Florida Man Rampage 
 Florida Man 
 lives in the Keys
 listens to loud music
 alone.
 Florida Man 
 gets worked up
 to loud music
 alone.
 Florida Man 
 goes outside
 throws a stone
 guardian angel
 from the garden
 through the window
 of his house.
 Florida Man 
 stabs the tire
 of his car
 watches it go flat.
 Florida Man
 uproots 
 a for sale sign
 thrashes it 
 until it splinters,
 hits a metal mailbox 
 with the signpost
 until it crushes,
 crushes flat.
 Florida Man
 pauses, waits
 for the arrival
 of the local police.
 Music and masturbation
 he explains
 make him 
 feel like
 destroying stuff.
 Florida Man 
 goes to jail
 where there will be 
 more
 of what he already had
 at home
 alone.
 
 
 
 
   
 Florida Lawyer Disbarred For Harassing Law Firm
 Fresh out of law school 
 the new associate
 worked for six years
 before being let go.
 He could not let go.
 A restraining order 
 was filed.
 So he backed up 
 a Ford F250
 to the front entrance 
 to the firm
 yanked off the doors
 ran in and robbed
 his former office:
 a safe, a server, a key
 to the storage unit
 for two office chairs
 and an AR-15.
 He could not let go.
 So he created a website
 with the name of the firm,
 held shareholder meetings
 at 4 a.m.
 with the only other shareholder: 
 his twin brother. 
 This disbarred lawyer
 will not let go.
 
  
 Florida Man Arrested For Felony Theft Of 66 Rolls Of Toilet Paper
 I do my job, I clean the mess
 you leave behind not caring
 about hotel floors, hall carpets
 trash cans full of empties, full
 condoms, vomit in baggies
 roaches, chewed gum, crumbs
 and spills, I wash lobby floors
 your dirt, filth, germs that kill
 I want to stay home, my family
 needs food, medicine
 toilet paper
 ran out so I wheel a garbage can 
 out a back door
 with a Hefty full of rolls, roll
 them out to my work van, toss
 them in the back, fringe benefit
 hazard pay, it's just paper
 I clean up
 your mess 
 yet I get
 reported, arrested, charged
 with theft from a public lodging facility
 a third degree felony, man
 come on, what about the rooms
 full of cheating spouses
 boozers, drug boosters, liars
 the senators who made a killing
 on the stock market response
 to inside news and polls
 rise for men who shit gold,
 all I get 
 is more woe and no 
 decent place
 to go.
 
  
 Florida Man Selling Mansion Pays To Get Rid Of Buyer
 A Mediterranean style mansion 
 more than 20,000 square feet.
 She wanted to buy it, said
 she'd been looking for years.
 A home theater and 14 waterfalls
 on 16 wooded acres.
 She said she had the money
 proof of funds from a company
 that loaned her billions.
 Nine bedrooms, 13 baths, an entertainment wing
 a pub, poker room, music lounge.
 Said she'd pay $9.75 million 
 if he threw in
 the Jimi Hendrix guitar, 
 the Muhammad Ali gloves.
 A pool with a rope bridge
 a water slide, swim-up tiki bar.
 Days before closing
 she sued him
 so he couldn't sell
 to anyone else
 she had no funds
 a house in foreclosure
 a history of bankruptcies.
 He paid her $300K 
 to go away
 from the estate he'd built 
 as a luxurious respite
 from the stress of doing business
 in Florida:
 a sunny place
 for shady people. 

Originally from Boston, Mickey J. Corrigan writes tropical noir with a dark humor. Novels include the mystery pandemic tale Songs of the Maniacs (Salt Publishing, 2014), Project XX about a school shooting (Salt Publishing, 2017), and What I Did for Love, a spoof of Lolita (Bloodhound Books, 2019). The Physics of Grief puts the fun back in funerals while taking a serious look at the process of mourning (QuoScript, UK, 2021).