (the best moment of the week) I was summoned to the head office. No less than the senior director himself offered congratulations and assured me that, without a shadow of a doubt, within the year I would be named manager of the Mar del Plata branch office.
“So, Mr. Sainz, it would be best for you to begin getting your affairs in order ahead of time.”
Mar del Plata is a magnificent assignment, although being so far down the coast, it will mean Guillermina has to resign her teaching position and the two of us will have to move. Once there, it won’t be hard for my wife to get a job at another school.
Guillermina and I have become frugal to the point of greediness. We want to have enough money to buy a relatively spacious apartment in Mar del Plata, and I believe we will. The only possible way is to save and save and save, since we can’t count on the money we would get from the impossible sale of my former residence on Calle Costa Rica, which—by the way—had all its utilities cut off: electricity, telephone, gas, water… I also stopped paying the building maintenance fees and the municipal taxes.
“They’re going to take you to court and foreclose on the apartment,” Guillermina often comments.
Without fail I answer, “But they’ll never find a buyer.”
“That’s true,” Guillermina always replies in turn, “but it’s not our problem.”
[From: El crimen de san Alberto, Buenos Aires, Editorial Losada, 2008. This short story was one of the finalists in the 23rd annual «Hucha de Oro» Competition (FUNCAS), Madrid, Spain.]
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Translated from the Spanish by Jonathan Cole.
Read Fernando’s bio HERE.
