Incompletist It's all a bit sketchy don't you know what with the RMS and all. Formal education and I didn't work out but I was on my way across the country to fulfill my own peculiar and particular manifest destiny which at the time (at the time)? was a semi - conscious state of befuddled uncertainty laced with a lack of pragmatics that was nothing short of utter ineptitude. (Oh essential humor I laugh to myself now at the notion of then going clear across the country to maintain my standards and my continuous quest for success in failure). We arrived at the train station and said our goodbyes. After you left there was a welling and a filling and at the same time a depletion of air. I rushed outside after a constricted couple of minutes to tell you something but you were gone. I was consistently lacking in effort and all done and said pretty consistent in afraid. I do at times wish that I had more of more than all this less though but the wish won't make it so At a certain point, I guess, we got uncomfortable around each other. I'm glad, though, that I said what I said before you went. I will add now that I am sorry I made you nervous. As I think back right at the now of this now I was at a loss then and still am so I'll leave it at that. it can sometimes does I am looking out the window with my classical on as I ponder the rigmaroles of existence discussing such with the most fascinating person I know. Every time I feel I've made a valid point or observation during my ongoing convo I like to whip off my glasses to add further emphasis while highlighting a point that's been made salient and to add further punctuating resonance landing on a note redolent of conversational flair. For example as I gaze out I reflect to myself on the virtues of eschewing the virtual for the sake and embracement of tactility and doing the sharp clean whip on eschew. When I revelate that the only thing remaining is to become a saint there is a slow whipping on become. Like that. Happenstance can work well and good sometimes. Oh sweet exquisiteness, as I lovingly prepare an afternoon aperitif and just now at the ready of the first gentle sip (lord how I love my ceremonies!) the radio crows out "heroes" - Ah yes, aglow and a flow, I duly proceed to an illuminated bask. The heart of the matter resides in the entire lonesomeness of the venture, and so dream, a much needed break from the prosaic, makes fantasy a much vaunted ally. So it goes, the garden of eden and myself with menagerie of profound friendships and equipped with a fleet of canines are baying in unison at the rising moon each eve over the waters. I think of a bovine at dusk by the side of a country road, looming and ruminating. Life can be so wonderful! And indeed the cat never ceases to contribute the phenomenal and to provide blessed insight into all things seriously absurd, a well rounded tutorial in surrealist burlesque, It welcomes and relieves one from the strangulating confinements of love and isolation, providing a delightfully futile longing for unencumbered innocence and a bit of air. So it goes, the gallivanting ambition is to string two good days in a row together. But for now, synchronicity dovetails to a tee and a thickening of well and good in the here/now of slow nothing. Read Read Trees (solidity presenting) Fluttering leaves The light kissed plants merry with the wind free and clean The rain stream glimmering to a speckled burst of sun Gentle easy rolling chuckle of The sighing creek Uncluttered sea green Ah read the ripple (and if you hanker success that day, smell the dirt) Read The people prevarications (attendant chicanery) digitally respirating goofed on technology / hope's dilution on endless extension Read The blank vista Cloud proclamations and Twilights gold riddled clarification That shall permit languishing Books and songs have been my Life's blood But then it is just schmo/mooks mouthing off Read The perfect view point To watch the world go Tits up Soak up your/ time / space / Up to This eventual farewell / for now / Read Newsie He would come to the door ever so slow Deep into dotage and well past prime time I waited amid discomforts shade Eager to collect and be on... I liked the design of my route All customers were conveniently located next to each except for one lone house down the street a ways which was a drag on Sunday morning because that was the day I had to stuff all the papers and stack them in a grocery cart instead of the rest of the week's thin editions which were easily fitted into my portable sack and slung over my shoulder for an easy afternoon delivery stroll around the block (Saturday mornings I trucked out my bike and then I would treat myself to breakfast)- Sweet Bitch Memory /man oh man... the frowzy chippy who blurted on about the doings and going ons of the scotland yard (what she meant specifically I could never ascertain) the one who insisted I give change to the tune of a dime on her 90 cent weekly tab (my young self indignant at this outlandish chintz) I henceforth always made an elaborate spectacle of fishing and searching all about myself for her "dime" whenever I collected from her (but always coughing it up eventually - I was a good kid) - it was the year 1977 (we were there) I had heard thru the neighborhood vine about her demise and went up to the white house to collect He trudged to the door and we made our transaction both of us looking down until the close of business then He said to me looking up "my wife died" and I responded "I know" He slowly lowers his head backing away just as slowly shutting the door I do my own slow lower into the realization (vague) that happens (if you're lucky?) that a goodly bit of life consists of pain and fear -- so much goddam sadness ... I stood a moment - left and was glad to go on and get away Lo here in the current deep up to the neck of the boo radley years paid up in full my bridge burner dues losing bits piecemeal / it's not so vague I have often sensed the imperative of getting away ... kinda sorta before the reality boom lowers - There/then and now I didn't make it Another Day in Armageddon The potential is there (here) To be Infected by all of it But Hey! I'm not sick (the world is) Yes it's so (torture and hell resides on two legs) Realization dawns full on and tardy Cutting clarity sharp Works torpor and necessities grind slapped still (its bigger'n money!) Mine is to Maintain I never could drive proper due to an excess in shy Beyond me (way over) it is the modernage train passing Goodbye and likewise riddance Right! Seize the day (your sick after all) Books can matter deep Computers stunt likewise Good luck dink My own I will relish The ring of brass repose The opportunity (Grand) To call in sick to life as you've prescribed it Your relish of standing in line Uniforms conforming I would prefer not to don the mask (while we're at it why'd you gobble up all the cans of tuna?) Ashes of surrender You is yours mine's mine Fiduciary sanctuary Good luck in prison The hard work of hope reaps dirt well you know (why don't you care?) everyone trying to inhale and exhale and I can't help rubbing my eyes they hurt when I look at you (But It's tuneful when the brook babbles) and so Maintain This lofty status and this gift of repose Splendiferous indifference the exhilaration of chopping air Beautiful futility (Grand) A permanent Hiatus Saturday’s Child Given the modern malaise’s dictum that to exist is to be stuffed stuff it is reasonable to desire retreats’ entreaties Aside from the more obvious artificial means there can be perhaps a more elevated or at least organic avenue to meander down . I’m hungry. Thus I crack open some pages.. oh hell. It’s been said that he wasn't steeped in culture and yet his stuff is upper case all the way, encoded in delicate mists of shroud. This technical mumbo minutiae numbo stagnates - give me the meat that fills. I gasp along hoping against hope for a gut issuance. Oh my babies cmon, crap the pome that needs the exorcise and that resonates the empty room... Forget it. Ah well, ‘The Joker’ comes on the airwaves and sometimes classic rock steps up. Cat splayed royally recumbent in the corner always giving out sound concision melodiously relates that effort is a drain/drag but shoot some days I’m a gamer so I per sue: Fuck it fuck life fuck death fuck school fuck parents fuck families fuck friends and enemies fuck jobs (god knows) and fuck god (the people’s not the mystery - Ahh the catholic ingrained - I hope god’s gotta sense of humor) but Hey! Fuck hope! Fuck art fuck professional expertise (self-evident in this presentation) fuck fuck but not nature and not animals hey ya gotta have sentiment no? Fuck expectations fuck demands fuck pressures life goes on death goes on longer Right fucker? Fuck Stuffs got us by the stuff and all this speed has left life in the lurch taking it (any of it) serious is seriously discouraged Pardon my distraction My immersion in desolation Tit-fer-Tat - happiness for holiness At the current there is not much else known Diligence comes due The strive to surrender A Good Clean Break realities routine's are a stone crusher all of it the jobs the relationships the striving the failing the achievements (I'm guessing) and more begets more all the do's of you hafeta do you can get tired beyond exhaustion tired of your self your thoughts (if you are inclined to that sort of thing) and relief is much needed some quiet a long walk to the middle of nowhere some surcease the compassion of a dog's eyes It’s the best he was pouring at the happening and usually there is a fair amount of disdain for the enthusiasts who like to sidle up to sample the snacks, libations and what have you goodies. he was a wisp of fair blond - a hippy kid. he asked me if I would like him to crack my can of brew I told him that this was not necessary I looked at some stuff and listened to some other stuff trying to maintain a bit of elbow room while the crowds swirled and yammered biding some time before refill and then I went back for another and he cracked this one for me and said "cheers" I drank it down and went for a walk down the street I did not want to appear to be too gluttonous so I gave it some minutes when I resurfaced in the crowded room and foraged thru the groups back to my man he smiled and said "I grabbed this one at the bottom so that its chilled and now it needs to be shotgunned". I laughed and retorted with double thumbs up Impressed that this cat accurately assessed my quench and provided a responsive and congenial atmosphere in one that can be rather unpleasant and clannish my man had it and I salute him for it the damn hippy dippy had it kindness
Category Archives: CHAOS
Poetry from John Tustin
I NEVER THINK ABOUT YOU WHEN IT RAINS ANYMORE I never think about you when it rains anymore except for tonight when I am for some reason. It could be the way the air smells a little like mold, only it smells good, not bad and it reminds me of some other time but I don’t remember when. I hope next time it rains I’ll continue my process of forgetting all about you more and more often but the rain has a way of getting in when it gets to falling heavy. I don’t know. I breathed you in for so long and it’s been years since then but I know my body hasn’t expelled all of you yet. I never think about you when it rains anymore except for tonight when I am for some reason. Water is getting in through the one window I’ve left open, over in the corner. I’ll get up and close it but not yet. Eventually. Not yet. THE RIVERS The river of your spine, the soft and gentle slopes of your body. The deep well of your belly, its rich sediment; the two burning coals that were your eyes, moistening and filling the room with steam. Your mouth when I was hungry; its dewy texture, its ripe flavor. Your breasts a cottony riverside when I needed to rest and bathe and drink. My hair damp with the evaluation of your flesh, my bare feet leaving wet half-prints on the floor beside the bed. Your thighs two more rivers flowing up and down and me swimming all along them a long time ago before this now-dusty valley, abandoned and long weary of metaphors, went dry. THERE ARE PEOPLE There are people who sit alone drinking coffee and they listen to every gulp as it falls down their throats and vibrates in their ears. There are people who smoke cigarettes and they hold them in a certain effete way, watching each puff of smoke as it emanates from their browning lips and rises up the room like a mist of vines. There are people who are content to eat alone in a brightly lit restaurant reading something on their phone while they eat french fries without looking at them. There are people who don’t notice when someone has entered the room and there are people who compliment anything that they secretly find unattractive or vile. There are people who drink and people who don’t drink anymore and people who have never swallowed even a single drop. There are people who think they love God and people who curse at the mention of His name and people who don’t believe he exists at all and there are people like us who don’t pretend we know anything about anything. THE TOMBOY She only lived around the block from us for a summer or so and I can’t remember her name but I can close my eyes now and see her as clearly as I could when we were ten years old and she played Army with us. She had short brown hair a little darker than mine and just as messily arranged on her head and she could and would do all the things a boy her age did. She played hockey and baseball with us and I had this enormous crush on her even though she dressed and acted and kind-of looked a bit like a boy. Never did I say anything or do anything about it, of course. I was ten. I kept everything to myself like most of the kids did. I tried to be on her team (or side when it came to Army) whenever she came out to play with us and no matter how fast she could run, how far she could throw or how well she could imitate the sound of a machine gun, she was still a girl to me. She had eyes like a girl. No boy’s eyes would ever make me feel like that. Her sweat smelled different than my sweat and when it sat in beads on her neck as she stood with hands on knees at second base with eyes squinting in the sun I knew that she was a girl and that I liked girls – especially her. She spat on the ground and scratched her short boy’s haircut while I snuck my glances, feeling many things – none of them confusion. YOUR DUSKY STEM! Your dusky stem! Your bright brilliant husk! Watching you bloom at night, My lovely evening primrose, Your petal soul so yellow, So delicate to touch, So indestructible in the wind That never stops blowing. You bring me your medicine And your certain loveliness Each evening that you open For me, just for me, only me. You black-eyed sorceress With your thighs that are Held by roots that love the earth. Your blatant purple stigma! Your anthers that shine! Your filaments glistening with new dew! Your sheltered husk that hides The seeds and the fruit That nourish me And your sepals that hold such beauty With an animal’s natural grace. You black-eyed mistress With your legs that shake But do not bend, Held by roots that love the earth.
Synchronized Chaos Mid-November: The World That Dwarfs and Outlasts Us
We continue to express sorrow over what’s happening in so many different parts of the world and encourage our readers to support people and the planet.

Also, we are hosting our Metamorphosis gathering again! This is a chance for people to share music, art, and writing and to dialogue across different generations (hence the name, the concept of ideas morphing and changing over the years). So far photographer Rebecca Kelly and English/Spanish bilingual poet Bridgett Rex are part of the lineup and more are welcome! This event is also a benefit for the grassroots Afghan women-led group RAWA, which is currently supporting educational and income generation and literacy projects in Afghanistan as well as assisting earthquake survivors. (We don’t charge or process the cash, you are free to donate online on your own and then attend!)
This will be Sunday, December 31st, 2-4 pm in the fellowship hall of Davis Lutheran Church at 317 East 8th Street in Davis, California. It’s a nonreligious event open to all, the church has graciously allowed us to use the meeting room.
You may sign up here for event reminders. RSVP appreciated but not required.
This issue draws us into a full sensory experience, surrounding us with places and worlds larger and more vast than ourselves.
Vernon Frazer’s pieces rumble with a smorgasbord of rhythmic and clanging instruments and sounds while Joshua Martin sends up a plethora of sonic syllables. Mahbub Alam stares and contemplates the beauty of nature and the Taj Mahal. Christina Poythress highlights through tactile details the rich nightlife within the world’s soil. Kathleen Hulser draws on mathematical concepts as metaphors for how life changes affect and circumscribe our lives.

Jim Meirose illuminates the sensory experience of playing outside on the grass on a nice sunny day while Lorraine Caputo wanders off trail in South America: evenings, out-of-the-way streets, and less crowded areas.
Rafiul Islam speculates on inter-planetary relations in a society where multiple sentient species inhabit multiple planets.
Bekzod Quodirov outlines ways to make ammonium nitrate safer and more stable as a fertilizer and an industrial tool.

Uruguayan countryside, fisherman, photo c/o Juan Carlos Gonzalez
Even our own, more human-scale worlds contain more detail that we often grasp at first glance.
Sophia Fastaia remembers the joy, wonder, comfort and danger of childhood, all in one birthday party.
Chloe Schoenfeld’s piece probes opposites and finding and befriending one’s shadow self. Pascal Lockwood-Villa surveys a vacation in the tropics through the lens of photos that reflect different dimensions of human nature.
Susan Hodara details the common sensory experience of drying off after a shower while J.D. Nelson observes daily life and snacks within a homeless shelter.
Philip Butera describes with sensory details the underside of a circus after the show, referencing the work of repackaging the illusion.
Duane Vorhees’ work explores coupling and fertility from several big-picture spiritual and grounded, natural angles. Aklima Ankhi describes the search for an intense emotional connection with a lover that goes beyond the fleeting happiness of the everyday.
Slavica Pejovic ponders love, closeness, completeness, and connection. Aasma Tahir rhapsodizes about the subconscious worlds of nighttime, romance, and the imagination. Kristy Ann Raines describes the intense emotional experiences of love lost and regained.

While our universe can be glorious, it can also be tragic, with forces beyond our control.
Ari Nystrom-Rice reflects on the fragility of his knowledge and sense of place in his world through the metaphor of a child’s toy boat exposed to the elements.
Nilufar Ergasheva illustrates the dangers of the winter season in rural villages, with cold and wild animals on the prowl, while Christopher Bernard renders appendicitis and surgery into poetry.
Mykyta Ryzhykh probes where we can find meaning and tenderness in a war-ravaged world where death seems frequent and life seems meaningless. Atagulla Satbaev shares how we delude ourselves into thinking love is eternal: time and death separate everyone. Michael Lee Johnson reflects on his own mortality and attempts to find eternal love in living death, rather than in the capriciousness of life.
Graciela Noemi Villaverde’s piece renders grief into somnambulant surrealism, a panoply of dream images while Alden Joe evokes the pain of lost love with imagery of tigers and predation. Suleiman Gado Mansir sends up a surreal dream sequence illustrating how our minds attempt to process the world’s violence.

Sometimes, we wonder what place we have in such a large world. Will the universe overwhelm and consume us?
Alma Ryan explores the season of fall with a meditation on falling, death, and the ways we let ourselves go. J.J. Campbell’s work turns solemn this month as he ponders various kinds of death and forms of passing away.
Zahro Shamsiyya reflects on the brevity of life and the need to savor the experience. Jerry Langdon reflects on the changing of seasons and the passing of a friend.
Gabriel Flores Benard shows the tragic ways continued abuse can shape a still-forming personality.
Even apart from mortality and injustice, everyday human psychology can be a mysterious and unmapped landscape.

Zosia Mosur illustrates how we sculpt and train and also harm and punish our physical selves.
Taylor Dibbert’s speaker speculates on what his midlife decades will bring, while Noah Berlatsky highlights the common human experience of procrastination and Shirley Smothers relates her efforts to maintain inner peace.
Shamsiya Khudoynazarova Turumovna laments that real life can’t be like the novels she reads. Azemina Krehic compares herself to a linden tree and wishes she possessed its strength, but finds herself instead in the tree’s biological complexity.
Yet, we as humans do not have to be passive in the face of such a large and grand universe. There are roles we can play, even as individuals, that allow us selfhood and transcendence.
Diyora Abdujabborova’s reflects on the value of women’s leadership and nurturing roles in Uzbek society. Anila Bukhari speaks to the earnest desire of girls living in poverty to get an education.

Christina Chin and Uchechukwu Onyedikam collaborate on haikus that are translated into English, Taiwanese, and Igbo and highlight moments of people collaborating with nature. Nery Santos Gomez illustrates the joy she takes moving in unison while riding a beloved horse.
Daniel De Culla’s photography focuses on low-key ways we alter or adjust our environment: clothes, sketches, bushes we plant. Isabel Gomez de Diego illustrates moments where nature (small children and plants) integrates into our built environments.
Sayedur Rahman demonstrates the resilience and strength of refugees creating new lives in their new homelands. Jacques Fleury asserts his place in the world as a Black man, self confident even in spaces not created with him in mind.
Christina Chin and Paul Callus also collaborate on further haikus translated into English, Mandarin and Maltese that celebrate the mastery of crafts: cooking and painting.
Annie Johnson speaks to the transcendent immortality she finds through stepping out of herself to create art that will outlast her.
Mark Young reflects on the values and accomplishments of his Boomer generation in terms of shaping society while questioning the uses of similar government power today.
Z.I. Mahmud outlines Jane Eyre’s character growth and self-assertion in Charlotte Bronte’s novel while Shokirova Zarnigor Shuhratjanovna urges patience for people seeking the meaning of their lives.

Orzigul Sherova shares how she learned to draw on her fantasies as an inspiration rather than as a way to avoid achieving her real-world goals.
In Nahyean Bin Khalid’s take on a haunted mansion horror tale, his protagonist frees undead souls trapped in the home, but stays to become their caretaker rather than escaping, getting killed, or kicking the ghosts out.
Maja Milojkovic’s piece encourages us to heal and move forward from grief. Nilufar Rukhillayeva’s translation of Erkin Vahidov’s Uzbek poem points to a larger societal step forward, the passage of time and renewal that comes with the New Year.
Jaylan Salah reviews Daniel Radcliffe’s new HBO show The Boy who Lived, about David Holmes, his stunt double who became paralyzed after an injury on set and who worked with quiet courage and dignity to rebuild his life.
Even if our places in the universe are relatively small in the grand scheme of things, it matters how we fill our places because our behavior and choices affect those around us.

Rasheed Olayemi’s poem demonstrates how corruption at both individual and governmental levels weakens a country’s economy.
Daniel De Culla calls out the hypocrisy of people who focus more on looking good at charity balls rather than helping others, especially in wartime.
Mesfakus Salahin’s narrators are wise beyond their years in terms of their ability to love and respect and connect with other people. Salahin urges adult world leaders to hold to that level of maturity.
Elmaya Jabbarova urges the world to wake up and turn back towards life and justice.
Lilian Dipasupil Kunimasa fondly remembers her low-tech but fun childhood visits to her grandparents’ country town, and urges compassion for those with HIV/AIDS.
Family, culture, love, and heritage can be vital to grounding us and giving us the strength to withstand a rough universe.

Aziza Gayratova expresses respect for her parents and the strength family love gives her to endure life’s injustices.
Wazed Abdullah reminds us of how essential love and caring is to life while Faleeha Hassan speaks to a mother’s wish to protect her son during wartime in her poem, translated by William Hutchins.
Shahnoza Ochildiyeva offers up a colorful paean to her native Uzbekistan while Yahya Azeroglu pays tribute to Ataturk, the founder of modern Turkey.
Fahim relates a story of courage and loyalty among Bangladeshi soldiers at the country’s founding.
Finally, to come back to nature and the vast universe outside of our own species, Brian Barbeito reflects on the wisdom of nature to outlast humanity. He also considers how mysterious the sea remains, even after millennia of sailing.
Poetry from Aziza Gayratova
Parents My friend, listen to my words. Give thanks for every day. Bowing at the feet of your parents. Respect them and pray for them. May basil be scattered at your feet, mother. May your step be filled with light, May you have many happy days. Do not tire us by praying, mother. Dear Father, thank you You gave us a lot of mercy, You have blessed us no less than anyone else. We learned the science of goodness from you. How great is the word of parents, Appreciate them. You gave us your life, Give thanks to those who have parents
The world Forgetting the worries of the world a little I dream of the best days. I won't cry anymore, it's enough I look forward to my happy days To the tyranny of cruel people. I will not shed tears, I will be patient I don't yawn anymore, I don't care I live like an indifferent person O world, you have many oppressions. You took all my things. I will tell you about my pains. I will quietly laugh at you It's such a heavy unfaithful world I leave you my lions For the hearts that are close to me I leave loyalty and honesty.
Poetry from Alma Ryan
coffee grounds
its autumn now, leaves falling to the earth
creating the next name for a season,
its fall,
falling.
…
an angel, unnamed.
ink dipped feathers shedding from the bubbles
that formed when you fell.
falling.
i’ve always wondered what it’d be like to fall,
to plummet.
…
air resistance resists the death of a human mind.
a mind already dead. dying.
rot creeping up the lines.
falling.
bedtime at 8:30, it becomes 9
dont tell.
the kitchen is dirty.
dont tell.
the dog is still outside.
dont-
dont lie to her.
ive already torn that apart.
repetition
of the same mistakes
now ive buried my brain in the back yard
in a jar.
sealed with my secrets,
decomposing like coffee grounds.
…
theres still a song stuck in the throat
of my skeleton.
decaying on war ground.
lost.
moral of the story: nothing good comes from falling.
Poetry from Rasheed Olayemi
A Nation With Crippling Economy
How can it grow?
A nation where truth suffers
Social justice buried
Injustice prevails
Fragrance of truth, very difficult to smell
Concoction of corruption, cooked and shared, to kill proper conduct
Many among the led cheat
In their spheres of influence
But always blame their leaders, for their woes
Really, vast majority contribute
To the economic mess
Including a worker, who pilfers at their workplace
Tell a nation with crippling economy
To revamp its value system
Winds of change blow
Only through the positive moves of upright citizens
Poetry from Graciela Noemi Villaverde

THE DREAMS ARE HERE… The night bird, He is a digger, takes out the gloom of the echo, spokesperson of the infinite and sings to the void The dreams are here as an unavoidable step Like attractive craters, they opened, long before the floods and the light My fragments tremble, they look at me in gerund Your heart washes the wound in my head, moving on tiptoe... He does not need the Abaco of my words Your exile is an amputation, Not programmed. My exhaustion a solar eclipse That on the knees of the world a staff of your music falls apart and disappears, food for my soul I mourn you in my insistent side and ghost. in the asylum I will see the birds. before they run away Your sun will always hide in my eyes I don't say goodbye, because goodbye offends the distance We'll meet When love does not exhale that bitter perfume, in the ataraxia night of return. GRACIELA NOEMI VILLAVERDE is a writer and a poet from Concepción del Uruguay (Entre Rios) Argentina. Based in Buenos Aires She graduated in letters, author of seven books. Poetry genre. Awarded several times worldwide. She works as the World Manager of Educational and Social Projects, of the Hispanic World Union of Writers and the UHE World Honorary President of the same institution Activa de la Sade, Argentine Society of Writers. She's also a commissioner of honor in the executive cabinet IN THE EDUCATIONAL AND SOCIAL RELATIONS DIVISION, of the UNACCC SOUTH AMERICA ARGENTINA CHAPTER.