Poetry from J.J. Campbell

a punishment from my father

another dreary morning

where the sun is like

a whore in church

you know she is there

just not to be seen

at this time

one pill for the pain

take another because

who the fuck actually

wants tomorrow

loneliness is the only

disease i never felt

like fighting

it was always deserved

a punishment from

my father

still seeking his

revenge from the

grave

——————————————————

plenty of stories

mist in the air

a bitter old man fades

from the spotlight

plenty of stories about

abuse and neglect and

what everyone else

would deem as failure

but he has no time for

the feelings of others

life can be as meaningless

as you want it to be if you

so desire

try explaining that in a

driven society where

everyone has to get

theirs

grounds for breeding

loneliness

a tribe of one

comfortable in the chaos

of the modern world

break out the watercolors

dance naked in the kitchen

while pretending bob ross

is actually impressed with

the painting

———————————————————-

money swallows everything whole

a broken wish

upon the darkest

star

the last remnants

of hope in this

world

money swallows

everything whole

and now that hell

is upon us

hacked and stolen

remember the simple

world we were promised

if we kept our heads down,

worked hard and believed

in god

i suppose this is

the reward for

such behavior

looks like a rainy

weekend

hope you haven’t

forgot how to

swim

————————————————————-

all the fun

sometimes the dead

will enter my dreams

and remind me of

what could have

been

cancer took care

of most of it

another lonely night

that will be ending

soon with the patient

coming home

hopefully with better

drugs and healing

bones

and i know the

insurance will

only pay for

a home nurse

for three visits

so, now i get

to have all

the fun

———————————————

drunken mischief

rainy days makes all my

scar tissue happy

misery is never enjoying

the festivities

i trace the scars on my hand,

pretend they are tattoos

the one that hurts the most

is in my right foot

one of those great stories

of drunken mischief

except i didn’t think i was

supposed to be the one

being stabbed

both knees are shot, not literally

shoulders and wrists are

going as well

youth is wasted on the

young, as is wisdom

i figure i have a few good

years left in me

i haven’t had a drink of

booze in three months

not sure if i’m done or

just giving my liver some

time to get ready for the

big push to the finish line


J.J. Campbell (1976 – ?) is old enough to know better. He’s been widely published over the years, most recently at The Beatnik Cowboy, Drinkers Only, Mad Swirl, The Rye Whiskey Review and Yellow Mama. His most recent book, to live your dreams, published by Whiskey City Press, is available at Amazon by going here: 

https://a.co/d/01KS9kwh

Poetry from Katica Protić

I’M AFRAID OF LOVE

No, I don’t like mornings that awaken me

with a tear in my eye.

I don’t like vanity that poisons the soul,

nor a heart filled with sorrow and pain,

a pain that breaks the sighs,

that breaks everything

that was once beautiful.

It turns all the beauty of living

into the darkness of night.

A colorful rose,

just beginning to bloom,

is broken by the wind,

its crown shattered in blossom

just as it begins to form.

I don’t like

that I have become a face with many faces,

hiding my sorrow

behind a mask of smiles.

I exchanged the beauty

of awakening mornings

for the darkness of twilight.

I became my own marionette,

with strings in my hands,

strings of different colors.

I weave them

into the colors of my face

according to my needs.

And yet,

if only I could bring back

the old me,

place her once again

upon the pedestal of truth,

not lies…

Because a mask itself is a lie

that hides the truth.

If only I could

love again—

I’m afraid of love.

I’m afraid of the night

that brings pain with it.

I’m afraid of dying once again.

I’m afraid of a kiss,

afraid that it might intoxicate me.

Because I would sink

into a delirium

with no way back.

Katica Protić, Dubrovnik, Croatia

Katica Protić is a Croatian poet and prose writer from Dubrovnik. She is a mother of three and a retired former director of a private company. She has been writing poetry and prose since her early youth. Her literary work is deeply rooted in emotion, human experience, love, pain, and the beauty of life. She has published two independent poetry collections, Maybe We Met in Our Dreams and Love, Pain, Sea and Salt.

Her poetry has been featured in more than 100 joint anthologies, with her work represented by anywhere from one to thirty poems in individual collections. She has received approximately 40 certificates of appreciation, commendations, diplomas, and awards, including bronze and gold medals. Among her notable achievements are three consecutive first-place awards in literary competitions in Australia. Her poems have been published internationally, reaching readers and literary publications from Australia to India and the United States. Her prose has also received recognition, with awards in Croatia, the United States, and Australia. Through her poetry and prose, Katica Protić continues to share her personal vision of life, love, human resilience, and the world around her, carrying the voice of a woman whose words are shaped by both experience and emotion.

Short story from Bill Tope

Love in the Afternoon

At 13 I entered eighth grade, where I fought the wars against acne, awkwardness and loneliness. The first time that I made love, I was 17. It was with a young woman whom I loved passionately and who returned my feelings. The first time that I had sex, however, I was just 13, and love played no role in the procedure. And my older brother Joey had a hand in that too, though remotely. My first sex partner was a lewd, gruff, 17-year-old scold with a messy beehive hairdo and a brisk, no-nonsense manner.

“C’mon,” she said, leading me to the backseat of a Plymouth parked under a shade tree. Sliding along the nylon bench seat after her, I was wide-eyed with apprehension. My brother had arranged all this, because he was embarrassed that his brother, who was now in junior high, hadn’t yet had any “tail.” Not the least part of it was that Joey’s friends had taken to referring to me as “your homo brother.” Joey had informed me in a brief phone chat that I would lose my cherry to someone named Sharon.

“Get undressed,” she ordered me, removing only her tight skirt and then her panties. Her blouse and her shoes remained on. The beehive danced crazily against the window. I marveled at her massive breasts. Quickly, I disrobed, then waited expectantly. Next to me on the blue-upholstered seat, she spread her legs, pointed to her bare privates and said, “Do your business.” I had devoured Playboy Magazine and so I was surprised to discover that women had hair on their genitals. I took a breath. hovered uncertainly over her prone form for a few moments, before she impatiently grasped my virgin manhood and forcibly inserted it into her vagina.

Yikes! I thought wildly, I’m actually doing it. Blood rushed to my head and time stood still. No more than five minutes later, the experience had concluded and Sharon was impatient to quit the love nest. She donned her panties and skirt again, shoved past me on the seat and left without a word. She didn’t look back.

What a disappointment, I thought, pulling up my jeans. It was so impersonal, more impersonal even than masturbating, which my mother had said would turn me blind. I shook my head, and was reminded of a joke my friends told: “I’ll only do it till I need glasses.” Sex, despite all I’d heard about it, was not what it was cracked up to be. In fact, but for one otherworldy occasion, it was four more years before I took another lover. At least I saved my eyesight, I thought bleakly.

Poetry from Dr. Shpresa Fundo Gjergji

A Point

1.

How I long for just a single point,

A point like Archimedes once sought,

Where, with a lever in hand, he claimed

He could move the whole wide world!

My mind and soul seek to discover

How this inner lever works 

To never falter, never die.

2.

There I wish to find it

A place no time can shake,

Even if turned upside down

And spun around again.

A resting place for weary souls,

A golden treasure 

Forever blessed.

3.

Archimedes spoke not in vain:

“Give me a firm place to stand,

A single point, and with my lever

I shall shake this frozen globe!”

Ah, how could one not find it?!

4.

I do not wish to push the world

Toward some unseen edge;

I only pray to God above 

Forgive them, make their souls pure!

5.

It’s not mountains I seek to move,

Nor walls I want to hear my cries.

It’s my own faltering steps,

So often broken and drowned

In mud and endless fatigue,

On silent paths where shadows seethe.

6.

It’s hard to grasp that point 

The one that won’t let me breathe at ease.

I searched too far beyond myself,

Devouring my very being,

Chewing, swallowing piece by piece.

7.

I’ve struggled ‘midst many voices,

Forgotten, burning in abandonment…

Ah, this stubborn point 

Held tight by greedy hands.

8.

I could not join that point with Archimedes’ lever 

It was never meant to be.

I sought this point and loved it dearly 

A truth alive deep inside of me.

9.

Now I know I need no golden lever,

Nor land someone else finds for me.

This point is who I truly am,

With an open, generous heart.

So I tell myself:

When clouds darken the sky,

Rise up,

Move forward,

Challenge every doubt!

10.

Let me feel lucky in this world,

To struggle through storms untold.

Until I find that sacred point,

Where when I fall,

I’ll know how to rise and speak 

To be strong, not weak!

11.

Then let that point be mine alone;

Let me find Archimedes’ lever at last.

May goodness and wisdom unite within,

And in my heart forever dwell!

—–

Written by Dr. Shpresa Fundo Gjergji

Albanian writer

Shpresa Fundo Gjergji is an Albanian author and scholar with an academic background in linguistics and a PhD in the field. She has a long-standing career as a lecturer in pre-university and university education in Albania and is recognized as a literary analyst and critic, with participation in national and international conferences and publications.

In recent years, she has devoted herself to creative writing, with a special focus on children’s literature and contemporary poetry. She has also worked as an editor and proofreader of poetic and literary works and is the author of numerous critical essays on Albanian writers.

Her poetry has been published in literary journals and newspapers in Albania, Kosovo, Switzerland, Italy, Belgium, France and the United Kingdom. She is also featured in several international poetry anthologies. Her work is characterized by deep human sensitivity, philosophical reflection, and an authentic poetic voice.

Seventh installment of Christopher Bernard’s story Otherwise

Chapter Eighteen: Yram’s Story

“You should your story to them tell,” Petey heard Ruhtra say in the darkness.

There was the sound of a sigh a little farther away than Ruhtra’s voice and of a slight movement. Then a pause. 

“From Tierfer Süden I come.” 

The voice was Yram’s – throaty, deeper than the voices of most girls, and a little phlegmy from not having been used in some time. 

“Land by the slave knecht ruled where the black man returned has been to his condition of normality, as so called by Izan: black under white, woman under man, poor man under rich, ruled by the motto ‘Arbeit macht frei.’ Unless of course rich you be, then ‘Gelt macht frei.’ A chain of slaves, all of society. At top, Izan stands; at top of Izan, Leiter and Gauleiter.” She cleared her throat. “My father Gauleiter of our province be—the province of Adolfiana at the mouth of the river Serpent—called that because it like a vast serpent lies, like Fafner over his gold, across the middle breadth of Acirema. He the province with an iron fist ruled. Its konzentrationlagern, in bayous built with Spanish moss hung in mockery of beauty, crowded with dissenters be, and those my father of even the possibility of sedition suspects. And my father on suspicion thrives. But of the sedition under his nose, he saw nothing.”

One day Yram discovered there was something profoundly wrong about the world she lived in, despite the wealth, the splendor and beauty, the endless stream of delicacies and pleasures she and her family enjoyed without question or scruple. Even as a small child, she had been given a little black slave to be her servant and plaything. At first, she took her child slave for granted, ordering her about like a spoiled princess and mocking her when she made mistakes, especially in Germanglish, which happened often, since, though Yram had had tutors almost since infancy and was a precocious reader of the regime’s official texts by the time she was five, her slave was illiterate. In fact, it would have been a crime to teach her to read let alone to write.

Then one afternoon Yram was playing house in the nursery when she heard a muffled sound in the closet where she kept her surfeit of clothing: small lacey dresses, ribbons of every color in a seamstress’s imagination, skirts the size of handkerchiefs, snug little bonnets, diminutive shawls, and an array of tiny shoes. 

It was someone crying quietly. 

Curious, Yram snuck up to the door and opened it a crack. 

It was her little slave, curled up in a back corner, underneath a row of Yram’s dresses crammed together on hangers and far too many for her ever to actually wear. The slave was crying to herself in a lacey hand-me-down she had been given from Yram’s small wardrobe. The dress had always looked ridiculous on the little black girl, but now it looked unbearably sad to Yram, who felt something she had never felt before: a tingling wave of sadness for the little girl she had been, unknown even to herself, misusing for so long. 

And with this strange feeling of compassion there came another feeling, extremely uncomfortable, which she had never felt before. It would take her some time to realize, eventually, what she was feeling or to find a name for it. And the realization would be horrifying for her. The name was “guilt” – a feeling called guilt caused by a fact of guilt, since she came in the end to realize she was one of the causes of the black girl’s suffering. These feelings were not only intense; they fought both againset each other and against Yram herself. Surely she was not able to do anything wrong! Not me! Not me! And yet there it was: the price of guilt was the suffering her actions had caused. And the fact that her black slave had not accused her made it even worse. Yram had no defense against this discovery: her fault was as stark as the sun. 

But this was still in the future. At the moment, these warring emotions, half conscious as they were, were unbearable, and there seemed only one of two ways to get rid of them. One way was to attack her slave with all her might. After all, she was the immediate cause of these awful feelings. How dared she make Yram feel this way! She had no right, she was just a slave, she was nothing.

But at the same moment, watching the girl (who wept, completely unaware she was being watched), Yram realized, in a flash of insight, that the girl was not nothing. She was a living creature. She was completely vulnerable, utterly defenseless, though Yram did not yet have these words in her vocabulary: in their stead, the image of a small mouse shivering in a corner flashed through her mind. 

To take advantage of this would be disgraceful. Like attacking someone sleeping. And getting angry because someone was suffering made no sense whatever, and would even make everything worse—both the girl’s weeping and Yram’s own terrible feelings. Somehow, she would even deserve these feelings if she attacked the girl.

There was another way, but it was risky, because it might embolden the other girl to attack her in turn—though the little slave had never shown the slightest sign of rebellion against her mistress. And so, Yram decided to chance it. After all, if it didn’t work, she could get mad later.

“Selma,” Yram whispered gently to the little black girl. “Why crying you be?” 

The girl stopped and looked in terror at her hitherto unpitying mistress.

“Sorry, miss,” she said, so softly Yram could barely hear her. “Not know you be in nursery.”

Her gentleness surprised Yram, who usually denied everything furiously, even when she was caught with her hand firmly in the cookie jar, and would rather be caught dead than crying in the back of a closet.

“It all right be,” Yram surprised herself saying. “You me tell can.”

Selmas stared at her.

“I can, Miss Yram?” she asked, not daring to believe what she had just heard.

Yram decided not to correct her grammar, for a change.

 “Yes,” said Yram, instinctively crouching down on the floor of the closet, to be at the same level as Selma’s glistening eyes, which followed her own, partly hopeful, mostly suspicious. “You can me tell, I no one tell will else—promise!” And Yram crossed her heart in the universal children’s code of honor no child would even think of breaking: “Cross my heart and hope to die. Stick a piggy in my eye!” spoken, as was traditional, in old Anglish.

Whereupon the dam of Selma’s suspicions broke, her hopefulness won the combat in her perplexed but famished soul, and the little black girl poured her heart out to her suddenly, and uncharacteristically, sympathetic mistress.   Yram’s older brother had insulted Selma in the most atrocious manner; not only that, but what he had said was a complete and shocking lie. And he had said it in front of Selma’s mama and papa. Selma couldn’t bear facing him or them or anyone else after what he had said. She had no way of defending herself except to deny his cruel and slanderous words – and she knew how far that would get her. The brother’s word was law in that household; he could do no wrong, and he took full advantage of it.

Yram was shocked—not so much by the story of her brother’s lies, which were legendary, and she had long known how to deal with them: become so hysterical the family would do or say anything to quiet her down. Yet her brother’s insults continued to fester, and she was never sure other people did hot believe his lies no matter what she did or said. Sometimes she even felt that the stronger her denials, the less she was believed. It was a horrible, impossible position to be in.

What shocked the hitherto oblivious little girl of wealth and privilege was the realization how deeply her small, dependent companion felt—in fact, it was the realization that she felt much of anything at all, since up to now Selma had always put on a precociously stoic mask around her mistress. Yram had thought her rag doll had more feelings than Selma, or the family’s cat Mortimer. But Selma’s tear-streaked face and quivering voice went right to Yram’s heart. She remembered her own callous behavior toward Selma with a piercing sense of shame—it was clear Selma had felt the same humiliation and shame that she, Yram, had felt at the hands of her casually cruel brother, and therefore Selma was in a position—uniquely—to understand her in a way no one else ever had or indeed could. Her bitter feelings of absolute aloneness were broken—and she instinctively wrapped her arms around the other little girl and hugged her tight. And Selma hugged her back. Yram felt a shock when she realized they were crying together. 

She hadn’t realized how much she had been seeking an ally against her brother’s assaults, to say nothing of the petty insults the adult world regularly visits on children even without intending to.

And so, on that day, Yram and Selma were no longer mistress and slave. In sharing the pain they both felt, and seeing instantly how they could help shield and protect themselves and each other, with the malleability of childhood, and without making a conscious decision, they became dedicated allies against a world that did not respect either of them. In their weakness was their strength, in their innocence was their wisdom, in their very youth there was a maturity that adults often lose: Yram saw immediately how much Selma and she had in common: vulnerability, pride, the capacity for deep and shared feelings, and a determination not to let a world win that sometimes seemed to oppose, and certainly resented, their very existence.

This was the first step in an even larger lesson: she would eventually learn that what had happened to Selma was part of something profoundly wrong with the world in which she lived, though it took years for the lesson to sink in. And she discovered that this evil was rooted in the social order that gave her family its wealth, its privileges, its very happiness—because Yram, until she made this discovery, was, despite a few stains here and there, largely contented with her little life, its elegance and comfort, its constant variety, its many small pleasures and graces, and she wouldn’t have wanted most of it to change, honestly, for the world. She saw, with increasing clarity, that things like the bullying of her and Selma by her brother were not accidental: she began to see a pattern of abuse and misuse, a pattern she too was part of. Even her parents were part of it. The slaves they owned were all, like Selma, fair game for the suffering imposed on them by Yram’s brother—and by anyone else who could get away with it. They had no rights against it. When any of them tried to put up a defense, they were beaten, sometimes to the edge of survival. Sometimes beyond it.

Three years later Yram had the revelation that would throw her young life into turmoil, drive her into the arms of the resistance, and make her dedicate her life to the ending of the tyranny of Izan.

It was not caused by any single incident, though it had begun in the little closet with Selma; it was the result of her coming to a conclusion about the world she lived in after thinking long and hard about it and the network of cruelty and suffering that Izan supported and that supported it, and which she had gradually become aware of, with the thought, both horrifying and disgusting, that this might be the inescapable nature of reality and therefore trying to change it was futile, and childish to hope for. 

If there was one thing that tipped the balance it was the discovery of a book, one that had escaped the great burning decades before. 

Yram had often wondered why Izan so feared books. After all, they had newspapers, magazines, broadsides, posters and other things in print. What was it about books that so enraged them?

Then she found one in the attic of their house—ironically, given her father’s position as Gauleiter. There was something mysterious and oddly compelling about it; its compact form, with the front cover opening like a little door, and all those words inside it, suggested an opening into a new world. It was immediately enticing, and Yram crouched down in the light coming from the attic window and let her eyes wander over the printed words. She was soon absorbed in a story the book told, and completely wrapped up until she heard her mother calling her to dinner—good heavens, she had been reading the forbidden book for over two hours and hadn’t even realized it, and she hid the book under some old rags and ran down to dinner, being careful to say nothing about her discovery. 

But she didn’t forget, in fact she couldn’t wait to find out what happened next in the story, and over the next few days, whenever she could steal half an hour, she would sneak up to the attic and read a few more chapters, until, a week later, she had finished the book, with a delightfully mixed feeling of satisfaction with the story and sorrow it was over—and so, since there seemed to be no other books in the attic, she decided to read it again, and this time she enjoyed it even more than she had the first time.

But that wasn’t all. What the book showed her more than anything else was this: other worlds were possible than the one she lived in. The evils she saw were not inevitable if the world she lived itself was not. Other worlds could exist—the universe was an ocean, a wilderness, a laboratory; it was anything but a cage or a jail, a trap or a prison, unless you allowed others to turn it into one—and any prison you had built, you could also tear down, any jail broken from, any cage escaped: this was proven, as far as she was concerned, by the very existence of this book—perhaps of any book. That was why books, all books, had been burned: in order to destroy the very existence of the possibility of a way of life other than the bleak horror that had been imposed on most of humanity, and indeed (as Yram had come to realize, with deepening dismay) on most of life on earth, by Izan, whose motto now was brutally clear and meant to be taken with absolute literalness: “Alles für uns!”

At the opening of one term at school, after Yram turned eleven, she became friendly with a tall girl with immensely long, thick auburn hair, often plaited down her back to her waist, and curiously slanted eyes. She learned only later that the girl’s parents had fled to Acirema from Osovok in Aibres during the war with the Izan, to find they had walked into the tiger’s mouth they thought they had escaped, after the Izan won the war and conquered their new homeland. They had to live in secret, as the Izan considered their people an inferior race, and they had kept a fire of rebellion alive for themselves and their only child over the years. 

Yram listened with deepening sympathy to the exotically beautiful girl’s

story and shared her growing sense of horror about the Izan. One afternoon Yram invited Aramat (her real name, not the “Hildesieg” her parents had adopted for her) home and introduced her to Selma, whom, after their moment of shared tears, Yram had made her best friend in the world (though pretending to treat her “badly” when other family members were present; this became something of a game for the two girls, and they would giggle about it when they were alone together, Selma sometimes playing “mistress” and Yram “slave” until they both dissolved in laughter).

The three girls immediately became friends and, after meeting several times at Yram’s home or the local park, Aramat asked them if they had ever heard of something called the “League of Freiheit”? 

Yram was immediately on her guard, but Selma was all innocent curiosity. Aramat talked about it lightly, as though she didn’t know much about it, but wondered what they’d heard. Selma shook her head dubiously. Yram said, slightly haughtily: “I only hear they bad rebels be. My Vater them condemn. My Mutter them fear.”

“Yes, but,” said Aramat innocently, looking at Selma, “they no slaves have.”

Selma’s eyes opened and she smiled broadly when she heard that.

“They got no slaves?”

“Well,” said Aramat, retreating, “so do they say. They in equal rights of all humankind to live in peace and harmony they believe.”

“That don’t sound like Izan,” said Selma.

Aramat paused. 

“No, they Izan oppose,” said Aramat carefully. “They organizing against Izan be.  Mostly children. Adults too afraid to join. Anyway, no one children suspect. Or so I hear.”

The three girls were unusually silent for the next few minutes. They avoided eye contact and seemed to look with excessive concentration at various objects around them: Yram at a frill on her frock, Selma at a bee hovering over a daffodil, Aramat at a twig just past the toe of her left shoe.

“What about them think you?” asked Yram finally, after the silence became unbearable. She played with the frill on her frock.

Aramat took a deep breath before speaking; it caught Yram’s attention and she looked at her friend with some alarm.

“Our only hope for future be think they,” said the girl with the slanted eyes, not quite answering Yram’s question. “Our only hope in their victory be,” she continued. “Must they Izan destroy. Then new world on human harmony and decency and acceptance they can build.”

“Decency!” said Yram. She had never heard of a world built on “decency” let alone “acceptance” and “harmony.” The idea gave her a shock. It was too far good to be true. Her family had always made it clear the world was built on two things and two things only: money and power. 

“Huh!” she said, pretending a dismissive laugh. “Where sign up can I!”

“Me too!” said Selma, more wholeheartedly, even though, as a slave, she could neither read nor write. Then she cringed as Yram gave her a warning look.

Aramat said nothing and they turned to other things, Yram soon forgetting about it in a new set of games and pretend rivalries with her new friends. 

But a week later, when they met, Aramat brought it up again.

“Remember about the League of Freiheit we speak?” she asked out of the blue while they were discussing the best hats for their fashion dolls (they were feeling very grown up these days – no more “baby dolls” for them!).

Yram’s heart skipped a beat and she flushed and looked wildly at her friend. Aramat smiled. Selma also reacted, though her excitement was more subdued; even at her young age, she was too used to disappointment to put too much hope in anything.

“Do either one of you wish to join?” Aramat asked matter-of-factly, as though asking them to go to a party. 

Yram was about to shout but caught herself in time. She looked around her cautiously, as though there were anyone near, but they were entirely alone in Yram’s family backyard, except for a neighborhood dog sniffing a bush. 

“Maybe,” she whispered.

Selma looked like she was about to faint. She couldn’t believe her ears. 

“Could you please repeat that, ma’am?” Selma asked Amarat respectfully.

Aramat did so, in the same tone of voice as before.

Selma stared at Yram, as though waiting for permission.

“I think maybe I might,” Selma said, awkwardly, still looking at Yram, who looked like she was waiting for permission from Selma. “That is, I think, maybe, do you think you might let me maybe join, if I like, if you permit, the league of . . . of . . .  of . . . ?” “Of Freiheit.”

Selma hesitated.

“What that mean?” she asked, ingenuously.

“Freedom,” said Amarat. 

The little black girl took a deep breath and looked hard into Amarat’s eyes.

“I like to join the league of freedom,” she said.

Amarat turned to Yram.

“M,me too!” Yram stammered, blushing at the thought Selma had proven braver than herself at the moment of truth.

“Then,” continued Amarat, “authorized I be to invite you both the league to join.”

“You’re already a member?!” asked Yram, with disingenuous surprise. 

Amarat gave her a grin, as if to say, “So slow on the uptake you rarely be!”

It turned out Amarat had been a junior spy for the league for the previous two years, sending messages to other girls (using code in hopscotch) about local conditions in the city. She was now authorized to seek recruits, and Yram and Selma would be her first. 

Amarat was twelve, and already a seasoned rebel (even, thought Petey, as he listened to this part of the story, what in his world might be called a “guerrilla”). It was humiliating; Yram felt herself to be what might have been called, in that other world, a “slacker.”

Over the following month unfolded the first adventures of the three girls, working together usually as a team and following instructions from a mysterious headquarters only Amarat was privy to: spying out police actions and troop movements and learning the private addresses of the local high command (actions easy for Yram, with her father’s rank, and one of the reasons she had been such a good catch for the League), breaking message codes (another ace up Yram’s sleeve, for the same reason) so they could forward Izan communications across the League, and even engaging in small acts of sabotage: helping to spike the tires on Izan vehicles (the girls brought the nails, the boys the hammers), pouring sand into vehicle oil tanks, painting graffiti on the walls of government buildings in the middle of the night when parents thought their kids were having sleepovers: “With Izan Down!” and “To Izan Death!” were painted in blood red across store fronts and apartment buildings along the streets leading to Izan headquarters and the pathetic city hall where civilians pretended to govern. 

One of the bolder actions was to set fire to the home of one of the sub-Gauleiters, leading to a savage crackdown across the city: scores of men and women were hauled off to a local konzentrationlager, an almost certain death sentence—sobering, even daunting proof of the actions’ effectiveness; indeed, the Link (which the Yram and Selma learned was how the organization called itself internally) was careful not to try anything as audacious again for a long time. But no one ever suspected the children.

The most serious moment of truth came when Yram’s membership in the rebel group was discovered three years after her recruitment. It was Sammy Dinnison who threatened to squeal on her (not all children, naturally, joined the League, and some “kleiner Izan,” bullies and tyrants of the playground, openly opposed it, flaunting their “Junge Izan” badges and blackening the eyes of anyone who was not sufficiently enthusiastic in the Izan cause). 

Sammy threatened to expose Yram. It was exquisitely ironic that it should be Sammy, of all people, to rat on her; she’d had a crush on him when she was in third grade, till she learned how brutal he was underneath his brash ways and fütballer’s good looks. When he turned on her after she lost interest in him, she regretted ever sharing her lunch with him on the playground the day their little romance started. 

Yram faced a stark choice—be outed or run away. She had little time to decide.

She met with Aramat on the volleyball court. Sammy had been targeting Aramat as his next love interest. It was only a matter of time before he found out about her ties to the League. 

Aramat said nothing. She didn’t have to. The girls just looked at one another without speaking. 

All that needed saying spoke in their eyes.

That night Yram packed her small backpack and ran away from home, aided by the Link, and, with Aramat, fled north. Her parting with Selma was filled with tears. 

Yram left a note to her parents, telling them not to try to find her, and adding a postscript: “Selma blame do not. Selma nothing know! It not her fault be! Only mine! Only mine!” 

Though she knew this would do little good. Selma would be the easiest to retaliate against in her parents’ frustration: she would be penalized for “losing” their daughter with all the brutality an Izan Gauleiter and his bitter wife could muster. After all, in a system based on slavery, everyone was a slave to someone else; even Yram was a slave to her parents, and Selma, though nominally Yram’s slave, was, in the end, the slave of her parents, one of whose duties was to help them control their child. It was a cruel and absurd situation to be placed in but inevitable in a society founded on the principles of slavery: hierarchy, oppression, intimidation, and cruelty. Which Izan is and was.

Days later, Yram and Aramat ended up in the northeastern city of Nattahnam on the river Sonhud, where she had been ever since, running guardian operations for the Link and eventually becoming a ranking member with Ruhtra.

Yram never heard what became of Selma. 

Chapter Nineteen: Are We Home Yet? 

“Wow!” It was Bumper’s voice. “Those were great stories!”

“If only stories they were.” That was Ruhtra’s. “Not our lives.”

“But ours better”—And that was Yram’s—“than many others be.”

The truck bounced and shook as it ran over a pothole.

“If you like going nowhere fast in the dark,” came Chace’s voice, light and ironic,

“while trapped inside an oil tank.”

Petey sighed.

He had lost count of the hours, and the days only made themselves felt by the growling in his belly. But he now believed he had a clearer understanding of both Ruhtra and Yram; felt better able to feel what and how they thought and felt about their world, their lives, themselves: the kinds of pain they had faced and survived, the shape of the drives to action that resulted, when suffering could have led to despair, resignation, and defeat; also their courage in seizing the opportunities to act when they came—the courage to judge, to choose, and to act on their choices. They were more like adults than most of the adults he had ever known. He was, in some ways even despite himself, deeply impressed by what he had heard and believed he now understood. The more so as this was by no means either Ruhtra’s or Yram’s intention. If anything, they had seemed reluctant to go into details, but the time and place made it easier and even necessary to while away the monotony and darkness inside the tank as it drove across the country, they had no idea where, to make their history, their experiences, and their world as clear as possible to their listeners. 

That world was bizarrely like the world Petey had grown up in, but turned inside out and upside down because of one fatal difference: a brutal enemy in an old war had conquered and humiliated them, and they and their bravest friends and allies had been, not only beaten, but crushed into submission. An entire way of life had been swept away—though not quite: these two flashed proof, high and brilliant, that there was still a memory of it flickering in a darkness as impenetrable as the darkness in the tank, an implacable will to fight existed to bring that light back into the world; to refuse to lose faith but to keep belief in it alive in watch fires across the night.

All five were asleep when the truck came to an abrupt stop. Petey woke and listened as he heard voices outside the tank. His blood tingled as he heard someone climb up the ladder and start to open the hatch almost straight above his head. Someone else shouted at whoever it was, who sniped back, then noisily clambered back down. The hatch was left slightly open and a beam of dawn light pierced the solid black that had housed them for days. 

  Petey moved to the person nearest him and shook the sleeping form.

“Are we . . . home yet?” came the sleepy voice of Bumper, followed by a yawn.

“No,” said Petey in a whisper, “but I think we have to leave anyway.”

Petey quietly called out the names of the others, who one by one pulled from sleep, except for Ruhtra, who was already awake: “I too them hear.”

There was a pause.

“Everyone awake be?”

Four voices quietly replied in assent.

“Good. Now we get out must.”

He faced no debate on that issue. The problem, of course, was how.

Petey heard Ruhtra crawl to a spot near Petey, just underneath the crescent of light showing the slight opening of the hatch. 

“Have you ever a circus act where a bunch of acrobats a tower make by onto each other’s backs by climbing seen?”

There was a silence while the three boys disentangled the older boy’s syntax.

“You mean . . . a . . . turtle tower?” asked Bumper hesitantly.

“Exactly yes,” said Ruhtra. “So a turtle tower we make shall. Chace, you upon my back climb.”

“And a-turtling we will go,” Chace whispered as he followed the other boy’s directions.

“Peter Myshkin, you on top of your friend now go.”

And Petey climbed the ladder made by the two boys’ backs onto Chace’s and carefully took position in the darkness. The only sound was the breathing of the boys.

“Yram next,” Ruhtra said, wheezing slightly as he locked his arms and hips under the growing pressure on his back.

Yram climbed cautiously in the darkness and kneeled on Petey’s back.

“Ready,” she whispered. 

“And Bumper now you,” Ruhtra gasped. “And when on top of Yram you go, and if you can hatch reach see.”

“On top of Yram I go and if I can hatch reach see,” Bumper repeated, hoping he had the slightest idea what Ruhtra meant.

“Exactly,” wheezed Ruhtra, “yes.”

“Okeedokee,” said Bumper, using the most assertive statement of assent he knew.

And Bumper slowly worked his way up the turtle tower, which was now trembling slightly under the pressure of four vertical non-turtle bodies, till he got onto Yram’s back. Once there, he reached up to the crescent of light around the hatch and pushed. The hatch opened half way without a sound, and Bumper cautiously looked outside. He saw they were surrounded by a crown of mountaintops and the faint light from an early dawn sky. 

“Can anyone you see?” whispered Yram.

Bumper looked carefully around the open slit of hatchway. 

There was no one. 

But there was a strong smell of corroded metal and grease and something else—not oil exactly, but something very familiar, but he couldn’t put his finger on it. And there was a shadowy something off to one side: a metal tower loomed above the oil tanker with what looked like an immense hose hooked to something a few feet away from the hatch. 

Bumper gulped. 

Uh-oh.

Was it really what at first he thought it looked like? 

Because what it looked like to Bumper was something he didn’t really want to think about: what it looked like at first, and now at second and third, was that they were just about to stick that hose into the tank and fill it to the brim, drowning anyone inside it who had made the mistake of thinking it would be a good place to hide. And it wasn’t oxygen or corn flakes or hot chocolate they were going to fill it with . . . 

It was . . .

(“Nyaaaa!” Bumper thought but was careful not to let out in the howl he so wanted to.)

. . . gasoline!

Everyone had to get out! Now! Before now! Last night! Yesterday!

But how?

Then he saw that the hose could be used for a purpose other than filling the tank. 

So, double checking there was nobody else in the vicinity, Bumper climbed out the hatch onto the top of the tank, crawled over to the hose, and detached it from its hook, then pulled the hose over to the open hatch and lowered it into the tank. He wasn’t entirely sure this was a good idea—who knew what turned on the hose? But what else was there to try?

So down into the tank lowered the hose, like a huge snake still asleep after a debauched night out.

Nothing switched on. The surroundings were quiet as the grave.

So far, so good! Bumper gave himself a congratulatory pat on the back. Or tried to. He discovered, like many another, that it was easier said than done.

Yram was the first to climb up the hose onto the tank top. She was followed, uncertainly at first, by Petey. Then Chace appeared, huffing as he grabbed at the slippery rubber of the hose. And finally Ruhtra: the hose was just long enough for him to jump to catch it after several tries, with alarming bangs as he fell to the floor of the tank, but finally he too pulled himself out.

The noise made them panic and forget to cover their tracks. A bird began singing its dawn song as they scrambled down the outside ladder and slipped away just as Petey heard the oil crew walking back toward the truck. 

“I you tell I from the tank strange sounds hear,” one of them was saying. “For rats too loud! . . .”

The five hastened away to a screen of woods nearby before the crew found the hatch open, the hook dangling inside the tank, and the litter a bunch of young stowaways had left behind after four and a half days of journeying west across the lost continent of Acirema.

____

Christopher Bernard is a prize-winning author of both poetry and fiction. The two earlier stories in the “Otherwise” series are If You Ride A Crooked Trolley . . . and The Judgment Of Biestia (winner of the Independent Press Award in Preteen Fiction and short-listed for the K. M. Anthru International Literature Award).

Essay from Mahfuza Abduqaxor qizi Sharipova

INTERPRETATION OF PRINCESSES IN THE NOVEL “ONA LOCHIN VІDОSI”

Abstract

This article analyzes the artistic interpretation of Timurid princesses in Pirimqul Qodirov’s novel Ona Lochin Vidosi. The study examines how the female characters Saroymulk Khonim, Shodimulk Begim, Khonzoda Begim, Husn Nigor Khonim, Habiba Sultan Begim, Robiya Sultan Begim, Feruza Begim, and Gulruhbonu are portrayed through diverse character traits. Particular attention is paid to the fact that the author emphasizes not merely external beauty but also the spiritual and moral qualities of the princesses, including motherhood, loyalty, political activity, courage, and devotion.

Keywords: Pirimqul Qodirov, Ona Lochin Vidosi, Timurid princesses, Saroymulk Khonim, Khonzoda Begim, Habiba Sultan Begim, Robiya Sultan Begim, Feruza Begim, artistic interpretation.

Introduction

In historical novels, the process of creating images of historical figures combines documentary information with the author’s artistic imagination. In particular, the portrayal of women who lived alongside rulers and influenced family and political relations is one of the factors determining the historical and aesthetic value of a literary work. Pirimqul Qodirov’s novel Ona Lochin Vidosi depicts the complex period of the Timurid dynasty and presents not only more than a dozen princes and rulers but also numerous princesses through artistic interpretation.

The female characters in the novel are not presented according to a single stereotypical model. Some princesses appear as wise mothers and devoted wives, others as active participants in political struggles, while still others are portrayed as complex and contradictory personalities. Therefore, it is important to examine the portrayal of the princesses on the basis of their individual characters, their roles within the family, their attitudes toward state affairs, and their moral and spiritual qualities.

Main Part

In Ona Lochin Vidosi, Saroymulk Khonim is portrayed as one of the most influential figures among Timurid women. Historical sources record her position within Amir Temur’s family, her interest in education and enlightenment, and her participation in matters of state administration. In Qodirov’s interpretation, these aspects enrich the content of her artistic image. She is portrayed as a wise woman who directly influenced the upbringing of such representatives of the dynasty as Shahrukh Mirza, Muhammad Sultan Mirza, Khalil Sultan Mirza, and Ulugbek Mirza. Her advice to her daughter-in-law Gavharshod Begim embodies concepts of court etiquette, responsibility, and family duty.

The tragic fate of Saroymulk Khonim in the plot further emphasizes the spiritual elevation of her character. The novel presents her mysterious death and suspicions that she was poisoned. Thus, the writer connects the life of a wise woman, attentive to the upbringing of children and supportive of education and enlightenment, with political conflicts within the royal court. Through this character, the continuity of goodness and loyalty in the memory of subsequent generations is emphasized.

The character of Shodimulk Begim differs sharply from that of Saroymulk Khonim. Although the writer particularly emphasizes her external beauty, he also reveals contradictions within her inner world. At a time when Khalil Sultan was indifferent to matters of state, Shodimulk Begim actively interferes in political processes. Her decisions concerning her rivals and her involvement in the circumstances surrounding Saroymulk Khonim’s death make her character more complex. Thus, the author portrays the princess not merely as a symbol of beauty but as a contradictory personality whose decisions are influenced by power and personal interests.

The image of Khonzoda Begim combines maternal love, loyalty, and a tragic fate. She is portrayed as a woman who was forced into marriage twice amid historical circumstances and who later experienced the tragic fate of her son, Khalil Sultan. Her inability to endure the death of her son and her passing away shortly afterward demonstrate the strength of maternal feelings. At the same time, her fate artistically expresses the human consequences of marriages based on kinship and political interests.

The interpretation of Husn Nigor Khonim is also connected with the inner suffering of a mother. She is portrayed as the wife of Ulugbek Mirza and the mother of Abdulatif. Abdulatif’s opposition to his father causes deep psychological suffering for Husn Nigor Khonim. In her conversation with Gavharshod Begim, she expresses shame over her son’s actions and distress that her grandchildren have also been subjected to reproach. Therefore, in this character, the responsibility of a mother for her child’s fate and the emotional experiences of a mother’s heart are emphasized more strongly than her status as a princess.

Habiba Sultan Begim is portrayed in the novel as an active and positive female character. Along with her beauty, her wisdom, good manners, and loyalty are revealed through the actions of other characters. Gavharshod Begim proposes marrying Habiba Sultan Begim to Abdullah Mirza in an attempt to prevent him from becoming involved in internal conflicts. As a result, the heroine’s personal qualities become an important part of the development of the plot. Habiba Sultan Begim uses her valuable possessions to persuade officials and save her husband, Abdullah Mirza, from imprisonment and the threat of death. Thus, her loyalty is not merely a passive emotion but is demonstrated through practical action.

In the portrayal of Robiya Sultan Begim, political and educational activity occupies a special place. She rises to the status of an influential princess at the court of Abulkhayr Khan and influences the upbringing of her children, particularly the attitude of Kuchkunchi Khan toward science and culture. Her ability to instill respect for Amir Temur in her son and develop his interest in scientific and cultural heritage demonstrates the educational power of her character. Robiya Sultan Begim’s support for protests against Abu Said also presents her as a princess who directly responds to political events.

Courage and devotion are the leading characteristics of Feruza Begim. She is portrayed as a mother who played an important role in the upbringing of Husayn Bayqara and wished her son to grow up independent and strong. When her son was imprisoned, she personally went to Samarkand and spoke courageously with Abu Said in an effort to save his life. Despite the confiscation of her property, she continued to support Husayn Bayqara’s future activities. Therefore, the image of the “mother falcon” in the novel is not limited to one individual; it also continues through the images of mothers who prepare their children for difficult trials and struggle for their future.

Although Gulruhbonu is not a princess, she contributes an important dimension to the representation of women in the novel. She is portrayed as the nurturing mother of Alisher Navoi. Despite the confiscation of her property, the loss of close relatives, and difficult living conditions, she directs her child toward education and enlightenment rather than war and violence. In this respect, the character of Gulruhbonu strengthens the spiritual and educational dimension of the mother image in the novel.

Furthermore, the portrayal of princesses in the novel demonstrates that female characters extend beyond the family sphere and are connected with social and political processes. In the characters of Saroymulk Khonim, Gavharshod Begim, Robiya Sultan Begim, and Feruza Begim, upbringing, advice, political responsibility, and influence on the fate of future generations are closely interconnected. In this sense, the princess is presented not merely as the wife of a ruler or a member of a dynasty but as an active participant in historical processes. Turgun Fayziyev’s work Timurid Princesses, which provides information about the genealogy, status, and historical role of Timurid women, also helps readers understand the historical foundations of some of the characters portrayed in the novel.

The relationship between historical fact and artistic interpretation is also important in the poetics of the novel. The lives of some characters recorded in historical sources are expanded in the novel through psychological states, dialogues, and dramatic situations. For example, the influence of Robiya Sultan Begim on her son’s upbringing, the role of Feruza Begim in the fate of Husayn Bayqara, and Habiba Sultan Begim’s efforts to save her husband connect the personal qualities of women with the development of historical events. Such a method of representation prevents historical figures from remaining merely biographical subjects and contributes to revealing their inner worlds and human relationships.

In this respect, the system of princesses in Ona Lochin Vidosi is notable because it is not constructed according to a single model. In one character, motherhood and education are dominant; in another, loyalty and devotion; while in another, political activity or a tragic fate becomes the defining characteristic. Consequently, through the images of Timurid princesses, the writer presents the diverse dimensions of women’s lives in a particular historical period. Historical information recorded in the National Encyclopedia of Uzbekistan also serves as an important source for understanding the subsequent fate of some of these figures. The artistic interpretation in the literary work enriches such historical information with human emotions, family relationships, and psychological conflicts.

Conclusion

The portrayal of princesses in Ona Lochin Vidosi is not based on a single character model. Saroymulk Khonim embodies wisdom and enlightenment; Shodimulk Begim represents a contradictory psychological character; Khonzoda Begim and Husn Nigor Khonim embody the tragic emotional experiences of motherhood; Habiba Sultan Begim represents loyalty and devotion; Robiya Sultan Begim demonstrates political and educational activity; and Feruza Begim embodies courage and maternal devotion. Thus, the writer does not limit the portrayal of Timurid women to external beauty or their status within the royal court but seeks to reveal their inner worlds, moral qualities, and attitudes toward historical processes. In this regard, the depiction of the princesses contributes to creating an active and multifaceted image of women in the artistic structure of the novel.

References

1. Qodirov, P. Ona Lochin Vidosi. Tashkent: Yoshlar Matbuoti, 2023.

2. Fayziyev, T. Timurid Princesses. Tashkent: Abdulla Qodiriy National Heritage Publishing House, 1994.

3. Chuvashova, S. The History of Khoja Ilgor. Tashkent: Fan, 2006.

4. National Encyclopedia of Uzbekistan. Tashkent: State Scientific Publishing House of the National Encyclopedia of Uzbekistan, 2000–2005.

Mahfuza Abduqaxor qizi Sharipova was born on September 18, 1993, in Bogdod District, Fergana Region, Uzbekistan. In 2009, she graduated from General Secondary School No. 8 in Bogdod District, Fergana Region. In 2016, she successfully completed her studies in the field of Philology and Language Teaching: Uzbek Language at Fergana State University.

Since 2016, Mahfuza Sharipova has been working as an Uzbek language and literature teacher at General Secondary School No. 11 in Chortoq District, Namangan Region. Throughout her professional career, she has paid particular attention to increasing students’ interest in the Uzbek language and literature by applying modern pedagogical approaches and effective teaching methods. She currently holds the highest qualification category as an Uzbek language and literature teacher.

From 2024 to 2026, she studied for a master’s degree in Uzbek Language and Literature at Namangan State Pedagogical Institute and successfully completed her master’s studies. She is also a holder of an A+ level certificate in her field of specialization.

Mahfuza Sharipova’s academic and professional interests are closely associated with Uzbek language and literature, literary studies, and language teaching methodology. At the same time, she has a particular interest in the in-depth study of the Turkish language. She holds a C1-level certificate in Turkish and currently conducts courses in this language. She is also engaged in translating literary works from Turkish into Uzbek.

Mahfuza Sharipova’s primary goal is to continuously enrich her knowledge and professional experience in her field, deepen her academic research, and become a highly qualified specialist in philology. In the future, she aims to obtain the academic degree of Doctor of Philosophy (PhD) in Philological Sciences, further develop her academic and pedagogical potential, and share the knowledge and experience she has acquired with the younger generation.

Poetry from Menda Vreto

THE LIGHT WE LEAVE BEHIND

Give me your hand.

We do not need to know

where the road will end.

There are wounds without scars,

silences hidden behind smiles,

and hearts that forget

how to ask for light.

Stay close.

Sometimes presence alone

is a form of love.

A hand can become a bridge,

a word can become a shelter,

a small kindness

can travel farther than we know.

Nothing given with love disappears.

It takes root quietly

in the heart of another

and waits for its season to shine.

So, when you meet tired eyes,

do not turn away.

Be the light

you once needed yourself.

Give me your hand.

Not to walk ahead,

not to arrive first,

but to arrive together.

Leaving no one behind.

Menda Vreto is an Albanian writer who lives and creates in Italy. She is the author of several books published in Italian, and her works have been translated into several languages internationally. She regularly collaborates with both online and print magazines, where she publishes literary articles and essays. Her work has received significant recognition. Among her achievements is the Special Jury Award in the literary competition Il Silenzio Uccide (Silence Kills), where her work was featured prominently in the anthology. Her first book also attracted the attention of the prestigious magazine Marie Claire, which featured her extensively, recognizing both her work and her journey as an author. Menda Vreto proudly bears the surname Vreto, a name connected to the distinguished figure of the Albanian National Renaissance, Jani Vreto. She considers this family name a legacy of profound cultural and historical significance.