Five Postwoman Poems

Today the post-
woman brought
me a CD of Do-
Nuts T.®ump
reciting The Star-
Spangled Banner
when I’d asked for
a sharp-angled
spanner to be de-
livered. Why this?
I asked. Listen to
the words, she said.
I just wanted to point
out to the oft-critical
poet that there’s some-
one even more inept
at using the correct
words than I am, &
he used to be the
fucking President.

*

Today the post-
woman brought
me a split infin-
itive. I ran out to
quickly collect it.

*

Today the post-
woman brought
me an abacus.
Does it still
work? I asked.
I wouldn’t count
on it, she replied.

*

Today the post-
woman brought
me an asteroid
belt. Pity I’ve
got no suit/able
trousers to
wear it with.

*

Today the post-
woman brought
me an elephant.
What’s this? I
asked. Wondered
if you were interested
in a pet, she replied.
It was thrown out
from a house earlier
on my round. A big
guy lives there, named
Hannibal. Apparently
he’s downsizing after
a trip across the Alps,
& there wasn’t room
in the room for both
him & the elephant.