BRAVO! OLE¡

         One cold, sad and sunny morning, I was walking my grandson along the Paseo de la Isla, in Burgos, when, suddenly, I had a horrible urge to urinate, remembering that my family doctor, in his day, already told me that: “every individual who has undergone prostate surgery, the cold makes him urinate a hundred times.”

         The itch to urinate caught me next to the “Punto de Lectura” (Reading Point) booth; leaving my grandson in his car right next to the side of the booth, urinating where no one could see me.

         While I was urinating, while I was ecstatic in the piss as if I were contemplating a masterpiece by Velázquez, Goya or “El Greco”; suddenly, an old and ugly lady appeared to me like a “Menina” by Velázquez, who told me:

– Hello, friend: have you lost the horn, because I only see a skin? I thought we could have rented the booth for both of us!

It’s been a few days since I’ve seen you coming to this place to urinate, but I never thought you’d have a penis smaller than my husband’s when, at the funeral house, they embalmed him to take him to bury.

-Ma’am, I replied, from the scare that you have given me, I have saved “the skin” as you say, before finishing, and with the zipper of my fly I have caught it.

Don’t even dream that here, in this booth, we’re going to ride. Zambomba!

“Whoa!” she replied. What annoyance I have taken to see myself represented, seeing you, in the “Burial of the Count of Orgaz”from “El Greco”.

Her copulative conjunction is minuscule, master!

– But, ma’am, I answered, I don’t ask that they give me a rabbit, but money. You are similar to the grandmother of Little Red Hood, when she told the wolf that she was, when she said no; and this one, instead of fucking her, ate her.

         Unintentionally, a fart escaped me, telling to the lady:

-There goes, Menina, the service and the tip. Bye¡

         I took the car with my grandson, marching towards the Castilian and Leonese Language Institute, listening to the lady yelling at me:

– What a blow you have given me when you peered, scoundrel!

         Instantly I saw a crowd approaching; a brave man came out from among them and shouted:

– Bravo! Olé! The task that you have done to the lady is reckless. You could have given her a spanking!

-Daniel de Culla