Short story from Jim Meirose

Okay now, Pastafrieszer.  What do you want me to do?
Off Turbulino. 
Off Turbulino; who.

Okay. Go on. 
 Off. Turbulino, Off. Turbulino Turbulino Turbulino, Off. Turbulino; who? 
Hiss off Turbulino who. 

Off Turbulino wh’ ‘o. Off Turbulino w’ ‘ho. Off Turbulino, who? Who? Who Off? Turbulino? Or Off Turbulino? Or Off Turbulino, who? 
Oke oke.

Wassa! Giddyup, Turbulino! Giddyup Off! Giddyup giddyup wasa wasa Turbulino, who?
Ghasta. Mon ghasta. Mon Ghasta Turbulino’d Off ‘da big Turbulino, who? Tucumcarro-wowo. Tucumcaro-wowo who? Lastafisharians! Lastafisharians! Lasta-off Turbulino lasta off’n the fisharianisticals, too! 
For the right and the good of the mystical other world where we all end up anyway these must be—eliminated; elli-elle hey maw these must be eliminated by name haw haw hold it softer and slower please you are Off turbu—breaking up and—lino off sounding bogged down.
Owkai wooney betta; now?
Yes papillary. Esso. Pappillary. Go.
GhostFred Von Terbulino maw maw mai-sweet, and her Fred the Ghostess, arms-akimbo. Got that?

Yes go. 
Okay Rally-round the fla’ oke oke. Huh hunchydown splitt-toonea the youn’ Giddy-pap. Giddy-pap. ‘er got that? Norway gotterpap hunkily-bunqui. 
No you are breaking way up. Way way up. 
Wrenchindafist way too tight heckindafistica. Who? Gahhh knucklyblusters. Gahhh. May I pluck please that marliebone? Off Turbulino, who? In fancydanced figuatures well written yet somehow Off Turbulino inadequate somehow Off Turbulino-too. Offensive. Off Turbulino. Very offensively off dat turbinitianned big fast Turbulino too! That off! That off! Was-shashstistickinnanne’d off pluck’ ghast of a shackilly hot Turbulino, too. Meeshashee-moo. Big cows! Big cows! Big cows go meeshashee-moonienne’s flash turbulinos, too. Big daddy swept out his pot. To feed big cows out from yelling meeshashee-moonienne’s flash turbulinos please plea’ ple’ no not me, too!

Oke oke oke. Oooo. ‘n elsewise? 
Fish-men! The fish-men! All the fish-men plus; the following:
Ghastlienne Snappudia nee Turbulino. Mangia-gashette the youngerawan’s teatglass. Avast ye landlubbers know zouppe fo’ u. Lasty tie ten rags round yer face in the interest of its big better-be-clean campaign ( you know the one failes before it starts) I am George I say it is hell being old and I am I am and I, tired before I start. 
Tired before. I start.

Too many flick-slippers’ they gift me each Christmas-time.
No himagination, sus’pose.
Tired before. I start. 
Please sew up my gash, doc. I’ll lay back’n me lickliner. Do it very very good, doc. And I’ll praise ‘u good’n plenty. Hop-Cockula! All praises all fish-men big cows’n dem dere turbulinos, too. The fish men the fish men men me’ m’n men men doodliewisician’s fast ghastly whipmen, too! Off. Turbulino. Off Turbulino. Off Turbulino Off. Turbulino! Turbulino Off. Turbulino Off Turbulino. Off Turbulino Off off Off ghasta-Turbulentionelleianed vast pocka-bock Off that there Turbulino, too! Spit hack patooey! Spit hack Off patooie’s big, vast, wallow of a Turbulino too! N-n-n-n-d’d? What gives with the prizes? Off Turbulino? What gives with the prizes what prizes these prizes and who’s off that big Turbulino o’ there, too? I don’t get why we have to do this. 

Turbulino. I don’t get why we have to do all this and b’ backsides off’n this here Turbulino, too. Oh yah sure you may praise your Gods manysizes you want, but we still got to get hatchen’ off all these here Turbulinos. Too! I’m afraid we may need additional bodies here. To do all this work this to do allk this workity wonkhonking, too. Muddy wallows fulla’ witches and one two evilly spirited spirit-men, too! Hot-t-t-t ho-o-o-t-t-t-t h-o-o-o-o-o-t-t-t-t ehah! Ehah! Ehaha!
Doc garble these down doc! 
Hot Petunia! 

<clear air>
Okay now that the air has cleared, thanks to the breeze gusted up round round baby round round, here’s. We must make right what this clan has turned wrong. Too long our roost’s been ruled by D. Act we must we must act hiccup-cause we don’t sue soi halfundanalle’s planet ‘ll be n’ hoe thrall of the Tumturbilnos hag gah do not take the healing wind from us please! Off Turbulino pawk do not take Off Turbulino Off pawwk take the healing Turbulino 

Off Turbulino pawwwk pertropterequertie healing wind off us please, Mr. Syndrome—Off noo known Turbulino cure off Off Turbulino no gone Mr; Syndrome drat Off o-f-f-f nop known cure Turbulino no known cure for Off cure for drat drat these bananas’r gone rotten yes the Pop did one time rule an entire VatiVan or two whoop-whoop this being certified torrentialezed by Turbulino by artificial Off Turbulino’ mass-aretficially prefabricated means Off Turbulino causing mass magnitation of all nearby spirits, atchoo! Heck, doof; off also may mean porefabricated t-t-t-t-t sweet sweet Turbulino Off this si the emit Turbulino Off the emit for lla good Turbulino Off Turbulino Off Turbulino lla good nem to emoc-umoc Off Turbulino tri-titularically come to the aid of their country hurculaneum-styled hoch! Time for a good old-fashioned hot drench-sweat. Off Turbulino what Turbilino? Thaddeus Turbulino of coarse he and his ten pencil-think’d henchmen. So battenda’ yon hatches.
God willing! 

What price the freeze? 
Uh, Off Turbulino Off Turbulino hackatptwatoeey splat ackoff course!  Marie-Strider Good-n-Plentiful stole ten names off a boxcar side in the Off Turbulino Off the torrential rains of the last Turbulino, Off a Turbulino, never to be repeated off, damned Turbulino! I am not Shakespeare no cut da fish-rod twice just coulda’ not meter it in, solildly, twice! 
Off Turbulino.
Off Turbulino Off. 

Turbulino run ‘round Turbulino Off Turbulino like a record bray-be must half peened brutally hard off his donkey numbered in the ear Off Turbulino numbered in its ear Off Turbulino Off yah numbered in its numbered in its hey ha numbered up filled that cup so painfilly Jerry-Loius’ expanded drug face in the middle of the AM face; yes and nothing ended coming of his big fat telethonisticanne-laboring daily-day’s big fat bash, too! H’ cut his strips so very fine, so many years. But, hot-pick; Turbulino, who imagines when something’s Off, been Turbulino for Off years, and Turbulino years until everyone’s confronted with it then yank! Yank! Tank yank ‘t down Off that there great big grossly alien looking somehow big Turbulino too! So; so! So; …. so, behind this whole big plot to purge us we when they reach a depth of ten factory-spans we stopped them there. 
No. No. Too vague. 

Factory-spans. That could be from a few meters to several thousand yards centimentrical metering meters-thick, so—be more specific, then.
Okay, Say ten feet.
Okay, there you go, here we are they can’t allowed t’ go no lower.

Off Turbulino okay there you Off Turbulino Off Turbulino there you fo’ there you are they Off cannot Turbulino be Off allowed to go an inch lower ah their battlescars behold them behold them in their battlescars first Eric Turbulino their battlescars their then, myself first Eric Off Turbulino Off Turbulino then myself Off Turbulino hint hint Off Turbulino wink wink Off Turbulino nudge nudge Off Turbulino get it hey Off hey Turbulino get Off it Turbulino hey Off hey get it go you get it wink wink nudge nudge hey ya hot copsa’ dickey, n’ fat too!
S'what ‘f it?
So this completes the narrative of the last statements. 

So dem thymes’ a-wastin here’s the backside’s the list shot shoo Melanie fast-turbulino off their very rocker of the defendant allegedly flying his pastor into the bricks of the and small might turbo-mind down the jang-jinglin’ deep of the place hah! Hah! ‘ff okay knives out peterpans’ wall for his homes for funerals the chains of which less’s more for the drillin’ get fast for once ouch this Turbulino Off to that side then that Turbulino Off to the other then swat; he had owned singlehanded until up to over the top of very recently his deteriorated Turbulino Off undering the deep tableplace under style, mmmmoooooo-cow, the prank d’ ‘lectrical fencegrab wow that feels Turbulino Off Turbulino funny wow wow this feels really really funny what high Off Turbulino 

Off voltage state of mind yes of course can be seen clearly by the pottering stride of thought all gone and all wrong; all gone baloney high Turbulino voltage come on under through I can hold it Off Turbulino Off Turbulino Off Turbulino look the hell at me I am holding it hurry Off con-hurry well zip zip, I’ll be damned, Willy, looks like I gone did drop dead for my country being bad enough by itself, and all wrong by the same logic, also; but all gone and all wrong together pose the insurmountable peak atop the already mountainous body of evidence hiss and boo Turbulino Off Turbulino Off boo and hiss okay, so there, St. Peter. That’s the full drip out my high death for my country Turbulino faucet’s open Off drip Turbulino drip drip Off drip drip drip Turbulino drip drip drip drip off rounded up written down and presented to you for your pleasure here today.
To wit;
Yes to wit;
We sign our names and, hey, uh, wawa.
So. Know what to do now? Know what’s our pleasure?
No. Not at all.
Okay now, Pastafrieszer. Repeat everything to me, but; a bit slower this time, please.
Just do it.