Priyanka Gupta – Om Namah Shivaya: Who am I?

Priyanka Gupta

My journey towards this series started with a question: ‘Who am I?’ These paintings represent my experiences during the search for the ultimate answer. Through a process of deep meditation and questioning, I happened to come across simple truths that I have tried to express in these works. This process was like peeling an onion where more and more is discovered with each layer. Each layer helped in understanding more of the inner Self.

In this series I explored the effects of one of the oldest mantras ‘Om Namah Shivaya’. This chant is devoted to Lord Shiva, who symbolizes the inner Self which is preserved even after everything is destroyed. The mantra has five syllables: na-mah-shi-va-ya. Among other things, these five represent the five elements of earth, water, fire, air, and space. Thus, the chant helps us to realize and understand the source of manifestation. From childhood this mantra was imbibed in me and through the exercise of regular chanting and meditating on this mantra I have tried to portray the effects on canvas.

The spiral is a recurring motif in my paintings. It is the symbol of the infinite Self, the mysterious connection with the Divinity and a visualization of the chakras within our systems. The colors used in the paintings also have great significance for me. Blue is seen as trustworthy, dependable and committed. It is the color of peace and calm while golden is the color of spiritual energy. White is the symbol of purity, Red for me is love, passion, energy and vitality while the earth colors is associated with feelings of wholesomeness and stability and the connection with Mother Earth.

I further intend to carry on this quest for truth and discover more and more with each work.

 

For further information contact: Priyanka at guptapriyanka79@gmail.com, website: www.priyankasgallery.com, Ph:  +1 650-862-0902

Short reflection from Sarah, mother and writer

 

Dear Carla and Robert, I’m sorry for the lost years. Life has not been kind to me. I lost you both when you were very young. I was very ill at that time and very broke. I was at the mercy of strangers who took pity on my condition. For that you both suffered.  I couldn’t give you the care and love you both deserve.  My mental illness caused me to neglect what I love most.  I am thankful however at that very tough time, your Nana was there to take you in.  I am very grateful to her, that my own Mom cared for and raised you.Losing custody of you both was the hardest thing I’ve ever endured. But now, if I were to lose your love and respect totally, it would be too devastating.

I don’t know all the feelings you’ve had.  I do know that you had to have suffered.  I can imagine your emotions have been mixed as to what you’ve thought about me all these years, and it has probably changed every now and then. I hope someday you could give me a chance to tell you my side of the story. I just want you to know that even though it may have seemed like I didn’t love you or didn’t care, that is far from the truth.  You are my children and I love you more than anything in the world.  It breaks my heart to keep reliving memories for years without you both by my side.

I wouldn’t want to do anything to upset your life now. My only fervent wish is that when I start seeing you more often, that you can open up your hearts just a little and try to forgive me as best as you can, for now.  I always miss you so much.

I’m so proud of you both, for your precious, good hearts, for your tenacity both with life’s struggles and in your artistic abilities, drawing, singing, and acting, character imitations, poems, and you both even have good looks, you’ve got it all!…  You’re deep thinkers, creative, intuitive, strong, intelligent, mature for your age, and very loving and caring young adults.

All these years I have tried to provide and send my love in one way or another.  I’ve tried with all my strength to conquer this illness. I have never given up on the hope that one day I will hold you both in my arms again, someday.

All my love,

 

Mama 

        
aka: Mom
aka: Sarah

 

My side of the story:  The stress caused by the abrupt, and premature separation from my 3 and 4 year old children, Carla and Robert, has been horrendously painful for me and hasn’t ever stopped.  Michael and Megan are now 15 and 16 years old.  I love them more than anything in the world.  They live only about 3 to 5 minutes away from me and yet I only see them every month or so.  When they were first taken from me by the child protective services, it was because I failed to take them to the pre-school that the child protective services demanded I take them every day.  I was very poor, didn’t have a vehicle to get them there, and I have some severe mental challenges.  My children are only one year apart, exactly.  Michael was born in 1993.  Only three months after Michael was born, I became pregnant with Megan – born in 1994.  The rare but brutal mental disorder I suffer with is called Jealous Delusional Disorder.  I also have Attention Deficit Disorder and I survived several extremely emotionally and physically abusive relationships.  Before Megan was ever born, my grandmother, who had dementia and Alzheimer’s disease, came to live with my husband and me. We cared for her and earned some money for that through the state’s In-Home Supportive Services subsidized home caregiver program. 
Unfortunately, after I deliver a baby, my body has what the doctors call a water shift, which means my hormones change at a rapid and powerful pace, causing me to sometimes become so emotionally challenged that it turns into psychosis.  To deal with all the stress, my husband at the time turned to alcohol.  I became addicted to pain pills – Vicodin – and our worlds and lives began to crumble and we were falling so fast it was as if we were in quicksand.  The technical reason the child protective services took our children was “neglect.”  I really wish they would have been able to help us more than they did.  They threw some reunification plans at us that were not possible to complete.  Both Danny and I went in for psychological evaluations and the results were to be implicated into the plan by orders from the judge.  I was told that I needed to be in a full time dual diagnosis residential treatment center for 2 years before my kids could be returned to me, and Danny was told basically the same thing.  I was eager to get my kids back.  That’s all I cared about.  I looked everywhere in the near vicinity for a full time dual diagnosis residential treatment center and one where I could bring my kids in with me and take care of them there.  I couldn’t bear the thought of being without them for two years.  I searched and searched and was able to find a place called the Pomoroy House in San Francisco where Mothers could bring two children in with them, as long as they were under the age of 5.  I fit the criteria and hoped it wouldn’t be too long of a wait, even though they said the wait could be up to 2 years.  I waited, and called, and waited, but there was never an opening to the house and my Mother was awarded legal guardianship of my children. 
Sarah’s name has been changed to protect her family’s privacy…and she may be contacted through our magazine’s email address, globalderas@gmail.com, and we will pass on messages. She lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. She loves her two children deeply and also is quite skilled with graphic design and photography and resume/career coaching and would love advice on legitimate ways to work from her home.  

Mythology series – Matthew Felix Sun

I just put together a group of work, on the theme of legend and mythology (both Chinese and Western.)

Myth, Legend and Religious stories have always served as the inspiration for art creations.  Having lived in China and the US, I was drawn to the mythology from both eastern and western cultures.

Over the past nine years, I have created several oil paintings based on Greek myth, Chinese legend and Judeo-Christian doctrine.

Below is the list of the work and the links to the images on my web site ( www.matthewfelixsun.com )

Minotaur
Oil on Canvas, 24″ x 30″, Completed in 2005
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3844905109/in/set-72157621940201251/
Minotaur, as I saw it, was a tragic figure, who was condemned and trapped by fate to his horrible condition and savageries.  He welcomed his slayer Theseus, who was approaching fast in a galley.  Holding Ariadne’s thread, which will help Theseus to leave his labyrinth, Minotaur pondered on his imminent death and anticipated his own relief with trepidation and anticipation.  A large tear rolled down his face, monstrous and beautiful.

Daphne
Oil on Canvas, 30″ x 40″, Completed in 2009
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3867334845/in/set-72157622064751614/
A more or less straightforward rendition of the metamorphosis of Daphne into a laurel tree. Hands and arms of Daphne and the golden torso of Apollo dominated the canvas.  In the background, the killing of Daphne’s playmate Leukippos by the jealous Apollo and the chasing of Daphne were simultaneously portrayed, to complete the whole cycle of the story.

Sisyphus
Oil on Canvas, 48″ x 24″, Completed in 2003
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3849117038/in/set-72157622064751614/
I put Sisyphus in the most hard to sustain position, to emphasis the difficulty and impossibility of his task and punishment.

Adam and Eve
Oil on Canvas, 30″ x 40″, Completed in 2008
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3835030818/in/set-72157622064751614/
Adam and Eve were portrayed as sad and resigned figures.  Adam cast down his eyes, as if he was trying to avoid eye contact with viewers, or his judges, while Eve reached out to Adam tentatively with right hand, whilst shielding her guilty face with her left hand.  A heavy, lead-colored cloud hanging directly above them, shaped like a giant question mark.  It also functioned like Damocles’ sword, threatening to crush them both. 

Annunciation
Oil on Canvas, 36″ x 48″, Completed in 2002
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3835030876/in/set-72157622064751614/
Virgin Mary, on learning her pregnancy by the holy spirit, wailed for herself and the fate of her unborn son Jesus.  She howled in grief beyond console.  Perhaps, she was grieving for the entirety of humanity – by then, she must have learned the burden on her shoulders.

Jingwei Filling Up the Sea
Oil on Canvas, 24″ x 36″, Completed in 2008

http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3856364733/
Jingwei, in Chinese mythology, perished at a young age in the East Sea. After her death she chose to assume the shape of a bird in order to exact revenge upon the sea by bringing stones and small twigs from the mountains nearby over the sea in an effort to fill it up. Jingwei even has a short dialogue with the sea where the sea scoffs her, claiming that she wouldn’t be able to fill it up even in a million years, whereupon she claims that she will then proceed to take ten million years, even one hundred million years, whatever it takes to fill up the sea so that others would not have to perish as she did.
Again, I grouped a few events together to contain the cycle of the story in one canvas.  The predominant feature is a sad fish with large tear.  Here, the struggle is between elements and human activity and I tried to give sympathy to both.
Nüwa Creating Humans
Oil on Canvas
30″ x 40″
Completed in 2007
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3848229487/in/set-72157622064751614/
Nüwa is a goddess in ancient Chinese mythology best known for creating mankind and repairing the wall of heaven.  This painting is the tribute to my heritage.  What can be more fitting then credit a female god as the creator of humans?  The sad twist in this canvas is that the humans she created resembled, unfortunately, robots.  No creation would be perfect.
 

 

Nüwa Patching Up the Sky
Oil on Canvas
30″ x 30″
Completed in 2006
http://www.flickr.com/photos/matthewfelixsun/3834238745/in/set-72157622064751614/
Two powerful gods quarreled and caused the collapse of the pillar which supported the sky and rain powered down to drown the living creatures on earth. This is the independent corroboration of the deluge in the Bible. Nüwa cut off the legs of a giant tortoise and used them to supplant the fallen pillar, alleviating the situation and sealing the broken sky using stones of seven different colors, but she was unable to fully correct the tilted sky. This explains the phenomenon that sun, moon, and stars move towards the northwest, and that rivers in China flow southeast into the Pacific Ocean. She also melted five-colored boulders to seal off the cracks of the sky.  Other versions of the story describe Nüwa going up to heaven and filling the gap with her body (half human half serpent) and thus stopping the flood.  The image I put forth was an earth-toned large woman, floating against cobalt blue boulders and running water in between, struggling to maintain her balance, in order to finish her Herculean (or shall we say,

Nüwaian) job.
 
 

 

Matthew Felix Sun

http://www.matthewfelixsun.com

Two short autumnal poems from Patsy Ledbetter

 

I love the smell of fires in the air….
This season is one of family, thanks and prayer.
It’s cold on the outside, but warm inside….
Cherished voices in which we take  pride…..
A grown son blossoming….
A daughter on the brink.
Mom washing the turkey pan out in the sink.
Dad and his pipe…
Little Johnnie at play.
These moments are fleeting
Cherish today.

Thank God for blessings
And still small songs….
How awesome He’s given you
A place to belong.

There’s tears and there’s sorrow…
And often there is pain.
But Jesus is with us….
So much we’ve gained….

So in all things give thanks…
Rejoice, give praise…
Christ is our Father
All of our days.

 
 
 
I love riding my bike on an autumn day….
With the clouds overhead and the trees in the way.

A woodpecker sings his song from on high…
Airplanes announce themselves in the sky.

The smell of cozy fires sweetens the air…
On such a day, I haven’t a care.      

Patsy Ledbetter – may be reached at patsyled@sbcglobal.net – and lives in the San Francisco Bay Area. She wishes her fellow Americans a happy Thanksgiving!

 

November’s issue – Past and Present

 

Welcome to November’s issue of Synchronized Chaos Magazine! Happy Thanksgiving to our North American readers, and happy fall, or spring, for everyone everywhere.

This month brought in highly developed, specific, and very individual submissions, centered on researching and remembering the past to carry it forward, study it, or reinterpret it somehow through art. This emphasis fits with the holiday concept of thanksgiving – reflecting upon one’s history and one’s heritage, the gifts and sorrows of the past which shape our lives and cultures today.

San Francisco multimedia artist Sally Larsen compiles and curates photography of Native Americans, and serendipitously came across manifestations of the unique German aesthetic and thus focused her anthology on the Germans. Her work reviews the confluence of cultures which came about during the period of exploration/colonization a few centuries ago when Europeans first arrived in the Americas, and draws upon new software technologies to critically re-examine much older photography.

Painter and bullfighter Kate Leffler also delves into the wealth of centuries of tuaromachia – the courage, passion, and pageantry enacting humans’ struggle to survive and assert our identity against the wilderness. She let me know that the statement, the concept, the memory of humans’ past contests against the land, wild animals, etc was the critical element of a bullfight. Nowadays, one does not have to kill the bull to make that assertion, but during the ceremony one allows oneself to remember and re-connect with one’s own vulnerability and the Romantic, tragic contest with external forces.

Leffler’s personal bullfights serve as artistic research, informing her current paintings. In the same way, returning poet Danielle Searby highlights the journey of aging, philosophical when happening to others and personal when one becomes older oneself. Searby examines physical change as one’s body ages: people still undergo the helplessness of surgery and age, the modern ‘bulls’ of our time.

Essayist and short fiction author Cynthia Lamanna also draws upon the past in her essay memorializing her Italian immigrant grandmother, yet her modern adult perspective also informs the piece, as she knew her while she was a child, but now speculates on the grown-up concerns her grandmother may have experienced. Grandma Littier moved across the Atlantic while very young as a new bride, and worked hard to care for her family and her sick husband when older, and likely experienced a mix of feelings which Lamanna can now understand.

The Pennsylvania State University crew working on the upcoming independent film Determinism combine older influences, such as other notable crime-drama filmmakers, but produce their own unique product. Their work depicts a South Asian college student who robs a drug dealer while trying to find the cash to escape the expected hardworking, straight-A, humble, ‘geek’ lifestyle. Can he, and how far will he go, to change the destiny his family and culture have planned for him? Does he control his future, or does his past inevitably shape who he’ll become?

Returning author Patsy Ledbetter also deals with issues of choice as related to memory and the past, but in a positive sense. In her vignette, she chooses to remember her religious heritage every time she passes a certain random roadside sight, tennis shoes tied to telephone wires. Her second piece relates how she decided to stay open to learning from people who communicated differently: children with limited hearing and sight. She discovered ways to reach out to young Tori and Mateo by paying attention to how they communicated over time. Ledbetter’s submissions remind us to take time to learn from others, to notice others, to think through what we encounter in daily life. Through this careful listening to the world around us, we can learn enough to begin to communicate with others so they can understand us.

WordsFirst/Solo Sundays, the new-ish San Francisco solo performance theater events, make use of communication much more than some people expect from a single person on stage. Actors and actresses develop work as a group effort, building ideas and humor off of each other, and then engage the audience, so each show becomes an individual event. Many WordsFirst performers reference and remember the past, notably Julia Jackson, imagining herself in the place of the mother of a woman about to give a child up for adoption, and another performer, meeting his husband online in the days of early dialup modems.

As we remember the past, we speak of the past, and acknowledge and experience anew how it has inspired and informed our present, and likely our future. Whether our pasts are something to celebrate overcoming, something to heal from, or something to gratefully celebrate for Thanksgiving, they represent a source of creative material, as shown by our November Synchronized Chaos artists.

Solo Sundays and WordsFirst – San Francisco’s Spoken Word Resurgence

 

Imagine a cast of hundreds, spanning decades, all emerging from the heart, soul, and vision of one spoken word stage performer. San Francisco’s solo series, WordsFirst and Solo Sundays, draw upon real-life material, sometimes performers’ actual lives, to create a blend of storytelling, stand-up humor, and offbeat social commentary, dazzling plenty of unexpecting audience members.

Last October’s lineup showcased a gay man’s tale of how he met his husband online, years ago with old 56K dialup modems and America Online CDs. “My Nichiren Buddhist temple’s full of my favorite people. Jews!” he exclaimed.

 A real-life adoptive mother next took the stage, and she had developed a monologue from the hypothetical point of view of a baby’s birth parents. The lineup concluded with other characters’ reflections: a successful San Francisco Pakistani immigrant businessman returning to his native land to help with earthquake relief, and a Shakespearean actor turning to a Hendrix-inspired rockstar lifestyle through standup comedy to drown out childhood demons.

“If there’s ever a race riot in this country, what am I supposed to do? Start kicking my own rear end?” performer David Moss asked the audience. His character, a mixed-race child of divorce and dislocation, took refuge through various forms of performance and provided the audience with a chance to vicariously do the same.  

Solo Sundays/WordsFirst are not your mother’s cultural lectures, as performers know how to engage and feed off of changing audience energy, and use the entire stage space for drama performance rather than simply speaking to crowds. At times I felt I were watching a stage play with a complete cast, and forgot the solo nature of the pieces.

Solo Sundays/Words First are also not your college son or daughter’s drunken poetry slams. Performers develop pieces through months of intensive group workshops and professional level education and critique.

Producer Bruce Pachtman says, “Solo performance is a collaborative art from beginning to end and those who don’t develop work with others tend to suffer for that reason.” Producer Kamau Bell effusively thanked another performer during October’s show, explaining that his own spoken word piece would not exist in its current form without Moss’ help.

Also, many of the presentations speak to larger societal issues, including race and cultural relations, family and intergenerational tensions, and how economic upheaval affects people’s creativity and well-being. Performers think through the larger context of their monologues, and make audiences reconsider their own cultural assumptions while empathizing with various characters.

However, the performers never lose sight of playing, and being, real people. There’s much more empathy and fun than overt sociology here.  As Pachtman, who has himself written and presented a long-running hit production, says, “If comic performers are doing things right, it looks like we’re just fooling around. I’m sure outsiders get a little envious about how good a time we have while working.”

Of the several shows I’ve attended, I found myself identifying most with a character on paper very different from myself: an Iranian Muslim junior high student sorting out family, religious, and cultural pressures. The woman presenting that piece knew how to feed off of audience energy and tap into universal human concerns about growing up, starting a new school, and being different – and the show left me at once more educated about Iranian immigrants and better able to put my own junior high memories in perspective.

Every show, and every performer, I’ve watched through WordsFirst/Solo Sundays generated that type of positive, cathartic, entertaining audience energy, and, best of all, seemed extremely supportive of each other and of everyone involved. I’d encourage others to come on out and enjoy the show, and join in the San Francisco resurgence of an art form which probably has its roots in the distinguished Beatnik and jazz cabaret history.

Solo Sundays takes place the last Sunday night of every month, 7pm at SF’s StageWerx theater near Union Square…and Synchronized Chaos readers can get free promotional tickets. WordsFirst is the first Wednesday of every month, 7:30 to 9:30, Counterpulse Theater, 1310 Mission in SF.

If you’re interested in volunteering with the theater productions or joining the crew as a performer, please feel free to email Bruce Pachtman at brupach@gmail.com

Determinism, an independent movie project in progress on the USA’s East Coast

 

Determinism, an upcoming independent crime-drama film created by Pennsylvania State University’s Ranjit and Sanju Majumdar and New York’s Lynda Hansen, promises ‘gritty drama,’ and ‘suspense, action, and a lesson’ in the words of YouTube’s viewers.

The story concerns a South Asian undergraduate, grappling with loneliness, his family’s financial problems, heartbreak, and cultural pressure to stay a perfect, quiet, geeky straight-A student. Will a onetime robbery of a local drug dealer provide the cash he needs to escape his neighborhood and his seemingly societally determined lifestyle? Dim-light ‘film noir’ techniques set the mood for this piece, which promises to thrill viewers in the moment, but inspire them to think afterwards.

The directors began casting with people they knew, fellow Pennsylvania State students, and personally respond to comments from Facebook and YouTube fans. After a monumental effort while the Majumdar brothers still attended school full-time, they recently completed filming and just finished a trailer as part of publicity efforts.

Synchronized Chaos has requested review copies of this film, and in the meantime, here’s a link to the trailer.

Determinism trailer

If you would like updates on the movie production, you may visit the Facebook group here: http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=7157733869&ref=ts or www.determinismthemovie.com