Philosophical Reflection on Love
Gaurav Ojha
After having read various philosophical works, I have come to realize that the scope of philosophy is not just limited to all that difficult stuff great philosophers write. Philosophy is not just an academic pursuit; it serves as a daily analytical tool that prompts us to question, reflect, and uncover the larger context behind the various aspects of our lives. Hence, anything from an intense political debate to a personal dialogue with your lover on the turgid matters of falling and being in love can be quite philosophical.
For an analogy, just hold yourself and think for a while when your lover asks you the next time, “Do you really love me?” Instead of answering the question bluntly, you need to analyze and reflect on his or her concern for a while and then ask yourself, what does love really mean? Why do we fall in love? Is love about giving things, holding hands, or something deeper? Why is she asking this question? Is she insecure? Is she in love with me for what I have or who I am? Now ponder over these thoughts for a while and what you are doing is the philosophy of love. After reflecting on these questions, you may feel that even a familiar thing like being in love carries so many concerns, questions, and enigmas.
Perhaps too much has already been said about love, from poems, essays and bulky philosophical treatises to the complex plots of novels reflecting on its complex, contradictory and inexplicable nature. And, among many such reflections on love, I find French philosopher Jacques Derrida’s thoughts on the paradoxical nature of love rather philosophically intriguing. When asked to say something about love, rather than answering the question, Derrida simply obscures the question itself and makes the idea of love look rather odd by exposing the paradox between what we love and who we love.
Derrida argues that before we say anything about love, first we need to reflect on our ways of loving, whether we love each other for who she is (her being) or for what he has (his possessions). Are we in love with the right person (who), or does that person have all the right possessions we need and want to be in love with? Here “being” reflects who a person is as an individual, how her life speaks, and a sense of joy, laughter, support, transparency of thoughts, and inner connections you experience in her presence, whereas “having” indicates what a person owns in terms of accumulations, possessions, opportunities, purchasing power, social security, and control.
In our idealist imaginations we want to presume that we always love the person before his/her possessions; however, in reality we are also evenly aware that probably we are in love with the person for his/her physical attributes, social status, skills, knowledge, influence, and other material possessions. The joy of philosophizing about love lies not in finding answers, but in exercising our minds, posing questions, and analyzing the familiar experience of falling in love from various unexpected angles, all with the aim of expanding our understanding of that passionate and whimsical phenomenon we refer to as love.
(Ojha is a faculty member specializing in communication, critical thinking and research at various educational institutions in the Kathmandu Valley)