Christopher Bernard reviews Cal Performances’ showing of Socrates and Via Dolorosa by the Mark Morris Dance Group

Several groups of dancers in white and tan robes cluster in front of a background painted in various colors: blue, white, red, orange, and yellow.
Mark Morris Dance Group in “Via Dolorosa” (Photo: Chris Hardy)

Calvary and a Prison in Athens

Socrates and Via Dolorosa
Mark Morris Dance Group
Cal Performances
Berkeley, California

Western civilization. Two words that seem to enrage one half the world while blinding the other with a misguided sense of aggrieved loyalty. The so-called progressive left lays the blame for most, if not all of today’s evils at its doorstep. The alt-right and other so-called conservatives claim to be its sole defenders in a world gone mad with resentment and ingratitude.

“Slavery, capitalism, climate change, nuclear war, toxic synthetics, dying seas, the collapsing of wildlife and the sixth extinction,” the left claims, “including our own under the weight of a catastrophic success – these are the legacy of Western civilization.” “Freedom, unsurpassed prosperity, knowledge without equal, human creativity unleashed and human power without limit,” claims the right, “righteousness, grace and God: these are the gifts and the triumph of Western civilization.”

But today there is no longer such a thing as “Western civilization.” Long after Europe lost its empires and its political and economic dominance, its intellectual and spiritual domination of the world is complete. Now “Western civilization” is world civilization: free markets, the primacy of the individual, the sanctity of human rights and the political authority of the people (in theory when not in practice), the imperative of human creativity, technology, critical reason and the scientific method in addressing our problems – these Western definitions of the good are unchallenged by anyone – though the right seems hardly to understand them and the left pretends to forget them. The right defends a grotesque caricature of “the West” that has its roots in the barbarians that brought down an empire and sacked Rome – their founding fathers are Alaric and Attila, the Vandals and Ostrogoths who gaped at the cities they burned.

The left attacks an equally grotesque simulacrum: a “West” that began in 1619, or 1492, or 1605 – when the Atlantic slave trade began, or Columbus set foot on Hispaniola, or the first stock exchange was founded in Amsterdam and what had been an efficient series of trading markets across the continent turned into the many-headed Hydra that now feasts on the globe.

At the heart of our dominant civilization stand two figures whose shadows have been cast down the millennia; the greatest rebels and martyrs of their times – doubters, skeptics, revolutionists. Each stood for his (for they were both men) convictions regarding reality, truth and the good, and each paid the ultimate price: they were summarily killed by the people and powers of their time, with the assumption their ideas and influence would die with them. They did not. Those two individuals also stood for the two poles on which what was, eventually, called “the West” has revolved for centuries. Their names? Socrates and Jesus.

Socrates embedded the dialectics of doubt and reasoned argument into the heart of the West. Jesus embedded the imperative of faith and love. Both stood for truth – though their conceptions of it were not always congruent, and much of Western history has been a long-undecided conflict, sometimes war, between them, one essentially spiritual, the other material – “Hebraism” and “Hellenism,” as Matthew Arnold defined them two centuries ago.

Or, as we might say today, alt-right and progressive – neither side seeming to realize that both they and their opponents are Western to the core.

What civilization first placed its own self-criticism as one of its fundamental values? Western – and late Western at that. In most other cultures and civilizations, including earlier versions of Europe, the critic, dissident, rebel would have been imprisoned, executed or dismissed as mad.

What civilization places the idea of moral universals and absolutes at its beating heart? Again, Western. Most, if not all, other cultures enforced loyalty to their own and only their own; anyone outside “the tribe” was not considered entirely “human,” and certainly had no “rights.”

This is not to romanticize the West. Being human, it is imperfect – often floridly so. It has blood on its hands, as does every other culture and civilization since humanity broke off from its simian ancestors. And its virtues were not always intentional; they exist at least partly because there has been in fact no single “Western culture” but rather a cauldron of “Western cultures,” dozens of cultures, ethnicities, religions, races, in perpetual war with each other for millennia. But that discussion must be pursued elsewhere.

The Mark Morris Dance Group brought two dances, balancing these Western, and now world-dominating presences, one intellectual and heroic, the other spiritual and sanctified, to Berkeley’s Zellerbach Theater during a recent weekend; performances that could not help but stimulate these thoughts.

The first was a revival of Mark Morris’s celebrated “Socrates,” an intriguing work set to the music of Eric Satie and a libretto taken from three of Plato’s dialogues. Based on designs to be found in Grecian pottery, and at times curiously reminiscent of Nijinsky’s notorious choreography for Debussy’s “Prelude to ‘L’aprés-midi d’un faune,’” the dance moves in smoothly hieratic poses, sometimes childlike, sometimes serenely adolescent, across a landscape of classical purity and grace.

The dance has a libretto, performed gracefully by tenor Brian Giebler and accompanied by pianist Colin Fowler. The libretto’s first part is taken from The Symposium, the celebrated dialogue on the nature of love. Alicibiades describes Socrates as like a Selenus, a grotesque figurine containing, hiddenly, the figure of a god, and also like Marsyas, a satyr and flute player for the gods – though those who remember their mythology will remember his tragic end when he makes the mistake of challenging Apollo, god of the lyre, to a competition: he loses, predictably, and is skinned alive for his hubris.
The second part describes an idyllic passage in Phaedrus in which Socrates and his young eponymous friend seek a place on the banks of a lovely stream where they will conduct a conversation in search of the true, the beautiful, and the good.

The third is taken from Phaedo, narrating the last moments of Socrates’ life, surrounded by his mourning friends in an Athens prison, when he drinks the hemlock to which he has been condemned by the citizens of Athens for corrupting the youth of the city when, in truth, he was liberating them from the very illusions that led, ironically, tragically, to the greatest of ironist’s own martyrdom.
Eric Satie’s music, famously cool and detached, makes little attempt to express the libretto; Morris’s choreography spends almost all of its time following the music and ignoring the words: there is almost no attempt, for example, to express the pathos of the closing pages until the very end, when, one by one, each of the dancers slips gracefully to the floor, expressing the death, perhaps not only of Socrates, but of the Greek ideal itself.

The second half of the program was a world premiere, awaited with much anticipation: “Via Dolorosa,” set to the music of Nico Muhly, performed on solo harp, with formidable virtuosity, by Parker Ramsay. The dance follows the Stations of the Cross, from Jesus’ condemnation to his crucifixion, death and entombment. Interestingly, it distributes the role of Jesus to dancers of various genders, ethnicities and races, appropriate for the universal humanity of the Good Shepherd. Muhly’s music is, for the most part, as detached as Satie’s, though it occasionally gives way to the harrowing drama of the moment. The stunning stage set – a blowup of a searingly beautiful patch of abstract brushwork, whose colors changed depending on how they were lit – was by Howard Hodgkin.

For this dance, too, there’s a libretto, in this case somewhat overwrought, by Alice Goodman, though in this performance it was neither spoken nor sung (as, it seems, might occur at some performances). Which was just as well, as it is, to be frank, a poor substitute for the simple descriptions in the gospel.

The dance was a little disappointing. Though there were moments of genuine originality and the childlike grace and warm humanity one associates with Morris’s dances, there just was not enough inventiveness and too much reliance on mannerisms one has also come to expect. It seemed just a little tired. There was also a strange attempt to take the edge off the final moments of the entombment, at the very end of the dance, to anticipate the coming resurrection, that felt contrived and forced. After all, even in Giotto’s frescoes, the angels are allowed to weep and lament as if there will be no resurrection to come, not take what looked like a not very unconvincing victory lap.

It was perhaps a more thought-provoking evening than one that was entirely satisfying aesthetically, but it was certainly worth the visit. And the audience gave it a standing ovation.
_____
Christopher Bernard is an award-winning poet, novelist, playwright, and essayist. His most recent books are the children’s books If You Ride A Crooked Trolley . . . and The Judgment of Biestia, the first two stories in the series “Otherwise.”




					

Poetry from Steve Brisendine

ghost, breathing

I can
stand still

as air before
a thunderstorm

and feel my 
footprints begin
to fill in

(though I have not
yet stepped
out of them);

I never did expect
to leave an impression 
anyway 

This piece was accepted and will be published in literary journal Vita and the Woolf. 


the palette of his palate

my synesthetic 
son has lunch waiting – two takes

on the spring beets he 
found yesterday at the first

farmer’s market of the year – 
when we return from

church, each prepared according
to the hues he sees

when seasoning: purple from
orange sections, from honeyed 

pecans, a touch from
the beets themselves; red (deep, like

the wine we open
to play alongside his work)

from beef and asparagus; 
the beets, far milder

than their autumn counterparts,
shine gold through their red

tinge (like a sunset, he says,
and for a second I see)

 
Jamais Vu

I
have walked
that street all
sorts of befores with
eyes open (if not always
mindful of where I happened to be going) – 
and yet on this grey Sunday it seemed new, a place to
be discovered, mapped into memory for the first time. It did not
last long, this sudden untethering from experience – two minutes, perhaps,
before I held the lines again – and still, hours on, there is a part of me that drifts and wonders.

This piece was accepted and will be published in literary journal Vita and the Woolf. Rue des Rêves 

		Running through my memory
		on the Street of Dreams
		- Joe Lynn Turner

The path of love is a Möbius strip; it runs ever 
	ahead, behind, between.

All steps are steps forward; all footfalls vibrate
	along immeasurable length.

Where it passes over water, it gleams mirror-bright; 
stars come down to see their true selves, tiny
ideas of angels by whose light we read and dance.

Where it leads through trees, they do not crowd.
There, it is paved with red bricks from old schools;
all leaves which fall to it become singing birds.

Where it becomes a city street, it is lined (on both
sides, two being one) with museums, with noodle
shops, with shaded places for quiet and chocolate.

Where it soars above dark ragged gorges, we who
	love meet and are not afraid.

Arms linked in hopeful conspiracy, we look over
	the edge, see ourselves waving back. 

This piece was accepted and will be published in literary journal Vita and the Woolf. 

In the Manner Which Seems Best to You

Forget inspiration; the only thing
the Muses really give you is a choice.

		You have nine possible ways 
		in which to be devoured alive.
		Please pick one.

There is no tenth option. Take up your
pen, your microphone, your paintbrushes
	and give them a good show;

they do so like to be entertained before their
	teeth meet through your heart.

This piece was accepted and will be published in literary journal Vita and the Woolf. 


Poetry from Noah Berlatsky

Every Use of “Self” in Dale Carnegie’s How To Win Friends and Influence People, 1981 Revised Edition

Itself himself itself himself myself myself self-improvement yourself yourself yourself yourself yourself self-improvement self-examination myself myself myself self-analysis self-education yourself yourself yourself himself self-confidence self-expression himself himself himself self-confidence self-confidence himself myself himself himself himself himself himself himself himself himself herself myself himself himself himself yourself selfish self-control itself himself himself himself himself self-improvement self-esteem self-esteem selfish unselfish selfish himself himself herself unselfish yourself myself yourself myself himself self-seeking unselfishly himself himself myself self-expression self-expression himself himself himself himself himself unselfishness myself yourself selfishness yourself himself oneself herself yourself yourself myself himself himself himself self-evident yourself himself himself himself himself himself himself himself yourself himself myself himself himself itself myself myself myself selfish itself himself himself herself himself self-confidence herself itself himself myself myself himself myself himself yourself myself himself self-control yourself yourself self-respect yourself himself self-esteem myself oneself myself myself yourself himself myself myself self-dignity yourself myself self-esteem myself himself self-criticism yourself self-criticism myself myself myself himself himself himself self-condemnation myself oneself myself itself myself yourself itself itself himself myself himself self-employed himself himself himself himself myself yourself himself myself myself self-reliance himself myself myself himself himself yourself yourself yourself self-appointed myself yourself yourself myself myself myself self-pity himself unselfish himself myself yourself himself myself self-addressed self-addressed himself  myself itself itself self-expression yourself himself himself himself yourself yourself myself myself yourself himself himself oneself myself himself himself herself myself himself himself yourself yourself yourself myself himself yourself himself himself herself herself herself herself herself itself yourself herself himself itself yourself

Poetry from Mesfakus Salahin

South Asian man with reading glasses and red shoulder length hair. He's got a red collared shirt on.
Mesfakus Salahin
Bring Back My Love Again 


Stop
Stop here shadow 
Where are you going?
What is your destination?
Where will your ship anchor?
The queen of time
The queen  of love
Come back
Hug me like butterflies
Bring back my love 
Bring back my love again
You bring back my love again.

You have gone drunk with greed
For the transitoriness of morning dewdrops
That will be destroyed after rising the sun
You are a collector of flowers
You change yourself every moment 
But you can't change the feather of love
 Everything bows to time
You have to bow to time
You have to be burnt 
With the fire of love
Stop everything 
Just stop everything 
Come back
And bring back my love again.

The moon of my sky is down 
Who will shake my heart?
Who will give happiness to my eyes?
Who will paint my dreams?
Don't think me as an old stone
I am not lifeless love 
My love is not lifeless 
Come and walk in my heart 
See the sea of love
Come back
Look at my face 
Here is your seal of love 
I can't wash my face 
I can't breath without your love
I want to hide in you 
Don't walk in wrong track 
Here is true love 
Here is true peace
Here is true happiness
Come back 
And bring back my love again. 

Have you touched the mountain of snow?
My warmth is  stored there for you
Have you smeared the South wind? 
In which the words of my love are composed 
Have you swum in the river of love? 
That just flows my love 
Have you heard the sound of love?
It is in my heart
Geometric love will inspire you to come back
A circle cannot change it’s center
Love is not love which is calculated
come back
And bring back my love again. 

Don't break the rhythm of poetry 
As my soul lives in it
Don’t miss the flight of time
Time is limited but love is long
Don't blame on your forehead 
As there is no true reason 
Get ride of the sins of the delusions
Which are full of crime 
Come out of the cave of darkness
As there is no vision 
No vision, no love
Come back
I will disappear your darkness 
Come back to the cave  of light 
Light is love
You bring back my love again. 

You tried to trickle me 
No, I am not fooled
Tears do not quench the flame
You cheated on yourself 
You have drowned in the sea  of injustice 
Yet only you are in my prayers
I love you from the depth of heart
I live in you 
Ignite the emptiness 
Fill the cup of love
Come back
And bring back my love again. 

May life be blessed
May the expression of the circle
And  the day -night of the moon -sun be united Immortality is in love history. 
The rain will come from the heaven
The desert will give birth civilization
Trees will spread their branches
You are asked 
You are invited
Come back
Please come back
And bring back my love again.. 




Poetry from Vernon Frazer


Tracking Back



a nodal boudoir

not sham city’s clergymen

                        moves 



that            the scrotal passports

past           paintbrush embassies use



       rivalry elms

       

              that illustrate

               

                       hospice doorsteps



as dreadfully central to the crusty

listeners

               or businessmen

                                          pressed



                              hierarchical pain moves



                                                       handle arterial law



                       *



platform darkness

enormous clearings retract                          parted

      horizontal linguists                                 coldly

                                           laurels deleted



               the chaotic bothers line up

               under credit 

                                   about to fold



                                              without improvements



                   to draw boutique silks forward

                        an ensemble moves a straight      

                             bedtime workshop for array at

                          a raucous epidemic

                          watchdog to a linen sighting

                          depending on tailors

                                      

                                                 or impostors

                            wearing

                                          orchestrated

                                                               throwbacks



                                                         for the volcano racket

                                                             



Home  in the Distant




dollar tone filters reprieve

the passing rubber collisions 

measured and padlocked



the doldrum forsaken

as empty light darkening

epithet winds to the left



dumpster visionaries eat

modicum filters without fuming

over a fiscal meat current



doorbells remain a bare looming



transmission haunts return 

whirling against a vernacular test

the wig suck of shrill beer 



test serpents haunt a downside

vernacular heading bare memories 

other fuming acclamations ring



downhill to undulate the comeback






Old Grouches Eating Early Bird Diner





lava withdrawal burnt slow invective

while sciatica released stark alliteration 

sentry patrimony sparked a spectacular 

daylight moratorium firecrackers withheld

pulsations darkened a rectangular pastime

the crossfire jubilee ripped worn rudiments 

cornered the crumpled muffler caresses 

where a convocation of balding hairlines

gradually receded in their lifetime hut

no flesh rescinded elastic calorie alerts

backing a mayday growl the creature 

gone latent for some weaker principle

graphite-hot during the midship crawler

colored the flashy convocation failing

informally made gaseous duets ache

swamp clearance opposing separation

despite sorting the patrimony lithographs

another crossfire bouncing underway

and not the neutron spurt a turn renewed

sunshine worshippers leaking rudiments 

after shops eased everything catalytic

lagoon revenge boiling electrical blubber 

stuttered northward torn and metallurgic

timber outlines chafed worn inquiries

a cowl scraping punctual crisis disposal

no phosphate lanyard about to revive

unctuous pablum filters pretzel timber

the mosaic wife handling dead family

on a churn for hard trundling dentures

ladled sciatica spurts handicraft torn

between aching and explaining fear

atonal opera bubbled elusive pudding

for mutineers crumbling the tower price

before revelry welled solar betrayal





BIO


Vernon Frazer has published more than thirty books of poetry. Many of the individual poems have appeared in periodicals such Alien Buddha, D.O.R., eYeland, Otoliths, Plain Brown Wrapper and SYNCHRONIZED CHAOS. Frazer has also published three books of fiction, three recordings of jazz poetry and numerous multimedia videos, available for viewing on YouTube.



Short story from Bill Tope

 

Fruit Salad

"I remember what it was like," recalled Beth softly, speaking to her daughter, "when I had someone."

Deb peered at her mom with concern. It wasn't often that the older woman assumed a mantle of self-pity or showed signs of melancholy. "You've got me, Mom," she said hopefully.

"You know what I mean," protested Beth. "I think kids nowadays call it a 'significant other.'" Deb nodded. "Or maybe you don't know," suggested Beth. "You're only nineteen. Maybe you haven't experienced..."

"I know what you mean, Mom," said Deb, cutting her off. "I've had boyfriends - and lovers." Beth looked at her, as though for the first time.

"Yes," she murmured thoughtfully. "Yes, of course you have." Deb was indeed a beautiful girl, as well as a lovely person. The bright spot in Beth's life.

Deb suddenly felt a pang of guilt, just for having a normal life and regular relationships, while her mom was distraught. And lonely. Beth's husband - Deb's father - had died three years before in an automobile accident, which had left Beth bound to a walker. She leaned over the aluminum frame now, placed her coffee cup into the dishwasher.

"You need to get out, Mom," Deb said yet again, "and meet people. Maybe find a boyfriend," she added with a gentle smile.

Beth snorted softly. "Lots of men looking for a chick that they can take out, maybe go dancing, cycling, roller blading in the park," said Beth wryly. "It would work out beautifully."

Deb's face fell. "Mom! Not everyone wants a dance partner or a jogger or a bike rider for a companion. You've got a lot to offer. You're gorgeous, and you're just 39. Not everyone is an ableist, not everyone is hypercritical or wants to fix you!"

Beth merely nodded, unconvinced. They'd had this conversation umpteen times before.

Deb glanced at her phone. "I've got to get to class," she said, gathering up her school books.

"And I have to shop for groceries," remembered her mother, walking to the parson's table in the hallway to retrieve her keys. "Will you be home for supper, or do you have a date with a significant other?" she asked, smiling with love at her daughter.

At the market, Beth piloted an electric cart through the aisles of the store, pausing to snatch items from low-lying shelves. sometimes using her reacher-grabber to seize items higher up. Moving rapidly through the grocery, she came to the produce section and grabbed navel oranges from a bin. Misjudging the distance to her cart, she dropped the fruit and it rolled merrily away. "Shit!" she said crossly, tracking the path of the oranges with her eyes.

"I got it!" said a man huskily, stooping to pick up the orange globes. "Here you are," he said, handing the fruit to Beth. She smiled her gratitude. Pausing for a moment, he asked her, "Are you new?"

She blinked. "No, not really," she said, "I'm nearly forty."

It was his turn to blink, then he grinned. "Good one!" he said. "I mean, I haven't seen you here before, have I?" She looked at him for the first time. He was tall - six feet - and slender, had graying dark hair. And he seemed perfectly pleasant. What did he want? she wondered.

"I usually just shop on weekends," she explained briefly.

He nodded. "My name is John," he said.

"Beth," she introduced herself. They shook. His hand felt warm.

"Well, listen, when you get your shopping done, if you like, I can help you put your groceries in your car - if you like."

She stiffened just a bit. "Thanks, John, but I always get one of the boys to do it; it's their job, you know?"

He immediately nodded. "I understand. I didn't mean to overstep, Beth." He seemed embarrassed. "I'll be seeing you," he said, and in a flash, he was gone.

Beth frowned. He was only being helpful, she told herself. He didn't mean any harm. "Shit!" she said again.

 

Beth stood in her kitchen, putting away the items she'd just purchased, when her landline rang; unlike her daughter, she eschewed cell phones. It had been a careless motorist's use of such an instrument which had resulted in the tragedy which cost the life of her husband - and had put her in shackles. Walking to the counter, she picked up the receiver and said hello.

"Hi, Mom," said Deb, speaking very rapidly. "I'll be home for supper, like I said, but I want to know, is it alright if I bring two people with?"

"Of course. Of course," said Beth. "Are they friends of yours?"

"Well, sorta. They're students in my writing class and we're working on a project together and we wanted to meet tonight. I thought we could just meet for supper, if that's okay?"

"Not a problem, baby," Beth assured her. "Do they like fried chicken?"

"Who doesn't?" replied Deb. "We'll be over about four, work, then have supper, and then go back to work."

"See you later, baby," said Beth, secretly pleased to interact with other people for a change.

 

The "children," as Beth thought of them, worked steadily from 4pm until supper time, at which point Beth summoned them to dinner. As they filed around the dining room table, Beth was taken aback. In addition to the 20-year-old blond girl that Deb introduced as Stephani, was a man who turned out to be none other than John, the helpful stranger from Kroger's. Beth took a moment to absorb the coincidence, but John was not at all discomfited.

"Beth!" he exclaimed happily. Beth smiled.

"You two know each other?" asked Deb, pointing at them both.

"I met your mom at the grocery store," explained John loquaciously. "She was tossing around navel oranges," he added with a smile. After explanations were tendered, they sat down to eat. Stephani and John were uncommonly gracious, entertaining guests and Beth found herself immersed in a warm camaraderie. John, as it turned out, despite his prematurely graying brows, was but 33 years old, an older student due to six years spent in the Air Force, and he was majoring in engineering. He and Beth were almost palpably struck by a connection to one another. Moreover, he seemed to consider her disability not at all. A good time was had by all. Over the next several weeks, John ventured several times to Beth's home to work on the project with Deb and Stephani. He stayed for dinner twice more and one time took "the girls" out to dinner at a nice restaurant, his treat. He was solicitous of Beth, but not hovering, and even liked the same foods that she did. At evening's end, she found her face fatigued from the endless smiling.

"What is this project you all are working on?" asked Beth curiously one night.

"It's the Magnum," replied Stephani at once. "We're editing the college literary journal this semester; you know, Deb and I are creative writing majors, and..."

"But," interrupted Beth, "I thought you were studying engineering," she said, turning to John.

"I've got a minor in creative writing," offered John, taking up the thread. "They say people with technical skills often don't know how to effectively communicate with others," he explained. "I've found it a very useful experience."

Beth smiled warmly, a gesture which Deb caught. She, in turn, smiled with pleasure.

 

Two nights later, John called Beth and asked if he could come over. At odds with herself, she said yes. When he arrived, he carried with him two bottles of sangria, Beth's favorite; how had he known that? she wondered. Sitting in the living room before the muted television, they toasted everyone they ever knew. They discussed everything: school, relationships, work, you name it. Finally, the evening began to wind down, much to Beth's dismay.

"I've got to get going," murmured John. Beth glanced at the clock on the wall: 1:15.

"Are you okay to drive?" she asked. He assured her that he was. "Oh, well, I'm sorry to see you go, John," she said in an inebriated voice. "I've really enjoyed your company," she added, wondering if John would think her a lush.

Without warning, John leaned in and kissed Beth on the lips. It fairly took her breath away. Then he did so again and she opened her mouth and savored the kiss. It had been so long since she had been kissed like this. As she struggled to catch her breath, he leaned in and kissed her once more, rubbing his fingers lightly over her breasts. Beth lost all control, clutched John fiercely and kissed him back, passionately.

 

The next morning, John had arisen, dressed and departed even before Beth had regained awareness. She was dimly aware of being kissed as she slept. She wondered briefly if it had all been a dream. But then she saw the note. John had written a letter in what Beth thought was beautiful penmanship, and attached it, in a gesture of whimsy, to her walker. In the missive. he thanked her for "a remarkable evening" and hoped that she had a wonderful day.

All day long, Beth wondered at the nature of Deb's relationship with her new love interest, John. Love interest? she asked herself. Was she kidding? No, she decided, she was not. As they stood about the table, setting places for dinner, Beth snuck a look at her daughter.

"Could I ask you something, honey?" she asked. "Something... personal?"

Deb glanced up. "Sure, Mom."

"Have you ever... been intimate with John?" inquired her mother with growing trepidation.

Deb said nothing at first, then she replied, "Yes."

Beth felt everything she had built up in her mind come crashing down on her.

"Mom," said Deb, "I'm sorry...."

"Don't be ridiculous," said her mother hastily. "You're a young and beautiful and desirable woman, in your prime. What man wouldn't want you?" Damn it, she felt tears welling up in her eyes. "If he hadn't wanted you, I would worry about John," she added.

"It was only the one time, though," said Deb. "Last year. It was nothing; I mean, we're friends, but we're not... intimate... anymore." Staring down at the table, Beth only nodded. "Okay?" asked her daughter.

Beth glanced up now, nodded again. "Okay, baby. Thank you for your honesty."

 

Beth reconnoitered with John several more times in the ensuing weeks, though they were not again intimate. Beth wondered at that, considered procuring birth control, which she hadn't accessed for years. Sometimes, the "children" worked in the living room and Beth and John met afterward for wine; Deb seemed fine with it and Beth, so desperate for company, put to the back of her mind the idea that her paramour was perhaps a player, and had already achieved what he had sought. They still enjoyed one another's company, however. Things proceeded apace, until they didn't. One day, Beth's mind swooned as she did a home pregnancy test.

 

"Abortions are still legal in this state - for now," added John, looking solicitously at Beth. They were seated at the kitchen table one morning; Beth had asked him to drop by after class.

"I know all about women's reproductive rights," muttered Beth unhappily. "And I'm not interested." It had been nearly six weeks since her one night of intimacy with John; now she was torn.

"How would you possibly carry a baby to term, then care for it, for - the next eighteen years?" he asked, endeavoring to be 'reasonable.' "I mean, you're..."

"Disabled?" she completed his sentence.

"That's not what I was going to say," he protested unconvincingly.

"It was all impromptu, if you'll recall," she said ruefully. "But in retrospect, had I thought of it, I suppose I had some notion that the baby's father would in some way be involved," ventured Beth. What he observed on John's face did not make her happy. She saw goodbye.

"I can't do this, Beth," said John, raising his hands to shoulder level, palms out, and rising to his feet. "I'm going to graduate in a year and then, who knows what happens? Job opportunities in engineering exist world-wide. I can't commit to staying in Chicago, or anywhere else. You understand, don't you?"

"Maybe you should have suited up prior to going into battle," suggested Beth wryly. "It's like you didn't consider the consequences of your actions."

"Well," he came back at her, "if you'd been on the pill..."

"I hadn't had sex in three years," she said a little shrilly. "I thought I'd never make love again. Then you rode in on your white charger and showed me how everything could be different!" Tears were seeping from her eyes now. This was just too much, she thought, drawing her fingers to her lips. The lips that John had kissed.

John turned and made for the door to the kitchen. Deb, standing outside, had heard everything. He met her on his way out.

"I'll call you about the project," he told her gruffly.

She stared at him. "Go. Fuck. Yourself." she said in reply. He left without another word.

After John had departed, Deb and Beth sat at the kitchen table, Deb with a glass of wine, Beth with a decaffeinated cola. They sat in companionable silence for some time, until at length, Deb spoke.

"You're still a young woman, Mom," she said. Beth stared at her. "We're in this together," Deb added. "Next time, though," she said.

Beth looked at her daughter. "Yes?" she asked.

"Pick up your own damn oranges." Together, they laughed.

Poetry from Orzigul Sherova (needs to be May 1)

Dark haired Uzbek teen girl with her head resting on her hand. She's got brown eyes and red lipstick and a white sweater.
Orzigul Sherova
✨🌹Looking for Mother🌹✨

My thoughts are towards you from evening to morning,
My tongue will be with you even from poison,
From such a city that lights up at night,
The burning eye weeps in thought,
I looked for you with all my heart, mother.

Without you, my days seem to be dreary,
Hasn't luck turned around,
Everything that appears is just a dream,
A butterfly on your sunbul hair,
I looked for you with all my heart, mother.

At night, I wait without closing my eyes,
Sometimes the coral floats or swallows pains,
Maybe these days will pass in one pass,
I'll meet someone as beautiful as you.
I looked for you with all my heart, mother.

A white scarf was left hanging,
Without you, I'm even taller
Come on, ask me what's wrong?
Looking at your picture, the heart cares,
I looked for you with all my heart, mother.

Alisherovna Orzigul