A Moment of Hesitation Named Warmth


A moment of hesitation named warmth;

I found myself in this cradling cocoon

The night before’s promise bounces around my head,

“Wake up at 7:00”

I watched the hands on the clock 

Tiptoe past the hour

I lay netted in my bed

Good intentions for myself

They slip through the strainer of wakefulness

like grains of sand

I didn’t wake up at that time.

Could’ve.

Should’ve.

Didn’t.

A moment of hesitation named warmth;

The cocoa sits in the depths of my stomach

“Don’t drink it. I drank it.”

The cup poured like an hourglass

Ticking into my body

I was aware

But I guess I didn’t care.

Like silk threads

Wants weave through my mind.

More sleep, more cocoa, more problems

But my judgment is clouded

Self-doubt continues to rise

And planes rise through those clouds 

Casting shadows over my resolve

I doubt I’ll ever make the sacrifice

Do what’s best for me

I’m unreliable

I guess I don’t want change enough.