Vassily Aksyonov, Say Cheese!(epigraph & opening line; trans, Antonina W. Bouis)
After the movies, photography of all the arts is the most important for us! —V. Lenin or J. Stalin
When and by which of the two possible authors this quotation was spoken is not known with accuracy.
Ah Lenin’o, ah Sta’ lēēn
Axe ion is off (& running a’gen then)
Well it’s hardly the newsentence is it …
Take my photo, Koba
tyranny of the signified
It’s like trying to see
the air itself
Your agitprop chop
nixed
— say cheese
Martin Amis, Lionel Asbo: State of England
In his outward appearance Lionel was brutally generic—the slablike body, the full lump of the face, the tight-shaved crown with its tawny stubble.
A novel a’miss
sweet FU UK
Thuggish louts
(en route, NYC)
ASBO signified yob
bruter than signifier boy
Tyranny becomes fetish
one lump or two?
Say please
Ivo Andrić, Bosnian Chronicle(opening line; trans, Joseph Hitrec)
At the beginning of the year 1807 strange things began to happen at Travnik, things that had never happened before.
Strange b’place, Kin v. Art
one brow low one high
Stranger than wingnut
num(b)·er·ology
One ate one nought fewer
non bond·ouble “0” sevens
1807’s a master “Sixteen”
Positive integer, karmic
numb’er
“Vibrational properties,” they say
One lump v. two
Flight re·route Sarajevo Blue
Donald Antrim, Elect Mr. Robinson for a Better World
“Duck!”… From the skies it came, a gargantuan blue tome, one of those Compact Editions of the Oxford English Dictionary, end over end hurtling in projectile descent, pages fluttering and tearing in the wind, a screaming index of printed and bound lexical data, half a language heavy with gravity and gathering velocity. I dove for turf and covered my head as the OED cruised thumping to the earth.
Hurtling screaming index
d’ lexical data
Each ’tum point
a s p a c e ate
inside da’ words
Torque you round
shift yr ground
Ring tha’ blank space
Be you’m 27th letter
Google say two plus seven
we’s buzzing on
Cloud Nine
Say “Duck!” Sniper shots
cross street, Sara day-glo
heavy gravity for sure
Re: “Tyranny [or fetish] of the signified…” Two source critical texts underlie many of these poems: Stephen Fredman, Poet’s Prose: The Crisis in American Verse and Ron Silliman, The New Sentence
ASBO: (Anti-Social Behaviour Order): UK’s Blair gov’t restraining order for thuggish louts— this novel being Amis’ parting shot at Britain when he moved permanently to NYC. A different type of tyranny/fetish has been causal for avant poetry’s “demolition of the conventional relationship between the active (dictatorial) writer and the passive (victimized) reader…” (George Hartley, Textual Politics and the Language Poets)
Tra’v’nik, Bosnia: Andric’s birthplace—Obrnuto (Bosnian for “in reverse”: kin v art). The Sarajevo ref is to another Bosnian poet & short story writer Semezdin Memedinović’s biting/numbing war collection Sarajevo Blues (trans, incidentally, by Charles Olson scholar Ammiel Alcalay) with SM’s debt to fellow Bosnian writers Ivo Andrić & Danilo Kiš
“The new sentence is a decidedly contextual object. Its effects occur as much between, as within, sentences. Thus it reveals that the blank space, between words or sentences, is much more than the 27th letter of the alphabet. It is beginning to explore and articulate just what those hidden capacities might be.” (Silliman, The New Sentence, p. 92)
See previous poem’s footnote re: Sarajevo Blues—ducking sniper shots while crossing streets during the Bosnian war
Stephen Bett is a widely and internationally published Canadian poet with 25 books in print (from BlazeVOX, Chax, Spuyten Duyvil, & others). His personal papers are archived in the “Contemporary Literature Collection” at Simon Fraser University. His website is StephenBett.com
Winter Love
Winter comes though late comer
I feel you so much, dear winter
After a long hot weather
We welcome you with so many new elements of enjoyment
Including items of foods, cloths and soft touch of loving hand
Sleeping with quilt facing with you
Feeling warm love in secret my heart blazes
In the morning the world is covered with the mist and fog
While nothing is more suitable than my date's cold juice
And the verities of pithas and pa-es
I love you winter so much
Love you because the new flowers in the trees will bloom soon
I love you too much you brought me too close to my loving heart.
Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh,
11 December, 2023The Spring Year-2024
To the beginning of the year -2024
What I say? What I say I do not know.
But like to say much though I can't express
Within this circumstances of the enclosed room
My heart smiles on over the new tune of love
And fraternity in a harmonious world
That makes us happy with all our aims and activity
We can walk freely day and night
Without any dubitation of fire fighting or anxiety
All the flowers in the garden may bloom from here to the last space of the earth
The Spring Year -2024
I love you, welcome you
Hope for the replacement of sorrows and suffering
Into the glittering light of humanity.
Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh,
30 December, 2023
Md. Mahbubul Alam is from Bangladesh. His writer name is Mahbub John in Bangladesh. He is a Senior Teacher (English) of Harimohan Government High School, Chapainawabganj, Bangladesh. Chapainawabganj is a district town of Bangladesh. He is an MA in English Literature from Rajshahi College under National University. He has published three books of poems in Bangla. He writes mainly poems but other branches of literature such as prose, article, essay etc. also have been published in national and local newspapers, magazines, little magazines. He has achieved three times Best Teacher Certificate and Crest in National Education Week in the District Wise Competition in Chapainawabganj District. He has gained many literary awards from home and abroad.
His English writings have been published in Synchronized Chaos, for seven years.
Karakalpak State University, Faculty of Philology and Journalism, 4th year student
Abstract: This article is about the pilgrimage complex of Grandfather Uwais and its history.
Key words: Sultan Uwais, pilgrimage, complex, history, architecture, monument.
Grandfather Sultan Uwais Pilgrimage Complex.
Sultan Uvais Bobo complex is an architectural monument in Beruni district (17th-19th centuries). Sultan Uwais (real name Suhail ibn Amir ibn Ruman ibn Nahiya ibn Murad) was born in the Muradi tribe of the Qaran village of Yemen (in 625 BC). He was martyred at the age of 32 in the Battle of Siffin (657 AD) between the soldiers of Hazrat Ali and Muawiya. He was buried in the village of Safa in Syria. Sultan Uwais was engaged in collecting hadiths (7a. 1st half). In the 17th century, his followers built a symbolic tomb (in present-day Beruni) and a shrine. Olloqulikhan built a large mosque and 10 separate chillkhanas for the sheikh (19th century). The complex is rectangular in shape (21.5×53 m), oriented from north to south. Sultan Baba mausoleum, mausoleums built later (mostly with domes), etc. It is located in the northern part of the courtyard surrounded by a brick wall. In the south there is a mosque, a porch, a room and hotels. The complex is entered from the west. The complex of Sultan Uwais Baba was built on the basis of medieval Khorezm architectural traditions (made of brick). On the initiative of Khorezm region hokimity, the shrine, the entrance part was renovated (2002). The mausoleum of Grandfather Sultan Uwais is not only a favorite place of the people of the lower Amudarya, but also a tourist center.
The complex of Sultan Uvais-bobo (XVII-XIX centuries) is one of the most sacred places in the lower reaches of Amudarya. He is associated with the name of Uwais al-Qarani. It is narrated that he was the Prophet s.a.w. was considered one of the followers and lived in the village of Qarayn in Yemen. The reason why he is called Sultan is that he was the Sultan of saints. Sultan Uwais Qarani in 37 Hijri (657 AD) Hazrat Ali r.a. will be buried in this place according to his recommendations.
Sultan Uwais Qarani our Prophet s.a.v. even though they did not see him personally, their love for him was boundless. He is Rasulullah s.a.w. was one of the pious people who strictly adhered to the Sunnah of Our grandfather Sultan Uwais Rasulullah s.a.v. when he heard that his teeth were broken, he broke his own teeth. It was from the strength of love and respect. According to the order of Sultan Muhammad Khorezmshah, a large mausoleum was built at the place where Sultan Uwais was buried. However, due to Genghis Khan’s invasion of Khorezm in 1221, this mausoleum was destroyed.
The mausoleum built by Khorezmshah remained in a half-ruined state even after the reign of Genghis Khan. In 1800, the engineer Velichko, who was in the shrine of Grandfather Sultan Uwais and mapped it, remembers the existence of the mausoleum mosque.
After nearly 600 years, Khiva khan Eltuzar Khan restored this mausoleum in 1805-1806. However, due to severe earthquakes and floods in Khorezm, the mausoleum collapsed. 30 years after this event, the son of Muhammad Rahim Khan I, Olloquli Khan, restored the mausoleum in 1836-1838. The mausoleum of Grandfather Sultan Uwais was built on a high place. During the time of the former absolutist system, a gold chandelier and a grate with golden water were taken away. In 1932, the golden dome placed on top of the dome was also taken away by unknown people of the government of that time.
The biggest shrine in the city is Sultan Uwais Baba shrine. According to historical data, in 659 Hijri, Sultan Uwais was buried on the mountain where the deceased spent his entire life (today Sultan Uwais Mountain) according to the fatwa of the ulama. Almost six centuries later, in 1805-1807, the mausoleum was restored by Khiva Khan Eltuzar Khan. Later it was also damaged by a strong earthquake. In 1836-37, Khan of Khiva Olloquli Khan restored the mausoleum.
At the initiative of our honorable President Sh.M. Mirziyoyev, a huge construction and beautification work was carried out at the shrine of Grandfather Sultan Uvais, and a mosque building was built and handed over to Muslims.
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Описание Хивинского ханства Генерального Штаба полковника Данилевского. // ЗИРГО, книжка 5, под.ред. П.Г. Редкина. СПб.: Типография министерства внутренных дел. 1851.
Описание Хивинского ханства Генерального Штаба полковника Данилевского. // ЗИРГО, книжка 5, под.ред. П.Г. Редкина. СПб.: Типография министерства внутренных дел. 1851.
Usmonov M. T. Information protection supply. International Journal of Academic and Applied Research (IJAAR) ISSN: 2643-9603 Vol. 5 Issue 1, January – 2021, Pages: 12-15.
Usmonov M. T. Information Security Policy. International Journal of Academic Pedagogical Research (IJAPR) ISSN: 2643-9123 Vol. 5 Issue 1, January – 2021, Pages: 70-73.
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Usmonov M. T. Legal Legislative Basis for Detection of Information Crime. International Journal of Academic Engineering Research (IJAER) ISSN: 2643-9085 Vol. 5 Issue 1, January – 2021, Pages: 80-87.
Usmonov M. T. Mathematical Proofs. Incomplete Induction, Deduction, Analogy. The Concept Of Algorithm And Its Properties. International Journal of Academic Multidisciplinary Research (IJAMR) ISSN: 2643-9670 Vol. 5 Issue 1, January – 2021, Pages: 26-29.
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My tongue that entered my ear as lullaby,
My valiant tongue in the bosom of the ages,
I will write you every moment,
My blood, my language, oh, my motherland.
Come strolling, meaning my language,
Always sing like a nightingale my tongue,
He has the spirit of Navoi, he has Babur,
Let every dialect be beautiful, my language.
Every word has a hundred meanings in my mother tongue,
Every flame is a fire in every heart,
Everything ripples in this language,
Endless treasure, legend in my tongue.
This is my language, which the whole world respects.
This is my language, inherited from my ancestors.
Abdunazarova Khushroy was born on December 21, 2008. She is 15 years old. Currently, she is a pupil of 8th grade of the 15th DIUM of Mingbulak district, Namangan region. She is interested in English and Mathematics. She wants to become an interpreter in the future. And also she is a member of the international organization "All India Council for Technical skill development".
The role and importance of learning foreign languages of young people in the life
Pulatova Chehrona Sherniyoz’s daughter,
Samarkand State Institute of Foreign Languages,
2nd level student of “ Narpay Foreign Languages” Faculty
Email: Chexronap@gmail.com
+998930056717
Abstract: This article explains how important foreign languages are in modern society, how much they are needed and their role in our lives.
Key words: are foreign language, the framework of thinking is globalization. new culture and values professions business
Learning foreign languages is the best way to get to know and communicate with new friends and culture, and to develop a worldview. is a good tool. But learning languages that are new to you is a very complicated process and you have to overcome these difficulties. Learning foreign languages is not easy, a lot of work is required. Nowadays, people learn a foreign language for a variety of reasons. Some learn for their work, others need to travel to other countries, and others learn because of their interest in the language, but the joy of learning a new language enriches our lives. Reading foreign literature allows us to learn about cultures and values, different customs and get acquainted with science and technology while communicating with representatives of other countries.
English is also one of the most important languages and one of the most spoken languages and one of the most foreign languages that people learn. It cannot be denied that the English language is widespread in all areas of the world, because nowadays, when we talk through globalization, the internet or internet media, or when we watch TV, all channels, and listen to all kinds of radio, there are various videos and programs in English. We even have English channels. English is an international language.
The advantages of learning foreign languages are increasing nowadays because learning foreign languages is learning to really communicate and connect with others and it is a very important life skill. It can only be developed by interacting with people. When we learn a language, we understand what the people of other countries say through the words and examples we have learned, and this gives us extraordinary strength and our passion for that language continues to grow. It’s no secret that learning a foreign language can also improve your employment prospects. More than ever, campaigns do business in dozens of countries around the world, but they can’t do it without hiring people who know at least one foreign language. Even in small local campaigns, speaking a second language can set you apart and boost your confidence.
Besides, meeting interesting people and developing lifelong friendships are certainly goals worth striving for, and learning another language is a surefire way to speed up this process. Language helps us to express our feelings, desires and connect with other people around us and form meaningful relationships. but also acts as a momentary common denominator when you meet native speakers. Learning a foreign language makes you more open-minded. Learning another language is part of a normal liberal education. Teaching a person out. means to bring out of narrowness and darkness. But learning a foreign language and immersing yourself in a completely new culture and worldview is the surest way to become an open-minded, understanding, tolerant person, and it is absolutely priceless.
Nowadays, there are many professions that cannot do without foreign languages: These are translators – you can’t understand a language without knowing it. you don’t even know it has content. But to be a translator you need to know at least two or three languages. In addition, foreign language teachers, journalists, guides working with tourists. scientists, diplomats, as well as flight attendants and truck drivers. Currently, shopkeepers or restaurant clerks must also know the language, because they cannot speak their own language to foreign tourists who enter their store, and they need to know a foreign language to describe and describe the quality of the items in their store.
English also plays an important role in world trade and tourism. It is the language of many scientific conferences. Every educated person should know English; it opens the door to good work and communication with other people from different countries, I like to call English as “The Language of Communication”. Why two may be the question. Because all the people in the world use English to communicate with each other. It seems that they agree, because all the sites on the Internet, such as Telegram, Google, etc., and social sites, are conducted in English. In today’s globalized world, the ability to speak a foreign language is more important than ever.
As business and international relations expand across borders and become more accessible, the ability to communicate with people from different cultures will become a key skill for success. In this article, the importance of learning foreign languages and how in our life. I will explain in more detail that it is important. The most obvious benefit of learning a foreign language is the ability to communicate with people from different countries. Speaking the language of our customers or partners in a business or campaign. helps build strong bonds of trust and foster good relationships. It also allows us to understand their cultures, customs, values and business practices.
This is important in today’s globalized economy. In addition, studies show that learning a foreign language can also improve our ability to communicate in our native language. By learning a new language, we can improve our writing and speaking skills in our own language. we will be more aware of grammar rules and vocabulary. First of all, before learning another language, we should familiarize ourselves with the grammar of our mother tongue, and then we will not worry about grammar when we are learning another new language.
Knowing a foreign language can give us a competitive edge in the job market. Many campaigns are looking for candidates who can communicate with clients or partners in different countries, and having a foreign language on our CV can set us apart from other candidates. In addition, language learning opens up opportunities to work and live abroad. Experience is highly valued by many employers when applying internationally, and being able to speak the language of the country we are working in can make the transition much easier. Of course, learning another language allows us to meet people who can speak that language.
A common way to do this is to find a language exchange partner. Communicating with someone in their native language does two things.It shows respect and it allows us to connect on a deeper level. In short, learning a language holds the key to new opportunities in the future for everyone. The more languages we know the more opportunities open to us. The benefits of learning a foreign language will change your life and allow you to succeed in all areas
References:
1. t.megoabroad.com “ Why is importan to learn a foreign languages?”
2. nastavnik124.ru/uz/r “Zamonaviy dunyoda ingiliz tilining ahamiyati”
3. FluentU.com “Amazing benefits of learning a second language”
And then from the garden, into the kitchen
The heavy, pleasant weight of guava-scented flowers in your belly,
Tomato guts on shoe soles,
The way dirt dries in the creases at the bottom of your sneakers.
Try and remember the click of the screen door as you open it,
The screech it emits,
Shrill, noisy, and exhausted.
Remember the way the yard looked as you left it,
The bright greens of the leaves, trees, bushes.
The sharp contrast of the bulbous yellow lemons, bright juicy cherry tomatoes,
Pink zinnias and delicate purple flowers that
You can’t help but look out on as you close the door behind you.
As you climb the stairs, each step unbending,
hard and sudden on the arches of your feet,
Remember the slide of your steps against the painted white wood,
And the way you scraped the soft of your fingertip over the dark polished banister,
Seeking a splinter that wouldn’t pierce,
A piece you could hold in your hand.
Remember the woman in the kitchen,
Dark brown hair, debatably hazel eyes, swirls of blue on her oversized shirt.
Wrinkles marking the edges of a mouth that mirrored your own so remarkably,
Recall the face of the woman who stands in the kitchen,
A number of feet from your own sweaty toes.
Remember the way you forgot to slip your shoes off,
And remember the way you only remembered this courtesy as you neared the top step.
The way you dashed back down, overwhelmed just as you were seconds ago, by
the scent of the garden wafting through the screen door.
You slip off your shoes,
And whip around quick as you can, white spots blurring your vision.
As you climb the stairs by two, skipping the step a dead bee has fallen on,
The kitchen grows nearer and nearer.
The room is monochrome, all the shades of the clouds
making up the cupboards, sink, and cat bowls on the floor.
Finally, with your socked feet on the tiled kitchen floor, your auntie’s bedroom to your back,
Breath in her kitchen’s stale air, so different from the outside.
And accept the clutched handful of chocolate cherries she gifts you.
The ancient eight-track player plays a tape of the short-lived super group Blind Faith’s eponymously titled, only studio album. Steve Winwood’s soulful tenor reaches out through the speakers to grab the listener with “Well All Right,” the Buddy Holly classic. Into the darkened room stumbles a young 20-something woman, giggling, only half-dressed and in the process of disrobing. A young man of like age follows close on her heels, divesting himself of shirt, trousers and shoes as he proceeds. He moves with the clunkiness of the inebriated.
The woman’s scent is musky and exotic; he finds it intoxicating and hard to resist, yet he stops himself. She is lying back on the bed, waiting for him. The fruity scent of inexpensive wine is in the air.
“Aiden,” she says coyly, “don’t you want me?” He looks down at her. She is clad now in only her undergarments. She hooks a finger under her wispy bra strap. stretches it and asks again, “don’t you want me?” Aiden draws a great breath, releases it. He too is down to his shorts.
“I…I’m not sure.” His swollen manhood gives the lie to that statement. He blushes, thinks of his girlfriend, back at the apartment, but his thoughts are fleeting.
“Well, when you figure it out, you let me know, okay?” She turns over onto her belly, pulls down her panties and waits expectantly.
Breathing heavily now, Aiden crosses the room, climbs atop the bed and, pulling down his shorts, grabs her hips and without a word slips inside the girl, filling her up. She moans with satisfaction and he begins stroking in and out. He grips her shoulders for better leverage and is soon pumping rapidly. After only five minutes, he climaxes with a little moan, then, pulling himself out and off of her, he apologizes.
“Sorry, Lynn,” he says, embarrassed.
Lynn smiles. “Not a problem,” she says, turning around and gripping his manhood. “Let’s do it again.” And they do, several times. By the end of the evening of wine, weed and sex, Aiden can hardly remember his girlfriend’s name. The two lovers climb under the covers and sleep, their bodies still entwined.
Six hours later, when he awakens, Aiden can think of nothing but Yvonne–he has at last remembered the name of his cohabiting girlfriend. The sun is bursting through the window on the east side of the bedroom, and is shining in his eyes, telling him that it is morning. He moves his head and feels the alcohol stupor from the night before. A dense wave of regret passes over him. He groans.
His voice wakens the girl–Lynn, he now recalls–and she stirs. Turning over, she says brightly, “Hello–lover!” Aiden’s heart sinks and recriminations batter his body. He averts his eyes. “What’s the matter, Aiden?” she asks. “Are you being shy? You weren’t shy last night,” she tells him. “You gave me a workout; I never saw a man come so much…”
He puts up his hand. “Please, Lynn,” he said, “don’t.”
“Why not?” she comes back at him.”
“I have a girlfriend,” he explains.
“I know you do,” she says. “That’s the whole point, you little jerk.” Her voice is cold.
“What do you mean?” he asks. “You knew I was seeing someone?”
“Of course. I know you’re living with Yvonne Malone.” She smiles cruelly. “That’s why I seduced you.”
Aiden squints his eyes. “But why? What’s Yvonne to you?”
“You are so clueless,” remarks Lynn with scorn. “Yvonne and I have a history. Long time ago, we were in high school together. We used to hang out.” When Aiden doesn’t reply, she continues, “I was dating this really cool guy, right, and Yvonne was dating, like, his brother. We used to double date sometimes. Well, she thought it might be fun to lay my boyfriend, you know, do brothers? So she ruined it for Brad and me.”
“Why would she do that?” asks Aiden, baffled.
“Because. She. Could.” replies a vengeful Lynn.
“So that’s the reason that you…” begins Aiden.
“Look, you’re alright. You’re cute, even. And you’ve got a….lot of energy, but your being Yvonne’s lover is what did it; nothing else. Sorry to burst your bubble, Aiden.”
Aiden just sits there, an absorbent sponge, taking in all that the girl he’d coupled with had to say. He remains sitting on the bed.
“One other thing, Aiden?” says Lynn. He looks up.
“Beat it, okay?” she mutters around a cigarette. “I’m done with you for now.”
—————————–
That night, Aiden lay with his head on the pillow in his bed at the apartment he shares with his girlfriend. He is waiting for her to return from her bartending job that supports the two of them while he attends college. Yvonne had completed school the previous semester. He hears a key turn in the lock and the door open and then close. Aiden’s mind is awhirl with thoughts that he had betrayed the woman he at least thought that he loved. His self-recriminations and abject guilt have become a boulder that he is desperately trying to push uphill. Suddenly she’s framed in the doorway, smiling at his prone form in the dim light of the bedside lamp. She is so beautiful, he thinks; how could he have cheated on her?
“Hello, lover,” she greets him. He freezes; that’s how Lynn had greeted him this morning, after their night of debauchery. “Are you awake, Aiden?” she whispers, dropping her purse on the bureau. He sees by the clock on the dresser that it’s past 3:00am.
“I’m awake,” he whispers back, wondering if his voice will betray him.
Yvonne begins to remove her clothes, dropping them onto a chair.
“How was your night?” he asks. He has to act normal, he tells himself.
“The usual,” she replies, pulling down her tight denim jeans. From his place beneath the covers, Aiden begins to get hard, then curses himself; that’s how he got in this position in the first place.
Completely nude now, Yvonne slides under the covers and spoons with her lover. “Ooh,” she coos playfully. “I see you’re ready to play,” and she laughs lightly. Her laugh is musical, like ice tinkling in a glass. She reaches out and touches him under the covers. His physical reaction is not what she’d been expecting. “What is it, Baby?” she asks. Aiden’s cheeks turn crimson. “Are you being shy tonight?” she asks.
Why, wonders Aiden, does she keep using the same words and phrases that Lynn had?
Yvonne tries to rekindle the fires of romance for a moment, then says, “Don’t feel like playing tonight? That’s alright. I had a long night. It is a first, though,” she remarks, then wrapping her arm around Aiden’s waist, she is soon fast asleep.
___________________
Aiden is busy dust-mopping the floor of the student union two days later, his part- time college work study job, when he is startled by a hand on his buttocks. Turning swiftly around he finds his newest and worst nightmare: Lynn is standing behind him, her hand still on his ass. Hurriedly, he bats her hand away.
“S’matter, Lover?” she asks in a sing song voice. “Are we getting shy again?” She titters merrily. He wishes Lynn and Yvonne would stop parroting one another.
“What do you want?” he asks with a frown. He had been supposed to work overnight in the building the night he ended up spending with Lynn. Now what?
“That’s more like it,” she says approvingly. “Let’s just get to the meat of our conversation, shall we?” She makes a playful grab for his crotch, but he backs hurriedly away. She laughs aloud. He gazes at her. She isn’t nearly as attractive as she’d appeared the other night. Funny what a couple of joints and a bottle of wine would do to your judgement, he thinks yet again.
“Have you told her yet?”
“What?” he asks fecklessly. He knew what.
Lynn smirks. “You haven’t, or else you wouldn’t play stupid.”
“Why do you even care, Lynn?’ he asks. “It’s between her and me.”
“Strictly speaking, that’s not true,” she asserts.
He furrows his brow. “What do you mean?” he asks.
“Another party knows your secret,” she explains. “Me.” She pokes a thumb into her chest.
“What…are you going to do?” he asks, suddenly afraid.
“I’m gonna tell her, Aiden–if you don’t.” she replies smugly. “But I think it would be more delicious coming from you.”
“But why? Do you hate me that much?” he asks.
“Not you; Yvonne! I told you about her and Brad. I hate that bitch! You,” she adds with a dismissive wave of her hand, “are immaterial.” And she walks off, takes an elevator to somewhere. Though Aiden doesn’t know it now, he’ll never see the woman again. But her effect will continue to be felt.
________________
“What is wrong, Aiden?” Yvonne asks for the umpteenth time in the last week. Ever since his night with Lynn, Yvonne has seemed to be on his case, asking questions, relentlessly interrogating him. In fairness, he realizes, he has been acting odd, unaccountably paranoid and just off kilter. Also, he hasn’t been able to perform in bed, a trouble he’s never experienced before. He has to cut Yvonne a break. “You can tell me…anything,” she said with obvious difficulty. What was that about? he wonders. “Do you want to take me to bed?” she asks hopefully, putting her hands around his neck the way she always did.
“No!” he all but shouts, pulling away. “Is that all you think about, sex?’ he asks irrationally. That was rich, he knows, coming from him.
“I just thought,” she begins. “You’ve had…a little trouble lately, is all, and…” He stares at her. “It’s natural,” she said, “it’s normal. Everyone goes through it.” He immediately feels remorseful. But then she makes it all worse, with “I love you, Aiden. And I’d love you even if we never had sex again. But, is it something I’m doing, or not doing?” He expels a tortured breath.
“I’m sorry, Yvie, ” he says. “It’s not you; it’s all on me.” She stares expectantly at him, saying nothing. “I…I was unfaithful to you,” he mutters wretchedly.
Unbeckoned, Yvonne approaches him, put her arms around Aiden’s neck and rests her head against his chest. “Is that all?” she asks softly.
“Is that all?” he repeats incredulously. “Yvie, I cheated on you, I screwed around,” he goes on.
“Are you proud of it, Aiden?” she asks, pulling back and with a serious look in her eyes.
“No. No, of course not,” he assures her.
“Do you love her?” she asks next.
“No. Definitely not.”
“It’s alright, then,” and she nuzzles him some more.
“Wow,” he says, relieved. “I didn’t think you’d react this way.”
“How did you think I’d react?”
“I don’t know,” he says. “Anger, tears, I don’t know.”
“Aiden, I’m twenty seven years old; I’ve been cheated on by lovers before. Anyone can slip. We’ll get past this.” At this Aiden smiles with relief. She pulls back from his chest again. “But don’t ever do it again.” He nods. “We won’t mention it again,” she says. She grows suddenly quiet, then looks up at him again. “I don’t know her, do I?” she asks. Aiden doesn’t reply but unfortunately, Yvonne doesn’t let it go. “Do I know her? Aiden?”
He closes his eyes in contrition. “It was Lynn,” he tells her.
It was Yvonne’s turn to remain quiet. “Lynn?” she repeats. He nods. “I don’t know any Lynn,” she says.
“She said her name was Lynn,” he says.
“Where did you meet?” she asks.
“At work.”
“In the union? She’s a student?”
He shrugs. “I don’t know. There’re twenty thousand students enrolled, I don’t know them all. She invited me to a party after work, and….”
“Describe her,” said Yvonne. Aiden did. “That description could fit a thousand girls,” she remarks. “Did she have any distinguishing characteristics? An accent, anything?” she asks.
Aiden turned over in his mind whether to tell her about the tattoo, decided to come totally clean. “She did have a tattoo, now that you mention it.”
“Where?” asked Yvonne.
Now Aiden wishes he’d never brought the tattoo up. “Uh, inside her thigh,” he says awkwardly.
“Left thigh, even with her vagina?” asks Yvonne unexpectedly.
‘Yeah,” says Aiden. “How did you know that?”
“Her name’s not Lynn,” Yvonne tells him, “It’s Diana.”
“So you do know her, then.” She said nothing. “She told me how, in high school, you stole her boyfriend, had a one-night stand with him, and you were dating his brother, and…” Aiden realizes she isn’t really listening to him. “Hey,” he says, touching her sleeve, “is any of that true?”
“No.” She shakes her head. “None of it.”
Aiden has been secretly hoping it was all a lie. He doesn’t like the idea of his woman sleeping around. The irony of this is quite lost on him. “How do you know Lynn…Diana, then?” he asks. “Did you know her in high school?”
“Yes,” she says shortly. “We were lovers.”
Aiden couldn’t help it: his eyes bug out. “Lovers?” he exclaims, louder than he had meant to.
“Don’t sound so shocked,” she admonishes gently. “A lot of girls pass through a lesbian phase when they’re young. Didn’t you have any homosexual experiences when you were a boy?”
“No!” he says, shuddering self-consciously. “How could you?”
“How could I what?” asks Yvonne. “Eat pussy?” Aiden’s eyes bug out again. “Why not?’ she says lightly. “You have no problem doing it. In fact, you’re pretty good at it; not as good as a girl, though,” she adds in a thoughtful aside to herself. She checks her boyfriend’s expression, winces, and said, “no, that’s not true: you’re very good.” Aiden is frowning darkly now. “This doesn’t make a difference, does it?” she asks. “What I did in high school, I mean. It all happened more than a decade ago!” Aiden still says nothing. “I mean, I don’t hold it against you what you did before we met.”
“Well, I didn’t suck any cock before we met,” he says with disgust in his voice.
“Well, don’t look down on it, Aiden,” she scolds. “You like it well enough when I go down on you, don’t you?”
“That’s different,” he snaps.
“How?” she snaps back at him.
He turns away. “Please don’t turn your back on me, Aiden.” she implores him. “Let’s talk about this. I’ll answer any questions you’ve got.”
Aiden thinks about this for a moment, then says, “I don’t see how you can have sex with a girl.”
“You have sex with girls,” she points out.
“Don’t start that again,” he says. “It’s different, and you know it.”
“Women’s bodies are beautiful,” she says. “To everyone. You know what I’m saying?”
Aiden thinks about this for a moment, concedes that Yvonne is right. Women’s bodies were beautiful. “Well,” he says, “so long as that lesbian shit is all in your past.” When she purses her lips thoughtfully, he adds, “It is all in the past, isn’t it?”
“I have a rather wild past,” she admits. “But I’ve told you before, I’ll never lie to you, Aiden,” she says. He frowns anew. “I’m with you; I love you. I love you more than any partner I’ve ever had and I’m committed to you.” When he releases a relieved breath, she goes on, “But we’re not engaged. We’re a couple, but does that mean we’ll be together forever? Neither of us have pledged to one another for an eternity or anything. And if and when we do break up, I can’t say for sure that I won’t take another lover–of either sex.”
“So you’re deep down, still a freakin’ lesbian?” he says accusingly. He knows that he isn’t handling this well, but he hadn’t bargained on this…whatever “this” was. And the bickering continues into the night.
“We’re at an impasse, Aiden,” says Yvonne at last. “You no longer trust me, and you’ve given me ample reason not to trust you. It’s not the infidelity I mistrust you for,” she explains. “It’s that I don’t think you have my back anymore. “You think less of me than you did last night. Or maybe I’m wrong; maybe you never did think a lot of me, as a woman–as a person.”
_______________
Aiden sits in the lobby of the Hilton, waiting. He isn’t sure why he’s even come, but Yvonne had said she was anxious to see him again. She had said over the phone that she wanted Aiden to meet the man she was engaged to be married to. Also, she had a really important question for him. Aiden had had quite enough of romance himself, having just exited his third marriage in rapid succession. He had never again found someone he was as content with as he had been with Yvonne. She’d said that this would be her own second trip down the aisle. Well, he thought, it could happen to anyone. He drummed with his fingers on the arms of the chair, impatient in spite of any misgivings about a reunion. He wonders if Yvonne has changed much in the eight years since her abrupt departure. He’d gained a few pounds. He looks down as his thickening middle, frowns. He hears his name called. He looks up, spies her, coming his way. My God, he thinks, she is still beautiful.
“Aiden,” she says happily, so glad to see him. With effort, he pulls his bulk from the overstuffed chair, steps forward for her embrace. She still places her hands just so around his neck. She kisses him on the mouth. “It’s so great to see you!” she exclaims with warmth. “You look great!”
“Now,” he chides. “You said you’d never lie to me, remember?” She laughs. She seems so happy. Whoever this guy was, he’d better treat her right, he thinks proprietarily. “So where’s your better half?” he asks.
She glances behind her. “Oh! Here she comes.” He freezes, uncertain he’d heard right.
“She?” he inquires almost inaudibly. Well, he thinks glumly, she never technically said that she was marrying a man, only that she was engaged.
Her joyous expression doesn’t change. “Uh huh. And you’re going to just love her.” For a moment Aiden experiences his own personal nightmare: would it be Diana, the erstwhile Lynn of both their pasts? He shivers involuntarily. What cruel irony, he thinks, but then looks up to see a stranger peeping over Yvonne’s shoulder.
“Aiden,” says Yvonne lovingly, “this is Chloe!” They both look at each other uncertainly for a moment, but then Aiden’s features relax into a broad smile. Chloe is about Yvonne’s age and very pretty–not stunning like Yvonne, but then few women are.
“Nice to finally meet the man of Yvonne’s dreams,” she says with a bright, easy smile, and sticks her hand out for a shake.
“Hell with that,” scoffs Aiden, and sweeps Chloe into his arms and twirls her round and around. Chloe laughs giddily.
“I told you that you’d love him,” laughs Yvonne.
As the trio sits around the hotel bar, deep into the afternoon, sipping drinks with little umbrellas in them, Aiden reminds his one time lover, “You said you had an important question to ask me.”
Yvonne and Chloe exchange a glance. “I do, Aiden.”
“Save the ‘I do’s’ for the ceremony,” he jokes lightly. Both women roll their eyes and grin.
“Chloe and I are getting married in a month…” Aiden nods. “Would you stand up for us?”
Aiden blinks in mild confusion. “Which one?” he asks.
“Both of us,” chorus the women.
Yvonne says, “We want you to give the brides away!” They all laugh joyfully.
“On one condition,” says Aiden.
“Name it,” says Yvonne.
“That I get both garters,” he says with a giddy laugh. It occurs to him that the three off them were getting pretty loaded. The table was covered with empty glasses.
Chloe, quite reserved at first, but who has become steadily more loquacious with the consumption of spirits, remarks, slurring her words a little, “Aiden, Yvie has told me all about you! Chloe’s eyes are shining. Aiden looks at Yvonne; her eyes seem brighter too, glittering like diamonds. “Do you like Hawaii,” Chloe asks. He agrees that he does.
“Then,” she suggested, with an eerie grin, “we might even take you along on the honeymoon!”
